Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: rebecca on August 19, 2013, 04:45:09 PM
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Recently I have been dreading social scenes more and more. Mostly because I am unable to hold an interesting conversation anymore because of my inability to recall names and places and dates.
I feel a totally boring. My husband loves the social scene and I am totally embarrassed to explain what has happened to me (he is younger than me).
I also find spending time on my own quite enjoyable (I expect for all the wrong reasons).
I can't see how this is going to get better. My 90 year old father remembers more than me!
Any suggestions? Anyone else experiencing this? I am at my wits end.
Thanks
Rebecca
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Hi Rebecca,
I know exactly how you feel. Before this journey started I was a complete party animal. We were out every single weekend. But now .... Well now I too go out of my way to avoid social gatherings of any kind. I can't remember names etc so when I try to join in with conversations it all comes out in a spluttering, jumbled mess >:(
I also don't like the way I look anymore. Bit of weight gain, lifeless hair, spots etc. I'm really really lucky in that I have a gorgeous husband who completely understands me. I've shown him the advice for husbands thread on here and he's done his own research too and is supporting me all the way.
Maybe sit him down for a chat. Be completely honest with him and you'll probably find him wanting to support you through your journey too :)
Claire xx
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I get this too, mid conversation it's annoying when you just suddenly forget what you wanted to say. :-\ I thinks it's defo a symptom of menopause and hopefully will pass x
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Hello rebecca.
I feel the same, I lack the motivation to even try and be sociable, it's as if chatting to people and making conversation is a huge effort and I just don't have the enthusiasm anymore. I also feel I want to please myself and not always worry what other people think. Not sure if this is meno or age or just being more selfish/honest? Time will tell I guess.
K.
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Does your Dad remember recent events though? Short term memory is known to disappear with age, however people can remember events from long, long ago as clearly as though it were yesterday ........ I haven't got that knack either ::)
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CLKD - He does remember some recent events. I hope I get to the stage of remembering long term events. Long & short term have gone AWOL at present. I use to do an evening class which I enjoyed, the interaction was lovely, I did not carry on to the next term as My memory was letting me down when it came to reciting information in a group chat session:( I was beginning to feel really stupid..
I think I will try something more artistic perhaps at a local class - flower arranging?
Even keeping a phone number in my head is difficult, I have tried all sorts of tricks.
Rebecca
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This does pass. Or we get used to it ::) ............ I usually tell people that I have a bad memory these days. A friend and I have total conversations with the 'wrong' words but *we* know what we mean ::)
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Hi Rebecca, I'm the queen of the post it note (as in "keys, wallet, phone, travel card" note on my front door as I've been to the shops, loaded stuff on the checkout and then remembered...no wallet).
I think isolation is probably the worst thing for the lack of confidence that being forgetful brings. I do (force myself to do) some sociable classes that have a mixed range of people. The older people are very understanding about being forgetful, including of their names (they often can't remember mine either). Make a joke of it.
Try not to let it shut you off from having fun. X
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Hi rebecca
While many of us do find this problem beginning as we've got older - not sure if it's age or hormones - if you are finding it such a problem that it is affecting your social situation then I would seriously consider getting checked out - if only to put your mind at rest that you these are not the signs of early dementia, which is extremely unlikely.
You don't say how old you are, or where in meno, whether you are on HRT, how long this has been going on?
It doesn't pass - but maybe HRT prevents the worst of it? I think research has shown the benefits of maintaining oestrogen levels on cognitive functioning and the reverse when they decline.
I am on HRT (age 60) but I do find that even common words for things like "windowsill" or something equally ordinary - escapes me sometimes mid conversation and there is a gap while I try to find the word! As long as it doesn't happen too often it doesn't bother me, but probably would if it occurred frequently.
Hurdity x
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That happens to me several times a day ............ searching for a word >:( ::)
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I agree with Hurdity that if this is making your life so difficult it should be checked out. The longer you leave it the more isolated you will become and then you will just find it harder to socialise.
Taz x
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Taking a high potency multi vitamin B complex with vitamin B12, I have always taken it and so does OH and we both have pretty good memories
http://www.iqtestexperts.com/iq-vitamins.php
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16917152
Stress and worry can effect memory as well some drugs, especially sleeping pills, vallium etc..
Estrogen certainly enhances memory.
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I get the bad memory thing too, although it seems to get better if I do crosswords regularly (I know, it sounds like crosswords would be the last thing you'd want to do!).
I'm rubbish in social situations now, I just can't be bothered any more.
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I went through a stage, not all that long ago, where I really lost confidence at work because of this memory problem. I have no idea why but suddenly things are much better :)
I keep a notebook with me to jot down what I need to remember to do, even on days when I am not at work. At least then I have a list to look through each day so I dont miss anything.
I agree with Hurdity though, do get it checked out if it is affecting you as badly as it sounds. Avoiding social situations will make matters worse in the long run as you will just get out of practice at conversation and be lonely and isolated.
Have you tried any of the online games you can do to try to improve your memory? You can sign up for free to try some of them out. I recommend Luminosity.
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My memory is fine but my ability to get the correct word out of my mouth is another matter entirely.
It's there and I know exactly what I want to say it just won't come out. Thingy and whatchmacallit are my favourite words.
The more tired I am the worse I get.
Very annoying, but my ability to remember things is great.
Honeyb
X
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I can't read the 24 hour clock tonight :-\ ......... don't know whether it's gone 9.00 p.m. or after 10.00 <sigh>
A couple of weeks ago I couldn't remember which was the hot tap in our bathroom basin :D
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I get the tap thing too. The other week my bath was full to almost overflowing as I couldnt get it cold enough...eventually realised I'd left the hot tap running instead of the cold >:(
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I did that with the cold tap about 4 weeks ago ........... :-\
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I am same as honeybun, I just can't get the correct word out. I end up acting words out.... It's not funny!!!!
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Recently I have been dreading social scenes more and more. Mostly because I am unable to hold an interesting conversation anymore because of my inability to recall names and places and dates.
I feel a totally boring. My husband loves the social scene and I am totally embarrassed to explain what has happened to me (he is younger than me).
I also find spending time on my own quite enjoyable (I expect for all the wrong reasons).
I can't see how this is going to get better. My 90 year old father remembers more than me!
Any suggestions? Anyone else experiencing this? I am at my wits end.
Thanks
Rebecca
KNoiw what peole love being asked to talk about themselves this is a trick I learnt from Hubbie
Im hopeless at names even after 2 years of seeing same peop;le monthly I still cant recall them
I hate parties and bi gatherings where I cant feel confortable so I learnt a simple thing which has got me thorugh
I say and what do you do and they reply then I say OH and where do you work live how many kids the more questions simple ones you ask the chattier they become about themselves that way they tink gee isbt she nioce
AND 2 you dont have to talk yourself its amazing how much people will talk when given a chance
Dont not go to stuff this is life it will get better you wont think so but it will hiding yurself away does sod all OK x
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i can relate . i wonder why , your memory becomes so bad . i find i have too write , things down :( its horrible , as if there , isnt enough , with the way you feel ,to put up with . :'(
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My memory is fine but my ability to get the correct word out of my mouth is another matter entirely.
Friday evening I was ordering Chinese carry out over the phone. The main order was fine as I was reading off the menu, then I fancied some prawn crackers. But could I remember the name of them? Frantically searching menu to help my loss of memory. Poor chap at the other end kept saying "Sorry can't hear you." ??? Then I said prawn crisps, again "Sorry" from him. Finally I remembered. Then sent hubby to collect. ;D
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Ooops! ;D
Good move sending hubby :)
But you see, you can LAUGH about it whereas the OP is finding it all very upsetting. Sometimes I can laugh too, and sometimes I find it frustrating, embarrassing, knocks my confidence etc.
I think the way we react is probably mood-driven. If everything in the garden is rosy, we shrug it off. If we have worries and problems lurking it adds to the burden and drags us further down.
I guess it's true of how we react to all negative things throughout our lives. If you feel supported and happy it is much easier to live and let live.
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You're right Milliemoo, it's fine when we can laugh at a situation, but it's not funny if the memory loss causes someone distress. I have a friend who is becoming increasingly worried about her memory loss. She has to write herself notes to remember stuff.
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I write notes, make lists, have a notebook just for work reminders.
It all helps. At least I'm still sane enough to make the notes!
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I make lists.
I make a shopping list, take it with me every week when out food shopping.
Do I remember to look at said list when out shopping?
NOooooooooooo :'(
Sad, it would be ever so useful ::)
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They say so long as you realise what's happening you're OK. It's when you don't realise it....... Or so they say. I worry about it a lot as Alzheimer's runs in the family, so if I forget something I wonder if that's me starting on the slippery slope. :o
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Thanks CG, that really does help.
At least I know I'me losing it - phew.............. 8)
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You & me, both Limpy. ;)
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You & me, both Limpy. ;)
me tooooooooo xx
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It's really hard, this not-wanting-to-be-sociable business. I find I can fluctuate between almost going mad in just my own company, and wanting to be just with hubby or alone. Other people and their lively conversation can stress me out in a way they never used to, especially in the evenings. Anyone else get this?
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I find restaurants noisy and shops stressful now, it never use to bother me, small talk is an effort, and now I would run a mile from dinner parties.
One I could dance the night away until breakfast time, now I can't believe I ever did that ::)
I like my cosy evenings now the nights are drawing in :)
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I find when people come to visit, even those I really like, I am SO happy when they go.
Same with going out for meals with a group, just find it tiring to have to constantly pay attention
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I know exactly what you mean, Limpy.