Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Oldteen on December 01, 2012, 05:26:35 PM
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Excuse me if I posted on this very subject last year, but can anyone explain why Christmas shopping sends me plummeting into depression? I've just returned home, and am so glad to close the door behind me and to be away from it all. Those shmaltzy Christmas songs that the shops have been playing for about three weeks always set me off on a downer, and last year I remember having to walk out of BHS as I was starting to cry! I don't understand it as although I've lost my parents I still have my husband and kids to spend Christmas with, so I'm not alone. And as for New Year - can't bear it!
I felt okay as soon as I arrived home though. Tried telling my husband how I felt and he just said, "What's the matter with you, you miserable so and so? It's Christmas!"
Is it the outward sign of an underlying sadness, and a feeling of disappointment with Christmas, or life in general?
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BOB I think it an underlying sadness ( that maybe is personal to you) I think we carry the Christmas feeling inside us and if its not there or we lose it, it does make us sad or cynical.
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I have no love for Xmas; used to hate it with a vengeance but now just don't care about it. I've done no Xmas shopping - oh, I did buy Mum's calender several weeks ago which I always do - and have only 3 small presents for friends to buy, all of which are in my Amazon list ready to be ordered. Mum has said she doesn't want anything other than a nice box of chocolates and OH and I have agreed not to bother so that's it done. I don't think it's sad that I don't like it; I think it's over-rated and ridiculously expensive and over-commercialised. We're not religious and have no children so I just don't get it. We'll probably have Mum and p-i-l over for lunch, as long as they're well enough but that's for them, not for us. I don't see any reason to be concerned or embarrassed by feeling like this. We always work NYE anyway so that's another thing we don't bother with. They're just dates on a calender as far as I'm concerned.
Bette x (Bah Humbug and Happy!)
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Do you enjoy Christmas day though BOB? I feel the same as you about going round the shops with the incessant cheery music playing, but I do really like Christmas day. I don't think it's a sign of underlying depression, it's just the hassle/stress involved with it all.
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BOB i might be way off the mark here but could it be that Christmas and New Year mean the end of another year and you are conscious of time passing by you? i do not know you well but from some of your posts you have mentioned having regrets at not having done more that you wanted to do and wondering if it is too late. Could this be something to do with how christmas and New Year make you feel? Or do you think you might be affected with seasonal affective disorder caused by the lack of natural light at this time of year?
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I used to work in retail management and so put my lack of enthusiasm down to all the 10pm openings, sunday trading, listening to those bloody xmas songs 9-10 hours a day, every day for 6 weeks,(no day off !) doing xmas stock deliveries in oct...etc etc Oh, and taking xmas displays down on xmas eve befor I could go home to put jan sale stuff up...that WAS MISERABLE!
Then I changed career, it actually took years before I could bare xmas songs in shops. Mum died that year too so its always been sad without her.
Is it winter blues or xmas blues? dont know really....
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I feel like that since my mum and dad died and all my uncles and aunties too. Christmas was always a time for visiting relatives and having a house full of them over the Christmas period. There was such excitement for my sons getting the extra beds ready and then waiting with their noses pressed up against the window for my mum and dad to finally arrive a couple of days before Christmas with all the goodies. I feel sad that those times are no longer here. Although I am not fussed about having grandchildren I bet Christmases are much more exciting when you have little ones running around.
I like the Boots advert this year as it seems to show much more normal homes and people than the normal ones with huge houses and well-off relatives turning up in their swish cars and lovely clothes.
Taz x
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Yes I am a bah humbug too .Only mine is because of the mother in law who we seem to have every year and do the same things I can predict what we will do and say . My son is 15 now so the surprise stuff isn't much of a surprise now although I will do him a stocking still . But I think I would rather be somewhere else and quite honestly be at work then endure another Christmas having to please everyone else and listen to complaints about the dreaded Xmas dinner which is another farce. Why does everyone have to eat and drink things they don't every other time of the year and then regret it, I won't be I will try and enjoy it just eating normally that way I won't feel ill and bloated. We have a large family but half of them don't talk to each other so we can't get together .happy families !! Anyway hope I haven't depressed others but thought I would share
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I like Xmas...always have and hopefully always will. I loved it when my kids were small and all the excitement that went with the run up to Santa.
Now they are grown up...yes it has changed but I love buying them treats and seeing the enjoyment thay get from the things they are given.
The thing that spoiled my Xmas was having to cook dinner at my sisters house. Year after year. When my kids were little they came to us but then my kids got bigger and sis got grandchildren so we all went to her. I got totally sick of being stuck in her kitchen.
Three years ago this Xmas I dug in my heels and said no more. You would have thought the world as we knew it was coming to an end. It caused all sorts of grief. I stuck to my guns and have not done it since.
Xmas day for me now is bliss....visits to my mum (who chooses to spend Xmas with my sis) and then my sister to exchange gifts. Then home to enjoy my prezzies and a leisurely meal and a few glasses of wine.
I dont like Xmas shopping as I dont like crowds or queues at the moment so I internet shop.
Easy peasy and so looking forward to some peaceful days over the festive season.
Honeyb
x
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I used to HATE it as for over 30 years WE did the traveling. We had 3 years at home :-* .......
What I HATE most is the C/mas songs begin far too early, decorations are in the streets now >:( - week before C.mas would be plenty early enough, let people get their shopping done so that they can tyhen return to town to enjoy it all.
We have to travel again this year .......... it gets more and more difficult to find 'stuff' for others ........ it's those bloody songs that get to me the most :cuss:
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I think Rowan and Jane have it right. Certainly I feel the passing of the year as my birthday is in early January so it emphasises that I'm getting older.
I don't have any stress or hassle to contend with; I only buy for my children, ( husband and I haven't bothered exchanging presents for many years) my best friend and a lady at work who gives me lifts, and this year I've been inveigled into joining in the "secret Santa" nonsense at work, so it's not much really. I don't even send many cards! It will be just the four of us on Christmas Day, as it always has been since my parents died, and my husband cooks. I have never cooked a Christmas dinner in my life so what do I have to complain about?
Christmas Day is always pleasant enough and passes very quickly, then there's that awful dreary "limbo" time until New Year, then hooray! It's all over.
I don't know what it is, just that's something's missing. Maybe I'm just plain bored with it all. Maybe it will be different if we ever have grandchildren. I don't know.
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I have to say if my hubby did not get me something for Xmas I would smack him round the head.
He is great....not the most thoughtful of men at the best of times he really tries hard at Xmas to get me thoughtful treats.
We have always enjoyed surprise gifts at Xmas even before we had kids and I really would not want that to change.
Honeyb
x
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We would never not give each other gifts despite the fact that we do so year round. Perhaps that's part of it, loving each other and letting that love spread out wards - however, it's when family expect us to do the 'same' thing year after year after and they don't attempt to alter the routine that we are all in ........
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Agree with you BOB - Christmas brings out the underlying sadness in me too and I always look forward to taking the decorations down and the fresh start in the New Year (altho' I'm not a New Years Eve fan either). I have no choice but to conform at the moment, for family reasons, but I do as much shopping as I can online and try not to get too stressed. I think part of my problem is SAD syndrome/midwinter blues too.....I like to see the nights getting lighter again and Spring approaching. One year I'd love to go abroad for Xmas or maybe do something for a homeless charity (and one day, I will). Best wishes, ER x
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I'm glad I'm not the only one ER.
I'm not sure if I suffer from S.A.D. as I quite like the long dark evenings ( though not the dark mornings) and I get restless in the summer. I'm sometimes hit with mild depression in June too, which I cannot explain!
There's something missing in my life I think. I have a yearning for something, but I don't know what that something is.
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I think xmas is overrated. The reality is hard work and expense
I suppose if you work full time then you appreciate it more but for me it interferes with my tennis and yoga as well as work
What is xmas dinner anyway? just a glorified roast, and the day itself - always a non event. Going to your relatives and having to stay there far too long.
The week in between xams and new yrs eve is like being in no mans land, I find it quite dull. The worst TV is always on at xmas, no good documentaries only rubbish 'family' entertainment, the decent progs are few and far between
I am entertaining a couple of days though not xmas day thank goodness, its always nice for someone else to do the cooking, still Im having to plan for the days I am cooking and am havng to compile a huge expensive shopping list
The best thing about xmas is the decorations. As a child I always loved looking at all the houses lit up and I still do. Being jewish we never had decs at home but I do now. Last yr I didnt put the tree up as i was so bored of it but this yr I've changed all the decs and have a new colour scheme so Im quite looking forward to it
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Well whatever it is you''ve got BoB I have it too :(
Gilary that is an excellent description - that no man's land week.
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I really like the week in between. The Christmas rush is over and it is time to relax. I usually spend a day at the coast and maybe make a trip up to my parents' grave which sounds morbid but I like to give them some flowers and catch up with my hometown and also call in on a couple of friends for a cuppa before making the journey back. I just find it to be a really good opportunity to chill out before work starts again.
Taz x
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I don't like it much, because it seems to be an emotional time, when lots of past memories come up. I tend to think of all the things we have done and how things have changed so much. Its all so commercial, and what is depressing is the way people spend so much money and then end up in debt all year afterwards. One of the things I really dislike about it is the way that people load up their food trolleys as if there is going to be a famine and the same thing happens on boxing day. Peoples greed is pretty disgusting!
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I'm with you, pixie. :yes:
Rather than trying to conform and hating it, I just don't "join in" now. Feel much happier that way.
Bette x
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I'm pleased to hear that so many of you are disillusioned with Christmas!
Like you ER I'd love to go abroad for Christmas, but husband won't hear of it. I'd also do some charity work if I was alone, as I reckon working in a homeless shelter with lots of different people would be much more fun than just the four of us sitting watching the telly and eating, and I'd be doing something for others worse off than myself which would be good for me too.
It sounds like I don't appreciate my kids but we're together 365 days a year, even on holiday mostly, so there's no reason to look forward to being with them at Christmas; they're not children any more. Maybe if and when they leave home it will be different. That's it I suppose, Christmas is the same, same, same, year in year out. Unlike you CLKD I wish I did have somewhere to travel to, instead of being stuck in the house all day, though I do try and go for a walk on Boxing Day. I'd love to have somewhere to visit, or have someone visit us!
Yes Gileray, the time up to New Year is a no man's land. That's another thing: you say that you're Jewish; even people from other faiths or no faith at all feel obliged to join in to some extent, though I suppose nowadays Christmas has very little connection with Christianity.
Pixie, it is an emotional time. You think of the past, grieve for what you've lost, or what you've never had and will never have. All those adverts showing the “perfect†Christmas just make any sadness you feel worse.
Taz, I don't think it's morbid to want to visit your parents' grave if it gives you comfort. Many people do that at this time of year. I never do because my home town where their ashes are buried holds no happy memories for me , I have no-one to visit there and I can't bring myself to go to their grave. I think I'd break down, start crying and feel my grief raw all over again. Some people may say that in that case I should go and do just that, to let it all out, but I can't.
Thanks for listening and giving all your opinions everyone. :-*
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(http://sphotos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/261481_314762988639588_1471650141_n.jpg)
For you BOB to make you laugh.
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;D
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:rofl:
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Well I am afraid my mood has taken a bit of a dip around Christmas. Just found out that noone is having my mother in law round for dinner on Christmas Day. She has three sons and one daughter. She is pretty sarcastic and sharp tongued towards me and has been for the 23 years I have been married to her son. However despite that I still have her for dinner every Sunday and took her to Greece with us this year too. I CANNOT bear the thought of her sitting on her own on Christmas Day but do not want to have her to mine. I feel like I have no choice but to invite her as I would not be able to settle knowing she is on her own. Why her own kids don't feel the same I have no idea. We are all going out on Boxing Day so I guess they are all thinking they will see her then - grrrrr!
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Are you sure that she minds being alone seeing that you're all going out on Boxing Day, H&S? From the things you've told us that she's said to you in the past, I'd say that it's well beyond duty for you to have her round. :-\ Can't your OH point out to his siblings that it's their turn?
Bette x
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I can relate to hot&spicy we have the same prob my mother,in law has 2 other sons but not local so who is the one doing everything for her my other half and me and to say she is fussy is an understatement she has come to us for Xmas for the last 3/4 years and is so predictable and I know I won't cook the dinner to her liking so stress straight away then she falls asleep . I really don't want this anymore but if I say anything then it's me being a grumpy old cow, but why should I ruin my Xmas when it's me doing the catering and preparing. I would love to be somewhere else, doing voluntary work for animals they give me pleasure and probably would appreciate it more anyway and i would feel i would be helping the poor things at Xmas I might just ask our local animal aid . Why should I endure the day to keep everyone else happy I have been married for 35 years have a 15 year old son so he will be on his Xbox all time so my hubby can deal with her . As I'm writing this it sounds like I'm being selfish but I am totally not looking forward to Xmas
M&s
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She's not saying a word bette - it's me. I don't know how to let it go and not feel guilty. I think because my mum is not alive I probably over compensate - I defo could not cope with my own mum sitting on her own on Christmas Day - OH's family clearly don't feel the same. I am going to leave it for a few days and see if my feelings change - I am not going to say or do anything I might regret. Xxx
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H&S
Its the guilt button...if they dont press it we do it ourselves.
My mother goes to my sisters on Xmas day although she has been asked to me for the past three years. It does not bother me. I did Xmas dinner for years and then 3 years ago called a halt. It took more guts than I really had but I stuck to my guns and just refused. I am happy to see relatives on Xmas day for sherry and shortbread and exchanging of gifts, but thats it. My son told me he hardly remembers seeing me on Xmas day as I was in the kitchen......not no more.
Hate to say this but when my mum is no longer with us I will probably book a cottage in the wilds of somewhere and just go.
Hope you manage to find a solution that suits you.....dont jump in...perhaps one of her family will.
Honeyb
x
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I really hope that in years to come my children aren't talking about us like this but we can't foresee how we are going to be when we are old can we, i hope i am not unco operative and difficult but my grandmother and my father both were and i hope i can remember and not be like them :-\ My own mother was a gem, one year she would come to us for christmas day and we went to her for tea on boxing day then the next year she did christmas and we did boxing day. Her last 2 years she was not well enough so she just came to us and she was always such a pleasure to have, i miss her :'(
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It's easier sometimes when family live close by .......... or it can be a drag visiting every home in the village, as my DH has 5 aunts/uncles and various cousins: another reason not to tell them we are 'there' ;)
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We all have different viewpoints don't we? Some of us have a problem over the stress of visiting relatives or having them visit, and others ( like me) would love to have lots of family to visit and be visited by!
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I have given my children my full permission to take me out and shoot me if I get to be like my mother ::)
I think all they will have to say to me is "remember Gran" and that will stop me in my tracks.
Honeyb
x
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I wish I still had aunts and uncles and parents alive to visit. Each year I seem to miss them more!
Taz x
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To all who moan and are unhappy about rellies at Xmas here goes unless they are abso rotten nasty then I understand
If its all just a chore for you and you wish it was diff THEN try 32 Xmases with no family nothing billy no mates
Xmas eve is dead in Ozz Xmas everythings shuts early
Xmas day nothing is open no pubs clubs nothing hardly any rest are open
If they do have the odd one doing Xmas lunch its 12/4 at the most and approx 150 pounds for 2 adults and 1 child
Its hot lonely sad all the memories of Xmases past come flowing back people you miss times oyu had
\Let knowone play Last Xmas or Slade death will ensue I hate it I think of my MUM my brother Nan Gag Unlces and Auts some living some dead all enjoying Xmas together the Pub Xmas eve daning away to Sla\de
British legion after for a closed house Xmas lunch down the local entire family then dinner for 30 and at nightime
Everyone out xmas finery spending money on discos and pubs but fun happiness joy even just for 3 days
Here Xmas eve we go to lunch with Son and Dinlaw for an hiour or so then we are alone
Xmas day Lunch with son and dinlaw till 4pm then we are alone Boxing days fine parties and cinemas but those 2 days
Id give anything to have DR Whos Tardis just to come home be with MY family still Im alive we are all healthy
And I have more than many and after yeatserday my pal beinbg diagnosed with Ovarian cancer even writing this
Makes me feel ashamed of myself but I cant help it its true
So I took t Xmas in hand Xmas eve night out to dinner and dtinks with another couple and my pal whos hubbie died
Xmas lunch taking it all over to dinlaw and sons eating there so we get out fair share of time Bobbles not happy BUT!
\Xmas night my pal whs hubbie died ios coming over for Xmas dinner in the evening we will chat play ganes (ok bit hard for 3 but we will do it) she will stop over night with us Boing day been invited to a ULY pals home for the afternoon evening so Ive done all I can to keep ocupied and enjoy it just had to graspo it
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Honeybun that is how i feel too but i hope i still have my powers of reasoning to understand it, my grandmother lost all powers of reasoning quite early on, since reading here about other ladies mothers i suspect she was also a narcissist or a sociopath and couldn't or wouldn't see the world from any perspective but her own, other people were simple unimportant except to serve her and i have been told in the past i can be a lot like her which is something i struggle with daily to overcome :'(
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Pixie I agree - bad memories surface this time of year. I wish it wish could just be ONE day but there's all the build up, then the day itself, then the no-man's land week before New Year.
Also the feeling that I get is that come January we have nothing but freezing cold miserable weather to look forward to for 3 months...
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Its not always bad memories, sometimes they are lovely memories too, but it just all seems to get stirred up at this time of year! Some of it is a bit wistful, and a feeling of harking back to yester year, when things were more simple and more innocent perhaps!
I went into a well know supermarket today, and they were playing that song by David Essex - A winter's tale. Everyone looked so glum trudging around with their over full trolleys of food and snappy customers at the checkouts! Somehow we have lost the true meaning of it all somewhere along the way, whatever it does mean to us all! Its a reflective time, when I tend to remember some of the people i have spent it with and its probably the only time of year i think of them! It becomes a series of xmas's all rolled into one. I did go to a Vitorian Christmas, down the road, where they were all dressed up and preparing mulled wine and mince pies, carols, etc and got chatting to some of the volunteers there.It was actually very relaxing and unpretentious. I like the traditions, its just all the hype, gluttony, and buying excessively expensive rubbishy gifts I can't bear and the huge debt afterwards. Its all the same tat in boxes! Most people don't appreciate it anyway. ??? x
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Quite right Pixie, and I don't see why I should spend all my hard-earned money supporting the economy of China!
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YOu see nothing like that in Ozz
Its a Christian country dont get me wrong but its also our June and Xmas holiday time as in UK summer
So people are doing street house lights but you never see a Xmas tree in the window they are out back of the house
People spend more money on summer clothes or TVs etc you dont see the same type of crowds shopping for toys
You all dislike it and I understand but at leaset it feel Xmasy seems Xmas deccies up wvery where here almost non
Heaps of people go away on holidays before Xmas or go Boxing day so its quite normal to have loads of empty homes
School holidays start next FRiday till about 25th Jan so its all go go go for summer holidays Xmas gets a bit lost
No carol singers never seen any in my 32 years We have Church functions for caroles or in Parks Carols by Candleight
All in all Xmas is pretty much a NON event but its so hot today it was 41C =111F and its what 3rd day of Summer!
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If it wasn't for the heat I'd be signing up to emigrate to Oz right now!
This country is a Christian country on the surface, but how many people truly are Christian?They may say they are because they're English/white and were baptised and married in church ( and let's face it, how many choose a church wedding just for the show?) but how many attend church on a regular basis? How many attend at Easter and Christmas? Very few. And Christmas has very little to do with true Christianity nowadays anyway. Have a look at card shops. They have a small section labelled off for "religious" cards as most people don't buy that kind.
I don't follow any religion by the way; I lean towards Humanism.
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I agree with all that too Pixie, and Bob. It's the ridiculous expectations people build up about Christmas and the fact that it is all based on what you will spend and what you will get and what you will eat.
I also hate being EXPECTED to feel happy just because it is a particular day. I would like to just keep it very low-key and then move on swiftly.
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The money supermarket guy, Martin Lewis, was saying that too much pressure is put on us at this time of year to buy presents for all & sundry. I only buy for family and that's expensive enough. But many buy for friends too and they then feel obliged to buy in return. Money woes at this time of year can cause the blues too.
I don't mind Christmas, but oh boy I don't like the New Year. Been that way since my mid teens, in fact I can remember the year it hit me 1971! I was sitting watching the usual TV programmes and suddenly felt this wave of sadness and I've been the same every year since.
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I don't like the new year much either. Don't like the first few weeks of the new year much either, all the shops are trying to get rid of their Christmas stock. Much prefer the beginning of Feb when all the spring/summer clothes come in and you know Spring is coming.
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Yes Cubagirl, I know that "wave of sadness" at New Year all too well. A couple of years ago when I was in the throes of meno symptoms I sat there sobbing through most of New Year's Eve!
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And Jesus said do not make a show of your devotion find a quite place to pray
You dont have to go to church to beleive in god or even think you are ness a practising one
But we are taught at home in school ethics we live out life by that come directly from the 10 commandments
Go to any church on a Sunday and see skin heads and girls with tats with baby getting it christened
NO show about it just a few family memebers and these are Proddie churchrs as well as catholics
They want it its what you do they dont always totaly get it but kow its whats done
When we have a crsisis most of us not all but the vast majority pray to god to help
Whats with this white English only MOst Britons who are of west Indian and African decent are Christian
WELL over 50% of the worlds christians are not white colour plays no part in Christianity
80% of all South seas Islanders are Christians same for maoris and Ozz aboriginals they are defo not white!
IM a Christian Bobbles is an atheist yet his morals and values are totaly Christian or as he calls it Humanist
I say to him your a better Christian than me I am a Christian I believe totaly yet I didnt marry in a Church
Bobbles didnt want too and I resected his wishes I know what i am know i didnt have to make a show god knows me
We start Parliamnet here and UK and NZ Canada and god only knows how many others with the Lords Prayer
Even so trligion is a private thing most people would never mention it except on the Census
People attend church now than 10 years ago its not advertised but its true OK maybe not reg attendance but they go
New years a funny time we are all expected to be hayyyyy when its either cold or in my case hot as hell and bills come in gas leccie etc then card bills in for pressies that you shouldnt or neednt have bought but we all do it hehehe
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What I meant Suzi is that white Britons automatically call themselves "Christian" BECAUSE they are white Britons even if they never pray and are not "practising"; they say they are Christian because of their culture and upbringing, not because of any religious conviction. There was much debate over the Census questions about religion because of that.
Of course I know that Christians come from all races!
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hate christmas, hate new year, hate jan, feb, march. Roll on April...
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This should be the bah humbug topic.
Am I alone in enjoying Xmas. Its only as commercial as you allow it to be and the last time I looked no one was holding a gun to my head to make me buy things I could not afford.
I do think of people who are not with us at Xmas but no more than any other time of year.
I for one intend to try and relax and enjoy time with my family....watch rubbish TV.....enjoy giving gifts to my OH, kids and extended family (little thoughtful things)...eat turkey and have a few glasses of wine.
I also intend to appreciate the fact that we have all come through another year and are all relatively speaking healthy.
Honeyb
x
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I think Christmas, New Year (and to some extent birthdays and anniversaries too) can be quite sad when your life is not quite right. To me it's always a reminder that another year has gone by without me having the courage to change things....profound I know.
Agree with you BOB about religious hypocrisy at Christmas. I'm not at all religious, despite having a religious upbringing, but fundamentally Christmas is a christian festival that's been hijacked by materialism. Oh well - will be good to have a few days off work anyway. I quite like the time between Xmas and New Year - feels like the pressure's off for a few days once the family have all cleared off - such relief when it's over ;). ER x
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I agree with you Honeyb, I like Christmas and for me it's a lot easier and happier than it was when my parents were here and were ill. But this thread is for those who don't like it.
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Yes you are quite right NF.
Apologies for being a "closet" Xmas fan.
I will go and look for the Xmas greetings thread.
:hug: to all who are feeling sad.
Honeyb
x
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It's a hard time for people on their own too. The Samaritans say it's their busiest time of year.
Today I hung a tag for my parents on the memorial Christmas tree at the Funeral Directors. Boxing Day 2007 my mum was taken into hospital, screaming with pain from ulcerative colitis and begging the doctor to let her die. She got her wish three weeks later.
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Before you go honeybun i would like to thank you for the voice of reason below, i hope you have a lovely christmas x
Its only as commercial as you allow it to be and the last time I looked no one was holding a gun to my head to make me buy things I could not afford.
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Agree Jane!
Have one of these :hug: BoB
Went to MK this morning, people are beginning to realise how close C.mas is getting :o
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I have had enough of the Christmas thing already. At least in Aldi, they don't play all that awful music. Why can't somebody write some new songs, instead the same old 1970s blast outs! I so sick of Slade bellowing out - ITS XMAS.The thing that really gets to me is the commercial aspect of it and the fact that we all have this 'enforced jolliness' at this time of the year. Kids just want big presents and don't understand the real meaning of it! I heard on the radio that the average person is spending £100 per child. For goodness sake, most little children are more interested in the box it is in, that whats inside. In reality, we have to spend time with family, who we'd rather not be with, trying to please everyone, quibbles about turkey etc. Although I'm lucky to have a nice family and we will have a quiet low key day, which is what we want, It wouldn't bother me if it just came and went like any other day. I can't stand this ridiculous panic buying, as if World War 3 about to start,and miserable faces everywhere. Grrrrr HUMBUG with big stripes! ::)
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We always used to spend Christmas in New Zealand, they used to play "Grandma got run over by a Reindeer" during December.
Quite festive in it's own way, easier to listen to than many things
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Absolutely agree with you once more Pixie.
and the state of Sainsburys mid-afternoon on friday :(
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Hibernation is a tempting thought
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The advert for a certain T supermarket with the family laying the table, calling the kids down from up-stairs, carrying in the large turkey and almost getting tripped up by the Jack Russell - these adverts are never in single story dwellings or small terraces houses are they :-X
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I think the Boots advert is set far more in the real world than is usual at Christmas. Not full of fancy cars and sweeping drives and twinkling chandliers!
Taz x
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Those ridiculous cookery programmes, with the likes of Nigella or Delia, showing us the perfect Xmas food to cook, from the perfect cottage in the country! As if any of us have the time to faff about with all this, duck and pheasant flavoured cranberry stuffing etc!. ::)
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It's not the time it's the inclination on my part.
Taz x
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:yes: X
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Why can't somebody write some new songs, instead the same old 1970s blast outs!
Modern Christmas songs are just not as memorable, even if it is for all the wrong reasons.
I nearly keeled over with stress one Christmas, trying to make sure everything was just so. It was a horrid feeling, never again.
I agree that spending a lot on young kids seems excessive, we never spent much on ours. But when they went to primary school immediately after Christmas they usually were asked what Santa had brought them. My DD said that one year she got up and said she'd got a personal cassette player. All her friends got TVs, computers etc etc. She said she'd never put her kids through that sort of embarrassment. A case of keeping up with the Joneses.
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I can remember doing that at school, showing a present you had received. One year i got a lovely yellow teddy bear handed down to me from one of my cousins it was well loved and a bit threadbare (no pun intended), i loved that bear but when i took it into school as my favourite present the other children mocked and jeered at the 'old thing'. I still loved my teddy and still had it when i got married and my first child loved it too but i never did a show and tell ever again. :-X
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I don't remember doing show & tell. But then back in our day, oh no here comes another BIMDY moment ;D we were happy to get a present, no comparing with friends.
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We didn't show and tell, gifts weretoo precious to be hoiked around school kids where they might be dropped :o
I have a dilema :-X another reason why I HATE this time of year :-\
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Show and Tell is brilliant! It encourages children to actually think about where they got the particular item, what it is used for, what it is made of etc and improves their ability to describe. It then encourages the rest of the class to remember their manners, to sit and listen and wait for their turn to add a comment or a question. It is not about who has the best or biggest of anything - it is used to improve social skills. We have show and tell for reception every day and for years 1 and 2 three times a week. Some of the questions the children ask each other are hilarious!
Taz x
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Taz that is so right. I can remember some from my days as a nursery nurse. It's a great thing to do with children. Just never thought my daughter would remember those days and feel hard done by! Our son couldn't have cared less about such things.
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I agree with Taz2 the child doesn't have to take anything expensive or breakable just something nice that they can talk about :)
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That, unfortunately, depends a lot on the children in the class :-\ I know when I was at school (and primary school was a while ago!), some of the girls in my class would have been as nice as pie in the classroom, or while the teacher was in earshot, but once there were no adult witnesses they would have been merciless in their ridicule of anyone whose 'show and tell' item didn't match up to their high standards.
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I know just what you mean Scampi :(
we didnt have show and tell when i was at school either but both my children had it when they were at school. Nothing nasty was ever said to them but then nobody ever took in christmas presents. I dont really think that is a suitable topic for S&T to be honest. Too much opportunity for jealousy and nastiness there. Plenty of other things to show and tell about.
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:-\
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My two loved show and tell....our primary did things that were collected rather than bought. I remember my son taking in a rather scruffy birds nest that had fallen out of a tree in a gale and my daughter taking a stone she had found on a beach on holiday and probably talking endlessly about it :o :o
No chance of one up manship there.
My daughter did have (and still has ) one friend that has been spoiled beyond all reason. She is horrible to her parents and has no respect for anyone. She can be polite if she has to but is fine with me because she knows I will not put up with any nonsense. This child had at least £500 spent on her every Xmas and birthday and that is a conservative estimate. My daughter learned that I will not play those kind of games, and I have to say she is probably the happier girl of the two.
The parents have a lot to answer for.
Honeyb
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I think the Boots advert is set far more in the real world than is usual at Christmas. Not full of fancy cars and sweeping drives and twinkling chandliers!
Taz x
I've seen that too - much better than showing a fairytale world.! I wonder if they'll ever show anyone living in a tower block on an estate?
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Your girl sounds much nicer Honeybun. How dreadful that her friend is so spoilt and won't know the true value of anything. ;) x
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I really like a couple of the xmas adverts this yr, the ones that show mum rushed of her feet. That is the reality. so much better than all those smaltzy snowy scenes of perfect family gatherings in perfect houses.
It makes me laugh as if it did snow no one would be able to go anywhere and xmas would be ruined
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I like all the Xmas adverts, especially the ones that make me laugh, like the ARGOS and ALDI ones.
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I don't like that shmaltzy one ( don't know what it is) that uses a song from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory". I wish the ads would be more realistic as all that glamour just adds to the pressure of making Christmas "perfect".
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My fav is the one with the two snowmen. He goes off to get her a scarf and gloves and a hat. Debenhams I think.
It was shown to my daughters marketing class at university as everything that an "AWW" advert should be.
They got a sneak preview before it came on TV.
Honeyb
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I wish the ads would be more realistic as all that glamour just adds to the pressure of making Christmas "perfect".
Doesn't it just BOB. We don't make much of a fuss at Xmas to be honest. We are a very small family and with some very fussy eaters too so Xmas dinner is really just like a Sunday dinner. In the past I've bought special luxury items, wanting our Xmas to look like the ones on TV but it just got thrown away or eaten for the sake of it. So now I don't bother. We don't even dress up or have a special tablecloth! :o
We spend it quietly and just enjoy the break from work and chance to spend time at home together or go for walks. If family want to come to us they can but we just go with the flow. I think it will just be me, hubby and son on Xmas day. We will no doubt see the others on Boxing Day or sometime during the holiday.
But there's always that niggly feeling that everyone else is enjoying Xmas just like on TV, with a houseful of relatives all laughing and looking fabulous and sometimes I wish I had that too.
I remember telling a colleague that we were a small family when he asked if I had relatives coming for Xmas. I asked him if he had a lot of relatives himself and he replied "Well, I've got more than I want"
ariadne xx
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We spend it quietly and just enjoy the break from work and chance to spend time at home together or go for walks. If family want to come to us they can but we just go with the flow. I think it will just be me, hubby and son on Xmas day. We will no doubt see the others on Boxing Day or sometime during the holiday.
But there's always that niggly feeling that everyone else is enjoying Xmas just like on TV, with a houseful of relatives all laughing and looking fabulous and sometimes I wish I had that too.
ariadne xx
Me too! But what few relatives we have are scattered and we never see them. My parents are gone, and my husband's parents never wanted to come to us, and now FiL can't travel anyway, and they never invite us to their house. My husband's sister, who is their favourite child, and her family, always get priority and there's never room for us. :(
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;D
I think the Royale Family TV sitcom says it all about Christmas! ;D
I don't know anyone who has a luxury time of it. The TV adverts offer some escapism into Christmas oblivion after a few drinks. Frank Sinatra does New York etc! Then on Boxing day, its all sofa sales on TV - DFS etc, then after that its all the holiday adverts. Such fun ........ ???
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Yes!
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I'm having naughty visions of planning the worst Christmas dinner ever. Just making a fiasco out of the entire thing. The only decent thing we did was to find anyone who was alone and invite them and that gave it some meaning. My family is entirely NUTS.
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;D Sounds more like fun, Trey! X
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How about making dinner for the dogs and Harvey bunny? Cooking special grub for them? You could have the left overs ;-).
I feel really blue this week :-X
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Going tomorrow to get a holly wreath for my daughters grave.
I have spotted one that is just a bit different...it has lilac ribbon and looks great for a little girl.
Its the one thing I find hard about Xmas. I want to visit the cemetery...and I dont in equal measure.
Every time I go I get this vision in my head......Its of my OH carrying a little white coffin...it so long ago but still hurts like you would not believe. :'(
Honeyb
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Every time I go I get this vision in my head......Its of my OH carrying a little white coffin...it so long ago but still hurts like you would not believe. :'(
Oh HB :hug: :hug:
ariadne xx
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gentle hugs honeybun x
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and from me too HB
x
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It's OK to remember. I allow myself 10 mins daily to think ofmy pets. Certain issues bring it back. Like this time of year >:(. I think lilac is a lovely idea. I spent last evening filling a basket with pine cones and artificial flowers/C.mas coloured 'stuff' to put onto his parents' grave this year. I will probably cover it with cling film to keep the worst of the weather off, and pin it down to stop it blowing away in the Winter weather.
It's OK to remember :hug: does your OH feel sad at this time of year or don't you talk about it?
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HB, you honor your daughter with memories and feelings.
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Yes OH feels sad,,,she was his little girl too. His heart was broken the same as mine. Sometimes people forget the daddy when they shouldn't. He cried as many tears as me and together we managed to move on.
Onward and forward though...I was blessed with another beautiful girl that I treasure.
Sometimes the memories just slip out no matter how hard you try. Some things are just not meant to be and she was one of them. I always remember thinking that although I only had her for five days she touched so many hearts and so many people.....that was her legacy.
Sorry this is all too down. There are a lot of people who have their heartache at this time of year. Mine was many years ago and my life has moved on......she just has a special little place in my heart.
Thanks for your kind words ladies.
Honeyb
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Life is fragile ...........
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Thinking of you HB. I take it that she was very poorly? Sometimes Nature decides it's for the best. You loved her and will never forget her. :hug:
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:hug:for HB and all others who need it at this time of year.
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OMG watched some of 'how to cook xmas dinner properly' progs tonight - its enough to put you off watching Jamie Oliver stuff a turkey - looked almost pornographic! :-X
Otherwise a lovely Springwatch prog about otters with Martin Hughes-Games :-*
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:'(. that's me. Today. :'(
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Awww CLKD don't be upset!
Why you upset.?
You want me to come round and sort em out? 🤨.
I'll have to get Jaypo too tho! One look at her and they'll hop it sharpish! 🥴
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Time of year. Expectations from others :-\
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You can only do what you can do! That's it!
I was like that when everyone came to us years ago.
Now I realise I shouldn't have stressed, just gone with the flow, and do only what I could.
Sometimes though, we over think everything and get ourselves into a state for nothing. I'm queen of that!
Everything WILL be ok.....promise...x
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Why this time of year though :-\ does every thing so much more pressured?
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Because we/ others have an expectation of what xmas should be like.
We run around after others, subconsciously wishing to make ‘their' xmas special.
In reality, do we really get the ‘perfect' Xmas? I doubt it. It causes more stress than any other time of year. But those that do get the perfect one, well, well done...
We just feel pressured to get everything ‘right' .
Try to relax, it maybe anticipation, when the day itself comes, you'll be released from all the pressure....x
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Where you bored again CLKD?? ;)
No point stressing, I bet you're more organised than I am yet we always muddle through. If anyone doesn't think it's up to scratch just ply them with alcohol until they fall asleep (or if all else fails drink it yourself...) ;D. I'm sure people appreciate everything you do (and cold Xmas lunch in the car is definitely beyond the call of duty).
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That sounds terrific to me....most of us just follow tradition don't we. It all stems back from when we were kids.
Are we brave enough to break the mould? That's the question. 🤷♀️
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The 4 years we spent it at home were lovely ::).
I don't think that Mum realises even though she is told that we cook R main meal on C.mas Eve and eat left-overs cold in the; this year; camper ......... ::) whist she tucks into hers in the Home :D
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Sounds bloody great to me CLKD...room for one more? 😉 I don't eat much! 😂🤣
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There's room for a small 'un. Plastic plates to eat cold pheasant, crisps, tomatoes, cuppa .........
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That'll do me...😂. 👍🏻
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;D .........
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Christmas is a personal time, enjoy it or don't bother. Embrace it or sit on the side lines and watch. Historically it had always been a very traumatic and stressful time with various family members and associates, so now we don't bother. No one asks us what we are doing and that is fine. For everyone who celebrates Christmas as a big family event MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR. :-X
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Thank you Krystal.
I'll personally be glad when it's over....🤷♀️