Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: countrybumpkin on March 26, 2014, 10:14:00 PM
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This is a " is it me thread"! We have a 33 yr old married son with a baby who lives about 45 mins away from us. Because both myself and hubby had very domineering parent/s we always swore we would not put any pressure on our son to have to spend time with us etc and he thinks we are great parents ( so we have been told by others). We get on fine but he can leave it 3 weeks in between contact if I don't make contact first. He will say I have been meaning to ring you or his wife who I have nice chats with if I ring up will say did xxx tell you bladebladeblah - he was supposed to ring you and of course he hasn't. Nowhere in all this is there any bad feeling or anything. We see them about every 4-5 weeks.
But I have friends with grown up daughters and they phone each other every day and seem to know every last detail of their daughters lives.
I am sure this is normal for most sons but just wanted to check!
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There is an old saying
A son's a son till he takes a wife.
Men are just like that. The last time my son moved out I rarely saw him. When I did it was great but he was busy and I guess it just slipped his mind.
Like you I have a domineering mother and have done the complete opposite with my kids.
My daughter however calls and texts every day for a chat.
It's just the differences between boys and girls. As long as your relationship is good then that's the important thing.
Honeyb
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Therein lies the difference country bumpkin. I have a 33 year old daughter who I speak to about once a week. When we do it's for quite a while. 28 year old son, we seldom hear from. We also don't wish to cramp our kids with constant phone calls/visits etc. We see son about once a month. Daughter lives far away so we keep in touch by Skype. Girls do tend to speak to their mums more regularly. Our son will speak to his dad, I'm lucky if I get a quick Hello.
So yes. I'd say it's quite normal.
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I agree.
My son is away at the moment and he hardly ever rings or text and when he does it is to his Dad with a"how is mum" at the end.
We have a good relationship,always have.
It is just the way he is.
I think it will be different for my daughter.She has already said she will phone every day and doesn't want to be far away from us when she leaves home.
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Our son, was very cuddly as a child, so I took it hard when he started distancing himself from me at about 7/8. But if he was ever ill, I was his first port of call. Even now, certain things he will speak to me about, knowing I will keep my rational head on, at least to his face anyway. ;D However, if I'm ever feeling under the weather, he is the sympathetic one of the two. Daughter, tends to be less so. That includes meno symptoms. But her time will come.
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Yes, I too leant over backwards not to put pressure on my children to keep in regular contact. My mum was over controlling. Tried to get me to ring at a certain every week. I wouldn't, as I want to ring spontaneously not as a duty. My daughter keeps in regular contact, but my son didn't when he lived near us. Now he lives in the USA, he rings, texts and face times a lot. He says he needs the contact. Misses us. I miss him too.
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Before we got married I found a post card addressed to my future hubby from his mum. It had a picture of his home town on it.
The message said....remember this place....your mother lives here ;D
It was me that kept in touch with her after we married. Men are hopeless at that kind of thing.
Honeyb
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;D ;D ;D
I was the one who reminded hubby to phone his mum, once we moved away. Nowadays texting seems more popular with sons. ;)
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As a non-parent it sounds about normal to me ;)
My Mum will only 'phone us on a Monday morning. If I ring she'll be quite 'off' even if it's something important. She rarely rings my sister, however, my sister - according to Mum - only rings her when she knows Mum is out.
DH rings the moment he arrives somewhere or if he is going to be late ........ because I'm a worrier. His mother told me: but only me >:( : the day after F in L's funeral - "I won't ever ring you you know" ....... then the rest of the family walked into the room. I didn't know if she meant she wouldn't ring me personally or us as a couple :-\ - but by God I found out :( ......... even when family members died she never let us know, it was other people who did so ....... I waited a couple of years before telling DH what had been said, I'd been watching her .....
How much are you hurt by them not being in regular contact?