Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: grumpy2008 on March 04, 2013, 04:23:54 PM
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Just when I was starting to feel a bit better again (no periods for a couple of months and for the first time in ages I'd felt... almost normal for a week or two) along comes my anxiety. Well stupidly I examined myself for lumps - something I normally do midcycle - which was pretty much asking for trouble given my emotional state at the time.
I have a longstanding lump that has been checked a few times over the years. I keep an eye on it. It appears to be a little larger than normal now... still moves around and is a little bit tender... but my anxiety level is now through the roof :(. I saw the doctor this morning who has referred me to the breast clinic for tests so am now waiting for the appointment.
I was hoping the doctor would also address my anxiety levels since this is something that is steadily getting worse and I've had a horrible time with it over the past 6 months or so. But she wants to address the lump first and then treat the anxiety (presumably she thinks the anxiety might go away if everything's ok? Somehow I doubt that - I think it's hormonal.).
Sigh. I just need to share this - nothing to do but wait for the appointment now. It's like a roller coaster ride at the moment... :'(
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Have a hug, you sound very down.
Well done for being brave enough to deal with it so quickly. Anxiety is such a horrible thing and magnifies everything.
If you have had this lump for a while it's really unlikely to be anything more serious than a cyst.
Best to get it checked though.
Have you thought about asking your GP for beta blockers for your anxiety. I take them and although not perfect they help a bit.
Honeyb
X
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Grumpy if your lump moves around and a little tender there is nothing to worry about.
Dr Oz explains it.
http://www.sharecare.com/question/do-non-cancerous-lumps-feel-different
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Thank you both :hug:
I did say to the doctor that I didn't know if the lump came first or the anxiety... you know, how when you get very anxious you almost go looking for things to obsess about. That's how it works with me.
The lump is definitely there though and needs to be looked at again. I've asked for them to do an ultrasound if possible, rather than a mammogram. I'm very small chested and last time this happened they had to peel me off the ceiling after the mammo... (sorry, don't want to put anyone off... I know these things are different for everyone).
I'll just have to see how it goes.
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Rowan - thanks for the link. I wouldn't say my lump feels rubbery but when the doctor push on it I did feel sore.
Obviously I'm hoping for the best. Fingers crossed.
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I expect you will have a sore area if you keep checking to see if the lump remains ::) and yep, sometimes mammos hurt - I've had the 'scraped off the ceiling' scenario too >:(
You should be seen in 2 weeks if not ring for an appt..
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Grumpy
Have a HUG. Of course you will be anxious. Any person would be anxious finding a lump. It is perfectly understantable, even though the majority are harmless.
I know the 'scraped off the ceiling' feeling. I have very large breasts (not the joy some people think it is!!) and they have to squash them so hard to get enough of an image. I don't think it matters what we have, they should come up with something far more sensible.
Have you considered doing yoga or an exercise to help with the anxiety? It might not be the answer but it may help. I found yoga great to teach me to quieten my mind. First time I tried it though, I could not relax enough. I did not give it a chance to 'learn it'. Then when I started again, I thought it was wonderful.
Are there other support remedies you could try from the chemist - just temporarily? Kalms, or similar?
Or look up Valerian Root, Winter Cherry, St. John's Wort, PassionFlower, Arctic Root, 5-HTP and see if you think those might help for a short time? Always check to see if they have any restrictions to the medication you might be taking.
I know I am not you, however, I (and I am sure many other on here) have had lumps and cysts, and further investigations - all clear. Let's focus on a positive outcome for yours.
Fx
Fx
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CLKD, my doctor said the appt shouldn't take longer that a couple of weeks. I'm lucky in that the clinic is at the local hospital, so I don't have to go very far.
Firewalker, thanks for your hug :) I really need hugs right now. I keep telling my self to treat this like a normal check up (which I've had a few of) but the anxiety is greater this time. Yoga is a great idea. Actually, I used to meditate and might go back to it. I want to go back to it, but the anxiety feeds itself and the loop is difficult to break, isn't it? I will try though. I occasionally take something called 'Quiet Life' which is a herbal remedy and contain motherwort and valerian, I think? They do take the edge off the anxiety for me, thank goodness. As for focusing on the positive, I actually mentioned this to my hubby last night, about how hard it is these days for me to feel truly positive, about anything... I miss the days when my worries were less and my hormones were (relatively) balanced! :hug:
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I find that deep breathing can help. If I remember to do it ::)
Hopefully your appt will be through sooner rather than later :tulips:
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I had my appointment this morning. It's not good news :'(. I have to wait a week for the results of the core biopsy but it looks like I'll be undergoing surgery in the next 2 or 3 weeks to remove the lump.
At the moment I feel angry/upset/numb plus a lot of other emotions. My stomach is in knots. I really wish I had better news but appreciate all your kind words of support and (because it's probably easier) you're the first people I've told. Thanks for being there :)
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Grumpy I underwent a similar op to you and mine turned out to be a Fibroadenoma, I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you and send you hugs.x
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How recently was that, rowan, if you don't mind me asking? I guess there's still some hope, but the consultants seemed to think that in my case it is likely to be cancer.
I'm not sure how I'm going to cope this week, or the next 2/3 weeks come to think of it...
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Hi grumpy just wanted to give you a :hug: the waiting must be awful for you.
Katy x
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Hi Grumpy - we are all here for you. Hopefully even if it is cancer it will be in the very early stages and you will soon be able to put all of this worry behind you.
Taz x :hug:
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Sorry to hear about this grumpy - what a worry for you. It is the waiting that's the worst.
Just to say I also had a long-standing lump which moved around and was painful. It used to become very painful sometimes and the size used to change I assume with my cycle. It got much more painful leading up to the menopause. I had it checked (by ultra-sound scan only) on separate occasions and when they found it hadn't grown they also said it was a fibro-adenoma. I never had it removed and now it has disappeared of its own accord.
This doesn't help you in your situation but it is good they are taking it seriously as they should.
Really to say too - I am hoping it will not be bad news and will be thinking of you.
Hurdity x
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Thanks, to all of you. They said it was smallish (2cm? doesn't sound small to me?) and confined to one area. Nothing in the lymph nodes, which is good news. It's too early for me to see the positive in all of this, but I'm sure there are a lot of things to be grateful for :)
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:bighug: :bighug:
Just wanted to send you this.
I've had two separate breast lump scares so I know how worrying it is.
Hope you are ok.
G Girl xxx
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Under the staging system Grumpy yours is the lowest - stage 1 - which means the lump is up to 2cm with no spread to lymph nodes. When you feel ready the Macmillan site is, in my opinion anyway, the best in giving clear advice and explanations as to different cancer stages and what to expect in terms of treatment etc.
Taz xx
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Thanks Taz, I'll look at the site when I'm ready :)
And thanks for the hug guinea girl :)
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You're welcome :)
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Hi Grumpy
Sending you a hug :bighug:
If it is cancer, then they appear to have caught it very early.
No words can truly reassure you right now - you have to walk in your own shoes - and I think every one of us would feel uneasy or anxious. It is the waiting and the uncertainty.
I have had three friends in the past two years who have had breast cancer - different types and stages. All three expressed the same feelings as you have done. All three have completed their treatments (which varied to suit their personal situation) and all three are now clear and looking fantastic! (the last one got the all clear about a month ago). Hard to believe in a close circle, there were three!
And as Rowan and Hurdity said, it may be a benign lump with nothing to worry about.
Taz's link is a good idea if and when you want to look at it - it may help you to feel more in control and knowledgeable about what feels out of your control.
.
Fx
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Thanks Firewalker, for your reassurance and support.
I think I was in shock earlier. The tears have started now... :'(
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Whatever or whoever gave you cause for concern? >:( A lump can be caused by many things. Mine was clinically 'non sinister'; at first exam the Consultant took needle biopsies (ouch) and the fluid was sent away to the Lab.. A mammogram was arranged. Surgery was scheduled but I was too depressed to undergo so I cancelled. 4 months later the lump was removed, he apparently "had in his hand what he expected to find". ::) ......... somewhere along the line I had a bone scan (all over body X-ray) - can't remember whether it was prior or between surgeries - the lump went to histology where it was found to have 'changes in the margins' so within the week I underwent the 2nd op, when lymph nodes were removed from under my arm pit - now the hair doesn't grow there ;) .......... and I underwent a course of radiation therapy for 4 weeks in case any cells remained.
Still here :foryou: ..........
2 years later I wondered why I had fussed and felt anxious about the whole procedure: but we do, we will, because of the un-known! Write a list to take to either your GP or your next appt., otherwise you *will* forget to ask those niggly questions that are there in the early hours!
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Grumpy i am so sorry to hear your news, i can only imagine your anxiety, i am in no way dressing it up but one big plus is you have got it early IF it is more serious.
Thinking of you
ST xx
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Big hugs from me too Grumpy - I am a worrier myself so can understand your anxiety. Wishing you the very best and hoping that it will be nothing to worry about.
Take care
Hannah x
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Sorry I'm just catching up on this thread as been quite busy. :bighug: Grumpy, thinking of you.
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You're right, CLKD, it's the unknown that's the problem. We're in limbo right now. Unfortunately I've had a lot of experience with cancer over the years, with my mum and grandmother. I can't shake my negativity at the moment and there are issues I need to deal with. The consultants described the lump as 'sinister' and seemed fairly sure that's what it is. I doubt the biopsy result will show anything different.
My mind's in turmoil, my husband is very upset too and our very perceptive 12 year old is picking up on it all. We don't want to burden friends and family with this but being open about it might be the better choice, for everyone? No idea how I'll tell my aging dad and my sister, after what we went through with mum...
I have always maintained a positive attitude, truly believing there was a good chance it wouldn't happen to me. I never smoked, never took hormones, ate pretty well and my health is generally very good. This has completely knocked the wind out of me...
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So sorry to hear about this grumpy. I would hold off telling everyone just now if it was me. Will be thinking of you, positive thoughts winging their way through to you. x
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I am so sorry grumpy, I would have thought the consultant would have held off using the word ""sinister" until the results of the biopsy it would have saved you the worry of uncertainty and fear, once the results were known and if it was positive at least things would start to happen and you could concentrate on dealing with it.
As you say you are in limbo at the moment and that is almost harder to cope with.
I am thinking of you and sending love and hope to you x
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Both consultants used the word sinister :(. Perhaps my family history has concerned them or maybe their experience tells them what it's likely to be. The breast cancer nurse gave me her card and counselled both myself and my husband from the point of view that it IS cancer. Any hope I had was shot by that stage :'(. We were also shuffled around out of view of the other patients who were there for screening.
It has been a traumatic experience, whatever the outcome, but I do want to say that the care team were extremely good. I even found the mammogram more comfortable than I ever have in the past. And the core biopsy was uncomfortable but ok. It's the fallout that I'm having problems dealing with.
I'm using this weekend to get my head together. I'm supposed to be in work on Monday. No idea how I'll concentrate!
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Just want to say that I do appreciate all the comments and support. It's helping me to talk on here. I just hope I'm not coming across as totally self-absorbed? Just need some time to work it through and heal emotionally.
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Grumpy - just to say, I'm very sorry about your news and I'm thinking of you. In answer to your question by the way - you do not at all come across as "self absorbed" in any way. Your posts on this forum always strike me as being thoughtful of others. It's totally understandable to feel anxious in a situation like you've described as you are now having to wait for results etc. On the positive side, it's good that they have caught things early by what you've described, and from what I know of people who've had similar problems, the NHS gives excellent care to achieve the best result possible. You mentioned that you work, I am sure that your employer will be understanding of what you're going through and will give you time off, if needed. Take care, ER x
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Not at all grumpy. Your concers are completely to be expected. That's what we are here for. Sometimes it is good to be able to share your thoughts here when it might not be so easy to do that at home.
Fx
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So they were up-front as to what the diagnosis might be, sometimes the type of cancer can be 'felt' on examination. I didn't tell family members until well after I had been through the 'process', until I had definite diagnosis: they live many miles away so were not involved with the initial hospital visits etc., actually they didn't have a 'right' to know until we were ready to tell them: his parents for 9 months after and mine almost a year since I found the lump. That way DH and I dealt with the situation on a daily basis without having to reassure members of the family, I really could NOT have dealt with their emotions at that time. I was busy anyway having surgery, consultations, radiation therapy and follow up.
Have a huge < GRUMPY > and make that list to take so that you have your worries answered. Good too that you have a dedicated Nurse.
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Hi Grumpy
It's good you kept checking yourself as many do not. I have cysts in each breast which are deep and close to the rib cage and heart so a biopsy cannot be carried out. I have annual mammogrammes and echo-gramme and the size of the cysts haven't altered. Hope this makes you smile but after the mammo I look like madonna in the pointed bra ..... got 38G boobs !!!
Hope you get it all sorted soon - thinking of you - stay positive.
Meggie
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Hi Grumpy - just wanted to send you this..... :foryou:
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<wave> Meggie - nice to see you on Board!
How are you today Grumpy?
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Hi, I'm feeling a bit better today... well, I was better earlier but the panic comes in waves :(.
I felt well enough to pop into work and explain to my boss what was happening and she was extremely supportive and I've been told to take whatever time I need.
My hubby stayed at home today - he's tired too - and a close friend came round this afternoon for a chat, which was lovely.
But I'm exhausted now and unfortunately read something on google that set my anxiety off again. I should know better than to do that. Actually I was looking up the consultant at the hospital (he gets a very good rating) and read something about survival rates that I'd rather not know at the moment :'(. It's not taking much to knock me back, I guess it just takes time.
Meggie, your post made me smile, thank you! I'm quite flat chested so I'm always amazed they can even do a mammo on me... ;)
Thanks again for all your lovely comments :)
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Your Consultant reads well, that's one thing less to worry about.
Make sure that you are healthy when you go in for the surgery, i.e. well rested, you have eaten as well as is possible and keep hydrated. If possible you and your husband should walk, gently, together. No need to talk. Simply be. Make this your time. Make you the person who doesn't become one of those statistics, which is what they are! Positivity is difficult as the fear and worry can be over-whelming. Have you spoken to your breast nurse since your appt.? Perhaps ringing for a chat and a little reassurance?
Keep away from GOOGLE ;-) alghouth yesterday it was Irish dancers all the way across the page ::)
:hug: new nightie - make sure that it can be buttoned up/down the front as lifting clothing above the head might be impossible after surgery. You may be sore or stiff, you may have a drip and drain to contend with: and it is quicker to undo a few buttons when the Doctors do their rounds as they often arrive suddenly ::). It is easier to pull a nighty round the body rather than struggle with it on and off ;). New flannels, soap, best slippers, iPod in case you can't sleep ........ show DH where your clean knickers are, how to wash the nightie - it's hot in hospitals so you may need at least one change a day ::) - new toothbrush and paste, leave a list of 'phone numbers for those you wish to know you are in/out of hospital. Buy in dog/cat/budgie food etc. and hide a few treats for DH to find i.e. under your pillow ......... I don't know whether you need loose change these days for the 'phone or whether it's a by the bed phone which is charged at the end of your stay ...........
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Good tips there CLKD. As for the phone - most wards now allow mobiles.
Taz x
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Thanks for the useful advice :). I'm using relaxation tapes in an attempt to keep my stress levels down. It all just keeps popping into my mind unfortunately :(. I'm trying to keep a sense of perspective but it's hard.
The nurse told me that the lumpectomy would be done within a day, and they would have me home by evening! She said it improves the healing process and they've found it to be very successful.
I'll know better what I'm dealing with after my next appt...
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That's good news Grumpy. A lumpectomy is usually done as a day case - well it is in our hospital anyway.
Taz x
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Taz, I'm hopeful that will be the plan... I do remember she told me that very clearly, to reassure me. Some of the rest was a blur however!
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I have a small scar above the r nipple - there was little physical pain after Surgery. It was sore. Of course. I had one running stitch with a knot and a white bead at each end - Idid askwhy it wasn't a diamond ;)
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Did you have further treatment, CLKD? It's ok if you'd rather not talk about it... I was just wondering... perhaps I'm getting to the stage of being able to think further ahead.
I've just had a call to say my results will available tomorrow so my appointment has been brought forward to tomorrow morning :-\. My consultant has hurried the pathologist, apparently, because he's knows I'll be anxiously waiting.
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All the best to you grumpy
Remember that there are thousands upon thousands of women who have had breast cancer, have been treated and are perfectly fine
This initial stage is awful but it will pass as all things do and you will come out the other side
xxxxx
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Thank you gilaray, very much... I'm slowly becoming more positive, after the initial panic :)
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grumpy- just to say it may not be bad news! I am sure I'd be like you under the circs- but I have a good friend who always tries to calm me down by saying don't worry about something until you HAVE to. As yet you don't have that news. I appreciate the odds don't look great but you still don't know for sure.
You might find a forum on Mumsnet useful- on the general health forum there is a "Tamoxifen" thread which has run for ages- the women there give great advice and support.
http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/general_health/1687867-TAMOXIFEN-33
Good luck and come back when you know your results and treament plan if any!
xx
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Aww thanks Gig :). I will check out that thread, definitely. I had already been looking at breast cancer forums, but don't feel ready to involve myself on any discussions there... I am familiar with mumsnet though :). As you say, I don't know exactly what I'm dealing with till tomorrow. This past weekend was probably one of the most stressful of my life - so hopefully I won't have to deal with that level of anxiety again whatever the outcome.
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Let us know how you get on tomorrow! Who is going with you? Maybe take a pad and pencil so that you can write stuff down. DO NOT be afraid to ask, this is your body ;-)
I had lumpectomy followed by a 2nd lot of surgery the next week to remove lymph glands, then I had a bone scan (all over X-ray ::) which was the scariest day for me: ) followed by a 3 week break before radiation began, every week day for 4 weeks. Precautionary treatment to zapp any left over cells which may have been disturbed.
Followed by regular follow up appts. with the Surgeon and Oncologist.
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Yes, I'll definitely report back CLKD :). I honestly don't know how I'd have coped this past weekend without being able to come to this forum... I'm much calmer now but still nervous of course. Hopefully I'll be even better when I know for sure what's going on...
A bone scan would really worry me, too, so I have some idea how you must have felt :-\. I managed to read a little about the types of cancer and the various treatments today - I wanted to feel more prepared for tomorrow. Hubby will be with me again, so if I get brain fog he'll hopefully remember what's discussed. Pen and paper is a good idea. I was also told they (the clinic) would send me a copy of the letter that they send to my doctor, so that should help. Fingers crossed.
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I worried because I didn't realise it was an all over X-ray ::) had I been told or thought to ask ......... I had to drink 2 pints of water in the 3 hours before the scan ..........
A problem shared is a problem halved? We are a Mine of info on here ;)
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Hi Grumpy, just to say i will be thinking of you tomorrow and have said a little prayer x
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Let us know how you get on tomorrow! Who is going with you? Maybe take a pad and pencil so that you can write stuff down. DO NOT be afraid to ask, this is your body ;-)
I had lumpectomy followed by a 2nd lot of surgery the next week to remove lymph glands, then I had a bone scan (all over X-ray ::) which was the scariest day for me: ) followed by a 3 week break before radiation began, every week day for 4 weeks. Precautionary treatment to zapp any left over cells which may have been disturbed.
Followed by regular follow up appts. with the Surgeon and Oncologist.
Do you mind me asking when that was CLKD? I am sorry to hear you had to go through that.
Thinking of you Grumpy xx
Fx
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good luck today, thinking of you xx
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All the best for today Grumpy fingers crossed for you!
Katy x
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Will be thinking of you today with everything crossed. Big hugs.
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1995 ........ the scan was done with an isotope hence the need to drink lots of water: and no, I didn't glow in the dark ;)
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Hope it all goes well for you today.
My sis in law is a breast cancer survivor. She had a full mastectomy and chose not to have a reconstruction.
She says she has never felt better in her life as she does now.
Let us know when you can.
Honeyb
X
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<deep breath>
It's invasive ductal carcinoma (most common?), 1.5 to 2cm, grade I. Surgery scheduled for next Wednesday. I've opted for lumpectomy but may lose the nipple, and some of the lymph nodes will be removed for pathology. I'm ok, but feeling quite numb at the moment. Thanks again for everyone's support, it means a lot :).
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Ahhhhhhhhh grumpy <big hugs>
You'll be okay. Is it DCIS - in situ- which means it is not an invasive cancer- or is it def. cancer?
You probably won't be thinking along these lines yet but have heard they can tattoo lovely nipples ! Not being flippant.
Good luck.
xx
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[BIG HUG] Grumpy
Glad you have identified it in early stages. Never easy for anyone to face. I am glad you had options and can opt for the lumpectomy. Two of the three friends I mentioned were able to have that option. And as Gig mentioned, you could be trendy with a tattoo ;)
I wish you a good operation and good outcome. You know everyone here supports you.
Fx
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Thanks again - I can feel your hugs and it makes a difference... :)
I think it's a little further on from DCIS, Gig, but still very localised in my case. Fingers crossed that the lymph nodes are clear (removing a few to check is a routine procedure apparently). I was told the stitches would be internal to leave a neat scar. I'm quite small chested so although the lump is smallish, it will make quite a difference. I'm not sure how I'll feel about that - cross that bridge when I come to it.
He did offer me a full mastectomy, but impressed upon me that a lumpectomy would give the same outcome. Some women still choose the mastectomy apparently... why, i wonder? I couldn't bring myself to go that far just yet.
(I like the idea of a tattoo lol - made me smile!)
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Well at least you know whats what now, there is nothing worse than being in the dark.
Grade 1 is so very treatable and the lump is small
So pleased that the surgery is soon and you can get it out of the way
A lady at work had exactly the same thing and that was 10 yrs ago
You will be fine once you have got through all this
lots of love
xx
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Well done Grumpy for keeping a check on your lump and spotting it.
Hope you are ok. :)
G Girl x
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When I heard that the 'results weren't what were expected', on the journey to the Hospital I decided to have a double mastectomy - over and done with: however; one of the first things my Surgeon told me was "ladies with your condition rarely require mastectomy, if however in 12 month's you feel you would like one, we will talk again". For me it was a case of getting the lump out, getting the area treated and killing any cells. By the time the 12 months came round I hadn't thought about having the breasts removed, since then apart from one moment when I thought there was another lump ::) - there wasn't and I didn't .......
If you are having glands removed won't you need a drain in that area or will you be sent home with one? Perhaps that isn't the usual procedure, remembering that my surgery was in 1995. :tulips2:
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:hug: at least this time next week, you'll have had the op grumpy. All the best, rest and take it easy.
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A lady at work had her lump removed 5 years ago. She is fine now.
I hope all goes well. Keep posting.
LM x
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Grumpy, you are a star, you have coped so well and dont forget that. As some of the other forumers i also know ladies whom this has happened to and honestly they are both working away, years after!
I want to wish you all the very best.
God bless x
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Like everyone on this board I know at least 5 people who had lumps removed and are all survivors after many years, you will be absolutely fine once the op and initial scare is over, be kind to yourself over the next few weeks and get as much rest as you can, I would also recommend getting your immune system as good as you can, a 1mg Vit C tablet is a great way to start. Very best wishes. Zelda.
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From my breast screening leaflet which arrived yesterday:
"8 out of 1,000 women screened will be found to have breast cancer. Of these, 2 will be told that they have an early form of cancer called 'ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). We don't know which cases of DCIS will become harmful so we offer these women treatment".
Have you bought those front opening nighties yet ;)
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Hi Grumpy, at least you know where you stand now and it's good news that it's at an early stage. Try and stay strong, easier said than done I know but having a positive mental attitude really does help. You will get through this. Lots of hugs.
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I got my letter and leaflet in too CLKD for 2 April. However, for the first time I have stopped and considered if I will go ahead with the screening. I probably will, however, I am going to read more about the pros and cons with recent research.
Fx
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Thanks for sharing your experience, CLKD. Sorry you had to go through that :(. Personally I'm not convinced about mammos for screening - but that's just my take on things. I still think that way even after what's happening at the moment.
I went for the pre-op today. Blood pressure was raised... I could have told them that!
Woke up this morning feeling quite depressed. Struggled into work for a couple of hours but couldn't wait to get out again. Hard to know what to say when people ask 'and how are you?' with a jolly smile on their face. Your kind messages have brightened my day though :).
Almost forgot... new nighties are on the shopping list for weekend... ;)
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Get some pretty ones grumpy, also mix up some essential oils in a small spray bottle with water to take in with you, it will cheer you up and is antiseptic.
Pro op always raises the blood pressure they will know that.
I turned down my mammo this year but it is a very personal decision.
Sending you lots of healing thoughts x
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Hello Grumpy
Dont beat yourself up for feeling low, of course when you first wake up you are not going to be skipping around for joy, not at the moment anyway. Its normal and natural for your feelings to chop and change
Its just a matter of getting through the next few weeks and then gradually gradually you will feel like skipping around again
Take care honey xxx
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:hug:
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Loads of love and BIG hugs to you dear Grumpy
xxxxxxx Lindyloo :bighug: :bighug: :bighug: :bighug:
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Wishing you all the best for next week grumpy and thinking of you
Hurdity x
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Dear Grumpy...have not been on the forum for a while....can't believe your news :(
I'll be thinking of you...wishing you all the very best..god bless
You are so brave!
Take Care
:bighug: :bighug:
Spider xx
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Thank you again, everyone :)
I had my lumpectomy on Wednesday - was terrified but survived ;). I'm sore but getting better and happy to live in my dressing gown for the next few days. Bit worried that the underarm wound has bled into the dressing... the nurse at the hospital didn't seem to think it would be a problem... I go to the drop in clinic next Tuesday to have the dressing changed so have to wait till then. Otherwise, everything's ok.
This is my first time back at the computer. How I've missed it!!!!
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Welcome back Grumpy - glad that it all went well.
Taz x :bighug:
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Glad to hear you're doing OK Grumpy :)
Katy x
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Hi Grumpy.
Good to hear from you and delighted the op is over.
Take care of yourself, relax and recover soon.
I hope the sun. Shines for you this Easter weekend
Fx
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So glad you are out of hospital and op went well, don't worry about the wound bleeding a little, It is in a place that moves a lot so there is bound to be a bit, I had a lump removed from under my arm and had the same thing.
Just relax now and enjoy Easter xx
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Glad it all went well for you. Relax now and eat plenty of chocolate.
X
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Well done, Grumpy. I try to fast forward my thinking to better times. Do you have something to look forward to that you can focus on? A holiday, perhaps? I would try to ignore the present and just go forward in time in my thoughts. You are stronger than you think. You can do this and come back to your normal life. The first thing in the morning is the worst and then it gets better as you move into activity. I should say that is how it is for me anyway. Stay strong. We have a saying, Fake it 'til you make it.
After all this positive stuff, should add, give yourself permission to grieve as well as it is natural and necessary.
Best wishes
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Glad to hear it went well and you're back home. Look after yourself and try and enjoy Easter :)
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Grumpy - glad the operation went ok and you are back home.
Look after yourself - eat lots of easter eggs, they must be a help!
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:hug: :hug: :hug:
Hubby just came home with an enormous Bailey's Easter egg ;).
It's taking some time to get used to the changes my body has had to go through :'(. Early days yet, I suppose. I'm wrapped in a very fluffy dressing gown and trying to ignore what's happened...
Happy Easter everyone :). I hope you all have a lovely weekend x
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I know this is grumpy's thread, but I just read Trey's post and felt compelled to say how much admire her contribution and still remember the difficult time she went through not so long ago.
Have an Easter hug Trey.
Sorry for interrupting the thread.
Fx
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Happy Easter grumpy and so glad it went well for you - hope you will be feeling much better soon
Hurdity x :)
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Happy Easter, onward and upward!
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I just read Trey's post and felt compelled to say how much admire her contribution
Me too, Firewalker :). Thank you for saying that... Trey is an inspiration. So many of us have our own issues to deal with, and I'm mindful of that, and it makes me even more grateful for the support I'm getting on this forum :).
Woke up stiff and sore again this morning. I think I must have slept more heavily than I have been doing. Managed to wash my hair, which is a small step in the right direction!!!
I hope the Easter bunny is being kind to everyone ;-)
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I don't know how I missed this thread but have just read it all through and just wanted to say that I'm full of admiration for the way you have faced and got through this operation and I hope you will be pampering yourself and taking it easy as you recover.
My very best wishes for a speedy recovery :foryou:
ariadne xx
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Thanks ariadne :). You and all the other lovely people on this forum have really helped me cope with this. I was an absolute wreck on the day of the operation - cried buckets (from relief) when I came round!
The bruises are quite spectacular at the moment 8)
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Hi grumpy
I'm glad it went okay for you, take things easy with your recovery as it's such a tender area. xx
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Thanks Lily :). It is particularly tender today - the whole area has swollen up and is extremely sore. I go to the clinic tomorrow so they will check it.
I've only been taking paracetamol so far, but might need something stronger...
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Do you have a drain in-situ?
Let us know how you get on :tulips2:
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Grumpy
You are doing so well. Hope you enjoyed your Baileys Easter Egg -Yummy. It's nice to have a treat - you deserve it.
Take it easy - Take Care and most importantly - Take time to tell us how you are getting on
Meggie
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Thank you!
CLKD, I don't have a drain thank goodness. I think they took 5 nodes, not sure, will find out at my next appointment.
Meggie, the chocolates have been eaten but the egg is still intact (until later!!!) :D
I had my dressing taken off this morning - all looks ok, the swelling is normal apparently (although it took me a bit by surprise). Only one tiny bit of the underarm wound looks a little inflamed so I'll keep my eye on that.
I've surprised myself by being able to take a good look at the wounds (I'm normally such a wimp) and so far it looks better than I expected :).
We went for lunch after the clinic appointment, which has worn me out! But it does feel good to have the dressings off now.
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Thanks for posting Grumpy.
So pleased you and the healing are doing well :-)
Think about you.
Fx
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Grumpy - Hope you feel better and things continue to improve
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Grumpy, i have just joined in to find out how you are getting on and i just wanted to say i am so pleased everything went well and that i have been thinking of you. You are an inspiration. God bless x
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Hi Grumpy
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I have had no internet so only just catching up on posts. :hug: for you and hope that all will be ok for you.
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When is your next appt.? Will you see a physio who can guide you through gentle exercises for that arm? It will be sore for a while adn you may find that under-arm hair won't grow where the wound is ;) - I can't remember if they took 7 or 9 nodes ::)
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Hello :). Well, the recent sunshine has really helped me feel better! and your good wishes always help too - thank you :).
CLKD - my next appt is Tues. I'm trying not to worry :-\. I've been doing my arm exercises and over the last day or so have felt a definite improvement. It felt so tight at first I was afraid to move it, but it has possibly helped that it's my left side and I'm left-handed, so automatically reach out with that arm anyway.
One thing I have done is ditch the bra! I'm small chested anyway, so don't need much support, and it feels much more comfortable just wearing a soft vest ;).
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I haven't worn a bra for years. I LOVE those soft lingerie tops in bright colours which can be layered over thermal close-to-the-body long sleeved tops.
Keep doing the exercises to stop any lymphodema forming which can become problematic - hence the reason for the drain ::). I would have come home with mine but the Consultant kept me in for 2 extra days.
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I haven't worn a bra for years.
I'm wondering if I'll ever go back to wearing one... perhaps just for certain occasions/outfits. I like the idea of just wearing layers. I found some extremely soft vest tops from a well known shop, and they are doing the job just fine. I bought some large crop tops but they still feel too tight to get on. I'm also wearing my zippy/fleecy tops.
You've reminded me, I need to do those exercises again ;-). Maybe I was lucky not to need a drain? One poor lady on the same ward went home with a drain but i think she had more nodes removed.
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Your Surgeon will know what is the protocol, drain or not to drain. I found lots of soft tops in a well known shop but damned if I can remember the name of it ::) ......... COSTCO had lots, I bought 5 packets x 2 from there; also the walking shops have good quality thermal easy-to-wear layering underclothes.
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Our local walking shop just closed down, darn it :o... they had some lovely lightweight zip tops... I almost bought a couple but decided to save my pennies at the time. I have a lot of nice tops but they are all cotton and pull over the head, so just not suitable anymore. Yes, I'm going for comfort now!
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Have a look at Kalediscope catalogue on-line, or the Walking Shop at Stoney Stratford, think they call themselves the out-door shop; there is also the Cotswold walking shop chain - probably M&co or M&S ?
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Feeling a bit sorry for myself today :(. My arm etc was feeling better this past few days but yesterday started to swell (again) and is now as sore as it was a few days ago. This has happened before and it went away of it's own accord, so fingers crossed...
I have my follow up appt with the surgeon tomorrow morning so will wait till then, unless it gets really bad.
I knew this wouldn't be a walk in the park but was hoping I was on the better side of it. Ho hum!
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How often do you need to do the exercises? Lymphodema (?) can be a problem, perhaps ring your breast care Nurse today for advice, I am sure she won't mind!
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Grumpy this might be of help
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=panD5S72Tb0
I learned about this when studying therapeutic massage.
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Thank you both :). I've been doing my exercises (2 or 3 times a day) and mobility is good so I'm pleased in that respect.
I've left a message for the breast care nurse so hopefully she'll get back to me soon. It's actually the area of my breast that is most swollen, now that I've had a proper look, and feels hard to touch. There's a redness to the area and I don't know if it's my mind working overtime, but the area feels warmer to touch. Under my arm is sore too. I hope it's not an infection, or worse! The only way to find out of course, is have someone examine it.
Ho hum >:(
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Let us know - the Consultant will advise tomorrow.
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Just spoke to the breast nurse - she was very reassuring, and reminded that I'm not even 2 weeks post surgery yet. Nothing I told her raised any concerns but she will be there when the consultant checks everything tomorrow.
I feel a little better, but still sore, not to mention frustrated!
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Hi Grumpy, I think you are handling this all so well. Better than I would, for sure. In US, we have massage therapists and PTs that specialize in lymph drainage following breast surgery. Are you wrapped with an Ace bandage. Sorry if I've missed that info. You are early in recovery, but still they npmamy offer something to speed along improving the drainage. Sometimes it just takes a few weeks. Hope you get lots of reassurance at your appt.
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No, there's nothing Trey... just my clinic appointment last week when the dressing was removed (what a relief that was!) and then my follow up appointment tomorrow. I had 5 nodes removed (I think) so I guess it will take some time to heal. And because I'm small chested the lumpectomy covers quite a large area. I was sent away with exercises which I've been doing :). But the bruising is... scary. And seems to change daily. As well as the recent swelling I'm also getting a lot of tingly feelings which are the nerves settling down.
In one way I wish we had more contact and support from the nurses etc, but in another way it's good to have the break and live normally without appointments and constant reminders.
Sorry, I think I'm on a bit of a downer today... :(
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I think a letdown is totally expected and you'll just move through it, especially as you see improvement. Hope the appt. brings your mood up. Not an easy time. I'm not the best one to talk right now, but I just want to tell you I do admire your attitude, but you must allow yourself some down time and then move back to the positive.
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Yes, you are absolutely right Trey, and very wise :thankyou:
I check myself each morning as I wake up, to see how I'm feeling, and if it's a less-than-good-day then I try to accept that. I'm thankful that I have plenty of support from family & friends. Hopefully I'll feel better again tomorrow. One day at a time, for all of us x
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If I do any forward movement with the affected arm (Surgery in 1996); i.e. weeding the borders, I find that the nerves under the arm tingle and I have to remind myself that it is because I have 'overdone' it! Also, where the drain was in situ, if I press the area, it is still sore :o ::)
Hope everything goes OK tomorrow, who is going with you to the appt.?
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Thanks CLKD - I know it'll never go back to how it was 100%, but it's good to know it will settle down :). Hubby will be with me again tomorrow. Bless him, he's been through a lot this past few weeks, it's not been easy for him either.
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I have my pathology results - 1.8cm tumour, grade 1, no nodes involved (0/3), oestrogen/progesterone receptor positive, herceptin receptor negative. There is one more result that I have to go back on Friday for... they still need to test the margin of the tissue that was removed.
Chemo is therefore unlikely, thank goodness, and radiotherapy will be in about a month's time, with tamoxifen (probably) for 5 years afterwards.
Phew! I do have a sense of relief. Fingers crossed for Friday!
Thanks again everyone, for allowing me to come here and offload a little. Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone, perhaps this thread will help someone else at some point in the future. If I can get through this then anyone can :).
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Thanks for letting us know Grumpy - good news in that no nodes affected and no chemo needed either. This thread will be invaluable I am sure!
Taz x :foryou:
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Same treatment protocol as I went through then. I opted for a 'tatoo' on the areas where the laser beam would be pointing, so that the radiation treatment is given in exactly the same place each time. You won't glow in the dark ;), I was however advised to keep away from very young children and very old people until 3 weeks after the last treatment. I found that the treated area became sore and I was given a steroid cream to be used very sparingly. It looked as though I had sat in the sun too long on one side ::).
Make sure that you are told all the pros and cons of Tamoxifen by the Consultant or Breast Care Nurse ;)
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Such good news for you.
My sis in law had similar treatment although she had one breast removed. She considered reconstructive surgery but she changed her mind and is happy to stay as she is.
Hope your recovery continues to go smoothly.
You have been an inspiration.
Honeyb
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Hi Grumpy
I am not sure what oestrogen/progesterone receptive negative means or herceptin receptor negative.
I think some women are given Herceptin (my friend was) as part of the treatment.
.......... but fantastic it seems to be contained with minimum treatment involved.
And interesting that it is the same treatment as CLKD received.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I, for one, feel as if I have walked alongside you. Look forward to hearing your progress.
Fx
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Grumpy, yeah! On the road back. I've known several friends on Tamoxifen who had no problem with it and were actually on longer than five years. It is now being given to many, in US anyway, as a preventative to those with a strong history of BC.
As you recover and your other lymph nodes get used to picking up a little more of the lymph fluid you should be having less difficulty with swelling. Just like when a person has one kidney removed, the remaining kidney grows in size. At least that is what I think will happen. The body is amazing in its ability to adapt in time.
You continue to inspire me. I've been way low lately and your posts help me get off the pity pot. You are entitled to down times, but so glad you basically have been so positive. Good OH sure helps.
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My breast disease is triggered by oestrogen. Therefore I was advised not to have any HRT. I had taken HRT briefly many years prior to the diganosis. Will never know if there was a connection.
Continue to take care of you :tulips2:
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Oh ladies, you don't know how good it feels to come in here and talk!!! I appreciate each and every one of you :).
honeyb, my mum had a mastectomy and never looked back... it never seemed to get her down, and she just saw it as part of her treatment. My grandmother also had a mastectomy and when I was little I wore the mastectomy cup (that she put in her bra) as a hat! Haha! My grandmother told me that's what it was... she had a wicked sense of humour ;).
Firewalker, it's taken me a little while to get my head around the jargon, just because I didn't want to face it at first. But the 'receptor status' of the cancer cells determines the type of treatment. Mine responds to oestrogen and progesterone. I kind of expected that, it is the most common type of breast cancer, but also it was the same for my mum. And I do think there's a family connection there somewhere, just not sure what yet.
Trey, so sorry to hear you've been low lately... on the days I feel down I basically wait for the next day in the hope I'll feel a bit brighter again. One day at a time. I hope it's the same for you, and that you'll have brighter days very, very soon. Be good to yourself :hug:
CLKD, I've avoided HRT too. I also avoided the contraceptive pill, which my mum blamed for her cancer. But my gut feeling is that it's sooooo complicated that there's no simple solution. That's why i was SO angry at first - I did everything I was told - no smoking, hormones, eat well, drink in moderation etc - and it still happened. Grr. We asked the nurse about dietary changes yesterday, because of the possible connection between dairy and breast cancer (it's been in the news again) but they advise 'everything in moderation'. She said come women do go on restrictive diets but then suffer the stress of cravings! Sigh. There's no way to know for sure what effect anything has or will have on us, we can just do our best.
Sorry, long post! Sun is shining and I have a friend coming round soon. Have a lovely day, everyone.
It's a bit fuzzy, but here's me age 4-ish, wearing that errr 'hat'!!!
(http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j33/hcowell2006/photo_zps7862ccbe.jpg)
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;D ....... oh what a cutey
I didn't smoke, drink, indulge in much more than the odd chocolate or several and after my diagnosis, several people asked whether I would alter my diet. Well, no .......... why? We are what we are. I had enough on my plate ;) with treatment sessions and appts. to worry about my diet ::)
Enjoy(ed) yourself with your friends!
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I had an appointment with my surgeon today.
The margins weren't clear and I have a choice between another lumpectomy (which includes removal of the nipple) or mastectomy. I have a week to make a decision.
:'(
Does it ever end???
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If it were me, I'd have a bilateral mastectomy. You would not believe how many doctor's wives did this as a preventative and my mother did it as well at 84 years old. I'd rather be balanced if I had a choice and not have to think about it again. I'm so sorry that this is continuing.
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I've been thinking the same thing, Trey. Just need to sleep on it for a few days.
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Grumpy, so many of these women had not even had a diagnosis, it was just preventative. Sounds awful, but, for me, worry is much worse. I wonder if it would also change the after care as to radiation, chemo? The fact that no nodes were involved might mean no further treatment. I would hope they would do a biopsy while you were under to be sure all is well clear this time and certainly a mastectomy would go well beyond margins.
Life can be so darn tough and I hope it soon gets better for you. Pm anytime if you are so inclined.
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Grumpy - so sorry to hear your news.
Did your surgeon offer any opinions as to the best way forward?
Have you been given any specialist nurse contacts or support to chat things through with?
Hope your week improves.
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Thank you both.
The surgeon would prefer mastectomy (I asked outright which option he would choose to go with). I have so much going through my head right now... can't believe it has come to this...
I do have contact with the breast cancer nurse - she has told me to ring her anytime and can put me in contact with other ladies who have had the same procedure.
Forgot to say... mastectomy would lessen the chance of needing radiotherapy (1 in 10 still need it, apparently).
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Big decision to make grumpy, that'll be why they gave you a week to decide. Only you can make that decision, do what feels right and have a :bighug:
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So sorry to hear this.
If it was me....and I know it easy to say...but I would go with what your consultant advises. He is dealing with this all the time and you have to have faith.
As I said my sis in law had this and four years on is great.
Sending you a gentle hug.....I am sure you will know the right thing to do.
Honeyb
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When I was called back to Hospital before the arranged appt. I had decided to have both breasts removed if there was any hint that the 'C' word would be mentioned. However, my Consultant told me that 'not many ladies require mastectomy with your condition'. That was before I had the lymph nodes removed which were clear.
However the lump removed had 'changes at the margins'. So I had radiation treatment followed by Tamoxifen. During the next few months I had a different outlook to my breasts, something I hadn't really bothered with since teen years ::) - however, 10+ years down the line, should the condition recur, I would opt for bilateral mastetectomy and no reconstruction. There are lovely bras that 'fill out' the chest and if one doesn't want to buy bras, then soft tops .........
Make sure you have a list of queries, i.e. if you wait 6 months without any treatment what will be the outcome? What treatment will I require following mastectomy and why? My Mum had mastectomy (L) aged 65 and didn't have any further treatment. Different type of cancer probably.
Your mind will whizz so write it ALL down! :tulips:
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Hi Grumpy
I am sorry to hear you are facing this decision.
I wish I could contribute more and I am pleased to read the other helpful posts. I have no idea what I would do in your position.
I do think of you often and follow the postings. I wish you an easy decision and journey.
Hugs. Fx
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This is not an easy situation. If it were a painful situation: i.e. toothache : I would be pronto to the dentist for treatment, I wouldn't like the treatment but it solves the pain. However, when I had breast disease I had no physical pain: plenty of emotional pain and upheaval: but nothing physical. So it would be harder for me to deal with a decision - to keep the breasts and wait or get rid of the breasts and know that the disease has hopefully, been taken away. Initially I opted for bilateral mastectomy, as I then felt in control. Since then, my body has healed itself following treatment so that I haven't had to make that decision.
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Hi Grumpy
So sorry to hear your news - it's a difficult decision to have to make. Can't offer any advice but want to send you a :hug:
Katy x
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CLKD is spot on... I went into this feeling better than I had in a long time and it's the treatment that has made me feel so unwell, not to mention the emotional trauma. Sometimes it feels almost brutal, but I have to keep in mind that it's better than any alternative.
I spent this morning feeling sorry for myself again but managed to get dressed eventually and we've been in town for an hour, which has cheered me up :).
The knock on effects of what has happened are massive - but I know that whatever I decide or whatever happens, I have a lot of support and I'm grateful for that.
One thing I have decided is to ask more questions, be more prepared, and if necessary, demand more support (particularly in the days following surgery - I will still be a 'day case' and that puts a lot of pressure on family).
Thanks again, everyone :thankyou:
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A day-case mastectomy - no Way ! you will need care and consideration for at least 5 days. NO WAY would I consider being in less than 3/5 days for this type of MAJOR surgery ........... perhaps the Surgeon meant a day case for further lumptectomy? Certainly I would need a lot more answers to questions ;) ......... I could not undertake surgical intervention until my mental health was sorted so put off the op from the Feb. until the June. By then the ADs had kicked in and I was in a better frame of mind.
Who will be going with you to the app. and will you speak to your GP in the meantime?
At least if the breast is removed, hopefully the disease will go with it ;)
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Yes, it's definitely a day case surgery (single mastectomy with no reconstruction). It seems incredible to me too :o. Which is why I would make sure there is adequate support should it be needed... or even if it wasn't needed, I would prefer to have a nurse call in etc.
I'm planning to visit my GP this week and will mention my apprehension to her, too.
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Grumpy and CLKD, this is the same in US, without complications same day or one day. Outrageous.
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I agree FAR to soon to be sent home....Last year I had major surgery to my stomach and was sent home the next day at 7pm.... Of course it's all down to money sadly. :(
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So that's how 'they' deal with their patient numbers then ........... >:( - I wouldn't put up with it. At a vulnerable time in a girl's Life we need support from medical staff. If you lived alone? >:(
See what your GP suggests. Perhaps there are 'things' in place that she can arrange so that you get regular visits from the District Nurse or Macmillan Team? Give Macmillan a ring?
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Grumpy - it just doesn't seem right, day surgery for something that significant.
You need support, don't hesitate to cause hassle till you get it.
As CLKD says, speak to your GP, she may be able to provide some support, at least she's female, hopefully will have some sympathy / empathy. Macmillan would also be good to speak to.
Do you definitely want no reconstruction - was it offered?
How is your OH coping?
Lots of Hugs
:hug: :hug: :hug:
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I think reconstruction can be done at a later date? I always said I would not go for it ........
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I would actually prefer to come home. I would imagine that the district nurse would be in every day to look after your dressing.
I always feel better and more relaxed at home and would actually find it reassuring that I was considered well enough to come home and have all my home comforts around me.
I guess we are all different. I know my sis in law was discharged the same day as was one of my friends. It seems to be the done thing now.
Honeyb
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After the lumpectomy/node removal, I was very shaky and needed oxygen for about half an hour after I came round. Just an hour after that I was up, dressed and waiting for my other half to take me home! I walked to the car, and hubby said I looked dreadful... he was really concerned. But the next day I was grateful to be at home, able to put my feet up on the sofa and drink my tea whenever I wanted.
A mastectomy is a bigger op though, and more tissue removed... more chance of complication I would have thought... although they wouldn't let a person out unless they were ok, right? I need to ask questions about drains, visits by nurses etc. It would be a huge strain on my husband if there were no immediate support. He's doing ok, but is obviously stressed and I think it's time his feelings were taken into account too.
About reconstruction, it hasn't even entered my head to have it. I'm a small B cup, so I'd be lopsided but not drastically so. In my mind i want to minimise the surgery while having the best outcome, and having glanced over the options for reconstruction I don't think it's for me. If I were younger or perhaps larger in size, I might think more seriously about it :-\
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The area of surgery is likely to be larger certainly. If it's because the Hospital fears infection :-\ ........ I was happier in the Hospital for at least 3-4 days, it takes that for me to feel 'safe' enough to consider my own bed and particularly, our bathroom ;).
I would have thought a stay of at least 24 hours 'in case' of complications? DH was horrified when I mentioned this to him today, he immediately said 'no way'.
It will be i nteresting to see what your GP tells you, whether this day-case for mastectomy is now 'within normal limits'?
How are you both today?
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Hi Grumpy
I have just caught up with your posts
Personally I think there is nothing better than the comfort of your own home
Should you have any problems you can always go back xxxx
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I agree as long as you have a distric nurse coming in every day
Other wise call out GP everyday dressings have to be changed or checked xxxxxxx
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So sorry to read this Grumpy. I would say go for the mastectomy having had two friends who decided to conserve their breasts and the cancer returned.
Is there any advice here http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/community/forums/latest I appreciate that amongst the good news on this forum there may well also be sad news but you may get first-hand advice.
Taz x
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Thinking of you Grumpy xx
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If anyone has had major surgery and come home too early - then had the worry of whether to return to Hospital: or not, as I did ...... then it is better to be in Hospital for those extra few days because should there be an emergency, all is to hand. Unless one is in Private care. If one is in Hospital one should be receiving care for that condition: care that family/husband are unable to give, it is very stressful for family/husband to watch their loved one following surgery anyway. To have the added worry about if symptosm following surgery are 'within normal limits' .....
:-\. After care is the responsibility of the hospital Staff, not family/husband/wife ........
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I am sure the hospital would not let anyone out unless it was safe to do so.
I was discharged 2days after a C section because I asked if I could go home.
Honeyb
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It's been a funny old week so far. Yesterday I drove for the first time since the op and felt great - being mobile again was wonderful! Luckily I drive an automatic so don't have to move gears around (my op was on the left side).
This morning I felt sore again though, and there is more swelling again which is tender to touch. I had a (non-medical) appointment this morning so drove myself there (10 minutes away) but was shattered for the rest of the day and now on painkillers again. It's been 3 weeks since the op. So much for a 2-3 week recovery time! I guess everyone is different.
Thanks for the link, Taz :). I've been on various breast cancer forums and read many other people's experiences... but (and this might change with time) I don't feel part of it. First thing I said to my hubby when I was diagnosed was that it 'wasn't me', that I'm not part of that 'club' and don't want to feel in any way a 'victim'. Not that anyone in my situation should feel a victim of course... it was just my reaction to being treated with sympathy, being counselled, being made the focus of all that medical attention simply because the 'C' word was being used. Does this make any sense? I want to read around and educate myself but I'm not ready to be involved :-\.
I hope it's ok to keep coming here and talking about it? I know it's not directly meno related, but my hormones have had a lot to do with it, and for me it's all part of my own peri-menopause journey.
I'm still taking time to make my decision regarding further surgery, although I know in my gut which way I'll probably go...
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Hi Grimpy, I honestly know exactly how you feel as to joining support groups. I'm fighting a bit of exhaustion/depression/reality right now, but save for this forum and a few special friends I don't want a formal acknowledgement of life changes. I just want to deal with it and ask for help when I need to and I love the friends who understand my running hot and cold and needing down time. One more suggestion of 'volunteeering' as a solution to Don being dead and I swear I'll scream. My real friends know I'll plod through my stuff and I know you'll get through your stuff.
I said you were an inspiration and you are, but I think our outlooks are not quite mainstream.
May be wrong, but don't know.
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I was offered the chance of speaking with ladies who had been through what was proposed for myself, but I didn't want to ..... I didn't want to speak with others who might not, in the long run, survive ....... my journey was mine (ours/DH). I didn't even tell family until well after surgery, treatment and a good prognosis were available. I couldn't deal with anyone else's feelings.
Little steps.
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[quote author=grumpy2008 link=topic=21494.msg326629#msg326629 date=13661303
I've been on various breast cancer forums and read many other people's experiences... but (and this might change with time) I don't feel part of it. First thing I said to my hubby when I was diagnosed was that it 'wasn't me', that I'm not part of that 'club' and don't want to feel in any way a 'victim'. Not that anyone in my situation should feel a victim of course... it was just my reaction to being treated with sympathy, being counselled, being made the focus of all that medical attention simply because the 'C' word was being used. Does this make any sense? I want to read around and educate myself but I'm not ready to be involved :-\.
I hope it's ok to keep coming here and talking about it? I know it's not directly meno related, but my hormones have had a lot to do with it, and for me it's all part of my own peri-menopause journey.
I'm still taking time to make my decision regarding further surgery, although I know in my gut which way I'll probably go...
[/quote]
You are indeed an inspiration grumpy and I really admire the way you are thinking and dealing with this. I totally understand the not wanting to feel a victim as when anything is wrong with us, we go for treatment to have it fixed and that is what you are doing. If it was me, I'd like to think I could be in that frame of mind too, but I do think that I would have to have the reconstruction in order to be able to move on from it. You don't have to ask if it's okay to come on here and talk about it, it helps everyone who will ever go through this and we all want to support you as much as you need it. :hug:
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Trey, CLKD, lily... I'm so glad you understand my feelings... I worried after I posted that it might not make sense to anyone. But we're all dealing with our own experiences, and although I've been fairly open about what's happening to me, I'm taking ownership of it just now. I'm desperate to stay positive and since I tend to absorb other people's problems far too easily, it's best for me to do my 'research' about breast cancer at a distance.
Trey, I've had a few reactions to my diagnosis that have irritated me... but I remind myself that the intention is always good and we all deal with things in different ways... so I smile and nod and that's all lol. You know what's best for you and you will manage to plod through, as you say :hug:
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It was those who suggested that I ought to alter my diet or up my exercise regimes as the news filtered through the village ....... but I believe that my cancer was laid down long before I could take control of my diet, in fact as a recovering anorexic who knows how much my bad eating habits led to my cells splitting. But I don't know, don't care, got on with diagnosis/treatment/after care ;).
It also amazed me at how many women I knew locally who had been/were going through/or were diagnosed within the 18 months of my own diagnosis ::) - and we each dealt with our disease separately and were up-beat when we met in the street.
:tulips2:
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Mastectomy scheduled for Wednesday. I believe I'm doing the right thing but I'm scared as heck all the same :(.
My holistic therapist (who has become more of a friend over the years) has armed me with homeopathic arnica tablets, which the breast cancer nurse said a lot of women take and find good for bruising. I do bruise easily so that side of things really worries me.
It'll be day surgery as expected... though it will take place in the morning this time so more time on the ward before they kick me out (with drain attached).
I feel numb again :-\. Fed up with the whole bloomin' saga. I just couldn't face another lumpectomy only to find they still hadn't got it all... just need to get it over and done with now... :'(
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Almost forgot, histology results showed that the tumour is extremely sensitive to oestrogen (top of the scale). Why am I not surprised?!
CLKD - please don't beat yourself up about eating habits and so on (though it feels impossible not to go looking for reasons). The more I read, the more it seems to be down to some predisposition which might be very subtle, plus a massive helping of bad luck >:(. It really is rotten...
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Lots of (gentle) hugs Grumpy
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
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Hi Grumpy
I hope all goes well with your surgery. As I read through your post I hope, should I ever be in the same shoes, I'd be as brave as all on this forum who have progressed through this type of medical trauma.
I will be thinking about you and watching out for postings, when you are able.
Meggie :bighug:
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All the best for Wednesday grumpy, hope you make a speedy recovery - buy yourself some nice smelling things, books, music and soft clothing to help you recuperate and celebrate that the disease will all be gone. :hug:
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All the best from me too.
I will be thinking of you and sending positive thoughts for a swift recovery.
Honeyb
X
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Ah Grumpy, I think you've made the right decision. I know that's what all the doctor's wives chose where I worked at a well known teaching hospital. Think about Thursday becoming the day the road starts back up to happier times. You deserve a break and good things to happen- your OH too, as it must be hard on him as well.
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I'm at the point now where I just want the whole procedure over and done with!
I'm on antibiotics - turns out I have an infection in the wound, which seeped out overnight :o. I spent an unpleasant couple of hours in clinic this morning having it drained but it seems to have filled up again already. So fed up. I'm just hoping the antibiotic will kick in soon.
Thanks again for all your support. You are helping me get through this :hug:
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Is the Consultant aware of this development? I would give the Hospital a ring, you have a low immune system so don't want to be in the range of any other nasties that lurk in Hospital corridors ;). A phone call for advice would be my first move.
Once you have had the operation you can feel that you have got the cancer out and away, then you can concentrate on resting and allowing the body to heal. What support will you have once home?
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CLKD, I'm going to see my GP later and see what she advises. I've also spoken to my own breast cancer nurse, and there's a drop in clinic (with my surgeon) that I can go along to in the morning. I also wondered about the safety of surgery/hospital while I'm at a low ebb. It was mentioned this morning that I could be given antibiotics during the surgery itself :-\.
I feel quite swollen and sore again now.
My better half will be looking after me. He's taking some extended time off work, and I'm planning to organise a sicknote for time off from my job. Onwards and upwards...
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Wish you all the best for Wednesday - hope it all goes well.
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Sending you both a gentle hug. I found after surgery that any wounds took longer to heal by about 4-5 weeks ::) - this went on for about 9 months. The initial wound was OK, but little scratches/bruising seemed to hang around, probably because my immune system was knocked. Starved from mid-night then?
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Grumpy, I think you'll find that I don't suggest taking many meds, but here I strongly suggest you take good probiotics daily, even twice daily. Most, upwards of 90% of immunity, is in our gut and probiotics line the gut with beneficial bacteria. Antibiotics destroy a certain amount of good bacteria, so please, please take probiotics forever, or at least until your are back to normal. Studies show a large reduction in respiratory disease with probiotics as well. Just very protective. Get good quality, often need refrigeration. Read the label. I take two different kinds to get a broad spectrum. Yogurt is another source though not as concentrated.
Best wishes to get this whole mess behind you!
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Trey I had forgotten that, 5 days before I had surgery I began LIVE Greek yoghurt otherwise I had thrush >:( ......... and kept eating it once I could face food again. ( note to self: Must buy some )
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Lots of best wishes for Wednesday.
This is also for your OH, he won't be finding this easy.
Hope everything goes well.
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Sorry to hear about the infection grumpy, at least you will be seen by the right person on Wednesday and they will know how to proceed. :hug:
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Hi, got home a couple of hours ago - op went well according to the surgeon. It was more straightforward than the previous op and staff took SUCH good care of me :). I'm very relieved it's over and plan to take life easy now, hoping that healing goes better this time. The drains are an experience lol! Will check in again soon (writing this from my phone). I just wanted to say hello :).
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Welcome home! Feet up. No lifting, not even the kettle ;) ....... you may feel woozy over the next few days. Did they begin you on a course of anti-biotic therapy?
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Thanks CLKD - i'm still on antibiotics and have even been given more, to extend the course. Don't think they want to take chances ;-).
Chest feels extremely swollen despite the drains. Any idea if this normal?
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It probably feels more swollen than it is. Remember how large a hole in the tooth feels to the tongue ;)
Do you get a visit from the District Nurse yet? I expect you have dressings on the area?
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Please Grumpy, tell me you are taking probiotics. Too common to get yeast from antibiotics and you sure don't need that. I think normal to feel swollen. Are you instructed to empty and re squeeze to maintain suction on the drains. If the drains didn't drain and you still feel swollen then I'd worry they had clotted off.
This time must go well. I demand it!!! You deserve it, too.
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CLKD, i have the nurse coming tomorrow and daily after that. She will check everything. I have pressure dressings, I think? All looks clean and tidy at the moment.
Trey, thank you! I'm taking probiotics :). I really hope i don't get a yeast infection - spoke to my GP about that the other day. The drains seem huge! Bottles that work under suction and i'm keeping an eye on them - the whole unit will be changed by the nurse ie they are totally sealed to reduce the risk of infection :)
I think it's time for bed now... Xxx
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Sleep well.
I just wanted to send you a very gentle
:hug:
Honeyb
X
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Goodnight :bounci: :bounci: :bounci: :bounci: :bounci: :bounci: :bounci:
For counting sheep and a good sleep
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Hi Grumpy. So pleased it went well. Have been thinking about you.
Sleep well and recover soon.
Fx
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Thanks for the link, Taz :). I've been on various breast cancer forums and read many other people's experiences... but (and this might change with time) I don't feel part of it. First thing I said to my hubby when I was diagnosed was that it 'wasn't me', that I'm not part of that 'club' and don't want to feel in any way a 'victim'. Not that anyone in my situation should feel a victim of course... it was just my reaction to being treated with sympathy, being counselled, being made the focus of all that medical attention simply because the 'C' word was being used. Does this make any sense? I want to read around and educate myself but I'm not ready to be involved :-\.
This is my attitude exactly. I look at the ovarian cancer sites but have no intention of joining in, I don't want to feel a victim either. Only 2 other people know of my illness in real life and that's the way it's going to stay, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I can and will cope with the situation in my own way. And I'm not keen on the new cancer TV advertising campaigns that describe it as a fight. My body has not been invaded by aliens, it's my own body that has gone wrong, you can't fight yourself!
Glad to hear the surgery went well. Don't get hung up on 'normal' recovery times as everyone is different. I'm 6 weeks post op and am still not 'right' in so many ways but onwards and upwards. Thinking of you.
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That's a really good post BB.
And your sentence about 'you can't fight yourself' is something reflected in a book by Dr. David Hamilton - You Can Heal Yourself.
You might find that interesting to read. He has a few books out and I have been at a couple of his seminars. They are not expensive to buy, and he has a CD out for Quantum Field Healing with meditation (sounds grander than it is). He is a very down to earth scientist who moved away from pharmaceuticals when he realised the power of the mind and he set about proving the science behind it.
You captured well what he talks about in his book.
Fx
Fx
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I had cancer. It was not a fight. The Surgeon and his Team dealt with the situation and I was supported throughout. Fortunately I didn't need chemotherapy. Take half a day at a time?
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I'm sort of the same on grieving. It's said, 'misery loves company'. Not me. I need positive people around me doing their own thing and perhaps I'll feel like joining in....or not. For me. It is such an individual process, not a group think. Maybe I'm nuts, felt that way at times.
And isn't it all a form of grieving anyway, be it cancer, illness., losing a loved one or anything difficult to deal with by way of change. Maybe it should be called adjusting.
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Well done grumpy, babylon burning, CLKD and Trey :hug: you all have come through a lot and are an inspiration to the rest of us. xx
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I think we need to grieve Trey before we adjust. I felt that I wanted surgery and treatment over and done with, I felt that I was kicking the cancer cells out of my body and away ::)
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Just checking in :)
Interesting this subject of grief. It is precisely how I've been feeling - I've been through the whole range of emotions since my diagnosis. And I expect this will go on for some time to come. Big hugs to anyone who has ben or is going through these feelings too... One day at a time x
I've had a lot of pain since coming home and trying to get my pain control right for me. I suspect the horrible stabbing pains are due to the drains (fun fun fun!). Currently on co-codamol. Slept 6 hours last night which was bliss!
Re Dr David Hamilton - i do believe the mind/body interaction to be v important in health and healing. I'm not always successful at putting it into practice tho :-/. I see this cancer as the result of an imbalance, that I largely haven't had control over, and will try to support my treatment with holistic therapies too (i meditated before my op this time around and feel it helped). Like others, i don't view this as a 'fight'. It's my body trying to tell me something and I need to do all I can to help it heal - if anything, I need to nurture and care for myself more, something I might not have been doing.
Just a few early morning thoughts! Hubby is currently snoozing on the sofa. Bless him, he's been working very hard!
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Hello Grumpy
I dont know how I managed to miss this thread but I've just read it through from the start and I am so impressed by you and your fortitude during this awful experience. Well done you.
So sorry to hear you are in pain, I hope that can soon be righted.
Sending you all good wishes for a speedy recovery. :bighug:
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Grumpy if it is a zinging type pain (zingers) then it is quite normal, it can go on for a while, and can catch you unaware.
The drain area might be a little sore but should not be painful, when they are removed you will probably feel a stinging tug. x
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Thanks milliemoo :). I've always been a wimp when it comes to pain, which doesn't help :-/.
Silverlady, you are right, it does 'zing'! Although yesterday it was 'extreme zinging' lol. It's good to know that it's normal and i appreciate the reassurance :).
Well... The nurse has just been and taken my drains out! Ouch! Such a relief not to have those anymore...
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Well... The nurse has just been and taken my drains out!
Honestly, I just read that as ........ taken my BRAINS out. ;D ;D Must get new specs soon!
I am a wimp Grumpy - you are not alone. Glad you got the drains out. I hope the relief was worth the 'ouch' factor.
I think about you every day and admire your approach to this.
Fx
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I had my drains in for 5 days all told following lumpectomy. That drain sites are still sore if I push the area ::) ....... :foryou:
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Almost 2 weeks since my op now, and I've had a few ups and downs, but generally doing ok and healing well (much better than my last op!). The intense tightness across my chest took me by surprise though, and I'm still needing pain killers to deal with it. A good night's sleep is always the best tonic though, when I can get it! (If I don't wake up feeling uncomfortable, I wake up needing a wee instead! Can't win! LOL).
I had my follow up appointment with the surgeon this morning. A mastectomy was definitely the best decision for me. It turned out that the tumour was twice as big as they thought - half of it wasn't picked up on the mammogram or ultrasound. It couldn't be felt, either. The good news is that the whole tumour was grade 1 and has all been removed (clear margins). And still no spread as far as they can tell. I will have an appointment with the oncologist in about 3 weeks to discuss further treatment.
I hope you don't mind me updating this thread... I've been keeping a journal this past couple of weeks, writing down random thoughts and issues, dreams and results etc. Anything that pops into my head, essentially! It really helps. But coming here also helps and I wanted to let all of you kind and supportive ladies that I'm still here and doing ok, and appreciate your listening ears :)
On a more menopausal topic, I've just missed another period... and it's worrying me, because my hormones are obviously topsy turvy :-/. I'm almost looking forward to the hormone therapy because of this, hoping it will take away some of my anxiety!!!
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Good news then from seeing the surgeon :) And of course we don't mind you updating the thread, it's good to hear that you're doing so well.
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I was thinking of you in the early hours, when I had to visit the bathroom ::) ......... make sure that you discuss any worries with the oncologist and get his/her views on HRT short/long term ;)
:foryou:
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One thing I forgot to mention - the surgeon said that my tumour was a 'mucin producing' one. I didn't ask what he meant at the time (duh!) but just looked it up and it seems to be a rare, less aggressive type? I'm going to grill the oncologist about it, of course, as well as everything else, especially hormone treatment (tamoxifen?).
:hug:
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Hi grumpy2008
I don't know how I have missed this thread but I would just like to say,"all the best and you are being very brave"
You are an inspiration"
Sending you a :bighug: for your recovery.
:foryou:
Lots love Dyan X
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Hi grumpy.
All your news seems to be so positive which is wonderful. It's great you are healing well this time and as always an inspiration to us all.
Keep posting as like CLKD I was thinking of you the other day and wondering how you were.
Your posts will be such a help to others so if you can, keep us up to date with how you are doing.
Sending you best wishes.
Honeyb
X
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Tamoxifen is different to 'general' HRT .......... make that list ;)
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Sorry CLKD, when I mentioned 'hormone therapy' I meant it in relation to cancer... it would probably be tamoxifen for me (pre-meno), although I met a woman at the clinic who was taking an alternative and she was pre-menopausal too. I've always been warned off HRT/oral contraceptives and so on.
Shortly after my previous post, my period started... a week late... which might explain some of the anxiety I was feeling ;)
I've been looking for information about mucinous tumours. There doesn't seem to be as much information out there as there is for the more usual types of breast cancer. I have a LOT of questions for the oncologist!!!
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:thankyou: ......... My Consultant asked me to have a list ready for his visit every morning - but he explained things so clearly that I didn't need one!
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Have you read the information on the Breast Cancer Care site Grumpy - there is a section on mucinous breast cancer http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/about-breast-cancer/primary-breast-cancer/types-primary-breast-cancer/mucinous-breast-cancer
Taz x :)
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Good to hear about your progress grumpy, you're doing really well. :tulips:
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Thanks everyone! Taz, that's a useful link, thank you... I also like the breastcancer.org website, which has some information too, plus a forum thread about mucinous breast cancer (it's long and takes a bit of reading!).
I received a copy of my surgeon's letter to the oncologist today. There seems to be a mix of tumour types... that's why I have questions for the oncologist. It makes a difference in terms of treatment :-\. Less common tumours (eg mucinous) are not so easily identified, so I want to be doubly sure they know what they're dealing with!
But I don't want them to think I'm an awkward patient in any way! It's important to have confidence in the diagnosis, isn't it?
I'm a bit frustrated today because my arm mobility is still slow progress... I pushed the exercises yesterday and paid the price, with increased pain and tightness! I'll keep taking the pain pills lol ;D.
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If you don't ask you don't get! "Can you explain fully what we are dealing with?" might be a way to begin and will you have someone with you to take notes?
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That's a good way of asking the question CLKD...
As usual, my husband will come with me. I'm borderline for chemo, apparently, so that will probably be the main focus for discussion.
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Sometimes I need to go back to my GP if I think he's avoiding the subject or if it appears that he is having a bad day. I go in and like a dumb blonde ;) start off by saying "I was probably alseep last time when you were explaining, either that or what you told me when straight through!". That way he doesn't feel I'm getting at him and I can show him the list that I need sorting through. ;)
Feet up this evening? Nowt on TV >:( ....... ::)
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Hi, just thought I'd pop in with an update... 8 weeks since my last operation and I'm getting back to 'normal' (whatever that is!). I'm not doing chemo. I had some further tests done (oncotype dx) that show I wouldn't get much benefit from it and I'm at low risk for recurrence of the cancer. I am facing radiotherapy though, and will be discussing that with my oncologist this week.
My doc was keen to get me started on tamoxifen (menopause, here I come) but I wanted to wait till I knew if I was doing the chemotherapy (there's some interaction, I believe). Anyway, my usual pre-meno symptoms have come back now that I'm off painkillers etc... hip/back aches, indigestion (I gave up with the probiotics while going through treatment and the chest twinges/reflux are there again) and rampant anxiety...
So I'm guessing once I start the tamoxifen it'll either get better, which happens for some women, or much, much worse :-/. You might be seeing more of me in other parts of the forum!
I hope everyone is doing ok and just wanted to let you know that I'm fine and coming to terms with what's happened :).
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:bighug:
I had radiation treatment - every week day for 4 weeks - well 4 and 1 day 'cos mid-treatment the machine broke down ::)
I met some lovely people in the waiting room. We were told to wear a hat and NOT to sit in the sunshine at all. Not to lift anything heavy. I have 3 tatooes :o :-* where the radiation beam was aimed at each session: I was given the option of those or a blue pen - which meant I would have been unable to wash for 4 weeks .......... :-X
Apart from mild 'sunburn' where the beam was working it's magic I felt OK. It was a very hot summer so any tiredness I put down to the weather. My treatment was at noon I would be home by 1.30 and pussies, dog and I would head for bed for the afternoon - if I were late going up, the Siam would stand half-way up the stairs and meow ;D .........
I was also advised not to be with old people or very young babies for at least 4 weeks after treatment stopped.
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Thanks CLKD, it's good to hear about your experience, which sounds largely positive? I have some concerns but will quiz the oncologist when I see her. I didn't know that bit about avoiding old people/babies for a while afterwards... it's a shame because I've hardly seen my 85-year old dad since all this started, and I don't want him to think it's personal!
I think it's going to be a 3-week regimen. Will be glad when it's over!
:bighug:
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Hi Grumpy
thanks for the update, it sounds as if you're doing really well :)
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Hi Grumpy2008
Glad to hear you're doing well.
Thanks for letting us know.
:bighug: Dyan X
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Good to hear your news grumpy and so glad you are feeling OK at the moment. :) Wishing you all the best with your radiotherapy.
Hurdity x