Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Joyce on June 15, 2013, 01:32:40 PM
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A day trip to Inverness the other day had hubby & I looking in at the local property centre. We used to stay there and have often felt we would love to go back there to live when hubby eventually retires. We both felt as if we had gone "Home." Then yesterday son told us he & his girlfriend were going to be moving. They aren't moving far, but for various reasons feel this is the time to move to a slightly bigger house. Me thinks babies are on the horizon! Of course they were horrified that we should even be considering a move. Who would babysit in years to come was their main concern. Anyway, the point is this. Do you consider somewhere other than your current house "Home" and would you ever move there? Or is it a pipe dream?
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I've battled for ten years not to move to where I really consider "home" because it's only me that feels it is "home" and I have looked long and hard at what I would have to give up to do it. I do think, though, that I should have done it ten years ago when I would have obviously been ten years younger because the thought is still niggling away at me!
Before my parents died then my childhood home still felt like my home. I have never felt at home where I live now and we've been here for over thirty years. I do find it very difficult to think about moving away from my sons although I would have no qualms about them moving away from me as that seems to be a more natural way of things. Of course the youngest one has gone to Canada without a backward glance and the other two are more often away than in their house but still i stay here. Daft or what?
Taz x
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OH Good Topic!
From the moment we married and moved to Wales - I felt at home. I had been to the area on holiday and never dreamed that we would be living there. When we moved here 30 years ago it took 11 years before I realised we were staying: here: ........ that we had to work in order to create the dream of returning to the coast. However: now that we are retired, we realise that everything we currently enjoy doing is here. Looking around we have scenery, people we enjoy spending time with, good neighbours, we are near to several motorways; the only thing we miss is the coast. So once we get That Camper Van ;D ..........
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Know what you mean about when your kids move away from you Taz. Our daughter did so about 7 or 8 years ago. Our son took a while to move out never mind away. He is currently about a mile or so, as the crow flies, from us. They will be moving about 6/7 miles from here later in the year, assuming everything goes well with buying their new house. They considered even further away at one point, until they realised that the houses were too expensive in the area they wanted to go to.
I broke my heart when we moved through here some 30 odd years ago, but had to move where hubby could get a job. We've been to Inverness on numerous occasions since and although it has changed considerably over the years, it still has that pulling power. I thought it was maybe because I originally came from near there, but hubby had always lived in the South of Scotland and he feels the same pull.
My brother moved many years ago to West coast and feels at "Home" there.
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I did say to DH recently that I would miss people we have got to know in this area, waving 'good morning' from their cars ! I think 'home' is where I feel comfortable not having to mingle with anyone, I am fairly self contained in that I read/sleep/garden/walk/cycle without anyone else's input. I have a good working relationship with our GP and a wonderful Dentist - so another couple of reasons not to move. However, in the other thread I should add that I would take them both with us - if we had enough money ;D
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They'd be set up for life then CLKD. ;D
Never been one for lots of friends. Friends I've made over the years have themselves moved to pastures new. So I don't think it would bother me too much, if I'm honest. Hubby & I have always kept pretty much to ourselves over the years, it's just the way we like it. We've acquired many acquaintances, but not close bosom buddies. I've one really close friend where we are now, but I can go weeks without seeing her.
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Well home for me it is right here in W.Sx.
It's where my Dad was born & where my Mum was relocated to from Portsmouth when her home was bombed in WW11.
It's where I was born & will probably be where I die.
I have the beach 7 miles away. I have the big cities of Pompy & Brighton 20 - 30 miles away for shopping, & I have the beautiful South Downs for walks. I can catch a ferry over to the I.O.W. for the day. I can visit a beautiful catherdal citiy such as Chi'. Or visit castles such as Arundel, all a short journey from my home.
Yes there are places in other parts of the world that I would to live....... but HOME, well it is right here. :)
Cazi xx
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Move over Cazi - on my way ;)
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Would just like to say that it can be a mistake not to move because you get on with the people who are living where you are. They can tend to move away eventually and then you are left there...
Taz x
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Till I moved here to Norfolk every where "else" was just where I lived. When I moved to Norfolk I felt I had "come home", as it were.
I have a sweet little home and nice neighbours, near enough to GP/Hosp/Dentist/Shops, if I need them.
I have a Great View outside my back door where I have put a bench to watch the clouds in the Big Norfolk Skies and wildlife.
Its the only place I have felt I am me.
The only place I can actually breathe out and relax.
I am approx 3/4 hours drive from the coast if I want sea air.
Cant see me moving any time soon.
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Home is here for me, West Scotland on the coast. I have never lived anywhere else although we have moved within the area. I have had very few close friends and like CG, hubby and I are quite self contained.
I look out my window in the morning over to the mountains of Arran and my heart lifts.
I truly think the only thing that would move me away from here is if in later years I wanted to be closer to my kids if they were to move away. But then of course they could move again and I would be left.
Nope think I will be here until I die and then I want to be buried with a view of the sea. ;D
Honeyb
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oh it's so hard to say. My house feels like home, didnt at first but now I've been here 2.5 yrs it does. But the actual area doesnt. Does that make ANY sense?!
We relocated here in 1995, at first to a village where I felt pretty at home. But now I have separated from husband and moved here although it's only ten miles away it doesnt have the villagey atmosphere. Total opposite in fact although it is supposedly a village. Difference is it is pretty NEW village.
I'm not sure where I would feel at home. I certainly dont feel at home at the old house, where husband and kids still are. I go back and see old neighbours but I dont feel happy in the house at all, but that could be because so many things have happened. If it were as it was when I left it I think it would be ok but too much has gone on since then. It isnt a home anymore :(
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Hubby has been looking at house prices for here. Not many our size have been on the market, so really not sure what our house is worth. Doubt we'll do anything, at least not until hubby reaches 60, which is Autumn 2014. We've done such a lot to this place, doubt anyone would need to do much to it if we were to sell up.
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Would just like to say that it can be a mistake not to move because you get on with the people who are living where you are. They can tend to move away eventually and then you are left there...
Taz x
Taz that is so true.
We very nearly brought a place (in NZ), because we really liked a local eatery and it's owner/chef, long story.
When we went back the next year, said eatery was no more.
You live and learn.
At the moment, several ish years later, we either need to move or do lots of work to our current house, to to get it more akin to single level living. My balance is bad and isn't going to improve. OH thinks moving would be easier. Last time we had building work done, the builder was nearly murdered, sadly by me.
Also, we both really like where we live now. When we do our weekly shop there's lots of chatting and gossiping, what should take an hour takes 2, in the nicest possible sense.
What to do?
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Limpy I would say stay in the area (Lots of chatting down the shops is a great thing, I miss it since I moved) but as you almost murdered the builder I guess you need to look for somewhere more suitable in the same location.
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Thanks Millie - That's what I want to do, all I have to do now is convince OH.
We've been looking for other houses around here for about 8 years, no joy yet.
It looks like having building work done on our current house is the only way forward.
OH has said he will muzzle me! Fair enough ::)
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Home is where your soul is ad mines in Wallasey Wirral
Its where my entire family are bedides son and boblbles
My biggest regret in life was coming to ozz Id never influence anyone to emigrate its a form of death
Youve no history knowne knows oyu oer knows your family
I live in a lovely area by the sea lovely home newley renovated extended hugs deck all covered with dinner lights like yiou see on Tele HUge Day beds 2 of them 12 seater wood tables with 12 arn chair chairs to sit on lovely spa
But kow what Id give it all up to live back in New Brighton wallsey in my 3 bed between the watrs semi on the front
Now sons married no way wed go back Plan was Id have Dads house so we could sopend fwew months here and there
Dads now decided to sel it and give the money to his lady fereind and some to our son me sod all as per usual
I have a lovley home I dnt have to work anymore I have nice freinds knowne really close though but close enough
I can lady wot lunches got to cinemas have weekends away Im very lucky I kow that
BUT this isnt my home its just sone where I live
In my bed nights I lye there and walk out of Duke Street in New Brighton and walk to Liscard
Ive been here over 30 years yet sdtill dont know names of road lived in Uk for 26 and still kow every road sad hey?
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I was born and brought up in stockport, I lived there for 32 years, all my family came from/lived there, I'd only ever gone to two schools etc, my late hubby had moved round all his life, so for him there wasn't really anywhere that he called home, we bought a house there (our 2nd) and that was "home" then we were offered an opportunity that we couldn't pass up on, to move to north wales and run our own buisness. We moved to a lovely area just above the welsh mountain zoo, the children were only young and seemed such a lovely place for them to grow up in etc, but it never ever felt like home to me, I could look round and see how beautiful it was etc, but I missed Stockport so much. I made the most of things though, and tried to look at the positives, I got a job that i loved in the local primary school, just 3 hours a day. then my husband died and I was faced with a choice, by now the children were older (22 and 18) and wouldn't be around for much longer. I decided to give myself a coyuple of years and then I'd make a descision, in the meantime I met someone who lived in another part of the country, and the up shot was I moved sold up left my job etc, and I've never regretted it for a moment, even though it's not Stockport, it feels more like home than Wales ever did in the 16 years I was there.
So even though a place may look like everything you've ever wanted etc, it's about far more than that, can't really explain it.
joyce x
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I have travelled the world all my life starting from when I was a baby, no where is home and probably don't belong anywhere ( I am use to being told "you don't come from around here", my family is scattered and we don't see each other all that often though we keep in touch, through facebook, phone, Skype.
I have missed out on a lot that others may share but I have gained a lot too, I have a broad view of things and have a good sense of self.
So for me home is where I am. Though Italy is in my heart.
I do long for a home by the sea with a good broadband connection though :D
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Your posts joyce and silverlady about home being more than a place, and talk about the heart and the home, reminds me of that well known saying - and also of a place I visited several times probably 35 years ago - a little pub in a lovely place called Appletreewick in the Yorkshire Dales.
The landlord had rather an interesting turn of phrase at closing time - instead of last orders or whatever - he would raise his voice, let out a shout and say "Hooome is where the bleeding heart is....!". That was the cue to drink up and go!
A bit off topic but the saying does ring true and the posts made me remember that.
Hurdity x
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My home is not really my house but the area where I live. It's the sea and the view and the smell of the sea on a breezy morning.
After a long hard winter I am always reminded why I love living here. Just the way the light hits the water or the sound of the waves.
I would fade away if I was anywhere else.
This coast line is my home. The house is where I live.
Honeyb
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These posts are lovely. Joyce so strange that your new home feels more like home than Wales. I wonder why that is.
Not sure where home is for me anymore. I like my house, as I said,but not the area. It isnt friendly at all, not like the village I moved from. Mind you, went back there last night for a meet up with old neighbours and it's not the same there either.
HB I love your description of how you feel about your home :)