Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: VikkiP on December 29, 2020, 03:26:14 PM
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Hi all, i am starting this thread in the hope i am not alone in my struggles. Alcohol entered my life at age 14 and it's been a love/hate relationship since. Actually, it's more hate than love and i am constantly fighting a battle to quit, permanently if i could, but i am only human.
I would like this thread to be about anything alcohol, from how many days free you are, to struggles you face, to funny/sad/embarrassing stories etc. Also any and all the ways alcohol helps/hinders your menopause journey, because it certainly affects me and my symptoms.
Admin, i hope this thread is ok, and if it should be under another forum topic, could you please move it for me? (IT technophobe!)
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Hi!
I went off alcohol probably due to my earliest escapades. Apparently ::). My Dad had 2 brothers: the whole family; uncles, cousins, parents, grandma/grandad - would get together at C.mas. NOISE ........ lots of food, steam in the kitchen and the sherry, port, whisky ......
When I was 4 apparently I crept round the lounge finishing up the bottoms of the glasses. Adults were playing cards. Don't know where the cousins might have been ........ :-\. Well sherry, port, whisky - mixed - had me on the table. Dancing ;D :D. I remember nowt.
We were always allowed a sip of what ever Dad opened, a habit he returned from Switzerland with where children from the age of 8 were allowed a small glass of watered down alcohol. When in College aged 17-ish, I tried Babycham. Twice. OK at the time but in the early hours I felt SO ill. Bubbles kept round my gut ........ the thing I like about Babycham now is the little deer :-*
So I've not had alcohol often. Many years ago I tried some red wine - in the days when there were no remote controls. I walked towards the TV but ended up on the other side of the room :o. That was it ........ apart from a sip of anything expensive that DH might open ;).
Makes Pub visits hard work as orange juice gets cloying :(.
For 8 years we had friends and were unaware that the husband had a drink problem from years back, in fact all his male family members had problems. He eventually ended his Life due to damage to his liver .........
It's a bit like smoking. When does a person light up or reach for a drink? That's the habit that needs thinking about ;-).
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I'm surprised my liver wasn't pickled in my youth,every weekend,dread to think what I consumed but now,weekends only and holidays,two glasses of red and maybe a couple of bottles of lager on a Friday and Saturday,could I give it up? Maybe but I enjoy my wine and never overindulge
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DH wanders the alcohol aisles leaving me at the magazine stand ::). It's a complicated relationship, drugs. I could with the anxiety and panic attacks I may well have turned to the bottle :'( but fortunately.
MayB making a list of when you reach for a drink and what it might be? What do you expect to feel from a drink? Also how much it costs ;-) as a lot if tax and would you pay that amount of tax willinging ?
I love the aisles of spirits all lit up. But am never tempted to break up the display ::)
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I have definitely got less tolerent as I've got older but the same applies to chocolate etc that I could binge on in my youth. I very rarely overindulgence now, I feel too rough the next day. I'm not giving up the cointreau coffee though.
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I think that with many treats, how would you react if someone took it away from you?
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I've never been a binge drinker, but for years (a lot of years) i was having two or three glasses of wine a day, pretty much every day. I always knew I ought to cut down, but kept putting off making the effort. Then something made me think that i'd been pushing my luck for long enough and I wasn't going to get away with it forever.
I tried loads of soft drinks but didn't really enjoy any of them much, but then tried a few alcohol free/low alcohol beers and ciders and they'd definitely improved since I'd last tried them. I didn't miss the alcohol at all, not even my much loved glasses of wine.
I wasn't intending to give up completely, just "everything in moderation" and I thought it was going to be really hard to break such a long-standing habit, but it wasn't. I think if you can find a good alternative to something it is so much easier than just going without.
I think that with many treats, how would you react if someone took it away from you?
That's a really good way of looking at it.
You can have my alcohol, but if you ever dare to take away my cheese.........
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I'd like to see you try take my glass of wine away on a Friday evening clkd ;D
I really don't see the problem if you enjoy something why you'd want to give it up,as long as it's in moderation and not harmful but if you're having it poured over your weetabix,then maybe time to seek help
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I think it's acknowledging that there may be a problem ......... drinking alone, drinking instead of X, Y, Z ?
Come in Vikki
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But the weetabix are so much nicer ;D
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Hi guys! Lots of lovely replies :)
Basically, my mam was an alcoholic, she was either angry and sad, or drunk and happy, so i suppose i took in that drink made you happy, if you weren't drunk, you weren't having fun! As i got into my teens and started drinking, i still believed, if you weren't drunk you weren't having fun. When i left school i was out every Saturday, but always drank too much and was in bed by 10, but still persevered. When i met my hubby, he was a drinker too, so it just carried on all through my life.
The situations i put my self in were shocking, i am lucky to be here really, the things that could have gone wrong. It put a strain on my relationship with hubby, and i wasted so much time being drunk, it's my biggest regret in life.
About 2 Christmas ago, i decided i had had enough, my health was terrible, my mental health was appalling, i was so low, i knew i had to change. It has taken a lot of effort and willpower, and the first year was hard, i didn't really cut down that much, the longest i went was 28 days, then back on, back off. So this year i decided to try harder, and i did 90 days from January to end of March. i felt amazing, everything improved, even though my dad died in February and Hubby dad died in January, but i got through it, if i had been drinking i would not.
Anyway, Lockdown 1.0 happened, so it just happened, boredom, fear, uncertainty, quite a worrying time. Managed to stop for 53 days from July and August, also lost a stone and a half, ate healthy and exercised. Then quite a stressful time at work, which i didn't cope well with, then a young boy in town took his own life and it knocked my for six, i didn't know him, but as a mother it tore my heart open.
I believe stress and pain kick it off, but once i have one, i want to drink everyday. So this year, i am going for totally free for as long as i can. I know lots of people do dry January, so i just thought it might be good to have a thread to support anyone might need it, including myself :-*
Sorry to ramble, nearly finished - Looking back, i'm sure my grief and anxiety this year has been very much influenced by the perimenopause, as i never and any idea what anxiety felt like until the last few months, and i have never experienced lows like i had either, and i can feel myself drifting there again, thats the main reason i am stopping. Drank nearly none stop last 7-10 days and you just feel numb, no highs, no lows, just nothing.
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You recognise your triggers. You know what sadness is in your Life and how it is relieved by alcohol.
Don't beat yourself up! MayB in mid-Jan have a word with your GP Practice, they may run help or have details of local groups that you could connect with. It is hard not to reach for the bottle or whatever eases the anxiety. Fortunately I know that the emergency tablet stops anxiety 4 me so I don't need any more.
When my friend ended his Life 4 years ago it took me off my feet, I really thought it might happen to me :-\ because I am vulnerable. I got through by looking no further than half a day at a time. Not planning too far ahead. It was the shock element that took the wind from my sales.
I think that you could consider appropriate anti-anxiety medication, either regularly for 4 weeks then on an 'as necessary' basis. 1 shouldn't consider alcohol when on prescribed meds..
Think about how alcohol makes you feel - sleepy, relaxed, happier - also what the effects are when you stop drinking. U have done well in the past so you are able to take control.
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Well done Vikki,isn't the hardest part recognising there's a problem? Would you consider and AA meeting? My OHs niece took her own life a year ago and it is the most awful thing to come to terms with but I don't turn to the bottle, I think maybe once or twice in my life have I ever done that but I know how it would be easy to do,just don't beat yourself up,you've stopped the alcohol before and I'm sure you can do it again and we're all here for you if you need to offload,keep us posted
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I think sometimes celebrations can get OTT too. Which is why I avoid any place that has parties and alcohol :-\.
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I haven’t had many drinks in my life, as a child I was allowed to sip and taste wine and beer.
As I got older I like rum and coke but it goes straight through me so only had 4 in total.
I have no real desire to drink I don’t like the taste, and only drank in my early twenties to fit in. I’ve only drank 15 glasses in my life if that, and have never been drunk.
One day I asked myself why don’t I have any desire to drink. I think it comes from my childhood, seeing my parents always drinking. I blame their drinking to me being molested, as they were to busy drinking to know where I was and who was attacking me.
Another childhood memory is camping with my parents. Their cask of wine was broken so they drunk it all in one night. My dad wandered off and went to sleep somewhere and left me and my sister (8 and10 I was 8) to deal with my mum. After nearly falling into the camp bonfire, we got her to the tent. Where my Mum jumped up and down on the inflatable bed, and then vomited everywhere.
When I had my own babies, I didn’t want to drink, I made sure I was always alert and watched them around adults to prevent what happened to me.
Funny thing is I don’t want to drink, my sister is a piss head and drinks all the time. She posted pictures of herself totally drunk with her children right next to her.
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Sad memories Lyncola. :'(
Grandma used to tell 'a little of what you fancy does you good' - that'll be chocolate then ;-)
Making a diary might help Vikki?
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I come from a family who have always enjoyed a drink, we always had some home brew on the go and always have wine with a meal. It was just the norm. I usually have a glass or two of red wine with my evening meal and probably always will. To date my grandparents and parents lived/living well into their nineties. Most Mediterranean countries have wine with their meals and seem to live alot longer than us Brits, I think its just everything in moderation.
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It’s chocolate for me, but since menopause and that bringing on lactose intolerant I don’t have as much as I use too. Plus I tried the really good chocolate, the supermarket chocolate taste like crap now.
There’s a chocolate shops in Australia called Haigh’s chocolate, but none in Queensland. So usual buy $100 worth when I go to Sydney or Melbourne. But sadly that hasn’t happened with coronavirus. And yes they do deliver, but with how hot Australia gets? They say they use special packaging that keeps it fine, but I still get worried.
So for me dear chocolate is my vice ;D
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Hi all! Happy new year!! hope you all had a good night, we were in bed by 9.30, which is late for us, usually 8.30 ;D
So i'm starting again, today ::)
No alcohol, plenty of water, try and eat healthy and do plenty of walking, that is the plan for January at least.
Good luck to anyone doing the same :)
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Well done VikkiP let us know how you get on.
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Good luck vikki,one day at a time xx
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Despite a few drunken escapades in my youth, l can honestly say that from the time l was pregnant with my first (over 30 years ago), l haven’t been drunk since. I always felt l had to be ready for any eventuality. I enjoy a glass of red wine and the odd Baileys but, to be honest, l can take it or leave it these days.
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Lyncola I've read that children of alcoholics often end up as alcoholics or teetotalers because of their childhood experiences.
I think the acid test is whether you can not have a drink for a week and not miss it. I have a friend who could well be an alcoholic, but you'd never think they were. They hold down a good job, play sports, then drink a bottle of wine every evening. They joke about doing dry January but never actually try it.
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'functioning alcoholic' ....... common in Fleet Street years ago.
There is also an 'acoholic gene' apparently.
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That makes sense getting old, my sister turned out the alcoholic and I’m the teetotaller.
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I never miss it through the week but really look forward to my couple of glasses on a Friday,it's like everything else,it's moderation.
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Hi all, on day 3 today, feeling loads better, i have been eating a lot more healthy too, a big fan of of Dr Rupy!
There are 4 of us children, three of us are drinkers and my sister never was, although she is starting to get a taste for gin! lol!
I suppose there are lots of other factors for people to drink, other than their upbringing, it also used to make me 'come out of my shell" but not always in a good way ::)
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Good girl vikki,hope you can keep going,alcohol is seldom the answer to any problem,just an escape but sadly the next day the same problems are still there.
Wishing you well xx
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There's a genetic factor too, they reckon it's approx 50% genetic and 50% other factors. Children of alcoholics are far more likely to become alcoholics themselves even if they don't grow up in that environment.
Well done VikkiP, I hope you stay strong.
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Who is Dr Rupy ........... ???
Glad that you are feeling good. You are doing this for you. :foryou:
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Well done Vicki. I used to drink quite a bit really, wheni used to teach I would have a glass or 2 every night and a bottle at weekends. 1 bottle is my max otherwise I'm as sick as a dog :sick02: but over the last year I just don't seem to have bothered with it. I never drink in the week and sometimes I just don't fancy a glass at the weekend. I found I used to have it because it was what I did, every Sunday hubby and I at 12 o'clock would say "right pubs are open" we would be at home, he would grab a beer & i would start on the wine, but we just don't really bother muchness. We usually go to France once a year and stock up, but obviously we haven't done that this year, so when the offers on wine were on we stocked up. We have hardly touched it. I dont miss it, I just don't fancy it and sometimes say I'd rather have a coffee or juice. I have loads of wine in my garage, its there if I want it. We se our friends a couple of times a year and wow she can drink, 3 bottles easy. I can't take that amount. ::)
Its hard battling, I lost 2 stone last year, have put on 6lb over the last month, so now I'm back to battling my weight. I'm not obese anymore just overweight, it was a lovely feeling when people said " have u lost weight?". I still have a little treat now and again, I suppose I'd lose the weight quicker if I didn't, but it helps me. Keep going, its so worth it, the health benefits are great.
Good for you :great:
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Alcohol + sugars ;)
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Hi. Kinda of wondering how you're doing? I 'sort of' did Dry January, interrupted by a couple of glasses of wine, to remember my daughter's friend who took his own life (it was his birthday and, due to lockdown, she's stuck at home with us).
I have an up and down relationship with alcohol. I can drink. And when I say drink, I mean most people under the table. Both my parents were alcoholics. I didn't take up the challenge until I was in my early 30s - until then I could open a bottle of wine one week and it would still be in the fridge by the end of the next week.
Anyway, yeah, it's now something I'm permanently conscious of. I'm the sort who would happily drink a bottle a night. Key for me was finding other things I'd rather do, like get up in the morning not feeling like a bucket of cold sick, be straight enough to ride my bike, feel the benefit of exercise, stop piling on weight, be able to think my way out of a paper bag, etc, etc. It wasn't until I kind of was pulled more towards the alternatives that I got on top of my drinking habits. In other words, it wasn't so much that I was giving something up, but that I was gaining something I wanted more. That made it easier.
Still though, some days, I _really_ need a drink. It's as if that allows me to press pause and just stop the world for a while. I'd rather I didn't feel this way, but I'm also not going to beat myself up about it. And the less I drink, the more I find other ways to press that pause button, earlier, sooner, so I intervene myself before I'm at my breaking point (that 'give me a funnel and keep it coming' bit).
I have a very dear friend who I talk to. He's been a member of AA for quite some time. It's really helped him.
Hope you're going ok. Very sorry for your losses. Sounds like a tough trot.
Best
E
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Yes,it would be good to hear how you're doing vikki.
I just can't physically drink as much since hitting menopause I like my two glasses of red on a Friday and Saturday and a couple bottles of lager and don't intend to give that up any time soon, I enjoy it and we all have to have something we enjoy,like you elkwarning, I could drink most people under the table in my youth but omg the next day? Why do we do that to ourselves
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Hi Elk and Jaypo, to be honest it hasn’t gone well, January i drank 12/31 and they were all bottles of wine, i was quite low in January, but for February, so far it is 5/26, and that was 3 bottles of wine at beginning of month and a bottle of beer for two nights recently, so much better this month :)
I haven’t felt the need to have alcohol as my crutch lately but i have so much going on that i hope i can resist.
I hope you are all well, and are all ready to step out into the sunshine in a few months xxx
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Thanks for the update vikki,the one thing not to do,is beat yourself up,I can say I've turned to the bottle at times in my past when there's been major stress and it is what it is. I enjoy my drink at the weekends and won't give it up any time soon,does this make ME have a problem?
How much wine do you drink at one go?
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Hi Jaypo, i only think there is a problem if it is affecting your life in some way, health, money, mental health etc.
Lots if people can be social drinkers, but mine is to heal hurt, which of course it doesn’t, it just makes it worse for me, so i try to carry on without it, it does get easier the longer I don’t drink, but its a very quick slippery slope back to drinking everynight.
I would have a bottle a wine a night, but quickly drank between 5 and 7.30.
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I used to drink a bottle to myself on a Friday and Saturday but can only handle a half bottle now since meno,probably a good thing. I read on the other thread you're not in a good place with your partner right now,that definitely won't help :'( I really can empathise with you
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Hi VikkiP
You sound like you have reached a point where you want to be sober. You've done well but I would ask you to seriously consider joining a 12 step programme. In these you get support from peers and you spend time learning about yourself and the reasons you drink to allow you to move forward into recovery. Give them a Google, the meetings may be online just now due to COVID x
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I love the honesty in this group. I read posts often but rarely feel I have anything to add. This time I do and for me to be this honest isn't without effort. VikkiP you are not alone, I also have a problem with alcohol, I've probably only had about 30 dry days in the last year and 11 of those are the last 11! I had any excuse to have a glass of wine, nice weather, I'm celebrating something (small), I'm pissed off, I'm stressed, bad day at work, I could basically associate it with any mood or occasion. I rarely drank before 5pm, always thought that made it ok. I'm looking at what I'm writing and realise it's in the past tense, I'm hoping this is another step forward for me. I've done dry months over the years then just resumed bad habits. I failed my last intended dry month on day 2! My problem is not knowing when to stop. Drinking has rarely caused me any problems with friends or family but recently I've become angry with myself for being so self destructive. 2 weeks ago I found the Freedom sober in seven programme online. It costs but I feel its worth it and so far I'd recommend it. My perception has shifted and I can't really believe it. I've learned that alcohol is the 2nd most addictive substance to heroin, its toxic and its not my fault I've found it difficult to control. Alcohol is everywhere, on TV, movies and advertising. It's also cleverly portrayed. No wonder it's image is so acceptable. I don't know what the future holds but I'm on my second weekend alcohol free and I'm proud of myself. I'm not saying I'll never drink again but if I could have one glass with a meal then stop I'd be more than happy. I'm 54, 3 years into menopause and early on into it the hangovers were terrible after 2 drinks but I think I developed more tolerance. I really began to worry for my health, better late than never hopefully. Good luck x
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Well done Lanie66 :medal: as with smoking, it's never too late to stop and each day without is healing for the body.
Fortunately, despite several anxiety and depression, I never turned to alcohol. Having been drunk at the age of 4 :o 1 C.mas, by finishing up the dregs from the glasses - quietly creeping round whilst the adults were playing cards - then dancing on the table ;D :-X ....... and finding that fizzy drink makes me feel very ill about 5 hours after with intense wind and nausea, I've stayed away. The adults never got drunk but did enjoy Fine Wines as they became more monitorially mobile.
I know a young girl who has been getting drunk on Vodka since the age of 13. :'(. Now in her mid-20s she blames everyone/thing else 4 various situations that she finds herself in :-\ and her friends support her. Of course she's defensive ........ who isn't at that age!
My way of coping when anxiety strikes is to take the emergency tablet and sleep. Not been necessary for 2.5 years other than 1 incidence and I can't remember what.
Little steps.
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Good luck lanie66, I hope you get there x
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Hi Lanie
I’m glad you’ve found something if support for yourself. I would say also that the 12 step programmes such as AA and NA are free and also have meetings online at the moment x
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We know from being here how important support can be. :hug: Denying 1self can work against us though :-\. If U find a method that works then go for it!
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Hello ladies.
I know several women my age who are self medicating with alcohol and coincidentally none of them are taking HRT. Certainly when my jitters are intense I am tempted to open a bottle but have resisted so far ( my SIL tells me that cigarette smoking is also helpful and she has offered to be my supplier lol!).
I don't blame anyone for using different substances to help them cope at tough times and as a child I recall hearing old women talking about gin being 'mother's ruin'. I also admire anyone who tries to improve their health by changing their habits and I wish them good luck.
Take care ladies.
K.