Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: monsterfromid on June 17, 2013, 08:40:55 AM
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I know I've posted on here a couple of times regarding the bout of depression and anxiety I'm going through. I'm slowly beginning to recover but I'm haunted by the feeling that my life is over, that I haven't achieved my goals, that anything I have achieved is miniscule and pathetic, that the future will be a nightmare of ageing, loneliness, ( I obsess about my partner dying before me) invisibility and increased debility. I'm horrified by what's happening to my face and body and wonder if I'll ever have sex again. I feel so ugly and undesirable and I'm only 47! Is this a phase I have to break through before coming out of the other side?
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Have a :hug: you sound like you need one. I've not had bouts of depression, though I have had short spells of anxiety. Be kind to yourself. Is your partner supportive?
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This part of Life isn't called 'the change' for nothing. You won't 'go back' to how you were before. We need to get our health issues sorted so that we can learn to be more relaxed, to say 'no' more often and gradually these issues will fade. You have been through difficulties recently, depression can be demoralising.
Little steps. Make a list of what you would like to achieve! Where you see yourself in a week's time; in 3 month's time and next year. You will see that we can't achieve all of that immeidately. It takes effort to arrange changes.
As for your partner dying, join the Club :-\ .........
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Monsterfromid, I am sending a huge hug.
Your post struck a chord with me - reminded me so much of how I felt when I was in the midst of the progesterone phase of each HRT I'd tried. I am 49 and I too felt all those things you write about :'(
But - I have logged on here today to post an update (lots of ladies have been kind to me during my struggle with progesterone intolerance) to say I am now on Utrogestan, micronized progesterone , for the prog phase of HRT and I feel absolutely fine!!!!! :banana: (fingers crossed - been on it 10 days now and have felt the awful effects round about day 4/5 on other progs)
Just to say, please do not give up hope, I'm sure there will be a solution to how you're feeling. I know for sure I never want to feel like I did before, and to a lesser extent on my own cycles where I had awful PMT, and am so glad I came across this forum and learned about Utrogestan. :)
I'm not sure if you are on HRT? or where you are in your cycle? have you thought you might be intolerant of prog? and yes, I know its not the answer for everyone but worth considering.
be kind to yourself, keep chatting if it helps - here's another big hug xxx
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Hi Clovie (and everyone), I have a Mirena coil acting as the prog part of my HR with estrogen patches (Evorel). The dosage of Evorel is quite high (150) as I was having severe anxiety and flushing several years ago, before the depression hit. The doctor I saw felt I was having severe PMS and the HR would help with that.
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Keep a food and mood diary for 3 months?
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Sorry to hear how you feel monsterfromid and I know we've had discussions before - I would really see if you could get the Mirena removed. Some women have terrible problems with it, while some are happy. I can't remember now why you were recommended this one but it could be causing you more problems than it solves and there are other ways to deal with the progesterone part of HRT.
The changes in your body are all part of the process but should happen gradually to give time to get used to them.
Also I found that as my body/face changed I needed to make more of an effort to look and feel good about myself, and to disregard the signs of ageing. I know this is easier said than done when you are feeling depressed but if it's possible to take little steps as CLKD says - then hopefully this will help. Great advice. It might be hair, skin, weight, diet, clothes, exercise, saying something you like about yourself each day.... or a whole host of things that are important for you.
Hurdity x
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Hi, just to say I feel pretty much the same as you do :(
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Thanks for all the advice everyone. I think a great deal of how I'm feeling is being magnified by the depression.
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Probably. When depressed I haven't the energy to think about making a cuppa let alone making life style alterations ....... let the medicine do the work ;)
Little steps. Don't plan too far ahead. Learn to say 'no' more often ;)
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Do you work at all ? I think having even a small part time job helps enormously, for women who have had their children " young" and they have flown nest by the time you are 50 then it can seem as if you are staring into a black hole.
You are only 47 so probably look late 30s . If you need to lose weight look at the fast diet, take a walk everyday . While out walking admire the trees , flowers their colours .Do you have a dog? Take Hurditys advice and get the Hrt reassessed as thats a great place to start. Book some beauty treatments and possibly a massage . Keep us posted on you r journey :D
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There is a sort of 5 point plan to help you deal with depression. Said she whose had it since her twenties!!
The bits I can remember are:
Get outside every day for a time to admire and take in the nature around you
Make sure you have some form of social contact every day.
Get enough sleep
Eat properly.
I would go nuts if I didnt have a my part time job. Much as I moan about the way it's going at times a lot of it IS my social contact for the day.
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Milliemoo - I do so agree with you , having work to do stops you reflecting on your own issues , my friends who have some sort of work are so much happier and positive about life than those who dont.(Apart from the serious golfers who are out exercising and socialising at same time.) Maybe golf is the answer if you dont want to work. As you say, work is a curse it at times as it gets in the way of other pleasures, but then you enjoy your free time so much more as you appreciate it. :)
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Winterose - have you EVER suffered with depression :-\ - I don't mean the odd day when you feel 'low' but depression so bad that you are unable to get out of bed? Whilst your ideas of taking a walk and taking note of things around you, when I was depressed I couldn't garner enough energy to get out of bed and never knew if it were sunny or raining outside :'(
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I think Winterose and i are talking about how to prevent actually falling into that kind of depression in the first place. I have had serious depression and I agree in that state any kind of social discourse is virtually impossible. But there are a lot of people with low mood who could easily slip down into deeper depression who would find these sort of tips useful. I know when I have low mood and can feel myself sinking towards utter misery if I get myself out of the house and see somebody it makes one hell of a difference.
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i agree with Milliemoo. i too have suffered with debilitating depression. At the end of the day it is only you who can get yourself out of it. I have been on antidepressants for some 14 years after initially suffering from Post Natal Depression. My GP at the time told me to keep taking these as "20th Century Medicine" was better than any herbal remedy i.e. St John's Wort. i realise now however that my depression was caused by hormone fluctuation. Over the last 8 years or so I have been fobbed off by my GP surgery - they all said I was too young for the menopause despite me telling them that my mum's periods stopped when she was 41. i am now 46 and haven't had a period since March. Thanks to this forum I have seen a new GP and (at my request) he has given me Femseven Sequi. Only on 2nd week so too early to tell -just wish they would stick better. I honestly believe that a lot of women's mental health poblems are due to heir hormones.
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* their * hormones.
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Thanks for sharing Victoria. Post Natal Depression is certainly hormonally based. If the ADs helped you get through those years, then be blessed for that at least - that was then, you need to deal with the 'now'. Often GPs tell us we are too young for menopause ::) but we know our bodies the best! Let us know how you get on!
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CLKD please dont think I was not taking depression seriously . However I felt that Monsterfromids misery was probably not clinical depression and more likely or not menopausal hormones combined with that phase of life we go through when our children grow up and everything has to be reassessed.. I felt that if she had clinical depression it would likely be historic and she wouldnt be seeking help on a menopause forum in which case just appreciating little things might just be a step in the right direction. My own feelings are we dont stop enough just to appreciate a lovely hot shower , a great cup of coffee , clean sheets etc etc. A good chat with Dr Currie will hopefully be first step and very much hope that some form of HRT may help, :D ( as well as all the lovely support on here)
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Oh Winterose - how often do I suggest that people take 'time to smell the roses' ;)
Organic depression stems from the brain not getting enough serotonin. Many 'experts' do not recognise organic depression. This can be lifted by long-term use of anti-depressant medication.
Clinical depression is caused by people being unable to alter their life situation. Getting stuck in a rut which they would like to alter or move from but being unable to put steps into place.
I have both. Fortunately most medication has helped.
Add to that anxiety ::) and hormones. All can compound any misery the person is going through, being it children leaving home, a job change, not being understood .........
"friends who have some sort of work are so much happier and positive ... " this is different from a person *suffering* depression that goes on and on and .......... I was unable to work whilst depressed .......
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Hi everyone, I'm afraid my depression is 'historic'. I've been having episodes since 1994. I think what's happening now is a collision between meno symptoms (including the psychological readjustment) and severe, clinical depression.
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:hug: how do you feel though? More in control?
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Not really, no.
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Oh - Just read your posts. Big Hug coming your way......... :hug:
Just to say that I know how you feel, I had PND (34 years ago) and was an absolute walking mess, Dr put me on Lentizol then and to say I felt as though someone else was trapped inside my body was an understatement, I decided to take myself off it and went cold turkey and eventually managed okay, however since then I have found that the anxiety, panic attacks and all round fear have been the worst sympton of the Mad Menno, compounded by the fact that I dont eat when I'm anxious and go completely off food so ergo I lose weight and go down a dress size and then worry that I've got soemthing really wrong with me although I know for me thats usual!
Anyway, I'm sure you'll get loads of help or a huge amount of MORAL SUPPORT on here, not to say hugs
XX
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It can be a long haul :-\ ....... I can totally relate to the not eating - once my anxiety hits my gut I can't put anything by my lips, then my brain gets into the 'you must eat' scenario - add to that people around telling me 'you must eat' >:( .........
Does your support 'team' still visit daily Monsterfromid?
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My mood's improved slightly (although I've just had a terrible night with migraine, nausea, shaking and crying) so I'm no longer under the care of the Emergency Team. I am still being seen by psychiatric services once a week. Thanks to everyone for all the kind comments. x
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Keep with as much support as you can get! Even if 'they' feel you are improving, don't let them throw you to your own devices too soon!
Little steps ....... don't plan too far ahead. Don't say 'yes' too often ........... keep posting!
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I know I've posted on here a couple of times regarding the bout of depression and anxiety I'm going through. I'm slowly beginning to recover but I'm haunted by the feeling that my life is over, that I haven't achieved my goals, that anything I have achieved is miniscule and pathetic, that the future will be a nightmare of ageing, loneliness, ( I obsess about my partner dying before me) invisibility and increased debility. I'm horrified by what's happening to my face and body and wonder if I'll ever have sex again. I feel so ugly and undesirable and I'm only 47! Is this a phase I have to break through before coming out of the other side?
Your not Billy No Mates though I have to say this is only started with me in the last say 2 years im 59 today yayyy
Yuor life isnt over its just entering that interesting stage
If it wasnt for meno you could have kids you could!
Right go get your hair changed I beleive that short hair is less aging go burgandy make it look a dye NOT blonde it suck light not black it does the same I went Bright pollar box red at 47 cut short very Mia Farrow 1966
Change your clothes style be a bit quirky dont be scared to walk in to boutiques for 20 somehtings
Buy new make up new stuff for the mush dont go ORANGE its all dead normal weve all been there as millions behind us
Make yourself look as good as you can Im a firm beleiver in look good feel good hence the stuff they do in cancer wards for women Dont thin its selfish or not worth it just look at pictures and do it If your overweight dont dieyt
Do the swap thats just swaping your dinn er plate fir a side plate eat less diets never work but the swap does
Your not Billy NO mates I promise IM 59 and I keep thiing the same thoughts as you then i say PLUCK and go ot
Spend money i aint got sod it as long as the bills are paid who cares xxxxxxxxxx
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:thankyou: Suzi!
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LOVING your style Suzie, great post!!! :banana:
Could you please be my personal life coach ;D - I could do with someone like you with your attitude in my corner!!! ;D ;D ;D
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Hey no problems amd im free
I spent my biffy yeaterday with my mate L who many of you will remember hubbie killed himself 2011
Youd never guess a cahnge in a person size 24 to 12 hair all done dead modern and blondy ith caramel streaks
Wearing clothes from 20 something boutiqyes and no she doesnt look like mutton she looks fab
The juunrey in life is all about coping and its how you cope dya throw yourself to your knees and cry
OR do you say puck it and sod the aches pains and just go on theres really no other alternative
You all know abuot my funny fanny wihch is ok at the moment but my backs dreadful so what do I do cry scream
NO I clean the pluckin windows walk to the village 1mile away IM not giving in wont make me any beter
So tonight pas for dinner Sat Shops gardeening with Bobbles Pals comeing over for Diner dat night
Sunday Son coming for Sunday dinner with my biffy presie IM not giving in
I had my haor done today had a soak in the shower till water nearly ran cold over my spine
Covered myself in Chanel Nouir put my nicest jumper on did my eyes not too shabby 59 size 14 could be worse
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Good for you Suzie!!! :great:
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Had a smashing noight
AND yes this isnt a rehearsal this is as good as it gets so make it goder hehehehe :-*
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:thankyou: :foryou:
I find that exercise helps my lower back and sciatica - yesterday we walked a leisurely 4 miles and I had no pain until about half an hour before I got out of bed. Slept through! :o