Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Kristy on July 19, 2014, 09:57:52 AM
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Hi everyone, has anyone else noticed that since going through the meno, they cannot cope with noisy places packed with people?
I went out to lunch for a friends birthday today and the restaurant was packed with big groups of people all celebrating birthdays and other special occasions. The restaurant had crammed in so many long tables and chairs so that it was hard to get around. There was no air conditioning so the place got warm and stuffy. And the noise from so many people talking and shouting as well as kids shouting and squealing!
It made me feel quite ill and I had to keep going outside for some fresh air. In the end, I had to make an excuse to leave early as I just wasn't enjoying myself and felt quite claustrophobic.
When I was younger, I could cope with places like this, it didn't bother me quite the same. Can anyone else relate to this? :(
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YEP ! I'll bump my thread ;)
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Kristy - You are so not alone.
If I have a migraine I can't cope with any noise at all.
Even loud music (Mahler 5) which I normally love.
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YEP ! I'll bump my thread ;)
Just found it CLKD - will be interested in reading the responses.
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That's OK! If you do a 'search' - button left hand side of screen above the advert - you'll see the other similar threads ……...
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Definitely!
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Hello Kristy.
I can totally relate to this, definitely a meno thing in my opinion.
Take care
K.
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Most definitely. Makes me very anxious.
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All anxiety based with me. I struggle with busy shops too. If I cant see a door out then I start to panic. Standing in queues is also challenging.
I used to be able to go anywhere and do anything, now I'm a bit limited.
There is one bit of advice I would offer that I wish I had been given. Don't start to avoid busy places altogether. It just magnifies the problem and then it can get out of hand.
My first true panic attack happened in a shop and the next in a restaurant. I have now not eaten out for two years. I wish I could have nipped things in the bud before they got this bad.
Honeyb
x
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Honeybun - without medication I never did nip it in the bud :'(
What I do now is shop when it's not going to be busy and if there is a queue, I browse the magazine rack or look through the cards, from there I can see how the queues are moving. I rarely leave the pantry to run down so I'm not backed into shopping 'now'.
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I agree honeybun! I have had to force myself to go places etc where I had panic attacks. I can now go shopping, get on the metro, go to cinema, restaurants etc - at one point I barely left the house.... It's hard (sometimes) but I make myself do it - cbt helped a lot
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Not a problem for me anxiety wise but busy noisy places also seem to be hot which obv doesn't help if having flushes + I can't hear when trying to have a conversation - I do also have a hearing issue - falling apart me lol
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Yes I'm the same to, I was agoraphobic many years ago, but overcame it, still have little things like I need to see an easy escape if I need it, can't be in a situation where I feel trapped. In the last 3 months I have felt the panic/anxiety creeping back in, I agree avoidance is the worst thing, I am the same with queues, at the moment I am using medication to cope with going out but hopefully I won't need it long term. I quite often have to be in a place where there are a lot of kids and this was one of the things I first noticed when meno was confirmed, I couldn't stand the noise and had to go outside or into another room. Will also have a look for your thread CLKD
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CLKD can't find your thread. I see the search button but can't see anything that says similar threads
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Yes, and I have read elsewhere that wanting to stay home is normal during menopause, so maybe we should think of a kinder term than "agoraphobia".
I am very fortunate in having a sympathetic adult child who can sometimes run errands for me, but I also order a lot of things online. The shipping cost adds up, yes, but the gas/petrol we don't need to get to the store costs money too and our peace of mind is worth something.
Sometimes it works for me to group errands so I can get them all out of the way and have some time to recover before I have to go out again and other times I have to recognize my limits and come home when I can't handle being in public any more even though some errands have to wait or don't get done at all.
I am also less tolerant of noise at home. Much as I love my sons, I sometimes long for a quiet home of my own with maybe a cat, but definitely not a dog because dogs bark.
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:scottie: mine only barked when there was a strange noise in the night! however, she used to sing ;D
There is a child which screams locally, I'm going to shout back before long :argue: ..........
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Kids shout and scream and cry......It's just what they do. I'm sure I did, my kids did and we have to try to be tolerant. Not easy sometimes but they are just kids.
I like hearing little ones play..
Honeyb
x
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I like hearing little ones playing but this is a child that screams when it doesn't get it's own way! We have 3 down here that do that and of course, parents ignore them. Well I won't! I want peace and quiet and if kids scream, take them inside - and don't get me started on trampolines :cuss: :beat:
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So the parents should give in? I'm afraid these outbursts are best ignored, otherwise child wins every time. My daughter was a screamer but not half as bad as eldest GD. Not always possible to take them inside. What if you're in the supermarket? My niece's wee one threw a corker in supermarket, she ignored him. I feel sorry for parents who have screaming kids, but not something we as outsiders can do. Not our business.
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Hello ladies.
I've already commented on this thread to say that I also struggle with noisy and crowded places but I had to chime in to defend the kiddies!
Children can be demanding but that is part of growing up, parents know this and either respond or not according to the circumstances. Indulging in noisy outdoor play is important, I did it, my children did it and it's only right that other people's children can do it.
There's a screaming little girl near me and the fact that her exuberant play grates on my nerves is my problem, not hers. When it gets really bad I remind myself that her mother will be menopausal herself one day, as will she. What goes around, comes around and in the meantime I intend to cut her a little slack ( it's just her age, after all! ).
Wishing you all well ladies and take care.
K.
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I find this noisy kid thing very difficult.
We shouldn't say anything because it's not our business?
Yeees - But when it's screaming at 100DB it becomes my business, it can't be ignored!
The thing that really gets me is when parents take kids to pubs/restaurants and the child gets fractious and is then sent to go off and scream elsewhere. That too is difficult to ignore.
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It's really difficult as some kids are more vocal than others.
My kids had a trampoline, a huge swing set and slide with a play platform. They camped out in the garden, played swing ball and rode bikes up an down the street. We were in a new housing estate filled with young families. We had a few older people but they must have seen what it was like before they bought.
When our kids grew older we moved somewhere quieter but there are still kids around.
It's not always possible to keep them quiet. They should be allowed to.play and if we don't like it then it's our problem not theirs.
Honeyb
x
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There's a young family in the flat next door to us, with a toddler and a new baby. The toddler has taken to singing whenever he wakes up in the morning. It sounds as if his bedroom is obviously next to ours and as everyone's got their windows open in this warm weather, his singing comes floating through to us. It's ever so sweet! Not too loud, not too tuneful (!) but a very happy little sound! :) :)
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Oh bless, what a lovely thing to waken up to.
Honeyb
x
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Aww that's sweet.
Neighbour's kid used to get a ticking off for playing kerby with a ball when she was little, from another neighbour. We live in an area where everybody moved in about 25+ years ago. Our kids all went to local school. Now we're all grandparents or soon will be. I love hearing kids have fun.
My kids played outdoors & I'm happy to say daughter let's eldest outdoors to play too. To hang with keeping kids indoors. Teach them road safety, stranger danger etc but let them be kids.
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But don't let them scream in order to get their own way :cuss:
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What would suggest that the parents do CLKD ?
It's very difficult to keep kids quiet. There are a few around me at the moment that cry quite a bit. It's the hot weather and they get tired and cross along with mum who is also probably tired and cross.
Having children on holiday for seven weeks over the summer is a long time. If they go out and play and give you a bit of peace then that's a wonderful thing ;D
Honeyb
x
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Put a stop to it! We were not allowed to annoy the neighbours! there's a thread running in the Telegraph everyday about the same topic does that mean we are in vogue ;D
I sat in R garden early and thought how lovely it would B if there wash't any traffic ::)
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They need to be free CLKD. You must feel couped up sometimes & long to get out, so do children. As adults we have learned to contain that energy, but children need to be free to run off energy. Yes they will scream, just doing what kids do. So many parents keep their children indoors these days for safety more than anything. And no I'm not one of these Hippie style mums, far from it. Just think kids should have fun outdoors. In fact during my nursery nurse days, if we didn't take the kids outdoors, parents complained.
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Many of the children play nicely down here, almost all day. Parents sit and talk 2-gether. Watching. Shushing where necessary. We have play-areas in the village, are surrounded by fields and forests so many do get out and about. There is really no excuse for annoying others what ever age :bang: ……….
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Totally agree about being less tolerant of noise and crowded places - both things that would never have worried me before meno.. :(
First noticed it in a crowded, hot restaurant in Paris for my anniversary - somewhere my husband booked especially - I sat down and within minutes was sweating and anxious and needed to leave urgently. The noise of people chattering felt like it was magnifying in my head!
Didn't know what the hell was wrong with me at the time - diagnosed with early meno a few months later after I'd just about had a complete meltdown!
Best thing is to take small steps to be able to visit busy, noisy places and to have a method you like to use to help calm yourself. I carry cards with helpful statements about anxiety which remind me that it cannot hurt me etc.
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It's easier for me to leave the house without the kiddo (6 years old, born when I was 43) which kind of defeats the whole purpose because the kid needs to get out more than I do.
Thank (insert diety of your choice) for my sitters! I literally never left my now adult kids until they were old enough to stay home alone, but that's just not an option for this little guy, nor is the screen-free life.
I hope his peers think he's retro-cool instead of weird. I can handle The Brady Bunch and The Muppet Show, but Caillou or Dora would make me dangerous to myself and others.
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Totally agree about being less tolerant of noise and crowded places - both things that would never have worried me before meno.. :(
First noticed it in a crowded, hot restaurant in Paris for my anniversary - somewhere my husband booked especially - I sat down and within minutes was sweating and anxious and needed to leave urgently. The noise of people chattering felt like it was magnifying in my head!
Didn't know what the hell was wrong with me at the time - diagnosed with early meno a few months later after I'd just about had a complete meltdown!
Best thing is to take small steps to be able to visit busy, noisy places and to have a method you like to use to help calm yourself. I carry cards with helpful statements about anxiety which remind me that it cannot hurt me etc.
2cats, this is very much how I felt at the crowded restaurant last week. Another place that I find hard work these days is shopping malls, especially at weekends. I used to love the hustle and bustle of them at one time and now I can't understand how I felt that way!
So, I limit my visits to them to maybe once a month, get what I need, then get out before it gets too much. The rest I do online.
Thanks for your input everyone, it's nice to know I'm not alone. :)
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You're definitely not alone Kristy!
I really would like to visit London again as have not been there since the meno symptoms became too much of a problem...but I saw images of it on tv last night and the manic rushing of traffic and people really put me off!! I think I'd have to take a valium to be able to cope.... :-\
Shopping malls make my head feel really weird too but I don't have to go in them very often but when I do, I try to make sure I'm not tired (which always makes my anxiety worse).
The difference now is that I may get a wave of anxiety come over me but generally I know how to deal with it whilst it passes (though not always!).
Try to keep eating out etc as this will retrain your mind that there is nothing to be scared of....good luck x
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I hate shopping centres. Too closed in, too warm and too busy. I feel better if I can see an exit but that's not always possible.
Why is anxiety so unpredictable and why do you always feel better on the way home rather than on the way there.
Anxiety makes you so damned tired too.
Ok that's my moan over ::)
Honeyb
x
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Perhaps because home is 'safe' where we don't have to justify ourselves? Although home isn't safe for me any more re anxiety :'(
After a bad attack I could sleep for England ……..
I can't watch the athletics on TV any more because of the constant noise, le Tour is getting me down too :-X