Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: TillyD on June 25, 2013, 07:39:57 AM
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Not coping at all. I'm 44 and been on this treadmill for 3 years.
I've just changed career and I am now a secondary teacher in a boys school in south London. Try doing that job on a good day. I don't know what I was thinking.
I literally can't do this. I have a 6 year old, not a 6 year old grandchild. I don't feel free like my life is just starting, it's ending. I've done all the exciting things. I can't lose weight when I cut down my food, have no clothes that fit because I have to buy new bras every 6 months because my breasts are now as big as they were when I was pregnant. My hair and skin ate disgusting. I cantvremember anything, which makes my husband mad. And if I was my husband I'd be looking for a younger model.
So, no, I am not coping. I honestly want to die
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:hug:
You should go & see your GP. If he/she can't help ask for referral. You shouldn't have to carry on like this. I know I could never have coped with work.
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Tilly, firstly here's huge hug.
I can't help but I can relate to your post.
I too had a 6 year old at 44 :) I'm 49, so he's coming up to 11 now :) - and I'm on this 'treadmill' as you call it too :)
Are you taking HRT or not?
I started taking HRT back in November after starting with flushes, looking ba\ck I didn't realise I was perimenopausal but I was - moody, irritable, tearful, baaaaad PMT.
Well when I started with HRT it all got worse - well, better and worse!!! ;D, hot flushes went straight away which was great but while on the progesterone phase of the HRT my psychological symptoms have got worse!!!!
Much worse!!
I felt just like you posted - that I couldn't carry on, my life felt like it was over, felt undesirable, fat (can't manage to lose weight now like I could before either!) skin dry and horrid generally like a waste of air - mother nature is one mean bitch!!! ;D ;D
Last month after being in the pits of utter despair after wanting to walk out on my hubby and kids as I was making their lives miserable with all this I was allowed to try a different progesterone called Utrogestan.
Now while I haven't felt 100% on it, I felt 95%, just a bit of general flat mood.
Strangely though, I've felt more 'flat' and 'meh' whilst just coming off it while on it?
Just wondering if you're affected similarly? Progesterone intolerant? I know its not the answer for everyone but considering I'd never heard of this intolerance before I started on HRT I think other ladies ought to be at least aware of it.
I've always been affected by hormones - PND, PMT etc so it all makes sense for me anyway.
I'm hoping for a miracle cure - there I've said it! But I know there isn't one.
Hang in there Tilly, keep chatting on here if it helps, the ladies on here are amazingly knowledgeable and supportive! xxx
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Oh god, aren't you lovely.
I was still having a almost regular cycle but bas symptoms until a tear ago ago. I am now on HRT and I started with utrogestan. For some weird reason I was only on it for 3 months (and feeling SO much better) and it was changed to noresthisterone. But the doc must have been right because
Slowly my periods got heavier until a week ago I had a hysteroscopy, biopsy, polyp removal plus a mirena coil. I had endometrial thickening but I don't know why. Too much oestrogen I'd have thought but who knows.
I don't know anything about intolerance. The doctor told me that some women can't take progestin but I was tolerating it he said. Although I did feel tired and depressed during that phase.
I'm totally unhappy at the moment
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You definitely should try and get to the bottom of this Tilly. Someone with expert knowledge needs to tell you what is going on. Ask questions, make a list if necessary. It's your body and only you can say how it feels.
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Tilly, it sounds to me (I'm not medically trained in any way) that you might indeed be intolerant of the synthetic progesterones from what you've said!!!
If you felt good, or at least OK on the Utrogestan (which is a bio-identical progesterone) then felt worse on the noresthisterone (which is synthetic progesterone) and now feel bad on the Mirena (which contains synthetic progesterone) then it all points towards intolerance?
I personally refused point blank to try a Mirena coil because I knew it contained the very stuff I have a bad intolerance to, even though my meno specialist has been trying to push it over and over. I stood my ground!!!!
Sorry, I don't know as much as some other ladies on here about this, (Hurdity, where are you? ;) xxx) but why did your doctor stop the Utrogestan and change you to a different progesterone instead? Was it because he said the synthetic progesterone is 'stronger' than the bio=identical?? That you needed more progesterone?
I really do hope you get to the bottom of this Tilly, feeling like that is no fun at all, I know, I've been there ((hugs)) xxx
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I too have the symptoms of progesterone intolerance. In fact, I had to take my oestrogen/progesterone patch off last week as I couldn't bear it any longer (I was on FemSeven Sequi as I'm peri). I'm about to start Utrogestan this month, as my GP said it was more natural than the synthetics (so the other way around to you). Please go back and see someone - sounds very much like Progesterone Intolerance to me. Let us know how you get on.
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Tilly - if nothing else, it's good to know that you, me, all of us, are in this together. That awful feeling of "dear God, is it only me who feels so bad that I just want to go to bed and die", is something that we have ALL been through (some of us still right there, in the middle of it...) but I get great comfort from some of the truly wonderful comments and advice on here, and although I haven't got much to offer you, (because I am in much the same boat as your good self), reading these comments and replies makes me feel surrounded by support, makes me feel strong and capable of coping, and altogether much better.
Hang on in there - it can't last forever, and my older girlfriend says that when you come out the other side, you feel blimmin' fantastic! Libido returns ;), energy, zest for life, all that good stuff.
Here's hoping!
P x
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Hang on in there - it can't last forever, and my older girlfriend says that when you come out the other side, you feel blimmin' fantastic! Libido returns ;), energy, zest for life, all that good stuff.
Here's hoping!
Ah now that would be good!
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Pixieboots - can I ask what age your girlfriend was when she was out the other side? Just wondering how long I have to wait.... :D
Taz x
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My mum is 70 and still having hot flushes so I'm not looking forward to the next 30 years very much :'(
I don't understand why I was changed off utrogestan. I wasn't told and at the time I was just so pathetically grateful that I had found a doctor that wanted to help me feel better that I just did what he said. I do remember he said something about needing something stronger but why I needed something stringer is a mystery.
I had to go to a diff cons for the surgery because Doc1 doesn't do surgery any more. Both Doc1 and 2 (surgeon) agreed on mirena. But by then of course I had built up a thickened lining. Which I think is due to too much oestrogen.
But hey, what do I know. I have lost all my fight now. Doc2 write to my GP and said that she believed that I would prefer a low mood caused by a mirena to the PMS symptoms u had from noresthisterone. Shame she didn't ask me what my opinion was.
But seriously, I can't fight or argue any more. They don't listen. And I was told I was at "the end of the line" of HRT with no more options available to me. That's why I want to die. There's no help any more
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Tilly!
You must not give up!!!
You are FAR from the end of the road with HRT :)
There IS help :)
First things first - it is YOUR decision to make on what you take at the end of the day - not anyone else's!
(I too was told by my GP initially after trying 2 lots of HRT and suffering on the prog phase that "I'm afraid HRT doesn't suit you and it 's onto herbal preparations for you then" ) >:(
I persevered and got an NHS clinic apt even though it was 20 mile away, but was prepared, and still am prepared to go private in order to save my sanity and my marriage if needs be!!
If you ask and absolutely can't be referred to a specialist clinic, or a different one for a second opinion as it were, then go private for a one-off consultation if you have to, if you want the Mirena out, get it taken out :), it's YOUR choice, get advice on what the correct dose/duration of Utrogestan for your situation would be and get a prescription!! :) At least get another opinion - and at least SEE if the Utrogestan (at the correct dose for your needs?) makes you feel better again!! :)
I was in your situation mood wise not so long ago (do a search on my old threads and you'll see how desperate I was ;) ) I was so low that I was told that in the worst case scenario I could go without prog altogether and be monitored for build up, was also told about ablation(?) and hysterectomy, I know these are drastic but really - what I'm trying to say is - you don't need to carry on feeling like this, honestly! ((hugs))
I'm sure someone can find a regime that works for you! :)
Which area are you in?
Have you used the Find A Specialist facility on here?
Hang in there, we are here for you xxx
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Hi TillyD
So sorry to hear about the miserable time you are having.
You will almost certainly have been given norethisterone ( and the Mirena) to treat your thickened womb lining and as I think I said on another post - this is caused by too much oestrogen that has not been opposed by progesterone. The polyp would have added to the heavy bleeding I imagine. I'm not saying you don't need the oestrogen - it just needs to have sufficient progesterone to prevent the build-up.
I think I said in the past that progesterone (ie our own - bio-identical one) is much weaker than the synthetic progestogens and especially norethisterone but there are other ways to deal with your thickened lining and if you are progesterone intolerant I would suggest you look at these.
Please read the article Perils of the Perimenopause on this site here:
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/article-perils-of-the-perimenopause.php
Also the treatments for heavy periods apart from progestogens:
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/heavyperiods.php
http://www.menopausematters.co.uk/periodtreatments.php
Here is the main physical method other than hysterectomy Fron the info above):
Surgical treatments-Endometrial ablation or resection. Your doctor may suggest, assuming the womb lining is normal or only has small fibroids, that you undergo a procedure which will ablate the womb lining. This can be performed under either a local or general anaesthetic as a day case procedure in hospital. The intention is to make the periods very much lighter and many women will find their periods go away, or at least are significantly reduced.
Go and see your doc and get referred to a specialist again and tell them your problems, how depressed you are and about your job, and that it is urgent, so that you can get the Mirena removed and be treated as soon as possible - if this is what you choose.
Note the reason your skin and hair are bad may well be due to the fact that the progestogen in Mirena is one of the androgenic type so can lead to spots, lank hair - so I understand.
After ablation you still need to use progestogen but much smaller doses and you could go back to the Utrogestan. You could start another thread on this (ablation) and see if others have had it.
There is an alternative and you do not have to suffer! If necessary book a phone consultation with Dr Currie - and hope she is available when you are not teaching. They must listen. Are you able to go privately to jump the queue - but really you should be seen urgently - and can your husband or someone else go with you to make sure something is done soon.
Hope this helps and take care of yourself
Hurdity x
PS clovie I see we posted more or less the same time so looks like I've repeated some of what you've said but we agree on a lot of it!!
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Tilly, I'm sorry things are difficult for you right now, but please don't give up. Clovie and Hurdity have given some great advice, but it also sounds like you need a little breathing space, so I'd really consider asking your GP to sign you off until the end of term. x
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If you feel really ill then phoning the Samaritans or asking to see your Practice Nurse might ease your feelings. Being somewhere safe is important. How are you this morning?
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Hi Tilly
Just wanted to send you the biggest :bighug:
Hang in there, the light at the end of the tunnel may seem a long way off right now but believe me it is there and you will feel better. I wish I could offer you more help but I'm not as knowledgeable as some here but just want you to know we're all here for you.
Please take care
Delilah x
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You're all lovely aren't you. Thank you.
Yes, I'm already on the private route. That's how I managed to get the HRT in the first place. I had to self refer because the GPs ( I tried 3 in 2 separate surgeries) refused to prescribe it.
I have an appointment at the end of next week. I'll be on my own because hubby has to do childcare. If I manage to stay calm I predict that I will be told to "give it a trial" which is how the cons in the hospital put it before my biopsy etc. The definition of trial varies though doesn't it. I'm not prepared to risk my job over this. I HAVE to be 100% full of energy to do it.
I started a new job on Monday ??? And already I am panicking over it. Feeling depressed literally isn't an option. I'm the 3rd in a line of teachers that all left due to stress of the job.
I'm not expecting anyone to come up with any solutions for me. I just needed some support as I've been forced into a decision that I would not have taken if I had understood all the facts. And I feel that the information u needed was kept from me.
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Working with children of any age is stressful without the addition of the menopause. I hope you get some satisfaction next week. You know we'll be here to support you, no matter what.
Do let us know how you get on. :foryou:
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:bighug:
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HI
Reading this trail - there are some amazing women out there and Hurdity's email has given some excellent advice - I would definitely agree that you must see a consultant gynaecologist privately who specialises in menopause, HRT etc and ask for a private referral from your GP - no ifs or buts - it'll be money well spent. Go in to all appts with pertinent questions listed for the consultant to address which presents yourself well and making that positive step to improve the quality of your life. Private means you are seen quickly, treatment if surgical can be done on the NHS and its likely that appt will clash with work! But if you give your dept head enough time they will have to organise cover. It'll be half a day tops!
Teaching adolescents is immense (hormonal girls could be worse?) and it may be worth taking a lead from the lads great humour, maybe tap into this during your day, it might help get you and them? I try being very self effacing with lads - not sure if it works but it helps me! ;)
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My attitude would be : "I'm being paid to teach, whether you learn or not isn't my problem. Now, learn or ....... " ;)
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In the secondary school I taught in a few years ago at least five female teachers of meno age ( all strong teachers who were well respected) all went off with stress struggling with anxiety, depression and meno symptoms. Two had breakdowns and the others were close -if they hadn't retired early or reduced their commitments ( one went to be a Teaching Assistant)- they would probably have been the same.
Teaching full time is VERY difficult when you are meno age. I'm with CKLD!!
Best of luck.
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Oh great. I feel so much better now :-\
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Take it one day at a time. Hopefully you will have better idea after next week's appointment.
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You need the attitude that you are going to get from the Class. In other words, you are being paid to teach - it's up to them whether they listen etc.. Hopefully you will get back up from the Head of Year and the Head of School - my friend didn't see her Head of School for a whole Term, he/she kept him/herself in the Office with the door shut :o - no support there then.
Try not to shout at the Class. If they rampage, throw mobiles across the room, spit and carry on, sit quietly with a book until they begin to listen. Usually curiosity will break through ......... go into Class every time and say 'good morning/afternoon' and until you get a polite reply, then do absolutely nowt. Keep reiterating that you are paid to teach, it's up to them .......
My Mum is in her 80s and can stop the street with one look ;D ..........
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How are you doing, Tilly?
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Tilly as you are South London can I suggest you google Mrs Sheela Purkayastha Consultant Gynaecologist. A famous London NHS Teaching Hospital paid for me to see her privately, a long story. She is former Chelsea and Westminister Consultant. She is utterly brilliant. You can self refer to her. The Mirena coil made me feel utterly terrible as did the implanon the famous gynaecologist at my London Hospital wanted me to have another one but Mrs P and I talked and she agreed to sterilised me even though I had no children. She even did the more radical sterilisation op I wanted removing part of my fallopian tubes. I was terrified of an ectopic pregnancy. UCLH coughed up the money for consultation and surgery! She also has an interest in the menopause and psychosexual medicine too :) She would be really worth the money. Big hugs. :bighug:
EDIT: She accepts self referrals no need for a referral letter.
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I would never suggest that a patient goes to see anyone without a referral from their GP! It is un-ethical for a Consultant to see/treat a patient without the GP's knowledge. Even in Harley Street 'they' require a referral letter and past history.
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A referral letter from whom CLKD? As long as you are paying you can self refer to any private consultant surely?
Taz x
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A patient should always go via their family doctor. Ethics and all that! The letter will go from the Consultant tothe GP and I would think that some GPs might be very annoyed if they hadn't been involved in the paper trail. I understand that one can now self refer with a GP's consent. Years ago people were ripped off financially by self referring, particularly if they were searching for a non-existant cure for their problems. As a medical secretary I would be surprised that any Consultant worth his salt would see a patient without a referral, either from a GP, a practice nurse, a physio. etc., or another Consultant.
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Isn't private practice different though? If you are paying through health insurance then a referral from the GP is necessary but if you are paying personally then no referral is needed - although, obviously, it can help as it bypasses the need for tests which may have already been carried out.
Taz x
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Perhaps it is different these days but it is un-ethical. Also could be dangerous :-\ ......... a patient might with-hold important information which a GP would probably include in the referral letter!
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The BMA does stress that a referral letter is the best way but it is possible to get treatment without one if you prefer.
http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/892.aspx?CategoryID=68&SubCategoryID=158
Taz x
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:thankyou:
How things change! I think it's dangerous practice >:(
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No you can self refer privately and yes it is ethical. Also you can tell your GP not put information in a referral letter and you can stop your GP sharing information with another health professional. You have the legal right to confidential. This why patients can opt out of the Summary Care Record. Medical ethics is may day job! A&E see patients safely with a referral. They have protocols in place to ensure they cover every eventuality. If you are unconscious with no ID they need these protocol as otherwise you would never get treated. Any Consultant would know the right questions to ask as would any doctor in general.
My own GP knows if I had something personal I did not wish to discuss with him (he is colleague) I may go off privately. He is very happy with this. The Cromwell have actually said to me (they know I worked in the NHS etc) if you need to see a Consultant contact us and we will speak to the Consultant. If the Consultant wants a referral we can sort that out later.
In the US patients regularly self refer. It is just the NHS that does like it however there is nothing unethical or unsafe about it.
EDIT: My own GP has said to me if he needs to make a referral to let to tell him if there anything I want omitted from the referral. He is medically famous and he has renown from his interest and expertise in medical confidentiality.
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Good post ellie.
I did not know half of that.
Than you
Honeyb
X
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I found Ellie66s post very interesting and informative too and I am going to copy it.
Thank you too.
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:thankyou: but there is a difference between it being legal and ethical. My GP knows stuff about me that even my DH doesn't and there are certain organisations who can insist on seeing complete Medical Records, i.e. Insurance Companies in the case of an accident claim. They will insist on seeing EVERYTHING and if a claimant refuses then the Company will not pursue the Case.
I can understand why patients would want to keep stuff private - I have a great need for confidentiality myself. Because I worked in the NHS and later in PP and in those years needed to see Staff where I worked, it all got a bit complex ::). It wasn't as easy to move hospitals in those days ..........
now - the query was? :-\
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NO ONE can demand to see confidential medical records even insurance companies. You can always refuse consent. You can stop your medical records being shared. There are very few exceptions to this main one being a court order.
The NHS insists on a GP referral as GP'S are the NHS gatekeepers to keep costs down. However you can still instruct your GP not share information with your Consultant and vice versa. A referral is not necessarily necessary if you paying yourself privately.
EDIT: We are conditioned in the UK to think you always need a GP referral you do n't. In lots of countries like the US referrals are rarer. In the US patients pick their gynae Consultant and make there own appointments./
Anyone interested google my colleagues at medconfidential . org a health NGO to see how NHS records are used
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In the US there are many hoops and swings to jump through in order to get Health Care Insurance which is why there is more freedom to choose health professionals.
If a patient doesn't want all the medical records to go to an Insurance Claim then it is very unlikely that the Claim will go through. I have seen a few thrown out at the early stages because the accident victim doesn't want to share information. Insurance Companies often hinge on the slightest health issue in order to not meet Claims ::) which is why they insist on seeing all info.. It doesn't take a Court Order every time - the Insurance Company simply writes to the Consultant who is preparing the Medical Reports and states that 'this Claim will not continue without full sight of medical records'. Gosh, that takes me back to when I typed Medical Reports every day ...... ::) usually whip lash claims from RTAs however, I digress .........
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My point is more general patient can still withdrew their consent, and stop the insurance company accessing their records. Yes the claim may not go through but a patient can make the decision to stop the claim if their is something highly personal in the notes. They can also ask for the GP/Consultant to withhold information from the report. In the US if patients do no want there insurer to access gynae info they can easily pay privately without any referral.
My point is a general one patients can control their medical records and you do not necessarily need a referral.
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Hi all
Interesting reading think I have the same problems but I find that I can't be bothered to do things lately and feel I don't have any friends as we don't go anywhere or do much due to work and family life haven't had a holiday this year and my motherin law died in April and feel I need to have a break after a very busy stressful 6 weeks at work during school hols not because of children but hassles at work I sometimes think. Need to speak to a counsellor or try to say May be it's my hormones I am 54 married have a 16 year old teenager and work I'm on hrt patches have been for about 3 years so could it be a need a change of that although I seem to be ok on it but might have a word next review time sorry I'm ranting just want to know if anyone feels the same or is it me everyone at work is younger than me and I feel their conversations are not of interest to me although I do try to join in
Js