Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: Lucky Stone on May 13, 2013, 03:08:15 PM
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The older I get, the more easily I get tired with company. We've just had guests go home - yippee - then I had two days working at a local market (my turn on the rota), then two days in the shop. And I am just sick and tired of smiling and being nice to folk. >:( is it me?? Or is my patience just thinner now? At any rate I am now looking forward to a few quiet days indoors. Anyone else recognise this? :-X
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You are NOT alone.
I don't like having people to stay, even when I like them!
I just prefer peace and quiet.
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Same with me, really look forward to seeing people, but oh so glad when they leave.......glad it's not just me :)
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Me too. I find it really hard to put up with people and it is such an effort to be nice all the time! Do you think we
are becoming more irritated because in our loosing our nurturing, female hormones our male ones are having more influence ? Turning into grumpy old men!
K.
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Me too, but I've always been that way so I cant blame the meno. I'm just an anti-social old bag ;D
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Grumpy old women more like ;D
Honeyb
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I have had enough of people recently. Am needing to re-charge the batteries before I can begin to be sociable ::)
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Glad I'm not the only anti-social person on here ;D
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My OHs brother is visiting from abroad later this summer. They are not staying with us thank goodness as I just done have the room anymore.
I am dreading it......I don't like him or his wife and I don't think they like me much either.
I will be a real strain to be honest and I know I will be the one running around making sure all is wonderful.
To be honest I feel like sitting on my bum and doing very little.
Anti social or what.
They arrive the day we come back from our holidays. Not ideal. You know what it's like.....you just want to get unpacked and get a bit of shopping in not entertain someone you really don't like.
Ok moan over.
Honeyb
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everyones right, im not sure why im so grumpy.. but i put it down to me doing everything for everyone else. but who knows... it could be im fed up of my oh who seems to be perfect in his eyes ha ha ha ha.. not sure why he dont have his own saint day yet ha ha ha ha oh does that sound just to mean lol...
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HB that sounds grim - cant you tell them that you dont arrive back til the day after their proposed visit? You need at least a day to get sorted after your holiday!
If you dont like them and they dont you why are they visiting?
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They are coming to see my hubby.....unfortunately I live here too... ;D
They told us they were coming in Jan. They could not confirm dates.....I just went and booked our holiday only to discover they were arriving in the middle of the week we are away. I could not change our dates so they will be in our town and we won't. Karma or what.
I won't see them on the Sunday morning as I go to mothers and I hope they won't come on the Saturday evening.
I can only hope can't I.
Honeyb
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I find it very tiring when we have visitors, especially when they stay over. Doesn't happen often. Have daughter & her family coming soon and the place will be upsides down in the blink of an eye. I can't stand Hubble. Don't get me wrong I love seeing them. Funnily enough if I visit them I don't have this problem. There can be Hubble everywhere and it doesn't bother me enough to want to do anything about it. Their Hubble, not mine. ???
That's a bit much HB, especially as you will just have got home. Won't do anything for your anxiety levels. Can your hubby not suggest a different day for them to visit stating that you will just have returned from a hopefully relaxing break.
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They leave on the Monday to go to Aberdeen so I really don't have a lot of choice.
I know what you mean about hubble CG although I read it first as hubbie. ;D
Must put on my glasses.
Honeyb
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Not just me then :D :D I do feel for you honeybun although as they are arriving while you are actually away, that will make the time you are spending in their company that much shorter. So I suppose that is a bit of a bonus. I really like the folk who came to us but there's just something about having other people in the house .... I can never relax and I find relaxation hard enough at the best of times. I have said to OH that from now on it's just his boys and their families, I am not doing it for friends anymore, please or offend. Time I put myself to the forefront of my needs. I was a mass of spots, my stomach (on the road to recovery from the GERD) went instantly downhill again - felt like I had to start over with the tablets, I just felt awful. It's only today that I am starting to feel "me" again. Thank goodness for a quiet house ;D
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I hate anyone here over-night, they only have to shift in the bed or go to the bath room :o ::)
I have also stopped visiting with friends, I haven't the energy right now. Get next week's trip out of the way and I will be more relaxed ......... :-\
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Me too, but I've always been that way so I cant blame the meno. I'm just an anti-social old bag ;D
This is me!
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Ah right I see HB, though you did say you didnt think they liked "us" so I took that to mean all of you! Maybe you wont see them at all if you keep out of the house as much as poss!
It's the sleeping over I cant handle. I have to take sleeping pills if anyone comes to stay, apart from daughter of course as I'm used to her.
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HB if you are away when they arrive that sounds perfect.
You HAVE to get sorted out after your holiday. Oh and see your mum, so you CAN'T possibly go running around after them.
Result!
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I really identify with this thread. I told my husband a year or so ago, that I am not doing any more parties, I just hate them. I would rather sojourn in hell than spend hours balancing a drink in one hand and a plate in the other talking to some boring person about the price of houses. Ugh! Talk about lose the will to live.
I do enjoy getting together with a small (and I mean small) group of good friends for lunch or coffee. But I am not very social, and it has got worse over the last few years. Or maybe I have just had more confidence to state my preferences and to refuse to do things I hate. A bit of Jenny Joseph's "When I am an old woman I shall wear purple" etc.
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I think we learn to say 'no' more often. I have put off meeting with friends this week because my anxiety levels won't allow me to 'fix' anything. I have suggested the week after B Holiday but if my anxiety is still up I will put off again.
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Yes kes, quite! When I think of the hours of my life I have wasted doing stuff I didn't want to do - sitting in nightclubs or boring parties :-\ trying not to keep looking at my watch. Maybe some of this is that we recognise time is shorter now and we have to make the most of what is left. It is interesting though to read others saying that they are not as sociable as they were - I'm not sure I was ever that sociable, I just pretended to be. Chatting to my doc about the visit (she came in the shop), I said it had been a strain and she intimated that I should be careful not to become "isolated" but is that really possible in today's age with the internet? I actually LIKE being on my own and always have. And here I am chatting on here. I do appreciate her concern but think she's missed the point - the last 2 days have been sheer bliss :)
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Nothing wrong with wanting the quiet life. I prefer it. Have a friend who is always off seeing friends & relatives. She seems to thrive on it. Hubby & I have always kept ourselves to ourselves. I've got a handful of close friends, nearest relative apart from son, who is only about a mile away, is my brother and he lives 4 hours away. I don't feel isolated.
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me too ;D
I find when guests come for sunday dinner a nice bottle of red eases my grumpiness :P ;D
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I think we become more self contained as we get older. We care less about making an impression or whether other people like us or not.
We were always out and about when we were younger but now rarely go anywhere.
To my shame when we first moved here our neighbours who my OH vaguely knew invited us in for drinks. I have yet to have them round to us and we have been here a while now. They are nice enough but apart from living next door we have nothing in common.
I would rather not bother......that sounds terrible.
If we have a busy day then after dinner I am happy to put on my slippers and get my feet up.
Honeyb
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We did all the swapped dinner parties in the 1970s/80s because we were finding our feet - less freedom in those days. By the time I moved here in 1983 and we had done the parties for new friends: none of whom feature in our Lives now : by the time the panics began and I could no longer host people here, probably around 1989 ....... I was partied out!
I think my Life has had several 'rooms' .......... with which I am OK with for a few years then i want something different. That has meant that those people didn't move into the next room with us ;)
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This has been a great thread for me. I feel all peopled out at the moment. but one of the reasons I have been doing this is because I split up from my partner and it has been hard to sit with myself. the company has shielded me from feelings. But now I am taking some time off. I do not have a home at the moment as I am renting a room. I go to stay in Liverpool for three nights at the beginning of July and this thread has made me think that i ought to stay in a hotel rather than my friends flat. I am also due to stay at a cousins place but all they have to offer is the couch for the night and i refuse to stay on the couch at my age. But a refusal is seen as a ejection by my cousins girlfriend. When I was younger and had less self worth the couch was enough for me. but now i want more.So, as i can afford the Travelodge I think I should stay there.
x
eliza
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Explain that you would be more comfortable in the Travel Lodge, but you appreciate their offer. We have opted for hotel room next time we go to DD's as they were going to move out of their room and sleep in new baby's room on futon. We didn't feel it was fair on them.
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Eliza Jane, it has to be the Travel Lodge, for so many reasons.
- Proper bed
- Sole access to bathroom
- Preservation of sanity
- Peace and Quiet
- Don't want to cause them inconvenience
Perhaps you could meet up for a meal or something, if you like them.
However, as you are working it might be a bit difficult to say when you will be free....... ;)
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We never stay with cousin's etc.. If there is a B&B close by that does it for us! As Limpy states - all that list and more ;-)
Also - if you really want some peace and quiet then tell whoever early enough "Thanks for your offer but I have decided and booked B&B close by" - why do we feel we have to JUSTIFY everything to everyone :-\ ::) - 'because' is usually my answer if they keep on!!!
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Ladies
Thank you for all of your replies, I sighed with relief at the bus stop when I read them. I also let out a laugh, which was good. Actually I am not working when I go up there and I think I am going to book the whole trip at the Travelodge. I am fortunate enough to have the money to do that at the moment. Also the friends that offered to put me up for two nights are so 'loved up' I was beginning to worry about how they would affect me. I don't mean to frown at them being in love, but I can feel very inadequate at the moment in the company of lovers. Its silly isn't it ?!!
I have been reflecting on our time together and thinking that it is typical of me to start a relationship midway between doing a degree. No wonder I am tired. With hindsight I am laughing at myself. The great thing is I have a hunger for more education and I feel wonderful about that. I think in the near future I will train to be a drama and English teacher. However I also am thinking about doing a tefl course as I would like to travel. I had to laugh, my twenty five year old son said to me, ' mum now that you have finished your degree, why don't you take two years off to travel the world and find yourself.' I was chuffed he said that, he kind of gave me permission to do it. but I also thought, 'Arent I the one that should be saying that to him.' LOL
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So go together? Part of the journey doing places you would both like to see followed by a few weeks alone ........
I am still avoiding getting together with others ....... too much on my mind to concentrate on other conversations ;)
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Well tonight is the night we meet up with my brother-in-law and his wife. Oh heck....Just want to sit in peace and quiet.
I just wish I could say to hubby....go on your own I don't like them ....Not brave enough so I will put on a big smile and hope they go home early.
Honeyb
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You will feel SO good once the evening is over. I tolerate DH's brother because DH is SO good to me ;)
Let us know ...........
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Got them tonight and tomorrow....gulp.
Just have to grin and put up with it I guess.
Honeyb
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And yes I will be very happy when they go. Meeting them at 9pm. Want to put on my jammies and relax.
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9 p.m. :o - I'm headed for my bath by that time! with Very Good Book and Very Hot Cuppa ;) ..... what Planet are they on, going out at 9.p.m. went out with the Ark
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You are so funny CLKD - you give me a giggle when you post things like that. Maybe where you live it went out with the ark and everyone is tucked up in bed by 9 pm but where I am it is quite normal to go out at 9 or later. I often don't go up the pub till 9 or 10ish. The youngsters don't go out till later as the clubs don't open till 11ish.
I think what you mean is, for you, going out at 9 was a long long time ago! :lol: Whoops, will miss my lift to the pub if I don't get a move on. Last orders at midnight on Saturday....
Taz x
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They did not go home till midnight......booked them a taxi so it was agreed early when they would go.
It was not too bad although brother-in-law is still very smug. Got to get through one more day and then they go. Hope it's another 20 odd years before they come back. ::)
Honeyb
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HB you were up early today!! I thought you had the grand excuse of only just getting back from holiday so you couldnt meet up last night?!
Hope today goes well and swiftly for you.
Agree re. 9pm meet, I set out at half nine the other week to meet friends at a club :) she said smugly ;D but it's not something I do every day!! Actually if I go to bed before midnight I have trouble sleeping...
Eliza, definitely the travelodge! You have started a new relationship? Congrats on that and on your studies :)
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StellaJane - although my Mum would deny it, she likes to 'play to the gallery' and is never happier than when she has people 'in' - then she has a week's worth of moaning and discussion with anyone else who will listen ::)
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Could not get out of last night but have made my excuses for this afternoon. Have sent hubby and son out with them while I get sorted for dinner tonight.
Tired and just want to sit down and relax in the sun.
Oh well better get on. Buffet to sort out.
Honeyb
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Honeyb - Soon all will be sorted, then you can relax in the sun.
Hope it keeps fine
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A bit much when you've just returned from holiday. Hope relatives don't undo all the good you've got from your holiday HB!
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Buffet went well. As a very X chef.....um yes that was me.....in a different life....everything has to be perfect.....Just can't get passed that one.
I actually enjoy the catering bit even if I get a bit anal about it. I suppose when you have done something as a living its difficult not to do it the way you learned to.
I have dabbled with commercial catering for years and have done all sorts.
Glad it's all over and went well for my hubbys sake. He does so much for me so I know I did not let him down. My kids performed beautifully and all was perfect. They should see us in The Adams Family mode ;D
Honeyb
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Honeybun - Glad it all went well.
However, the Adams Famiy mode might have ensured they don't return for another 20 years!
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PHEW! now time is your own again ;) - how's your Mum this morning?