Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: groundhog on November 10, 2013, 02:16:56 PM
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Hi all - to those of you who have read my earlier posts you will see I'm not in a great place ATM! Meno has left me a terrible worrier and on top of caring for my mother who is brain damaged, coping with sudden death of dad in law, and my own health problems - chrons or chrons related - and a few other things I was mistakenly accused of shoplifting. I can't believe it. Since my mothers brain haemorrhage I don't go out much without her. On Friday I decided to have a bit of me time and went to my local town where I shop several times a week. Long story short I went into a well known respected high st store, picked up an order that I had placed and paid for online. The walked to coffee shop where I stayed for half an hour. I left the store then went to another shop and immediately heard on the store net radio my description ??? Sometime later I was stopped by 3 plain clothes police officers asking if I had something in my bag I hadn't paid for. I fell apart. Crying shaking couldn't speak. I was taken to a quiet area of the market and obviously the police soon realised this was a mistake. I have never had so much as driving points and give my state of mind I didn't cope with it. I insisted however ongoing back to the store to clear my name. The security guard refused to come down saying it was the police's fault. I eventually saw the manager and there will now be an investigation. I was gutted - my husband arrived Ina dreadful state. What an awful experience. Has anyone been through this and if so what did you
do? It just seems so unfair they can do with as it seems the information came from a memberof the public so the security guard never actually saw anything, there is a vast CCTV system in this store -why didn't they check before putting me through this ordeal??
Oh dear - what a weekend. Is it time for wine yet??
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A whole bottle groundhog, an awful experience, and I sincerely hope you get recompense.
:hug: :hug: for you.
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:( Just went through a round with being falsely accused myself, and it tore me to pieces so I completely understand.
So sorry.... ((((hugs))))
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:hug:
What a terrible experience for you.
Honeyb
X
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That is a terrible story. I would have been so angry, humiliated the whole works. I would write a letter & get an apology in writing.
My only similar thing was in a store that starts with an M & ends with an S. It was 20 yrs ago & I was in the food aisle & had taken my own bags a bit like people do now but it was unusual then. When I was near the till there was a man watching me & my first thought was that he was going to snatch my 5 year old. I watched him as he watched me, turns out he thought I was hiding things under my bags.
It is horrible to feel like a criminal when you have never done a wrong thing in your life. It goes round in your head & like you say you have alot on at the moment & don't need this extra stress. Angry doesn't even begin to describe how you must feel :hug: :hug: B x
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Thank you for your replies. Yes it was a horrible experience and even tho the manager of the store and the police were very apologetic I am still angry and upset and worry at what initiated this. Who said what to who that started off this process that ultimately led to the police being called. What a waste of their time. I have a lot of questions to ask this week.
Bev - thank you - yes my experience too was in the same store but believe me it has now most definately lost its magic and sparkle :'(
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I think I would write a letter to the area manager asking for a detailed explanation. People's descriptions are kept and circulated. You need to make sure that nothing like this happens to you again. An official written apology is a must and a reassurance that the shop detectives don't have your details.
Honeyb
X
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How dteadful! I would be writing a letter to the store's manager, with copy to area manager. State what happened as clearly as you can. Also state that this has been very traumatic and that you'd appreciate a full apology.
:bighug:
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Groundhog this sounds horrible.
It hasn't happened to me yet, but I keep on feeling it will, which is why I don't go out much.
Write to the store, give them hell.
All you wanted to do was pick up something you had paid for online.
Lots of hugs, drink that wine.
:hug:
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Its funny because Limpy just said something I thought of last week. I don't know why but I had this thought too because I am all over the place.
We had a supermarket delivery last week & the bottle of brandy was missing. It's a wonder I noticed really but before I called I looked everywhere fridge, dishwasher, washing machine etc. Its probably an obvious thing to get stolen by the driver or packers or whoever esp near Christmas but I was worried I would find it a few days later after they brought a new one almost straight away.
I would drink that wine Groundhog & get your letter written & try & change the subject in your brain. Its a hard shop to stay away from sadly. B x
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why dont you contact the head office of the store involved ,its not right , im sure they would , love to hear from , you .or the papers :)
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I can understand how at times of stress or indeed during the meno when some of us are not our best, how easy it would be to pick somethng up and forget to pay or something but in my case nothing like that happened. I didn't browse the store or anything - yet a member of the public is supposed to have told a member of staff she saw me put something in my bag. I feel sick just typing it as either this is totally malicious or she has mixed me up with someone else. But this is what cctv is for. It's so horrendous to be falsely accused of something - I've never had any involvement with the police ever - apart from the fact my husband was a police officer !!!! Ihavewriteen the letter and drunk the wine but I'm still angry xx
Dyan - at present it's with the manager. My family want me to make a fuss but I just feel it will make me worse drawing attention to it so I will see what the manager says first but if imnot happy I will take it further. I want an explanation of how this happened and why I was put in this awful situation xx
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What a horrible experience! Yes, you need an explanation. I think contacting head office would be a good idea. You need to tell them how this has affected you. They need to investigate this as this kind of incident is not just harmful to you, but also to their business. I'm sure they would not want this story being told to the media.
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That's a horrible ordeal for you groundhog especially as you aren't feeling great. Have nothing to add but my sympathy and when you look back on this someday, you maybe in a much stronger place, emotionally. :hug:
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I would ask for the Victim Support Officer of the Local Station to be involved too. The arresting Police Officers will have made a statement of the reasons they were called to the Store and the outcome you may be able to access this. Put forward like "I wonder who the Police felt when they realised that this was a false accusation?" ......... did they identify themselves with proper cards etc.?
Perhaps speak to CAB and ask for an hour with their Solicitor? Also how involved was the Security Guard? Someone must know who called the Police and explanations ought to be forthcoming.
:bighug: ..........
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Thank you for your responses again.
CLKD - the police were quite annoyed and I don't think realised when they were called that I had been in the store for about 30 mins after the alleged incident . This would have meant the store guard would have had time to check CCTV which obviously would have revealed nothing. When the police stopped me I fell apart. They asked me if I had anything in my bag I hadn't paid for and I said absolutely not. I then asked for them to search my bags as I was so angry . Maybe at this point i should have just walked away and laughed it off. But the way I am at the moment I needed some kind of closure or explanation. Of course it doesn't work like that - everyone scuttled off and wouldn't speak to me as they knew they were wrong. The manager is now 'starting an investigation'. No one can apologise anymore.
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The Police need to liaise with the Manager to make sure that this situation doesn't arise in future. You did the 'right' thing by insisting on seeing the Manager for discussion rather than letting it fester.
More wine? ;)
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Oh go on then - glass of red please xx
Thanks everyone xxxxxx
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How do you feel this morning ? :foryou: (finished the red, sorry ;) )
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Yes I'm ok thank you. Still playing on my mind. Been tearful again - everything setting me off ATM. I think the hormonal changes the meno brings don't help when you are in this situation which is probably why the allegation completely floored me. But it will pass and I will get over it I'm sure. Ive emailed the manager and will wait a response, one thing that has been said is when you are put on store net and your details passed to the stores, the stores aren't then told of the outcome so I want this addressed. Thing is probably everyone has moved on and forgotton about it now but I haven't. Not yet anyway. Have nice day xx
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How awful Groundhog. Thinking of you.
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I would expect to be 'in' on any meetings that the Store holds with regards to this incident which involves you! I would expect there to be contingency plans for such incidents and would need to know what the on-going situation is likely to be.
We saw a lady being helped in a store after she fell, the Staff called on a hand-held for a First Aider, later I saw the Staff filling out an accident form. So the processes are in place.
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Sounds to me like mistaken identity. You walked into the store and they communicated on the walkie talkie right away.
I am sure you could get recompense for this.
Because when stepping into a store and everyone stating I only go shopping with a tiny handbag. I then dump the shopping in the car and go back to continue shopping. But then I only shop in the same places all the time anyway.
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I can understand your need for closure groundhog but that may not come from the store. This is what I do if something is really upsetting me; I write a letter and let them have it but then I burn it, to get it out of my system. maybe contacting an advice centre will yield results.
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So horrible for you :hug: - sheer rage would make me boycott the store forever and tell them that in a furious letter.
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Thanks again for your replies. I have sent a letter so we shall see if they respond. I have asked did they check their vast CCTV system before subjecting me to this - they had time as I was in the store for ages after the alleged incident. I will probably not go to that branch of this store for the foreseeable. If I boycott it completely then I will lose out as I love the store so does my mother.
It's a horrible experience though and i could really have lived without this . Never mind - these things happen xx
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I would hope that the store and indeed the company will get back to you full of apologies and concern for how upsetting this was for you. I would have also been devastated.
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Thank you scriv as another thing meno has done for me is make me doubt myself. I am now thinking I over reacted and should have just laughed it off. Nice to know other ladies would have reacted in this way. In my defence my husband who tends to be an ostrich and switch off was very angry - he came into the store looking like a raging bull !!
Thank you
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Don't you dare doubt your reaction on this! I would have done exactly the same as you. As I was reading your account of it, I was thinking just that.
I think you have done exactly the right thing writing to them to tell them how upset it made you. It must be a terrifiying experience to be pursued through the town and accused by the police of shoplifting.
The store needed to be made aware of how upset you are about it - and to have it in writing as well. I would make sure you get a prompt reply too. If you have not heard anything after a few days, then you should send the email again, copying in all the relevant bodies, asking if they are yet in a position to reply.
I like to think that, given who they are, the store will do the right thing and will probably be appalled at what has happened and I would give them a chance to make it good.
Take care x
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I don't know how to send a bunch of flowers smiley but if I did I would Xxx
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It's a pleasure. xxx
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As your were all kind enough to respond to my original post I thought I would update you. The manager of the store phoned me and apologised. He agreed the guard had been over zealous and further training will be given. Standard answer I suppose. The manager is very nice as expected. He asked me to go in for coffee - I was a bit reluctant as it's just dragging it out but I went. We went to the main coffee shop which was a bit embarrassing as I know all the coffee shop staff - he went through where the store had 'let me down' and sincerely hoped I would continue shopping there. Blah blah. He then gave me a little something to treat myself with. Oh I thought - nice gift voucher maybe for my stress and upset?? No. It was a 20% off voucher that can be used over this weekend. Most ppl get them - infact you get about 6 of these vouchers to give to friends and family. My husband thought that hysterical and proceeded to do impersonation of Catherine Tate's gran - catchphrase - Worra fu***** liberty!!! If you've seen the sketch you will know what I mean. Was quite funny but a bit of a cheek I think!
Onwards and upwards my cyber friends xxx
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At least you have had an apology. However, I would have thought a personal gift voucher, so you could treat yourself, would have been more appropriate.
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>:( think I would have given it back......your husband is right :-X
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Well, with that manager's awareness of Public Relations and how to keep a customer happy, it is not surprising that that store is having problems with their image!!! I also have 6 of those vouchers to use this weekend and was given another two by another friend. GRR
Ah well, onward and upward as you so positively say, Groundhog. At least you got an apology and a coffee - or did you have to pay for that yourself???? Hope you ordered a nice cake as well?
I thought of you the other day as I went into my own local store to collect an item ordered and paid for on line. I was asked if I wanted a bag - as we all know, the store tries to promote recycling - and I said of course I did because I did not want anyone to think I was going off without paying for it. She said - oh, but you have the receipt inside the pack. Well yes, I would have, but who else can see that!
Anyway, Groundhog, you take care and I hope nothing so horrible happens to you again.
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Thank you for the update. Maybe not adequate to compensate for all the stress, but I hope you feel some distance from the experience now and can move on. Best wishes for the future. Ju Juxx
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I'm glad you got your apology but I too would have thought you deserved more than the gift voucher :-\
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Reminds me of when in 1991 the oil delivery man broke into our garage :o ......... he was going to deliver that oil come what may. Trouble was we kept our cats indoors and the garage is next to the utility room where they slept :-\. I was in bed that morning recovering from appenescectomy (sp) and could hear the door being rattled until he got inside.
Long story short: the Manager of the Company came round with a box of chocolates: I should have shoved it in his face but having only been out of Hospital 3 days :-\ ........ we stopped using them for years and years and .......... Had we had mobile phones then I would have dialed 999 and certainly had the driver arrested for breaking and entering.
What you going to spend your Big Compensation Gift on ;)
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Yes it did add insult to injury in a way but it's all over now - forgotton! CLKD - I would have been furious!!!! As for spending my big compensation - well we are going on holidays next week so hubby bought new pants, socks, a tie blah blah - when I objected he said - but we have 20% off"....." Give me strength!!!!!!
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:rofl:
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Oh how I laughed at your husband's Catherine Tate impression ;D but really what a nerve!!!! I truly dislike that store now, I've had two items I bought there either shrink or fall apart recently and both times they've been sent off to their "technical dept" for "testing" and found to be of satisfactory standard....grrr indeed.
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Yes milliemoo it was funny - in fact in a twist of irony it's probably the best laugh we have had together for ages. I have had a few issues with M&S this year and this was the final straw. The more I think about the more cross I get so I have to now put it to bed and forget about it.
Have a nice weekend everyone xxx