Menopause Matters Forum

Menopause Humour => The funny side of menopause => Topic started by: CLKD on April 25, 2013, 10:04:01 AM

Title: Marriage Points System
Post by: CLKD on April 25, 2013, 10:04:01 AM

MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!
HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE!!!

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
 
That's the way the game is played.:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer. (-5)

PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while,
         then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has implants. (-40)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night,
         and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to
baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
         (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You say "It doesn't notice much" (-50)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

 

 
 

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Greyhoundgal on April 25, 2013, 01:47:03 PM

 ;D ;D ;D  I might have to print that one out and leave it in an obvious place at home.....

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Evenstar on April 25, 2013, 02:37:37 PM

LOL  If my other half listens for a few seconds without looking at the TV I'm impressed ;D

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Joyce on April 25, 2013, 04:12:41 PM

Brilliant!  ;D

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Limpy on April 25, 2013, 06:34:31 PM

HOUSEKEEPING
Finishing off box of chocolate biscuits, putting used box in bin (+5)
Finishing off box of chocolate biscuits, putting used box back in cupboard, not saying it's finished (-30)

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Clovie on May 10, 2013, 08:21:53 AM

absolutely hysterical!!!!!  ;D ;D ;D

and your bit about the choccy biccies is too Limpy!!  ;D ;D

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: CLKD on May 10, 2013, 02:10:55 PM

 ;D

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Meggie on May 10, 2013, 04:01:12 PM

This I like !!!


Meggie

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: ellie on May 10, 2013, 04:41:59 PM

 ;D very funny  ;D

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Redfaced on July 25, 2013, 09:28:04 PM

 ;D really brilliant

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Rowan on July 28, 2013, 12:19:58 PM

 ;D ;D ;D so true.

Title: Re: Marriage Points System
Post by: Thirtyeightnotout on August 17, 2013, 11:09:14 AM

Made me chuckle & so true!!  ;D ;D ;D