Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => All things menopause => Topic started by: cox1058 on May 28, 2013, 09:16:16 AM
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Hi there - I would welcome any help and feedback on others who may be experiencing what I am going through as I am finding it difficult to cope. I am 49 this year and was told after tests about 18 months ago that I am starting to go through the menopause. I am still having periods, which are currently fairly regular again, though I did go for about 6 months without one, only for them to start again. My main problem is anxiety and panic attacks. When I was in my early 20's I had some sort of breakdown - I was virtually housebound at the time as I always had bad heads, shakiness, pains in my chest etc. I went for counselling and relaxation and nothing really helped. I was put on prozac, seroxat, valium, beta blockers - nothing really helped, though I am still on beta blockers now, as they did help with the migraines and high blood pressure whilst supposedly keeping the anxiety at bay. I got over it all after a few years and lived many years trouble free. However, nearly 3 years ago, the weird heads started and the intense panic attacks that suddenly hit me - usually when I was out, in a shop or something. I just can't get on top of it now. I went back on some anti depressants a couple of years ago but they just made me feel terribly sick and triggered a gall stone attack! I am just on my beta blockers now and am not as bad as I have been in the past but I find any going out or social activity a nightmare. I can barely eat out in public as I feel like my throat is closing and I am going to vomit or choke. We have been to a couple of parties recently but after an hour, I just need to go home. I feel like the music is getting louder, and everything is closing in on my. I notice my breathing gets faster and despite all the relaxation tips I have learned over the years, I just feel like I am going to die and need to get home - it's the only place I feel safe. I am just fortunate that I work from home, or I could not hold down a job. I don't want to go on more medication as I am trying to control my gallstones without an operation, but this is really taking over my life and I just make up every excuse I can so I can stay at home. I can rarely go shopping - thank goodness for online shopping. Does anyone else suffer like this and will it ever stop..................
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:welcomemm: yep. Anxiety seems to come with 'the change' >:( ........ <sigh>. If you do a search you will see there are several threads on the subject. I suffered for years and was for a few months, housebound. My GP eventually put me on Beta-blocaks which have been a life saver. I take 40mg at night and if necessary 40 extra at breakfast. Most days I cope. In the 1990s I thought I would never be able to have a 'normal' life again.
Browse round! :tulips:
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You are not alone in this. It seems to happen to some with meno. Have you considered HRT although that might not help your gall stones. Worth having a chat with your GP though.
As CLKD says there are quite a few topics running on this, mine included. I'm afraid I don't have a majic cure for you.....I really wish I did.
It sometimes just helps to know you are not the only one suffering and its all down to hormones.
Fun.....no.
Honeyb
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Thank you for taking the time to post replies. I have spoken to the Doctor about HRT but she is not keen for me to have it. I am overweight, and she has said that the risk factors of HRT for me would outweigh the benefits. I just find the whole thing really difficult to deal with - my poor husband..............I'm surprised he sticks around, as it not only affect my life, but his too. Every time he suggests a day out, I make up every excuse not to go as I just feel safer at home. I can't seem to concentrate on anything else but how I am feeling. I know that's not 'normal' in itself, but really do not want to feel drugged up and out of it on another lot of medication. I just can't fathom out what triggers the attacks. I can feel fine at home and then decide I am going shopping. The minute I walk through the door of a supermarket, my breathing goes funny, my head feels weird and I just feel like I am going to collapse and die. My legs feel like they are shaking, but I don't think they do, and I just feel like I want to run out of the place. I have to make every 'outing' as short as possible and think of the shops I can go to where I will be in and out as quickly as possible, can park nearby, and can just get home quickly. I don't want to go on anti depressants - I'm not depressed, I just want my old life back. I feel so trapped ................
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It is strange that anxiety and depression are two different ends of the spectrum but both are treated with the same drugs! Some of the newer ads like Mirtazipine seem to work well for anxiety with very few side effects. There are also other drugs used for treating anxiety that are not ads. Might be worth another chat with your doctor about what is available...... especially as it is having such a profound effect on your life.
Bramble
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Oh that could be me. I battle with shops and they often win.
Have you tried some self help books on managing anxiety. I also had a few sessions of CBT. Although I did not like the councillor it did give me some coping techniques. I am currently looking\reading some books on Mindfulness. It's basically relaxing but has its links in Buddhism.
I also intend to start a yoga class in the autumn.
There is a good website called No More Panic.
Hang in there it will get better but I have realised there is only one thing that is going to help me and that's me.
Honeyb
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Welcome to the forum, you will find lots of helpful ladies on here. A really good book called Chimp Paradox by steve peters is a fab read on mindfulness which, lets face it, is what we are all battling and its written in such a easy to read, clever way that I feel its a must fr anyone battling with inner worries. :)
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Me too - shops are particularly places where my anxiety can become worse. I read somewhere that supermarkets are designed to create all sorts of visual, auditory even smells that stimulate your body to produce adrenaline so as to encourage excitement and resulting in purchasing - I think therefore it is the situation we find ourselves in - we need specially designed shops for the menopausal ladies ;)
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Hi cox1058,
Just to say :welcomemm:
and to let you know that I have been taking 15mg of the AD Mirtazapine now for nearly 5 weeks and they have really made a difference.
I think Bramble mentioned those.
I was surprised at how quickly they started to work.
Almost instant with the anxiety in the mornings and in the first week I was feeling better than I was,and I tell you I was really bad.
The second week better still and by the end of the 3rd week I was almost back to my self and feeling really well.
To start I did have that hungover effect on waking but once the medication got in it went away.
Apparently this AD is one of the quickest ones to work and it has a calming effect.
As Bramble said it might be worth having a chat with your GP about arduous options available.
Good Luck!
I really feel for you!
Dyan X
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Hi cox1058
Welcome from me too.
Sorry to hear about your anxiety returning and being made worse as you are entering menopausal transition. Also that your GP has advised against HRT due to being overweight.
You say you don't want to go on any more medication and I can understand why you feel like this.
Have you thought of trying to lose weight gradually by changing your eating patterns? It would be so beneficial for your health as you enter your 50's and beyond and prevent all sorts of other problems too. You may find you begin to feel better and then able to make a decision about future medication and even HRT if you reduce to within a healthy BMI range?
Why not try to set yourself really small goals, re diet and exercise a little bit at a time over a few months - whatever you can cope with, and take it from there?
I don't know anything about panic attackes but do they only occur on your own or when your are with someone else? Can you get someone to help you through them while you are out so that you are better able to cope on your own?
Is your blood sugar stable do you think? Eating foods with very high sugar content and quick release sugars and carbohydrates can cause havoc with blood sugar metabolism which can make these sort of feelings worse, as well as the flucutations in your hormones. Trying eating little and often of things like apples, bananas, muesli bars, wholemeal toast - and other low fat, low sugar snacks and see if this helps too.
Hope this helps and if you decide to take a course of action like diet and increased exercise, why not start a new thread to chart your progress and where forum members can support you on your journey?
Hurdity x
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HI again Hurdity, just read your remark about blood sugar, before this latest bad period the first thing I noticed was my blood sugar, I was feeling so hungry and sick and thought i was just fading away my legs were giving way, then began the period type symptoms, my mood dropped to the floor.It seems to be all related, what do you think?
cheers charlie!
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Hello cox1058, I can all too easily identify with what you are describing, I used to get what they term 'depersonalisation' which is where the brain is SO stressed that it just shuts off and it feels a lot like you are in a film. That and the anxiety and 'spinning head' in shops (doesn't help when the lighting is so harsh and the floor is white). Three years down the line and I am a lot better than I was - my anxiety is mainly centred around food now (I SO know what you mean about eating out but it is tension, nothing more - doesn't help to know it much but I'm sure that's what it is). I also had panic attacks in my 30s (I'm 51 now) and I'm sure that the meno has exacerbated what was a weakness in me but I have seen an improvement as time has gone on and my dose of HRT is quite low now. I've had betas, CBT, herbal remedies, hypnotherapy, mindfulness, calming CDs, The Linden Method - I am a walking book on the whole lot and maybe together they have helped me but maybe also it has just been time and progression through the meno. I do take diazepam in a low dose if I am doing anything I would consider stressful (like eating out which I try to avoid but it's not always possible) but I try not to do so unless I know it's going to trouble me. Some is in my head, I know, but some is also the bouncing hormones that the meno brings, the same hormones that give flushes and the like. It's a misery. Although you do have to see the funny side - like, if I am ever in a place where there are rows of chairs, I have to sit on the end and also I rarely go out without water. But, by and large, I can do supermarkets now, I can bear motorways and a couple of years back, this was all more of a challenge. So what I am saying is, the chances are this will lessen as time passes like it seems to have for me. Don't give up and come on here for support - it's been brilliant for me. :) Hang in there.
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Hi everyone - thank you for all the suggestions. Reference losing weight, I have battled with my weight all my life having been born at 9lbs 12! I am convinced that if beta blockers calm anxiety supposedly, they lower your metabolism too. Yes, I do eat things I shouldn't but I don't eat huge amounts and over the years I have been on every diet possible but nothing has really worked and I have had the usual tests for thyroid etc. I have reached a conclusion that as much as I yearn to be slim, I never will be! Back to the anxiety, it makes no difference i f I am alone or with someone - the panic just takes a hold when it likes. If anything I am probably worse with other people around as I worry what people will think if I start to feel strange and have to make a quick exit. I have had to leave restaurants on several occasions mid-meal as I develop a strange feeling in my throat which prevents me from swallowing to the extent I feel I may choke or vomit. I have had to make quick exits to the toilet to spit mouthfuls of food down the loo or face vomiting at the table. I sometimes wake with a swimmy head and if I wake with it, I have it all day - it's not a headache and pain killers don't help - I just feel 'out of it' like I have had a drink and just feel woozy. The last anti depressants I had made me feel soooooo sick and shortly after taking them, resulted in a trip to A and E with a gall stone attack - if they are going to give me acid stomach issues, I would rather not take them! I would love to try hypnosis but it seems all these therapies come at a cost that I can't afford. I have tried homeopathy, reflexology, relaxation but nothing keeps me on an even keel. Just frustrated that no 2 days are the same and I can't plan anything. I have recently also developed a sensation of smelling burning intermittently - is this yet another symptom too - grr!!
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hi cox 1058,,yes i can say you have the exact same symptoms as me ..iv suffered anxiety and depression in the past but always got over it ,, when starting with the menopause it hit me realy bad had a breakdown with it i was realy ill ..doctor put me on amitriptyline ,,they helped me a lot by relaxing and helping with sleep but they do make me drowzy in the morning tried different antidepressants ,,but always gone back to taking the amitriptyline ..i finished up with agrophobia could not go anywhere i would panic when leaving the house dont know what i would do without my partner he as to take me places i need to be..its been 4 years now since the breakdown i can get out on my own now but i cant travel too far away on my own..i seem to be inproving as time goes on but its a slow progress,im not taking hrt does not suit me but we are all different iv also got gallstones the amitriptyline have also helped with them by calming the pain down..they are also a pain relief its worth giving them a try for a while and see how you go ..good luck x daisie
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Hello cox1058, well I've been to the doc's this morning and she's put me on Sertraline which is an SSRI as she says I need to break the cycle of the eating worry thing and she says I am too anxious. I wanted to shout "yes yes YES" when I read your post about restaurants - that's me!! Last time we went out I had to resort to half a diazepam and several drinks just so I knew I could sit there and eat - felt a bit woozy but wan't tense. Anyway, we'll see how these go - I am quite hopeful. I've started a new thread to seek feedback on the actual meds but I'll update you as to how they are going on. In the meantime - hugs from here. 8)
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Can't remember if I was on Sertraline before - have you had any warnings that it can make you feel very sick? I am just on propranolol hydrochloride beta blockers but having been on them for years I really don't know if they do help with the anxiety ........I am trying to manage without further medication as I work for myself full time and need to keep a clear head. Some days are better than others and I am just getting on with it and it has helped being on here to know that I am not alone. Whilst I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's almost a comfort to know that I'm not going mad and others are experiencing similar experiences.
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Yes, my GP said not to take them if I felt too sick but have taken second half today (she said to start with half and then progress to a whole one) and so far, haven't felt sick at all. And, maybe my imagination, but my mind isn't as turbulent as it usually is. So, so far so good eh? I only work part time anyway and the rest of the time, work from home and i don't have to "be" anything any more which is a relief really. ::)
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I hope you find they work for you - it's a minefield knowing that what helps one person may not help another. What I find frustrating is not knowing whether all these symptoms are anxiety and menopause-related.......when do you know whether to say 'enough is enough - there must be something else wrong'. Or is that part of the anxiety thing in itself? What gets me own most of all is when I feel ok one day and utterly horrible the next. We have gone away this weekend - Inhave had a lovely long couple of walks on the beach with the dogs, then I fancy an ice cream, get out of the car and have to hang on to the ice cream counter for dear life as I feel like I am shaking and going to drop to the floor. Can't wait to get back to the car for safety - puts me back into a world of upset and questioning why this keeps happening......
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I know how that feels. Yesterday I was great and this morning fine until we went into town. I have to keep telling myself nothing has happened to me before so why should this time be different.
If I see someone I know on a bad day I avoid them. I am ok if I am moving but standing still makes me feel peculiar. Sort of light headed and floaty. It's such a weird feeling. I can't understand why I feel like this I just know it's so difficult to manage.
I think I worry that I am going to faint or be sick or embarrass myself in some way.
Nothing like this has ever happened but it's always in the back of my mind.
When I am home I am just fine. Back to being me. Together and in charge of things. I can cope with most things in my own place. As for the rest....no rhyme or reason for it at all.
Is it meno...hormonal peaks and troughs or am I just going slowly nuts.
Take your pick as I have not got a clue.
Honeyb
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We 're so alike lol .....I have choked on food in front of people before so now don't like eating out. Last week we went to a wedding but I couldn't stop long - I had one drink and barely touched it as I thought I was going to vomit. As soon as we got home I had to have a drink as I was so thirsty. I don't actively go out and worry about how I am going to be but get my sub conscious plays tricks on me? I am so lucky my husband is supportive and understanding - he doesn't force me to do anything I feel uncomfortable with and tells me not to worry if I have a relapse. I will get over this and have to try not to focus on why I keep feeling like it .......x
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I read these posts and I think "me too, me too" - been there, felt like that. I think the light headed floaty feeling may be because you get tense and don't breathe properly but how you actually think at the time, "well, I must breathe properly ..." well that is beyond me. I do have a bit of a heavy head tonight - could be the tablets, could be tired, could have been too stuffy in my small workplace today but the calm feeling continues and I have noticed that in situations where I could have felt would up today, it has been easier. So that is day 3, we will see how it progresses .... I do find it interesting reading the two last posts however that we all seem to have very similar symptoms so that says to me that it can't be all in the mind or whatever, particularly as we seem fine one day and affected the next. Odd. :-X
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Well I woke with weird feeling in left side of my head again, but have pushed yes elf o go on a 2-mile walk with hubby and our ogs. Was fine most of the way, felt a bit peculiar about three quarters of the way round - I just feel like I need to old on to my hubby as I feel a bit unsteady and then start getting eager to get back to the car. Anyway, I did it - small positive steps in the right direction, so pleased with that :-)
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Well done cox1058! :)
:foryou:
Dyan X
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Well done for going - its sounds so familiar I understand completely - but you did so well - the next time will hopefully be a bit easier xx
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Hugs for you all girls!! We are all in this together :)
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Back to work today, but so wish I was out in the sunshine. Has anyone else found that the sun does make things seem better all round. I have even wondered if I have a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder too........... if so, I would seriously consider relocating to somewhere warm and sunny - money dependant of course......
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Well done cox1058 :) :) :)
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Can totally relate to those experiences listed above. For months I was unable to talk to the neighbours over the fence, because I felt trapped: what if I felt queasy, needed the loo, got bored ...... so if they walked into the garden I would nip back into our house. Betablockas have helped.
There are SO many threads here on anxiety :o - so it is hormonal we are not going 'mad' ;)
:foryou:
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I just can't believe the range of symptoms - today I have a strange feeling in my throat, again something I have had before. It feels like food is backed up in my throat or like someone is pushing on y Adams apple .......I do have gallstones and have been given Ranitidine un the past although I don't seem to suffer with excess acid......just another symptom to be anxious about - grr :-\
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I would say that it is anxiety that's doing that - I've had the old blocked throat thing and post nasal drip. You don't have GERD by any chance do you? Like a burning in the back of your throat where your stomach acid is coming back up? That was what I had diagnosed - just one more tablet to add to the pile I now take - I swear that I rattle. :P Up to a whole sertraline today - still not feeling sick but have felt a bit weird all day, just slightly disconnected but alright so we'll see how it goes tomorrow. I even tried a drop of cider last night to see if I felt okay (I did) but won't try it again until I'm settled on the upped dose. Says on the NHS website that alcohol is okay with them but I'm taking it carefully.
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Hi there - Ive not been disgnosed with GERD - only very occasionally get acid in my throat and that would be after over indulging at Xmas for example. What is the post nasal drip?? I also get an occasional sense of smelking something like a bonfire and nobody else can smell it.......
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I have found Paul David's book "At Last A Life" and website "anxietynomore" a massive help. Take a look. For me it's the only solution really. ::)
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Post nasal drip is where you have what feels like mucus running down the back of your throat which makes it feel all thick and you feel like you need to cough all the time or clear your throat. Since I'e been taking the lanzaprozole, this has pretty much disappeared with me - I think all my pipes were inflamed and maybe that has calmed them down. Mind you, I am "hoppy" today again - think it must be the sertraline settling into my system, I felt a bit spaced out yesterday (day one of whole tablet) - that has gone but now I am anxious. Hope this goes before the end of the week when we are going away :-\
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I can feel my anxiety building and seem helpless to get it to stop today. I ended up taking a diazepam just to stop my racing mind.
We are also going away on Saturday and i wish I had decided to have a staycation. I am really wondering if it's worth the pure panic I am feeling. I just thought when I booked this in January that I would be fine by now. I do need a rest away from my mum and her care and I know if I stay at home she would not understand if I did not visit.
At this moment I would happily cancel. Instead of looking forward I am dreading the whole thing.
I want to run away......from me.
I was very down yesterday. My daughter wanted to go clothes shopping and had been trying to pin me down to a day. I made so many excuses and eventually her brother went with her.
I want to do these things with her, but I just can't.
This needs to stop. I wish I had gone to the GP weeks ago for help.
Sorry for the ramble....Just got myself in a bit of a state.
Honeyb
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You ramble on honeybun - nightmare eh? And why do we beat ourselves up with it all, that's what I would like to know? We go on Friday to an event that I have SO been looking forward to and now it's here I'm thinking oooh err, what if I don't like the people, what if they don't like me, what if it's all clastrophobic in there and I start feeling hot, what if everyone wants to eat out together what if what if what if ..... blah blah :-X I did actually feel less anxious after lunch but I think it's all the above that's making it worse. It's just stupid, it's not like I haven't connected with a few folk as we are all on the social media thingy so it won't be total strangers and I'm sure they will be friendly. But even with that knowledge, I'm still getting the cold creepy up the back feeling every now and then. :-\ Pathetic huh?
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It may seem pathetic to others, but to us it's very real. I am just the same.......whereas once I was the life and soul of the party, now I just HATE going anywhere where I can't get up and go if I need to. As I have been 'large' all my life, I wonder if this also stems from that issue. People always think you are fat and jolly, but is it just a front to cover up? I don't like being large, but can never lose weight no matter what I do. I think the change and this hormonal nonsense just exacerbates it all. I have more symptoms than a doctor's handbook, but what keeps me going is knowing that I had a problem like this when I was in my early 20's - nobody could say why. Some counsellors said it stemmed from me losing my father when I was 12 - who knows........ Another doctor said it could be hormonal and when I had gone through the change I would probably feel much better - he was a great help - NOT!!! Anyway, after going on all sorts of medications, beta blockers, prozac, seroxat, diazepam, I ended up being kept on the propanalol hydrochloride (beta blockers) and still take one a day to this day. I did get back to a 'normal' life albeit some 2/3 years later. I then carried on as normal for years. This latest episode came back after losing my father in law - I have a real problem with death and dwell too much on it, I know. I can't think too deeply about it, as I just wonder what the point of life is at all. Anyway, things got worse, the panic attacks and anxiety set in, and I was back to square one - just how I was back in my 20's. So, I am hoping it is all hormonal and that once I metamorphosise and 'change' into this beautiful butterfly, that all the horrible nastiness of the symptoms will go away for good lol..............we will see. No matter what symptoms, headaches, fearful problems, I get - I know I have had them all before, they went away, and I lived on................ let's hope that is the case now xx
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I have just read all he posts girls and this just sounds like me too. :'(
Like others I had a breakdown in my early twenties and stopped eating altogether feeling that my throat had closed over. Needless to say my weight loss was horrific and people assumed I had anorexia. I have suffered on and off for the last 25 years but could manage to keep things under control until I hit perimeno some 5 years ago. Sad thing is that people assume I am the most confident of people but little do they know that underneath the facade I'm a wreck.
I now worry non stop about all the horrible symptoms of meno and that they could be something more sinister. GP has been very patient and has tried hypnotherapy, CBT etc..but these have only given me short term relief.
I've got beta blockers, diazepam and ADs but none great so far other than the odd diazepam taking the due off :'(
Fortunately I have a fantastic understanding OH and family who now just accept that I have good days and bad days.
My heart goes to out to everyone who experiences this horrible affliction but I'm hoping that as time goes by things can only get better for us all.
:ola: