Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: annieh on August 26, 2013, 06:55:56 PM
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This is a bitter yet progressive recent account in my life. Perhaps I should introduce myself first. My name is Annie and I am 51 yrs of age, in full blown menopause.
Last week I was advised by my spouse that we could no longer be in our marriage because I was out of control and was no longer myself. This is true, I have become an emotional basket-case and angry and in a darkness deep inside. There weird part is outside of menopause I am a very happy person full of vitality and my spirituality is full of life. Not in the last 2 years, however.
My spouse had tried several times in the last couple of years to talk to me about the changes that were being seen in me, those words pretty much fell on deaf ears. I became outraged with defense and felt like noone was understanding my position in life. I even resorted to wine, hoping that would mask what I was going through, just the opposite happened, I became WORSE!
When someone tells you they have cancer, all arms and love are there to support you, when someone tells you they are losing their quality of life because of menopause, the typical and normal response is.. oh you have mid life crisis, you're going to be batty for while without any support of loving arms to help ease the terrible times and which is usually followed up with a laugh in your face because you are in menopause as it's some universal joke that you missed out on. This is NO joke!!
I have entered a life of hell and anguish and I have not been able to see a light at the end of ANY tunnel for 2 years now. I am a cervical cancer survivor of 12 years now and that was easier to go through then what I am presently facing. Go figure!!
I was able to get on hormones after about a year of psychotic behavior until I received a call from my specialist stating I would have to get off the HRT's NOW because I was a high risk patient for reoccurring cancer. For those 2 months I was on HRT's, I was happy again, I had a life again, I saw me again. Shortly after I "listened" to my Doctor and removed myself from the HRT's, I was back to being batsh*t crazy, and it's been like that ever since.
Last week was a HUGE eye opener for me with one of the biggest jolts in my life hearing my spouse tell me that we could no longer go on like this and our relationship was done. I resorted to begging, losing all my dignity that I ever had developed in life, begging that I get ONE more chance to make myself right and ok. That also fell on deaf ears, not because of a lack of trying on my spouses part, because I have turned my spouse into a crazy person because of me and my emotional trauma with menopause.
Perhaps there is a little light at the beginning/end of this story....I will explain.... As I mentioned earlier, I have always been a very spiritual person, seeing the good in everyone, being a magical person in life, seeing life with plenty of vitality, losing this to emotional downfalls due to menopause has really created a dark place in my life. The "jolt" I received from my spouse was JUST enough to open my eyes a bit bigger than what they have been for a couple of years to do something about this.
I called a therapist right away before I allowed my emotional breakdown from the news of I was no longer in my relationship with my spouse which honestly broke my heart MORE than I could ever find words to describe. I knew that if I did not go speak to someone immediately I was going to find myself in a worse situation possibly including suicide. All I could think of was there is no more to live for, I love my spouse deeply and to be honest, I cannot see me living without my spouse. What would be the point!
I did go talk to a therapist and cried until I thought I was going to die, which in my mind would have been a better thing to have happen than what I was facing. In a single instance while talking to my therapist I decided that I was so much bigger then this.. I am a survivor, I would fight the fight!! I got home and that whole entire evening I read story after story of women who have encountered the same situation due to menopause. I was appalled to read all these stories of beautiful marriages and relationships going to waste because of menopause and the lack of proper medical attention that should be applied to help us. I got angry, and the more I got angry the more I wanted to "GET EVEN" with menopause.
It's been less than a week since I got the news of my relationship being over and I have made several strides for myself. This is NOT easy, this IS scary!! I have the handle of a shield in my hand going to battle working towards creating a whole shield and then perhaps even a sword. Right now, today, the handle is going to have to work. I just want to take a quick moment out of my story to say to you all who may read this, if you EVER want to get back at menopause for creating havoc in your life, read these gross emotional stories of women who have lost great loves in their lives, as well as friendships because of the emotional changes due to menopause... it IS real!!
I learned that some people are not affected from menopause as some other women are, some go through it with a hot flash here and there, and sometimes perhaps a little disruption in their day. Some of us go on full tilt and lose everything we have ever known to be okay within ourselves. If you don't think that happens, read, read, read all the stories out there on the net.
After I was able to find that "proper" anger inside of me... I took action!!!!!! I started looking for a community that I could relate to ( forums such as this site) I started looking for information about menopause with previous cancer patients, I started a research that would make researches on a daily basis jealous. I complied information that we have not been told ALL the truth about hormone replacements in the medical society and that we have had to go through these stages unnecessarily so. ( insert more anger here)!!
This brings me up to date, as of today...In my preparedness to go into battle, I knew I would have to do more than just have some knowledge about menopause. I would have to work on other areas of myself too... First being my spiritual side.. I had to get myself back on that path again no matter what!
I started to search for a spiritual center in my area ( rural area that is lacking in resources that a larger city would have) and find a place I could identify with others and build off of them for awhile until I was able to give back. Right now, it's about ME! Later I will be able to give back in ways perhaps I was not even able to give before menopause came about in my life.
Yesterday, I went to the spiritual center, so, it wasn't what I had expected.. so much for expectations, but I was not willing to lay down the handle of my shield yet. I still have a strong grip on this handle and will use it. I knew of a lady I had met a few years ago that was informed of spiritual centers and or other people around the area that would be able to direct me to my next phase. It was a stretch to seek her out, but I had to try. I went to the Sunday farmers market thinking I might run into her there. Again, it was a stretch, however, my mission was much greater than being defeated in my battle. I am happy to announce I DID find her and was able to get directed where to go next. I was beaming inside, I had made a HUGE stride and conquered that moment over menopause.
On the way out from leaving the Sunday Farmers Market, I saw a group of beautiful sunflowers just smiling at me as though they were saying, you did it girl, you made it! I walked over to them to smell them and touch them, I had a need. I asked the lady how much are they, she said.. 10.00 dollars. I had EXACTLY a 10.00 dollar bill on me and I bought those lovely little bundles of joy. As I was walking back to my car, this lady out of nowhere looked at me and said.. you deserve those today. I stopped, looked at her and smiled and replied with, " you are so right, I DO deserve these today"! I felt joy in my heart once again, I remembered that old friend joyful heart and it felt good to feel it once more!!
I do wish to add, I have also made an appointment with a woman Naturopath to help me find a way to regulate my hormones. I am checking into bioindentical hormones, I have been reading up on them for 2 days straight now, and from I am reading, pro's and con's I am not seeing where I could not take these. I am also now walking everyday, taking vitamins and B12 to help me until I can do something different. I only know what to do at the moment until I know differently. :)
This is my story to date, it's long, it's hard, it's scary as heck..I still have moments of emotional distraught, however, I refuse mentally and emotionally to allow menopause to rule my life any longer. I do wish to say and I hope this does not fall on deaf ears.. More than anything, my marriage, my friendships, my family, I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ME FIRST, EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECONDARY!!!!
Please feel free to share your comments with me, I would be thrilled to have people who know and understand what I have and presently going through discuss it all with me.
In love of other women out there,
Annie
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have a ((hug)) annie . you sound like you need it . like you say , some women , do suffer , more than others , its a long journey , which you start off . wondering , how you are going to, deal with it , the changes are , a shock at first , take each day , at a time . im sorry your husband , wasnt strong enough too , cope . but lets face it . he wasnt going through , it you were :'( its early days , i do hope he , takes time too , think , how you must be feeling . men i dont think , have a clue , do they , what us ladies go through ::)have you tried , evening primrose , i take them , i feel , they work for me .the other ladies , no doubt , will be along in , a little while , with some advice and support ,keep your chin up my friend x
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My heart goes out to you. My marriage almost broke down due to issues caused by meno symptoms. Lucky for us after treatment we stayed together.
I hope you find peace and that one day you and your husband will reunite
Ann
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Oh Annie, I have been sitting looking at this forum and feeling numb. Then I read your letter and it has made me say "yes" to the spiritual side of me. I have just spent a night with cystitis and feel washed out. My husband doesn't understand as I have been on HRT and seemed fine, if you don't count the gall bladder problems that almost killed me and no one thought of putting two and two together and realizing it was HRT that probably did it. I now have vaginal atrophy but can't take the extra estragon and so on it goes. My husband and I are miles apart and I don't think it will end well. However, I won't let this beat me as your story has reminded me that I've been through a lot of things and come out the other side. I know spirit is there for me as it always has in the past. Thank you, Annie for being my angel today.
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have a ((hug)) annie . you sound like you need it . like you say , some women , do suffer , more than others , its a long journey , which you start off . wondering , how you are going to, deal with it , the changes are , a shock at first , take each day , at a time . im sorry your husband , wasnt strong enough too , cope . but lets face it . he wasnt going through , it you were :'( its early days , i do hope he , takes time too , think , how you must be feeling . men i dont think , have a clue , do they , what us ladies go through ::)have you tried , evening primrose , i take them , i feel , they work for me .the other ladies , no doubt , will be along in , a little while , with some advice and support ,keep your chin up my friend x
Thank you so very much for a warm hug, we don't realize how important those are until they are missing from our daily life. I have not tried evening primrose as I am hoping the Naturopath I am going to see will help me before I resort to herbs and whatnot without knowing how much or what I am taking. ( cross your fingers) :) My chin is up, held up by hope, hope is what helps me each moment right now, minute to minute sometimes! Thank you for responding and more than that, reading, my rather long winded post, it sure helps to know no matter where on the globe we all might be, we are not alone :)
Ann
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My heart goes out to you. My marriage almost broke down due to issues caused by meno symptoms. Lucky for us after treatment we stayed together.
I hope you find peace and that one day you and your husband will reunite
Ann
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I cannot begin to tell you how HAPPY I am that you were able to keep your marriage alive and well. I only hope one day to say, this whole "breakup" was just a bad dream and I woke up from a nightmare and everything is okay! Hope is all I have besides my battle against menopause having any more control over me! :) xx
Annie
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Oh Annie, I have been sitting looking at this forum and feeling numb. Then I read your letter and it has made me say "yes" to the spiritual side of me. I have just spent a night with cystitis and feel washed out. My husband doesn't understand as I have been on HRT and seemed fine, if you don't count the gall bladder problems that almost killed me and no one thought of putting two and two together and realizing it was HRT that probably did it. I now have vaginal atrophy but can't take the extra estragon and so on it goes. My husband and I are miles apart and I don't think it will end well. However, I won't let this beat me as your story has reminded me that I've been through a lot of things and come out the other side. I know spirit is there for me as it always has in the past. Thank you, Annie for being my angel today.
"YES" is the best answer any one of us could possibly give ourselves when it comes to something that could be much better for us than what we presently go through. I am so very sorry to hear about not only the emotional anguish you are facing, also the physical side of it. Sounds like you could use a good friend and a great shoulder. Me too, Rose!! I'm there with you, if anyone understands, I can honestly say.. I completely, 200% understand. I would like to remind you of something a person I know in my life reminded me of... We have made it this far, through many hoops, many ups and downs, we have survived situations that most people would look at and run to the hills to hide. WE, ROSE, ARE SURVIVORS! :) I have been trying to really focus on the things in my life that have made me happy, that have made me smile, those precious moments in my life that really stood out over any and all of the less happy moments. It's hard to do that when you feel like you are at a loss. It's not easy, however, it IS doable.
I don't know how my appointment with the Naturopath is going to turn out, time will tell... I would be more than happy to keep you informed that maybe, just maybe there can be some light in at the beginning/end of your tunnel too. :) Isn't it funny how we have found our way to sites like this looking for a string to hold on to that we may find comfort in others who understand, a sisterhood I suppose. Yet, in our search, here we are, supporting another and feeling rather okay inside about doing so because you REALLY want to! Rose, you already got your spiritual path underway ( big smiles to you)! I do too!! We are going to be okay, Rose! :) XX
Annie
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Annieh what a story, you have inspired me to get to grips with this thing.....the thing that most dr's ignore! even though my joints ache like hell I still push myself to ride my bike 15 miles everyday and yesterday went out twice so 30 miles!!!! I was chuffed with myself! I will get rid of this fat that has surrounded my hips/tummy and I will get in touch with the person I USED to be!
Thanks and hugs xxx
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Annie, that is quite a story.
I am so sorry that your marriage has suffered so much through this and hope that you find happiness and peace.I am so scared that I lose my partner to this, not sure how much more he can take, we are hanging by a thread at the minute.
I am looking for the same, I don't want much, happy and healthy is what would make me complete.
Healthy at the moment, happy I am not.
I hope your relationship can heal, wishing you all the very best.
WJ
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The same thing happened to my cousin in 2004 married 25 years
He just said he couldnt live with ehr anhymore and left she suicided thnkfully it was just a cry
But it made no odds he left and he wasnt a bad man just a weak one
Me and Bobbles nearly went the same way but I flew him first he came running back to me I was lucky
I never took HRT I couldnt like you BUT I cold take the MINI PILL that and Ovestin at the time worked wonders
PLus ant depressants
Im so sorry that your marriage is ended nothing anyone can say I too wanted to die when Geoffrwey said I dont like you I dont know even if I love you anymore but I dealt with it in rage anger told him to F o
What ever help you feel is good take it and dont blame yourself in anyway it is not your fault OK hugs Suzi Q
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I had to learn to listen to DH. I have obsessive behaviour and have, many times, run close to the wind. Now when he speaks I listen. It has taken 32 years ::).
Maybe your relationship was 'down' anyway, before you went into menopause? But you were closing your eyes to any problems? At least your husband made his point. Firmly. Sometimes men can't deal with women if they change: this is true with cancer sufferers too, some are non-supportive, some men get scared, some are unable to understand why a woman alters when she has been through trauma.
You may find that going the 'natural' way will be of no help at all. Your body may require a pharmaceutical route ......... drugs that have been tried and tested and found to 'work', not for all of us but many ladies do get an easing of various symptoms by prescription medication. The whole journey can be Trial and Error :-\
Although we can love someone we do not have to like what they do or say ;-)
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Hi Annie, I live in Australia so my replies are later than others. Anyway, I thought about your original letter all day and was very comforted by it. I know it's heartbreaking for you to have someone you trusted, to walk away when you most need them but spirit works in wonderful ways, so something good will eventually happen. I am a spiritual counsellor along with being a 'normal' one so I look for signs that guide me and your letter inspired me not to lie down and take this. Have spent another terrible night with cystitis but I know that something will turn up. Please keep me informed about your naturopath or any other things that come to mind. YES we women on here are all survivors :) and strong at that! Hope you have a great day and keep looking for the positive signs!
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I believe "everything happens for a reason" it may not be obvious at the time....but it will be at some point.
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SORRY ANNE I DONT life is just that life
we makew our own way though it
i dont beleive rapes murders baby killers none of that can possibly for a reason?
If it was whats the point of living?
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Annieh what a story, you have inspired me to get to grips with this thing.....the thing that most dr's ignore! even though my joints ache like hell I still push myself to ride my bike 15 miles everyday and yesterday went out twice so 30 miles!!!! I was chuffed with myself! I will get rid of this fat that has surrounded my hips/tummy and I will get in touch with the person I USED to be!
Thanks and hugs xxx
I am so glad you have felt inspired!!! 30 mile bike ride in one day, that is really something to be smiling about! I think I would have passed out at the mere thought of 30 miles. lol OMG I know exactly what you mean about the midline bulge, I have a new added spare tire on my midline and it's not anything that was welcomed, that's for sure. ha!
For now, I am living each and every moment as it comes to me.. sometimes minute by minute. Some how, some way, I am in great hopes that through all this, I will become an even more light minded person than I was prior to perimenopause and menopause. If I just continue to realize this is not the final answer to ALL of my existence then I might just have a wonderful chance at it all. ( I have to remind myself of this constantly right now).
Kepp up the fantastic bike rides, I bet you see some real neat things on those rides :)
Annie
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I believe "everything happens for a reason" it may not be obvious at the time....but it will be at some point.
I would have to universally agree with you and your statement. The difference being, we may not want even want to know what those "reasons" are most times, because we may not be able to handle those answers in some of our tender states.
I had just learned that emotions are only reactions to a situation. I had to really think about this and what that truly meant. In my thinking I may and may not have completely understood that statement, however, I think I might have a tiny grasp on it. Emotions are only a secondary physical movement to the original action.. let's say menopause (since this is our subject) and when my emotional ( secondary ) reaction took place, I "allowed" myself to dive deep into this secondary reaction, to the point that I let the rest of my physical self be all consumed by emotion.
If I were to say there was a reason to this... yes, I would have to agree with you, I created the "reason" from my secondary reaction. :)
Annie
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SORRY ANNE I DONT life is just that life
we makew our own way though it
i dont beleive rapes murders baby killers none of that can possibly for a reason?
If it was whats the point of living?
Hi SuziQ, :)
It can all sure get so complicated at times, can't it! Perhaps the best we can do is continue to send love to the great big wonder of life in hopes that someone. somewhere will pick up on it just in the nick of time when they need it the most! :) XX
Annie
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The same thing happened to my cousin in 2004 married 25 years
He just said he couldnt live with ehr anhymore and left she suicided thnkfully it was just a cry
But it made no odds he left and he wasnt a bad man just a weak one
Me and Bobbles nearly went the same way but I flew him first he came running back to me I was lucky
I never took HRT I couldnt like you BUT I cold take the MINI PILL that and Ovestin at the time worked wonders
PLus ant depressants
Im so sorry that your marriage is ended nothing anyone can say I too wanted to die when Geoffrwey said I dont like you I dont know even if I love you anymore but I dealt with it in rage anger told him to F o
What ever help you feel is good take it and dont blame yourself in anyway it is not your fault OK hugs Suzi Q
I am delighted to hear your cousin did not take their own life. Perhaps some people are better equipped to handle these types of changes more than others. Why they are, I have no idea. We can only answer for ourselves.. heck sometimes answering for ourselves is hard enough then to worry about why someone else does what they do.
You were able to find something that helped you along your journey through menopause.. BRAVO!! And I truly mean, BRAVO... after I have seen what my life has turned into in 2 years, any one and everyone who is able to find some sort of comfort and peace through all this is my hero! :) XX
Annie
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Hi Annie, I live in Australia so my replies are later than others. Anyway, I thought about your original letter all day and was very comforted by it. I know it's heartbreaking for you to have someone you trusted, to walk away when you most need them but spirit works in wonderful ways, so something good will eventually happen. I am a spiritual counsellor along with being a 'normal' one so I look for signs that guide me and your letter inspired me not to lie down and take this. Have spent another terrible night with cystitis but I know that something will turn up. Please keep me informed about your naturopath or any other things that come to mind. YES we women on here are all survivors :) and strong at that! Hope you have a great day and keep looking for the positive signs!
OMG Australia... I happen to watch videos of a wonderful gentleman and his wife who are from Australia .. their names are Robert and Barbra Young. He is a WONDERFUL spiritualist and such a motivator. I watch their video's on youtube all the time. In fact, right now.. I am trying to consume myself with them because they are helping me in my battle to find ME again. I am learning I never did "lose" me, I just misplaced me for awhile. lol
I cannot begin to tell you how happy and grateful that you are inspired. I hope you find more of the same everywhere you turn your head in life. :) Are you a life coach by chance? You had mentioned you are a spiritual counselor and I was wondering if that is the same as a spiritual life coach. So nice to chit chat back and forth !! :)
Annie
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WE have one life that we know of its not a reharsal this is it
So we HAVE to do the best we can turn the bad in to good find joy in simple things
Cos the f... alternative is the end and that will come soon enough for us all
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Hi Annie, yes I am a life coach and it's really interesting how you can help people. You are completely right about primary and secondary emotions and if you read about Emotion Focused Therapy, it explains all that. Someone can react in anger to a situation but the 'real' emotion is fear. We all need to have 'meaning' in our lives and to make sense of bad times. If I didn't have these awful symptoms, I'd never have joined this forum and started getting to know all these great women! I believe that when it all seems to have gone to pot, something good comes out of it. It just depends on how you approach life, in fear or curiosity. I am going to doctor today to see if this really is cystitis and have appointment at meno clinic next week. I am determined to not just sit down and cry, which is what I feel like doing! I'll meet a friend and have a chat and thank God or whoever, for the fact that I have a friend! I also have beautiful kids, two of whom are coming to visit, with their partners, soon. I love my dog and she loves me, so that's good enough for me at the moment! Keep thinking positive, Annie and so will I!
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Hi Annie, yes I am a life coach and it's really interesting how you can help people. You are completely right about primary and secondary emotions and if you read about Emotion Focused Therapy, it explains all that. Someone can react in anger to a situation but the 'real' emotion is fear. We all need to have 'meaning' in our lives and to make sense of bad times. If I didn't have these awful symptoms, I'd never have joined this forum and started getting to know all these great women! I believe that when it all seems to have gone to pot, something good comes out of it. It just depends on how you approach life, in fear or curiosity. I am going to doctor today to see if this really is cystitis and have appointment at meno clinic next week. I am determined to not just sit down and cry, which is what I feel like doing! I'll meet a friend and have a chat and thank God or whoever, for the fact that I have a friend! I also have beautiful kids, two of whom are coming to visit, with their partners, soon. I love my dog and she loves me, so that's good enough for me at the moment! Keep thinking positive, Annie and so will I!
I will surly cheer you on to your path, Rose! I learned something new yesterday that was rather interesting from a herbal clinician. She explained that when women go through prei and menopause and their estrogen and progesterone decreases they also lose amounts of dopamine which plays such a huge role in our "happy receptors" in our brain function. She advised me to go on what is called DLPA which is a natural dopamine that works asap. I took it today and OMG I feel like I USE to feel before menopause. I have a grip on myself todaay, I am not an emotional basketcase, I feel balanced more than I have in over 2 years. YAY for dopamine! ha!!
Instead of the hundreds of thousands of women who are getting prescribed Zoloft and Prozac and whatever else the pharmaceuticals are tossing at us that in most cases are not touching a darn thing except reducing MORE dopamine in our systems because they are sarotinin, which also depletes dopamine from us, we are spiraling downward and not upward. I learned a ton and when I got home I researched and she was absolutely right!
I am pulling my dopaime levels back up where they should be and I am on my way from menopause effect recovery! I don't know if it is going to help me save my relationship at this point, but honestly, what matters is my well being, my quality of life. I can handle ANYTHING as long as I have have that inner connection to ME and what I need and want to be in this life!
I saw my therapist today and she is amazed at how in just a week ( day one I was about to toss in the towel on my life, as I didn't see any point) and today, where I am ready to take on anything that comes my way, because, I AM WORTH IT! :)
I had a nice long meditation this morning which opened up a channel to what I had been missing, my inner most connection to all energy. Wow I missed that for the last couple of years! It felt so wonderful to not only "feel" but to "remember" how amazing it is to know that we are so connected to everything. I had a GREAT self hug and knew that I was not alone while giving my spirit a warm loving well deserved hug!
People are wonderful to have around us when we most need them, family, friends and those whom we may never meet in person, Yet, knowing that you have yourself and the love of all things with you even when you can't feel or think you can reach out to it, is just euphoric! My Therapist said to me today she is delighted to see my quick transition and that is is truly from the heart. I had no choice ( well I did, there were other options, self pity, furthered lack of self esteem, and the list goes on). Something kicked in with me and I DID pull my boot straps up by the handle and secured them tightly.
I will be sending you and SO many other women out there this wonderful energy in thought so that you and the others can chime in and find your own self love and find that amazing happy place again, even better than what you have ever known it before! My love is out to you all and still loving me! :)
Annie
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Take care with DLPA if you have high blood pressure, and it can interact with other meds.
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I thought it was used for pain relief :-\
Honeyb
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I would have thought that one would require more than 1 dose of mood altering drug ....... certainly any AD that I have been prescribed has taken 3/5 days to kick in and often they take longer. The longer the brain has been depressed the longer it will take for the drug to begin making a difference. Like any other organ, the brain requires TLC. Without ADs I wouldn't be alive. I have no problems with the pharmaceutical companies doing the research so that what I take is, usually, 'safe'. Not all 'natural' preparations are safe, i.e. digoxin .......
How painful to find out that your trusted friend has been else where. If only we were more honest with each other :-\
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Hi Annie, really happy for you! Keep doing what makes you feel this way and whenever a slump hits as it so often does, remember to get back on the path! Went to doc yesterday, no cystitis so most likely vaginal atrophy. She did take another pap smear as she said my cervix is red and sore, so have to wait on that result. My pain clinic doc told me that Chronic pain sufferers are more sensitive to drugs and that's why I am finding the full strength oestrogen to be too much, too soon. I have Degenerative Disc disease with nerve root impingement. Feeling pretty crap today as I really don't know what to do. Hoping some inspiration comes to me.
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Chronic pain can take more to manage. More pain relief but spread out through the day. To get relief is difficult and then to maintain an almost pain-free regime hard. Sometimes Anaesthetists run pain clinics in UK Hospitals. Only someone who has suffered chronic conditions should even attempt advice and support >:(
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Hi CLKD, it has taken me 4 years to get into the local hospital pain clinic. I have had to go private before this. I am on Durogesic patches for continuous pain relief but they are only about 30% effective in helping the pain. I've been in chronic pain for over 10 years and am disabled with it. It was the doc at the clinic who told me about sensitivity to medicines. She told me that I would have to build up a tolerance to estragon if I wanted to take it. I was reading that an inflamed cervix can cause painful, frequent urine problems. I just want someone to help me as it's so painful. The pap smear results should be back next week so I have to suffer until then. Can't understand why this wasn't picked up before as I've got same symptoms.
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Hi CLKD, it has taken me 4 years to get into the local hospital pain clinic. I have had to go private before this. I am on Durogesic patches for continuous pain relief but they are only about 30% effective in helping the pain. I've been in chronic pain for over 10 years and am disabled with it. It was the doc at the clinic who told me about sensitivity to medicines. She told me that I would have to build up a tolerance to estragon if I wanted to take it. I was reading that an inflamed cervix can cause painful, frequent urine problems. I just want someone to help me as it's so painful. The pap smear results should be back next week so I have to suffer until then. Can't understand why this wasn't picked up before as I've got same symptoms.
I am sending you loving healing thoughts, rose! I so hope they are able to find a solution for you and help you in ways that will also lower the rest of the pain you experience. Pain, no matter the capacity and the reason for it feels like it can remove a quality of life, and for that, I am so very sorry you are experiencing this.
Remember me sharing with you earlier that I am trying to do as much as I can for myself in many aspects of my life... well.. I had an interesting conversation on the phone today with a lady who is a Quantum healing practitioner. As far as I can tell and have investigated, she has a high success rate, which can also be a great part of the clients she see's who are seeing her because they are ready for a change anyway. Either way it may be, I guess if you go see someone like that, you must be mentally somewhat ready, or enough to allow physical and emotional changes to take place.
I will be seeing her week after next and honestly, I am really looking forward to it. I don't know what will be the final result of this first meeting, but it takes approx 5 hours. It's a good thing I will be laying down in a very deep hypnotic state for most of that 5 hours. HA! She happen to work and become knowledgeable from a world renown hypno-regressionist I have known for many years. He has like 17 books out and has helped thousands and thousands of people in her 45 years of doing this. I feel rather confident that she has the exact type of knowledge and training I have learned to trust from my past experiences with this other lady I happen to know. Time will tell! I am going into this with a much more open mind and acceptance so that should be a big help.
Maybe that is something you could possibly look into for yourself as well. I know your personal background of being a counselor would really add to what would work for you or not. It's a possibility that something wonderful could happen for you, and worse case scenario, you wouldn't have anything to lose other than some time and a GREAT relaxation! lol
I will definitely keep you informed of what happens.. it will be interesting at best! In the mean time, I send you tons of healing thoughts and warm wishes!
Annie
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I would have thought that one would require more than 1 dose of mood altering drug ....... certainly any AD that I have been prescribed has taken 3/5 days to kick in and often they take longer. The longer the brain has been depressed the longer it will take for the drug to begin making a difference. Like any other organ, the brain requires TLC. Without ADs I wouldn't be alive. I have no problems with the pharmaceutical companies doing the research so that what I take is, usually, 'safe'. Not all 'natural' preparations are safe, i.e. digoxin .......
How painful to find out that your trusted friend has been else where. If only we were more honest with each other :-\
Hi CLKD, I had thought the same thing as you did, until I learned that dopamine works rather immediately, or shortly after you take it. In fact, it's one of those you don't have to take all the time either. You can take it if you feel like you need a bit of a pick me up since it is NOT synthetic and does not take a period of time to work in the body. I was informed of the high blood pressure precautions which I don't have an issue with, typically. I'm also not taking a very high dose of it, so it's not a danger. I had made sure I spoke with a herbal clinician before taking this. I let her know everything, my meds, my symptoms, etc etc. We had about a 30 minute conversation before we decided this would be a good outlet to try. I can't even get my pharmacist to talk to me 5 minutes about a VERY dangerous medication. I have noticed I do have more energy and I do feel like I am able to handle my emotional turmoils with a bit more ease and I am not so reactionary now. It's not for everyone, I do understand that, I would suggest always talking to your medical adviser before taking anything anyways, it's just good practice. :)
Annie
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Take care with DLPA if you have high blood pressure, and it can interact with other meds.
So very true!!
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I would have thought that one would require more than 1 dose of mood altering drug ....... certainly any AD that I have been prescribed has taken 3/5 days to kick in and often they take longer. The longer the brain has been depressed the longer it will take for the drug to begin making a difference. Like any other organ, the brain requires TLC. Without ADs I wouldn't be alive. I have no problems with the pharmaceutical companies doing the research so that what I take is, usually, 'safe'. Not all 'natural' preparations are safe, i.e. digoxin .......
How painful to find out that your trusted friend has been else where. If only we were more honest with each other :-\
MIne took 3 weeks?
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I would have thought that one would require more than 1 dose of mood altering drug ....... certainly any AD that I have been prescribed has taken 3/5 days to kick in and often they take longer. The longer the brain has been depressed the longer it will take for the drug to begin making a difference. Like any other organ, the brain requires TLC. Without ADs I wouldn't be alive. I have no problems with the pharmaceutical companies doing the research so that what I take is, usually, 'safe'. Not all 'natural' preparations are safe, i.e. digoxin .......
How painful to find out that your trusted friend has been else where. If only we were more honest with each other :-\
MIne took 3 weeks?
I think the over all picture would be not the time frame it took to help you, the mere fact that it did :)
Annie
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Nothing wrong with the placebo effect ;)
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Thank you for the healing thoughts, Annie! I have heard many good things about hypno-regression so good for you for trying. Also doing meditation is wonderful and so relaxing. I do it most days to 'quiet' my brain and body. I am still feeling awful with whatever this is but think I have an infection on my cervix. They won't treat it until the pap smear results are back. I just know that something will be done to help. The funny thing about my back pain is that it made me stop rushing around like a mad thing and never having time to smell the roses. I went to study counselling because of it. I was a teacher for 25yrs and wouldn't have thought of change. Now I am happier doing what I do. Keep me informed of how you are going and I know you will be careful with your blood pressure.
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I just live my life beleiveing in GOD and prayer to him thats my bag
Bobbles is an atheist yet hes the most christian person I know
Im not in to deap and meaninful mind mood swings learning stuff its just not me
BUT what ever rings oyur bell is tickety boo
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Suzi, most of the most beautiful people I know are not religious but there is something so good within them that shines through. Your Bobbles is probably that person. You are so lucky to have him (I read how you met him!) and he, you. Life and let live is right. I believe that it's how you live your life and not by how many times you attend church. Being beautiful is by doing beautiful things, like caring how your fellow sisters are doing on this website. You do this all the time. I really admire how you always answer when you can. Hopefully I'll feel better soon and be up to posting more too!
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Thank you Rose never give up or in to anything fight the good fight Pardon the p[un hehehe
In time all things get clearer well most anyway
Family love freinds are as important as MEDICINE YES?
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Having good friends, a loving family and loads of love is the best medicine! I have something to ask you as you seem to know a lot about this bloody menopause! Went to doc and she said my hormone levels are good and doesn't think I've got atrophy yet how do I explain the burning and itchiness of my vagina plus the frequent urge to wee? She says the bladder symptoms could be from my back but this doesn't seem right to me. Feel that I'm being giving the run around. Going to a doc on sat who specializes in meno only but am at a complete loss now. Would appreciate any thoughts.
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Hi Annie, just wondered how you are getting on.
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Hi Annie. Was so terribly sad to read your initial post, but it was also very inspirational and really made me sit and have a good think about my own situation. So I want to say thankyou for that as I've sorted out a few things in my mind that needed sorting.
I take Evening Primrose and starflower oil which I find help a fair bit. Might be worth a try maybe. Sending hugs xxxxx
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Annie, your post has generated has made quite a few of us, take a step back and revalue our lives at this moment. Although your story is sad it has been an inspiration, so thank you for sharing. I, for one will be very interested in how you are getting on and I am sure there are others who think the same! I didn't have much joy from my GP so I am hoping that the doctor at the Menopause Clinic, on Saturday, will be more helpful. She uses a mixture of traditional and homeopathic medicine. I will let you all know how I get on. Fingers crossed!
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Having good friends, a loving family and loads of love is the best medicine! I have something to ask you as you seem to know a lot about this bloody menopause! Went to doc and she said my hormone levels are good and doesn't think I've got atrophy yet how do I explain the burning and itchiness of my vagina plus the frequent urge to wee? She says the bladder symptoms could be from my back but this doesn't seem right to me. Feel that I'm being giving the run around. Going to a doc on sat who specializes in meno only but am at a complete loss now. Would appreciate any thoughts.
Sorry Rose print out symptoms of Atrophy take them to your GP it sounds 100% start of Atrophy
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My GP recognised the signs long before I complained about acute razor blades inside, the repeated need to pee, the low heavy feeling below my belly button ::)
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my update: Today is the second week of the JOLT ( being told I was no longer in my relationship). I cannot even begin to tell you about all the changes that have transpired. The old saying, out of something terrible, goodness can always be found. I am learning how true that statement really is!
As you all know, through my updates and progressions, I have been on a mission of mercy of myself, for myself, and to myself. A ton of self discovery has taken place, only because I am seeking them out with intent and love. I am learning to love myself more and more each day. There are those small moments of self doubt, perhaps a moment of fear, and emotions comes pouring out. I allow that to happen for a moment, as I can see where my body needs to do that. Then I stop it and find something to balance it all out. It's an interesting cycle and one that is only making me stronger and stronger.
My other half on the other hand is going out to the bar scene every single day or night that is not being consumed by work. I am watching this unfold in front of my eyes and thinking to myself.. wow, what a switch, and for the same reason through me trying to hide my deepest despairs through wine, here the tables have turned. I find that profoundly interesting and yet hard to watch.
I am still trying to do things for myself to keep my hormonal emotions in check.. walking daily, doing some sort of physical exercise to keep the body going. I am doing my vitamins, and B12 and looking out after me. I am surrounding myself with positive people who adore life and are willing to offer themselves in the goodness of mankind. I read ALL the time, uplifting and inspiring words from books and text material online that lift my spirit up. This is really a battle to keep myself up and going.
I still wonder what I am suppose to be doing with my life now... I have not worked in years since I was a housewife and took care of our home and all of our animals, horses, macaw parrots, dogs, etc etc. For now, I am still living under the same roof together and that makes it even hard when you have to watch the other half of your life, act like this breakup is the best thing that's ever happened to them. THAT HURTS! There are moments I feel it so deeply like a knife stabbing at every part of my body and yet, fighting against the hormonal emotions that pop up at any given moment it wishes to, ACK!
I am still on a forward movement to improve the betterment of my life and the quality of my life. Not sure which direction that will be yet, but I am going to welcome it, even if it hurts for a bit, I will still welcome it!
with love
Annie
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Annie you must get your partner to move out as soon as he can. I had a break up a few years ago and my ex stayed in same house for nearly six months. It was pure torture and I couldn't even begin to pull myself together and sort out my life until he had finally gone.
I feel so sad for you, as I know exactly what you must be going through right now. Although you probably won't believe me, it does and WILL get better.
:hug: Thinking of you
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Annie you must get your partner to move out as soon as he can. I had a break up a few years ago and my ex stayed in same house for nearly six months. It was pure torture and I couldn't even begin to pull myself together and sort out my life until he had finally gone.
I feel so sad for you, as I know exactly what you must be going through right now. Although you probably won't believe me, it does and WILL get better.
:hug: Thinking of you
Thank you for your warm thoughts!! the only thing it could possibly do now is get better! I am going to hold on that and hope for the best!! :)
hugs back
ann
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Good to know that you are still on track to finding who you want to be Annie! I know that when emotions overwhelm me, I sit with that emotion and maybe write a letter to whoever I feel has hurt me but then I burn it and let it go. I have to agree with Evenstar. You don't need to be hurt anymore than you are. Have you thought of couple counselling (you can even go on your own) so that you can both let go without anymore hurt? You are so right about alcohol drowning out emotions. I stopped drinking as I was using it as a prop and not for enjoyment. I prefer to see and feel things clearly! I started to use iTunes and downloaded all the dance songs that make me happy. When I'm in my car, singing along or bopping at the traffic lights, you should see the look on people's faces! keep up the good work and keep posting, Annie!
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Thank you Suzi, I do believe you are right. Am going to meno doctor tomorrow and will find out more then, hopefully as I can't go on like this!
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I think we need to be careful i giving mariatal advice
Im sure Annie will decicide whats best for her and her chap they will wok out together in the end whats the next step
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Have just read some the thread of posts following AnnieH's original post. I think the support you are giving each other is wonderful. It is good to know there is support when things feel overwhelming. I believe we do have the answers within us, but when you can't see the wood for the trees, it makes all the difference to have such support. I have to remember like everyone else, I do matter and I am worthwhile. :)
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Have just read some the thread of posts following AnnieH's original post. I think the support you are giving each other is wonderful. It is good to know there is support when things feel overwhelming. I believe we do have the answers within us, but when you can't see the wood for the trees, it makes all the difference to have such support. I have to remember like everyone else, I do matter and I am worthwhile. :)
Hello Ju Ju
I could not agree more, the support here is just amazing and so full of caring. This website is the first support website I came to, and honestly I will forever be grateful to the people who have shared of themselves with me and me with them. I felt like I have found a tiny little sisterhood on this great big world and that means so much to me.
On another note, YES< you ARE worthy, and YES< you DO matter!!!!! We are all worthy of healing and learning to love ourselves and we matter so much in the equation of everything! Sending you tons of loving energy Ju Ju!
Annie
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Remember too that he has decided this long before he told you about his feelings! So in his head he has maybe moved on and out ! I think you need Legal advice.
A person can only hurt us whilst we allow them to do so ...........
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Remember too that he has decided this long before he told you about his feelings! So in his head he has maybe moved on and out ! I think you need Legal advice.
A person can only hurt us whilst we allow them to do so ...........
Thank you so much for the advise :)
Ann
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It is important to ask how long he was thinking of moving on before he told you? I would need to know ! Also, I don't believe in blaming menopause or any other issue, because if people are honest together issues can be talked through. It seems from where I am sitting that he wants out ........
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It is important to ask how long he was thinking of moving on before he told you? I would need to know ! Also, I don't believe in blaming menopause or any other issue, because if people are honest together issues can be talked through. It seems from where I am sitting that he wants out ........
If the situation arises where there is a complete living arrangement move, I will just have to deal with that when the time comes. For now, because of all our animals, horses, macaw birds, dogs, etc, the living arrangement is working for the time being. It's rather interesting and also a challenge to remove myself forward and keep moving myself forward in whom I am and what I am doing in my life and stay balanced through it all. No one said this type of thing was easy, yet I am learning that it is doable and can make a person stronger in the long run. I am taking care of me for now and all the animals.
I have not been focusing on the relationship part, because honestly, there is no relationship without each one of us being ok with our own selves. We have agreed we do not wish for ugliness nor hostility, neither one of us are that type of person. We shall see how the future unfolds itself, and if nothing else, perhaps we can maintain a wonderful friendship and realize that we are better people inside of ourselves for it all. There is love for one another, we both agree to that, so that allows the respect aspect of this arrangement to stay somewhat balanced. There is still a lot of growth to do on each one of our parts for ourselves.
Ann
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Ann, I can understand where you are coming from as it's not easy to drop everything suddenly. You are doing all that you can by working on yourself and taking it in steps. You must do whatever feels 'right' for you and it seems to me that you are in a different head space from the initial letter. It is so good to know that you have the sister ship of this forum and feel that you have been heard. Meno clinic today for me!
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Ann, I can understand where you are coming from as it's not easy to drop everything suddenly. You are doing all that you can by working on yourself and taking it in steps. You must do whatever feels 'right' for you and it seems to me that you are in a different head space from the initial letter. It is so good to know that you have the sister ship of this forum and feel that you have been heard. Meno clinic today for me!
Rose I hope you have such a great success with the meno clinic today!!! I also went to the Naturopath today and it was a good appointment. Lots of wonderful information was provided as well as some deep testing is being done to see what my WHOLE physical body needs. She did put me on black cohosh and a couple of other things to get me going. I hope you have a positive result as well! :)
Ann
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The best advice I was given once if you don't know what to do was then don't anything. The answer will come to you sooner or later. I think looking after yourself first of all and leaving the rest until you are stronger was the answer you found. I hope you can take your time before you have to make any big decisions.
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The best advice I was given once if you don't know what to do was then don't anything. The answer will come to you sooner or later. I think looking after yourself first of all and leaving the rest until you are stronger was the answer you found. I hope you can take your time before you have to make any big decisions.
Honestly Ju Ju, I was shown tonite how much I a second class "friend" to the person I have spent all these years with and proven that who I am and what I am means absolutely NOTHING. I can't believe I was so blinded by my love and wanting and hoping I could make a difference!! I am nothing to this person any more and further more, I won't be anything to this person. My heart is ripped in to pieces and I am stuck at trying to figure out what the heck to do next!
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My gut feeling was 'love' - doesn't figure here ............ I see sadly that you have found that out since I read your previous posting. You may love him but he has apparently, moved on. Try to remain dignified but give him his marching orders - he can help with the pets with somneone or from somewhere else, either with a new friend or from a flat close by. Or maybe his new life-style means that he opts out of pet care too, if he is serfing elsewhere .........
Get him out of your house, even if it means paying a sitter to help with your pets. I take it you are in the US, certainly outside of Europe? despite the 'e' .........
Perhaps a Vet. Student/Nurse would help with the pets?
I don't think your menopause features here at all. I think that is a convenient excuse! :-\
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Perhaps it's a joint property. Who says or decides who has to move. At least it's only pets, although of course they are important. It could be worse if there were children. Then the woman has the right to the family home but if it's just a couple. :-\
It's very difficult for anyone to give marital advice as SuziQ said. We only hear one side and really have little right to tell anyone what to do.
As they used to say....who knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Honeyb
X
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I send you my love.
When people behave badly it is never, never about you. It is about them and the 'bad' place they are in. People in a 'good' place emotionally never choose to be abusive either emotionally or physically. We all suffer in the course of our lives, but it is a choice to whether to behave well or badly, even when someone decides that they no longer wish to continue in a relationship.
Your soul, inner essence or whatever you wish to call it, is intact. You will survive, with support. I hope you can understand what I am trying to say. I have been supported through difficult times by both a psychotherapist and a life coach, who gave me the same messages from different angles.
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Hi Annie, I totally agree with Ju Ju and you will survive this because you are in touch with who you are and want to be. You have spirit and although you may wish to remain friends with your husband (which may happen, in time) he is pushing away which is hurtful. As Ju Ju says it's he who is in a bad place at the moment and if you accept that, then you don't need to be hurt by his behaviour but keep going along your own path. You will come through this, stronger and find that there are people who will be there for you, even strangers. Keep going, Annie and even if you go to a marriage counsellor on your own, you may begin to see things differently. I just want you to know that there are many of us who are willing you on to a better life.
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Thank you ju ju and Rose! Because I have been able to talk through so many emotions right now on this website, I have found an interesting side of me that I didn't know I could do. I was able to write a letter of my emotions and feelings today without being judgmental and angry. I was able to put things into perspective as how I saw them. Here is the interesting part.....After reading what I wrote in my letter, I took a long pause and thought about what I was saying. I realized that my perceptions were caught between reality and illusion. My illusion that my partner was out just having a grand ole time without a care for my feelings and emotions were probably just that. So I had to give full consideration to this thinking process for my own behalf.
I gave credit to this thinking in my letter, which resulted exactly as I had thought, there was something else going on that I did not see. My partner allowed a 2 week time period to be without restraints and limitations as I had been the focus for the past 2 years. Which is right, I was, I cannot deny this. For what I was viewing as less than caring for my own emotions, I did not take the moment out to think that there is always another side of emotions for the other person. All I saw was my partner not taking time to heal and work through things, this is what I thought I was seeing, that is farthest from the truth. I had thought there was nothing but drinking going on and carrying on like a young 21 year old going out to the dance clubs for the first time. I was not aware there was a lot of time sitting talking to friends and working through personal thoughts. HUGE lesson on my part!
I am realizing that our minds think in such ways that do not make sense all the time, lord knows I have experienced my fair share of this type of thinking. It's amazing how many enlightenment's I am receiving from this situation. Each day is bringing more and more things to think differently about, to react differently, to take a different look at a thought, an action, etc etc. I am reminded of a saying I read once, " I am perfectly Imperfect"!! This gives me the freedom to make mistakes, work through them, and move on to the next challenge.
Gotta tell ya, building up a mental and emotional tool bucket is not easy work! Learning which tools to use at different given times can be just as tricky, sometimes you use a combination of tools. lol I am grateful to you all in here, allowing me to express the truths of my life and what I face, what I conquer what I learn, what I have to yet learn. Life is forever changing and so are our challenges we face. Sometimes we just need to get off the merry-go-round for a moment and catch our breath so we can hop back on it again and continue on. I just wanted to thank you all for being who you are perfectly without having to be anything else differently! You are an inspiration to me and I, for one, are very grateful to you!
with love :-*
Ann
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Whatever happens, I believe you will come out of this a stronger, happier person. You have been forced to take stock and you are discovering what an amazing, wonderful person you really are. However painful things feel now, it can be the beginning of an exciting journey. :)
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I think we can get into the habit of pat responses ........ without really thinking our answers through. The odd 'grunt' in reply, the late response to a query or statement .........
It takes a lot of dedication to really listen to another person. Some people have the listening 'gene' but the rest of us have to learn as we go along.
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I think we can get into the habit of pat responses ........ without really thinking our answers through. The odd 'grunt' in reply, the late response to a query or statement .........
It takes a lot of dedication to really listen to another person. Some people have the listening 'gene' but the rest of us have to learn as we go along.
Very true, add pain and hurt and you have a mixture of convoluted thinking sometimes.. I am perfectly imperfect, striving always to be a better thinker :)
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This morning my brain is beyond sensible thought :-\
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I just live day by day week by week month by month?
IN th sure and certain kwledge that I love my hubbie son and entire family
To me everyting else comes last!
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Hi Annie, how have you been getting on? Was just wondering how things are and if the medication you've been given is still helping?
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Hi Annie, how have you been getting on? Was just wondering how things are and if the medication you've been given is still helping?
Hi Rose,
Thank you for asking about me... I am doing a lot better. Each day that goes by I am learning more and more about me and still realizing that hurt is hurt no matter the circumstances. I try hard each day to find my place in this world and look for something positive and uplifting. I am still taking the natural herbs to help me along, they seem to be doing well. I hope you are doing well and things are looking brighter in your world too!! Blessings
Annie
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Hi Annie, really glad you are feeling better, health wise. The hurt will take longer. Was thinking about you and wondered if you've ever read 'Healing through the dark emotions' by Miriam Greenspan. You are pretty in touch with your emotions and this is a wonderful book that really helps. As for me, I have been told I have vulvodynia and the vaginal atrophy still gives me hell. I am still searching for answers but I'll get there!
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Hi Annie, really glad you are feeling better, health wise. The hurt will take longer. Was thinking about you and wondered if you've ever read 'Healing through the dark emotions' by Miriam Greenspan. You are pretty in touch with your emotions and this is a wonderful book that really helps. As for me, I have been told I have vulvodynia and the vaginal atrophy still gives me hell. I am still searching for answers but I'll get there!
I will have to look into this book, thank you for the suggestion! I keep sending you healing thoughts and love.. I am so very sorry you are having to go through all this. It would be nice if they could find a way to relieve your sufferings and help you with a better physical self. Hope is such a strong and powerful word, I use it daily for all of us!
hugs!
Annie
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Hi Annie, that book is good because it tells you how to deal with painful emotions instead of burying them. I thought about you as you are someone who wants to get through this by facing the pain and yet being positive. Yes Hope is the key and I know that we will get through this. Hope you are having a great weekend.
Rose x