Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: groundhog on March 10, 2014, 10:22:03 PM
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I'm just wondering ladies if your life is like mine! Every evening my husband comes home from work very tired. I have explained before my mother had brain haemorrhage 2 years ago and I help care for her. It's not easy and I'm not very good at it. I struggle at dealing with my 'new' mother who gets confused and cannot walk. Anyway, because of this and other things, life between my husband and I is strained at times. He works very hard - too hard - so that he doesn't have to help me with my mother. He has admitted that. So he comes home puts his pjs on and gets his ipad out. Now I must confess I was the first one to be on Facebook etc and I am on my ipad quite often but women can multi task and I can be on my ipad whilst doing other things ( like now - I'm doing this, listening to the news and chatting to my daughter ). However when my husband is on his he can't seem to speak or even answer a question. He doesn't move for hours on end - I can see what he is doing - sukudo, crosswords so nothing dodgy going on. Some nights I realise we haven't actually spoken for 5 or 6 hours! It's not a strained silence and we are both comfortable but I'm beginning to think is this normal?? Just wondered how everyone else spends their evenings and whether my worryng is justified. I have tried suggesting going for a walk etc but no joy as he is shattered after work. My daughter says this is normal and that's how couples are these days. I walked into their home tonight and they were both on respective iPads. So what do you think? Or is it my menobrain overthinking yet again?
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I sympathise! My hubby comes home from work knackered too, but readily falls soundo in front of TV. As for iPad. He has tablet too & plays games online. In days gone by he'd come home from work & play games on TV, can't remember name of game, but basically shooting at silly little aliens. I moaned about him doing it, but he said he knew it was mindless but helped him switch off after stressful days at work. I accepted it & I've got used to it now. Only taken me about 30 odd years. ;)
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Ha ha Cuba Girl - I should add we have been married 33 years next week so I should be used to him by now but I think it's his complete lack of communication. If he is doing a crossword he cannot do anything else!!
So annoying!
Unless I say I'm going to get a drink - oh he hears that ok !
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Definitely selective hearing. I often have one sided conversations. I've even taken to trying to catch him out, asking what I was talking about. 9 times out of 10 he has listened, just hasn't "engaged" with me. It is very, very annoying. I listen to him, I may forget half of it in later days, but I do listen. Honest I do. ::)
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All sounds very familiar, comes home wiped, eats plays games on ipad then off to bed just after 9.
And snores soooooo much I have moved into a different room ;D
Hey oh, married 24 years I should be used to it by now ;)
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My hubby is retired now, stopped early due to a combination of redundancy and ill health. So we are together A LOT.
We often go for hours not speaking. He does his thing and I do mine and I am used to it now but sometimes his quietness gets me down a bit.. He has always been a man of few words but has got quieter as he has got older.
We have been married 30 years this year so guess I should be used to it but men in general don't talk just for talkings sake. At least mine doesn't. ::)
Honeyb
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Your spot on honeyb, if they have nothing to say they keep stum, but mine often sits and thinks, can't persuade him to think out loud.....
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I think part of the problem is my life has changed so much. I was retired on ill health ( I loved my job ), but then rather than be 'free' my mother had massive brain haemorrhage so I help look after her. I feel my life now is a bit mundane with little conversation so when hubby comes home I suppose I would like a little chat but nothing. He does not do gossip or small talk - he says it as it is. Plus if I do talk about my day which is quite mundane he wants to solve things and suggest options all of which are impossible ATM .
So I guess based on replies this is fairly normal behaviour - thanks for your input ladies :)
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Hey groundhog very happy to chat any time :)
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:thankyou: Wombat and all x
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I have the opposite problem. I have a husband who talks constantly. We are both technically challenged. No gadgets apart from old mobiles and a work laptop and desktop PC. I do have a Kindle but only read in bed and husband wants to talk. I'm the one who likes peace and quiet. We're both working full time and work together. We have no idea about social media or online games and husband uses his laptop just for work.
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I think it's a man 'thing'. Little to say a lot of it is in their minds ::) …….. sometimes mine thinks he has told me but in reality, he has told other people and it hasn't filtered as far as me >:(
We each have our ways of winding down at the end of a stressful day. Acceptance is the difficult part. Maybe suggest that on one morning over the weekend or an evening in the week that you talk 'to' each other ……. that way you sit down deliberately to listen and exchange news/problems?
Mine does tend to begin a conversation after being quiet all day when I'm just beginning to watch a programme that i have looked forwards to seeing :-X
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Couldn't say earlier 'cos Himself was sitting beside me: he often starts half a conversation and never finishes it! Last night the kitten picked up a dead greenfinch which had stunned itself on our kitchen window: DH started to say "I think you should …… " but never finished. He was dishing up freshly caught trout at the time: I think his suggestion was going to be that I should text the neighbour to explain that said kitten hadn't killed said greenfinch :-\ - but the conversation remained/s unfinished …….. he also told me on Sunday that he had split a bag of nuts - "If you see nuts on the floor of the shed it's because I caught the bag on a piece of metal …… so we haven't got mice".
What he didn't tell me was that he had carried said bag back to the utility room so when I saw a split bag I was more than confused: but of course, he swears that he did tell me he had brought it back :argue: anyway I've emptied that particular split bag and decanted the nuts into a 'whole' bag this morning ……….
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My hubby always reckons he's told me something & wonders why I don't remember. Eh, that's because he never told me. I tell him stuff & I know for sure I have, he says I haven't. Catch 22.
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Was he peeking CLKD ;D
I tell hubby stuff and he says I didn't. Recurrent theme here I think.
Mind you I drive him nuts. I have little conversations in my head and then start half way through a sentence and expect him to know what I am on about. I blame meno ;D. It's useful for something.
Honeyb
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But of course, they're meant to be mind readers aren't they? ;D We are, but that's part of our multitasking skills. ;D ;D ;D Or at least until meno struck, it was.
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>:( I packed the camper yesterday morning putting extra mugs in because we might need to offer friends a cuppa.
Mid-morning DH asks for an extra mug: "Where are the mugs?" ...... "Mine is here, you have filled yours, the others are in that cupboard" (pointing). DH hunts round. I'm watching. "Can't find them in there" (this is a camper remember ::) ) "Try the other cupboard" (there are 2 in the camper).
Still hunting round. What he didn't ask was "where is the extra plastic mug" ..... eventually he pulled out the enamal one ::) ........ had he asked for a plastic one I could have told him that the 2 spares were in the sink at home but there are 2 enamal ones in there :argue:
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That book about men are from mars was so so true ::) My hsuband of 34 years cannot do more than one thng at once. So if he is on the computer and I say your dinner is ready there is at least a 30 second gap while his ears connect to his brain and then his brain to his mouth to say okay ;D ;D sometimes its even longer or he doesn't answer and when I tell him again he says yes I heard you but I was concentrating so couldn't answer.
Men huh!
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::)
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I'm so glad it's not just me. OH swears he's told me something and blames the fact 'I don't listen or my memory is rubbish' when I know he hasn't told me.
No wonder the highest divorce rate is now women in their 60's saying 'stuff it I've had enough'.
I have been sorely tempted. ;D ;D ;D ;D
Even started pricing a caravan for the corner of a field so that I can keep my coos!!!
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My OH thinks if he repeats what I have just told him, that he doesn't need to remember it anymore...... Men huh! X
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GROUNDHOG? how are you ........ ;)