Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: warwick01 on August 13, 2014, 04:16:13 PM
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Hi All
Just thought I would seek your advice on how to hold down a job whilst struggling with meno symptoms??
Come evening I almost feel NORMAL (yes I can remember) but around 10:00am I start to feel anxious in work with a flushing in my face, I have no energy, hip pain occasional dizziness. It's so hard trying to hold down a job and act normal. I am now 56 and thinking of stopping work, but I feel so guilt on my hubby!
I have worked from the age of 16, financially we are o.k so sould I feel guilty about giving up work????
I would to hear what you think?? W
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Hi Warwick snap I was the same but my hubby is retired now so I don't feel bad giving up work at 54 have worked most my life apart from the kids were young . So go for it life is living now enjoy 😊😊 xx
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I found the only way I could keep my job was to go onto HRT and I was then back to normal. Now I am without HRT I've been moved to a less challenging role which has saddened me as I loved what I was doing. I can't retire until I am 65 which is another five years so I hope I can restart HRT and get back to the energetic and capable person I know I am inside!! I really resent the fact that this lack of hormones means we can't still do what we want to.
If you are happy to give up work then you shouldn't feel guilty warwick. I would just miss my job.
Taz x
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Hi PaulineW/Taz2
Thanks for your advice. I have always enjoyed working, especially the social side. However the last 4 years have been a struggle. I have changed so much, not only the physical symptoms but the emotional symptoms too. I feel so anxious in work panicky.........etc.
I have put 2 stone on in 4 years, have low thyroid, no energy. I just want to stay at home and feel safe. Could not survive without my HRT and you lovely ladies :)
My husband says it's fine to give up work as we can manage financially, but can't help feeling he will resent me for staying at home. This is typical of me, I put myself under so much pressure...........grrrr
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Be kind to yourself warwick and listen to your body. You are in the really enviable position of having choice - something that a lot of women going through meno and trying to hold down a job don't have - so take this chance and catch up with yourself if you know what I mean. You may find that six months down the line you are ready to take on something less challenging or you may well absolutely love being free of the hassle of work and deadlines and having to get up and out of the house on mornings when you can hardly put one foot in front of the other. Your husband sounds a kind and caring person and he is advising you as he feels best. He's the one who can see you from the outside and he obviously thinks that a rest from work is what you need. It will probably be good for your relationship too!
Taz x :hug:
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Yes, I relate to the guilt feelings. I have only managed to work 1 year full time since having children. That was an awful year and my family made the decision for me. I had other health issues. I mourned for the loss of career and the financial implications were huge. I worked part time where opportunities arose and have even accrued a very small pension. After menopause, I found even the small amount of work I did too much, even though I loved it. I needed 2 days to recover from 1 day of work. So at 55, I took my pension early. I don't qualify for a state pension till I'm 66, but we manage.
Retirement is great, now I have embraced it. I have had time to learn to sing, join 2 choirs, get involved with a drama group ( though learning lines is now proving impossible! Meno brain! Made a great panto dog though ! I was woof perfect! ;D) and I have time to do voluntary work and help out with looking after my grandson.
So if you retire now, embrace this new world. Do the things you didn't have time to do and enjoy your husband, family and friends.....a chance to make new ones!
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Hi Warwick
I used to work part time a few years ago, 10-12 or sometimes 1, in a primary school, so loads of holidays, no weekends etc, and it was brilliant. then i lost my husband and had big decsions to make. But i could not face working full time. as it was I met someone else after a while, ended up moving home, town and job. I now do 2 part time jobs, one of which they keep increasing my hours, having me in for full day's, I look at the rota and my heart sinks, get myself in a state the night before, but mostly, once i get here (I'm there now lol) I'm fine, I think half the time it's knowing you HAVE to do something. If I had a choice though I would retire today, I love having time off with my new hubby, and the freedom of knowing if i don't even want to get dressed I don't have to. So if you have the chance I would say deffo go for it, no-one knows whats round the corner, my poor late husband never got the chance, he was only 51 when he died, and if that taught me anything, it's to not put things off.
Good luck in whatever you decide. xx
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What does your OH feel? Maybe your feelings of guilt are based on what you think he feels about you continuing to work? Men are not mind readers so discuss, discuss, discuss ……..
I found when my anxiety was at it's worst I was awful in the early hours, by evening I was a 'different' person because all my commitments were over.
I think U need 2 talk with your OH!
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Hi Joyce21 - glad you found happiness.........
It's so strange, when I'm not working (weekends) I feel so much better. As soon as Monday comes I feel sick and panic, once I get in work I spend most of the time worrying about I feel.
My hubbie of 10 years doesn't know it's due to meno, as I never admit to things like this. I just tell him I'm struggling with the work load. I feel guilty he married me when only 2 years after I changed and lost my sparkle. Now I feel guilty I'm not bringing any money in. By the way he is 8 years younger than me.
Thanks to all of you Wxxx
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Phew
I am so glad someone started this post. i am a nurse in safeguarding and gosh it is hard, I have to work full-time now since leaving husband......just hope to make three years and then I can retire with a huge pension...... Please let me get there, I am so so tired today xxxxx
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I never went back to work full time after my kids were born but did years of part time work. When hubby retired, well, he was made redundant and could not get another job, we made the decision that I would mostly give up work too. I actually went on to work for the next five years from home to boost our income.
I think if your hubby is supportive then take him at his word. After a break you could always look for a part time job if you wanted. The worse of meno won't last forever but if your really unhappy where you are then give it up if you can.
Honeyb
x
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You absolutely have to do what is right for.you. stuff what anyone else thinks. I am trying to.change to.parttime work as i am in early meno. Quite a few colleagues have.made nasty comments about me wanting to change hours my response.has.been.ill swap and you can have.my symptoms anytime. They strangely dont want.them. do what you want to.do.
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Hi does anyone have a drink ie wine while on hrt I am on elleset duet 1mg had a drink of wine and feel yuck
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Yes - I didn't find that HRT changed my reaction to alcohol although maybe tablets are different as they go through the liver. I was on patches which don't.
My docs advice was to stop drinking alcohol altogether if on HRT in order to reduce the breast cancer risk - alcohol imitates oestrogen in the body apparently.
Taz x :drunk:
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I don't drink that much but do have a couple of glasses now and then. If I have any more, then either I can't stay awake, or I feel sick so rarely drink that much.
I think life is for living. Ok you may live a year longer if you don't drink or eat chips ::).
Personally I want to have a little enjoyment in my life.
Obviously if it makes you feel rubbish then it's not worth it.
Honeyb
x
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Do you eat breakfast?
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Sorry CLKD, not sure what you mean or who is being asked that question.
Honeyb
x
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Warwick, if you feel you need to give up / reduce hours then dont feel guilty for prioritising your needs.
Ive not worked full time in 20yrs and Im 45,my hubby makes a joke of it sometimes but he would hate to see me struggling to cope. Take your husbands support as a positive thing and stop being hard on yourself. x
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Gladys re wine and feeling yuk.
I have noticed wine / alcohol/sugar /caffeine makes my flushes much worse and affects my sleep by making it more disturbed. Will still keep trying to overcome it!! Was out for a boozy lunch today then shopping, then ate loads of choc when I got home and feel dreadful now.
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Thank you not sure if it was just me or wine best to stay clear for moment I think not that I drink that much anyway :)
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Honeybun: Warwick wrote : "(yes I can remember) but around 10:00am I start to feel anxious " ……
Sit down and ask the question of your husband Warwick: 'how do you think we could manage if I did less hours at work?' …….. opens up dialogue about future work for both of you, maybe leads to discussion with a Private Financial Advisor about your monetary future ……. which is what we did once DH had decided he was fed up with working ………
That way you are reading off the same page and you can let some of that guilt go. Of course you will miss work, interaction, being part of a Team but if that is now causing you stress ……... ;)
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Ok its no use I have gone a month feeling ok then I started next pack of pills and feel bad on top of that I have a cold I can't get rid of I know it has been said to wait 3months but don't think I can going to see doctor tomorrow I am on elleste duet 1mg
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Maybe it's the cold making you feel bad gladys? It's important to give it the full three months if you can. Most of the side effects will disappear by then. It can upset your body even more changing from one to the other. In what way are you feeling bad?
Taz x
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Dizzy panicking feeling sick
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Did you feel like this before starting on HRT or are they new symptoms?
Taz x
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Before hrt. And now but U right I should wait
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Thank you all for the advice about giving up work.
It's taken me years of struggling with various things in my life i.e my X being the wrong person. I have the best husband in the world and a dream job of only 6 months......... but I new when I accepted the job I was struggling to cope with meno symptoms. My hubby was so proud of me getting the job, and in a way doesn't understand I want to leave.
I make every excuse about work load, the people, the travel, everything but the truth.........which is how bad I feel all day. My confidence is in my boots, I am so fatigued and suffer panic attacks, so have now submitted my resignation.
I know it's right for me but I feel I have let everyone down who shared my excitement 7 months ago when I was offered the job........
With regards alcohol I drink about 2 glasses of wine or 2 small beers every evening, any more than that and I feel bad.
PS when on eleste duet had lots of dizziness. The gel is much better.
W
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You haven't let anybody down warwick - it can be seen that we fail if we don't try. You have given it a go and it isn't for you. You need to be yourself especially in front of your husband - he'll love you all the more for being brave enough to admit that you need to give up the job.
As for alcohol consumption. Safe limits for women are fourteen units a week. A small glass of 13% wine (175ml) is the equivalent to two units of alcohol. I found this calculator good when I was trying to work out whether my two glasses of wine a night was too much https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/understand-your-drinking/unit-calculator
Taz x
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This is about YOU though doesn't feel like it right now. Would anyone around you suggest you have 'let them down'? Of course you are disappointed especially if you like the job, but your health must come first. As for your husband, it was nice that he was proud at the time but you need to have 'that talk' and find ways around coping with your current health needs. This isn't called 'the change' for nowt!
:hug: