Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: JacquelineL on July 03, 2013, 10:12:07 AM
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*Gulp* so here I go!
I'm Jackie, 47 and going a bit 'emotionally' loopy. Went to see my lovely GP who explained it all to me, even though I knew I was looking at my new venture towards menopause.
I laughed my way through the visit with the Dr (I tend to laugh at stupid things when I'm in a bad place) She was fantastic, explained it all to me, laughed in all the right places and even laughed when I told her my husband was wearing a crash helmet.
My problems are paranoia, lack of sleep, depression (even though I denied 100% I wasn't depressed) lack of intimacy and also I feel I am lacking emotion, in certain areas of my life.
I was given black gohosh as a trial but it so isn't working, so I'm back off to see my GP on the 17th July. I am also going to admit I feel extremely depressed.
Can someone PLEASE tell me why my brain is so NOT working correctly. I'm no longer me! This person is a stranger and I don't actually like her. I like the fact I speak my mind and no longer take 'rubbish' from people, but I come out with things and think 'ermmmm did I just say that ::) '
One minute I'm fine and the next I'm a paranoid wreck who's mouth won't shut!!
(sorry for rambling)
xxx
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Don't you worry, we've all been there, with me these days it's "open mouth, change feet" ... I laugh at the most inappropriate things too, Sorry seems to be my password now.
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:tulips2: :welcomemm: don't worry , you are among like minded people. Some just starting the meno, some half way through and some like me who thank god it's over :). .......you will be able to ask questions on here and pretty soon somebody will be along to help you......
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Thank you for replying.
This is me atm: I have been checking my emails all morning to see if my husband has sent me one. He rings 30 minutes ago to check I'm OK and not doing too much (I'm decorating) instead of being friendly I'm talking to him as if he's a stranger, whilst all the time telling my head 'OMG, woman be nice and say you love him as that's all he wants!'
However, my son then rings and I'm 'awwww hi baby, blah blah blah - happy happy happy'
I'm not violent, aggressive or moody. I am just switched off, very quiet and withdrawn and when I'm neither of these I'm a paranoid wreck!
I can remember marching my mother to the Dr's with instructions she had to go before I murdered her (God, she was the most horrible person)
Anyway, I suppose I best get back to painting as it won't do itself!
xx
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Jacky
You will get lots of support , the ladies who use the forum are mostly here as we are suffering in some form or another,
lots of advice available on hrt and ADs which a surprising amount of people are on , cant quite believe how many, some lovely ladies who have depression will sympathise and guide you. :)
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:welcomemm: Jacqueline.
You are in the right place.
This forum has been a life saver for me.
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awww Jackie
Been there - done that - still wearing the bloomin' t-shirt!!!! ;D
I am a proper snappy mare at times, next minute I'm almost in tears apologising - poor hubby just grits his teeth and bears with me! :) :)
I've always had PMT but of late, last year or so, its like its permanent to a lesser or greater degree, haha.
Some days I feel fine, other days I am soooooooo paranoid I'm convinced I need locking up!!
I know I'm laughing about it, but seriously, lots of lovely ladies on here who will tell you we all (most?) feel like this from time to time while on this horrible rollercoaster!!
Hang in there, and feel free to vent on here - we're listening xxx
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Hi Jackie.
It's hard this meno lark and you have my sympathies. Before I went on HRT I was a bit of a sweaty wreck. I vividly remember loosing the plot over nothing and sitting on the floor of our hall breaking my heart after having screamed at everyone and my hubby and two kids looking stunned. Not my proudest moment and also the moment I realized I needed help and quick. HRT sorted the moods and the flushes.
I am a bit further on now and anxiety has reared it's head but onwards and upwards with that one.
You will find support here and sometimes just knowing you are not going mad and are not alone in all this makes all the difference.
Browse around and join in.
Honeyb
X
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Hi jackie, it's certainly a roller coaster , and I have to say defo not easy. Great to vent on here though x
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Theres a book that I read, a while ago called ' female brain gone insane 'by Mia lundrin.... its quite good and explains alot. Big Hug to you Jackie, because I know exactly how you feel. xx
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Hi Jackie, nice to meet you. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through at the moment. You are in good hands on this forum. I have sent you a P.M. (( ))
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Sorry, I haven't had time to reply. I've finally finished decorating (well the inside of the house!)
My biggest problem is being 700 miles away from my children, as I miss them so very much! I didn't know tears could actually squirt straight across a room until a few weeks ago! Just sat on the bed a few weeks back then 'wham' OMG I want my babies - they are 27, 24 and 21, so they aren't babies but by God my heart hurts so much to be away from them.
We moved due to my husband being offered a very good job and a part of me hates him for bringing me here! When I'm low it all comes out whilst the poor man just sits crying (what a bitch)
We have another grandchild on the way and when I collapsed in a heap 'screaming' in pure emotional anguish my husband just said 'baby, enough is enough - I can't put you through this pain so we're going home.' (God I'm crying now)
Anyway, we're finishing off all the silly little cosmetic jobs and either renting or selling. I know we will be here for about another year but I can semi cope with that.
I only had PMT in my early 20's, never had problems with period pains and I ran to clockwork. I'm not sure if I get PMT but I sure do go to some complete 'Jackie Goon Universe.' My periods are now complete and utter agony.
12 days and counting until I see the GP again. She is absolutely marvellous. She did take my hand and told me I had a severe case and told me off for not coming to her sooner.
I have to go to a business meeting later (my husband is a photographer, in his spare time) anyway, we have to go and meet a client to do promotional work for her. I was 'sh*tting hell why do I have to go?' Telling him he had to go alone and if she was a pompous cow I'd tell her to 'shut it' ;D He won't let me get out of it as he wants me to get out of the house. I just can't trust my mouth these days so I try my hardest to avoid situations, so if she is stuck up I may bash her with a plate hahahaha
During writing this I have: cried, laughed, cried again and laughed again.....
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P.S.
As surely noted: I ramble all the time! I write things down and suddenly I've written a book. I talk and think 'SHUT UP YOU STUPID WOMAN!' I can hear myself just rambling on and on and on... When the person falls off their chair due to boredom/fallen to sleep or glazed over I realise it's time to shut up
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JeanneA - I can't reply to your PM. I think it'll be due to me being a new member x
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P.S.
As surely noted: I ramble all the time! I write things down and suddenly I've written a book. I talk and think 'SHUT UP YOU STUPID WOMAN!' I can hear myself just rambling on and on and on... When the person falls off their chair due to boredom/fallen to sleep or glazed over I realise it's time to shut up
I'm the same Jackie - I always write war and peace , I can't help it. It's not boring at all so don't even think that. we are probably alike? Can't help being chatty can you (hug)
I will PM you too, not sure if you can reply yet, but when you can do at some point, you can reply if you want.
I really feel for you - reading your post made me well up :'(
We have a lot in common, we have moved around an awful lot with my hubby's job and I'm always 'new' in an area. It's very lonely living like this. I always have itchy feet and want to move. Our house is going back on the market soon as I want to live closer to a town, we are in countryside here and while its lovely it hasn't really worked for me....
Hang in there Jackie, we're here for you xxxx
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We're also in the country, 25 miles away from anything. The village is very spread out but the neighbours I have got to know are fantastic. I've taken on a little job at our local school so I can get out. I adore the cook and the kids are fantastic. I did go off work for a month due to sitting in the playground crying hahahaha!!!! Oh the shame!
Yes, I always write massive novels. I do have a cracking sense of humour though, which really helps. I loved what you wrote re writing war and peace :)
I have terrible itchy feet about moving (27th time I'll have moved house) I knew we wouldn't be here for long but I thought it would be longer than 3 years. The money we've spent on this place is ridiculous, but my hubby just said 'happiness if far more important than pieces of paper'. I know we won't get our money back and that will make me 'dislike' him even more - poor man can't win!
There's a page on facebook for house rentals or sales in our area and I'm sat here thinking 'Get an advert on asap' but what the hell would I do if a person showed interest? *gulp*
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Hi Jackie don't worry about replying to me. I didn't realise you couldn't yet like you say it's probably because you are a new member. x