Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: Living Life on March 03, 2014, 07:43:51 PM
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Just looking for some advice - I am 47 officially pronounced as peri menopause, raging night sweats, not sleeping properly, recently fitted Mirena Coil causing some problems but recently I've noticed that where I used to be really laid back about my kids I now panic if I don't hear from them if they are out in town etc. For example - my son the other night (nearly 20 but my last one at home) stayed out all night now I although he forgot to text me, my hubby was trying to tell me he's out with his guys from work all older n he'll have crashed with one of them but I was up all night and had so many scenarios in my head and by time he did text me at 8 in the morning I had convinced myself something awful had happened. This isn't a one off, I stress about things happening and get so anxious about stupid little things - is this a common thing to experience or am I cracking up and losing the plot. Btw I don't think my son has recovered from the epic way OTT lecture he got which lasted for the rest of the day. If I carry on like this ill drive him away poor kid.
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:welcomemm: yep. Anxiety as we age is common. Normal. Explain to your family that you are more anxious about them now, that it will help if they can keep in contact …….. if DH forgets, he comes home to a wreck curled on the settee ……… :'( …….. it is probably contacted to mortality ::) ……… nothing is stupid nor little if it worries us!
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;D ;D
Sorry but I have one of 19 and one of 24 and I can react in just the same way. What on earth did we do before mobiles.
My 19 year old daughter had to come home tonight from uni halls as she forgot to take her computer charger with her. She has to txt me when she get back. It takes about an hour driving and I am anxious till I hear from her.
Anyway.
You say you have a coil. Do you take any oestrogen at all. It could be very helpful with your symptoms re the night sweats and insomnia.
I went onto HRT patches at your age and I do cope better although anxiety is still a bit on an issue.
You are early with your menopause so it is thought to be good to take HRT to protect your bones and heart and also help prevent vaginal atrophy.
Maybe have a chat with your GP.
Have a look at the menu on the left for choices. You have the progesterone part sorted with your coil so you have three options for oestrogen. Patches, gel or pills.
Honeyb
x
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I worry about lots of stuff and always have. If you have children, you worry- for ever!
But don't beat yourself up- your son was remiss not to text you. Maybe he always does and this was a one-off but he needs to appreciate where you are coming from with your worry. He's young and male and he really won't get how it feels to be a parent.
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It's very normal. Are you on HRT? My anxiety has reducedd hugely since starting on HRT. When my dosage reduced recently it came back so quickly but has again reduced since increasing dose
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Hi Living life.
I'm the same age as you and definitely perimenopausal. I was always a bit of a worrier. It it has got more intense over the past 2-3 years.
Occasionally my DH has to travel long haul for business and I go into anxiety overload, not eating or sleeping until I know his plane has landed safe and I get a text from him. You can imagine how anxious I get when he visits Australia!!! :o
My daughter is learning to drive at the moment so that's more stuff to worry about. The list goes on...
Definitely worth sorting out some oestrogen for yourself to go with the coil.
Galadriel x
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Have you maybe thought about something like CBT Galadrial? That level of anxiety over your husband travelling is quite unusual. Do you have a fear of plane travel? There are lots of courses run by airlines to help with that which might be worth thinking about- they explain the actual risks, the design of the aircraft, etc.
Might help you a bit if it's something you really struggle with.
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Hi Sarah2,
I do fly without too much bother but hate the take-off and landing bits. I'm the one in the seat with her eyes closed, meditating like fury until those bits are over. ;D
I am seeing a psychologist at the moment for my anxiety and we have worked out what triggered the anxiety when he flies. Next time he's due off I will be fine. Even the thought of it no longer worries me. Good progress :)
Everything else is manageable.
The thing that annoys me most about being an anxious is when I feel anxious for no real reason :bang:
Well I guess being peri-meno means being a 'work in progress' ::)
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I think anxiety is often founded in a desire to control and the flip-side being out of control.
If you accept that there are things you cannot control, then it's possible to learn to let go of the fear.
My husband does long haul- 3 changes of flights to Oz a few months ago and took him 24 hours' non stop travelling.
I worry about him being knackered when he arrives, but I don't even think about the safety stuff. Maybe if you can accept that worry is never going to affect the outcome you might find it easier to switch it off?
Glad you are getting some help.
x
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Thanks Sarah2 - you and my psychologist are on the same page ;)
I'm reminded of the Serenity prayer- much along the same lines - not worrying about the stuff we can't change, take care of the stuff you can do something about and the wisdom to tell the difference! ::)
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Anxiety surges are a fight/flight response, learnt from the cave man days :-\ ……. in the same way as people are frightened by spiders, bugs, creepy crawlies …….. so it can start instantaneously without external input!
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Galadriel- the term is catastrophising- worrying about outcomes that may never happen.
I do the same sometimes and have a good friend who simply says- worry about it if/when you have to and then you will deal with it.
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The rational part of my brain tells me that my anxiety is just ridiculous but when it actually strikes my powers of rational thought flies out of the window.
It's a primal response and so very difficult to control and that's the thing for me....control....or lack of it.
I find it physically impossible to relax and let the feeling drift away.
It's the very worse part of meno for me.
Honeyb
x
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Anxiety needs a trigger- the fight/flight response depends on a stimulus. The stimulus is not necessarily an event- it can be your own thoughts.
Mind over Mood is a very good self-help CBT book that addresses all of these kinds of things which might help some people.
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I had anxiety too and was definitely guilty of catastrophising ::) my poor husband! The good news is it's gone away since I started on the patches x
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I had bad anxiety from peri for a few years but mine also has largely gone with the patches - I am so grateful for this as it was truly awful
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WRONG! that's the old way of thinking by psychologists who have never been in the situation we find ourselves. That's the logical answer: I got fed up with paying good money to 'experts' who asked what I had been thinking about before the anxiety kicked in.
For me it has always been physical: I feel queasy, fear hits and when really bad, I am unable to get out of bed. I do not need a thought pattern in order for the anxiety to strike. No amount of books helped. Written often by people who apparently had suffered but were' cured', I never found them any use at all. CBT was no help at all. My phobia was caused within hours of my being born so is deep rooted, no amount of CBT can alter what my brain learned in those formative hours.
Anxiety *is* normal. What is difficult is learning how to control it in order to have 'daily living' …….
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I think that's a little unfair. CBT and similar therapies can work for lots of people. Nothing works for everyone.
Psychologists and psychiatrists ( who are qualified doctors before they train in mental health) who study CBT are highly trained people and, like all professionals, they don't have to have had a condition personally to understand or treat it.
Maybe you are talking about something different. You mention a phobia being 'caused' within hours of being born. Don't know know your story or what kind of phobia you have. But phobias and generalised anxiety about things are different anyway.
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I worked for psychologists for several years …….. been there done it: from both sides ………. people who have never suffered anxiety cannot empathise, they tend to generalise and 'go by the book' >:( : believing what they are taught ::) which may help some people if their symptoms are 'caught' early enough but for long-term sufferers :'(
From where I sit, having had my 1st panic attack at age 3, there isn't any difference …….