Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => New Members => Topic started by: Focus on December 04, 2018, 04:24:26 PM
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Hello!
Find myself here after what's probably quite a familiar story...
My periods started changing about 6 months ago (clots, the occasional flooding). I didn't think much of it and thought that they were just one off occurrences.
Then a couple of months ago my periods started getting really, really heavy and much, much longer, from my usual four days (one medium, three light days) to eight unrelentingly heavy days. The clots started getting more frequent and really big.
So I went to my GP and she prescribed Tranexamic Acid. I took if for a couple of days, and it worked, but the side effects were really bad. I had to cancel going out to dinner with my fiancé to celebrate our recent engagement.
I went back after another eight day period. She told me I was too young for menopause, so didnt think it was that. 't discussed the different options open to me. They were in order of preference: the mini pill, the coil, the combined pill. I asked her straight out for the combined pill, as I'd taken it for 18 odd years from my late 20s, and it had been absolutely great for me, no side effects at all. She wanted to start with the least amount of hormones and prescribed Cerelle. It made me feel incredibly anxious from the very start of taking it, and I didn't really feel like myself at all. I I took it for a week and got another heavy period.
By this point my mental health was really starting to suffer, big time, as I couldn't go to the gym at all or go out running at all because of clots, flooding, haemorrhaging, even after a few days of having a period when they would usually be much lighter. And it triggered my eating disorder from my late teens early 20s (when I ate so little than my periods eventually just seemed to fade away into nothing).
I called NHS24 one night I felt really bad and was referred. The doctor I saw suggested it was perimenopause and prescribed ten days of Norethisterone. I took it and my periods stopped - at last. I only took it for two days, so I have some left now, in case the nightmare starts again.
Anyway, I started googling and things started to make sense: insomnia, waking up after 4 hours drenched in sweat, a feeling of absolute dread and perpetual negativity (which isn't like me at all), rage like I've never felt, a total roller coaster of emotions in one day...
I went back to my GP with an emergency appointment the day after I went to the walk in clinic, and was pretty much hysterical at this point. I'm self employed. I can't call in sick, or start turning down work. I won't get paid and I won't get offered more work if that's what I start doing. I have a very active life as it really helps my mental health, and my fiancé and I like going away on weekend trips on really long walks and sleeping in the back of his jeep. I really couldn't deal with the thought of not being able to do any of that.
She couldn't wait to get me out of the room and couldn't even look me in the eye. She basically asked me what I wanted. I told her the combined pill. She said it was really unusual for someone of my age (almost 49) but as I don't smoke, am not overweight, etc, she prescribed it. The lowest dose, she said.
I've been taking Loestrin 20 for a few days now and already seem to feel like myself a bit more. I've been able to go to the gym and go running again. My food intake is still pretty low though, but hopefully that go back to what it was once things even out again and I feel like I have a little more control.
Nightmare. This is an absolute nightmare.
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Sounds within normal limits from where I'm sitting and sadly, a lack of knowledge with the medics you have consulted.
HORMONES >:( ::). Some ladies find keeping a mood/symptom/food diary of use.
GPs should realise that no woman is 'too young' for menopause :bang: Some girls have 1 period B4 going into early menopause. If your GP thought you are 'too young' she should have been on the ball to support you with appropriate HRT advice to protect heart and bones!
Oh by the way: :congrats: :cake: : I remember how I felt when we got engaged after a 5 year courtship [in 1974 :-*] and hopefully, your husband 2 B is sympthateit ! The Change doesn't arrive alone :-\.
Browse round. Make notes ;-). If you are bleeding a lot make sure that you don't become anaeimic. Brisk walking can protect bones, 10 mins. every day in fresh air can ease mood too. Read our threads of Vaginal Atrophy - forewarned is forearmed ;-).
:welcomemm:
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Oh boy, I could've written this post almost word for word. Mine started changing at around 47 years of age. The hardest part of it all is the heavy, flooding periods with clotting that come roughly every 25 days. That and the feeling of being held a prisoner. I find it hard to plan anything, even just a few months in advance because my periods do their own thing now. I never know what to expect.
This forum is extremely helpful. And a wealth of knowledge. Just know you aren't alone and I totally agree that this is a nightmare.
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Hi,
From what I have experienced (peri menopause symptoms getting a lot worse over the course of this year for me, before that did not notice that much) I still find it astonishing that GPs think that at nearly 49 (I am nearly 49 now) one is "too young for menopause". There seems to be a complete lack of this part of womens' lives amongst many GPs. I hope you will be able to get back your life to some extent with the new pill. Things can be extremely unpredictable but for me exercise is what keeps me sane with all this. Anna
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You're not alone focus,unfortunately gps aren't the most helpful people when it comes to all things menopause,like you,mine just wanted the simplest solution & get me out.
All symptoms fluctuate,ok some days then in the pits the next
Can't really offer much advice sadly,was really just to say hi & we know what you're going through xx
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Thank you for the kind welcome.
I had five days of normality on the back of taking the Norethisterone for a couple of days, both in terms of no period and in terms of how I felt.
Then last night, I got my period again. Complete with a clot.
I started feeling so angry. I like my life. It's taken me a long, long time to get to this point. I've not had the easiest life, and I've worked really, really hard to get to this point. And I was enjoying it and feeling great about myself and the future, for quite possibly the first time in my life. And now I have to deal with this?
Anyway, I went to bed and couldn't get to sleep. I was absolutely freezing cold. And really angry.
I had insomnia for eight or nine years and only slept four hours a night (sometimes when my insomnia was really bad, I was down to to or three hours sleep a night). I've been sleeping normally for three years now.
I'm back to the insomnia. Waking up after four hours sleep and not being able to fall asleep again. Except last night I couldn't fall asleep, and woke up after four hours sleep.
I feel absolutely desperate. My mental health is really going downhill.
My plan is to go back to restricting quite severely. I don't really eat much anyway. But I'd say my diet is pretty healthy and very varied. I just eat small portions and don't really ever snack. I'll just cut a lot of the variety out and cut my calories right down. It's a lot easier to do now than when I was in my later teenage years/early 20s...there was no internet then and not a lot of food had the nutritional value stuff printed on the back.
And I'll keep up my running. I've been running for a while now, is been a part of my whole shift to a stronger, healthier me that I'd been working on for the past few years. And I've been loving it. It's really transformed my life. I'm at the point where I now feel quite strong physically and can run for an hour and not feel too tired from it the next day, so I can run for another hour the day after.
So with restricting and more focussed running, and I'm hoping to be able to tip the balance into stopping my periods entirely.
There we are. I told you my mental health was going to pot.
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Hi again focus,I'd say yes,keep up the running,I used to do 5k 3 times a week,some days I really couldn't be bothered but forced myself & felt so so good afterwards but unfortunately I had a bad foot & had to have surgery,it's no better,in fact I'd say it's worse & I haven't been able to run since, I'm sure if I could again it would help with my anxiety that I get every now and then.Also re your periods,my daughter is convinced 100% her periods are much lighter since she started running,so keep it up if you can x
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The aim of running and not eating enough is to get my periods to stop.
I absolutely hate my body at the moment. I feel totally betrayed by it.
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I feel like the life I've worked so hard to make for myself over the past three years has been taken from me. And I can't stand it.
For the first time in my entire adult life, I've been profoundly calm and happy with everything in my life. I had that for just three years.
I can't stand this.
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I`d be lost without running but can understand it must be difficult if you`re in floods. I feel for you xx :-\
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Thank you.
I feel totally exhausted. I hate winter anyway.
I found some sites where I could order Norethisterone and so I have. At least I'll be able to attend the two business events at the end of January and again at the end of February that I've booked in for and paid so much money for. I know from experience it takes a few days to work, so I'll start taking it on the Wednesday before the event starts on the Friday. I don't mind my period being lighter on the Friday, as long as it's 'normal' lighter. And I know I can take one last dose on the Sunday morning of the event and still be OK for the rest of the day.
We're supposed to be going to check out our wedding venue some time in the spring. It's a three and a bit hour drive away in the middle of nowhere. So I'll take it for a couple of days then as well if I need to.
Apart from that, it's on my shelf after it arrives for now. I want to see how I get on with the pill my GP has given me, and don't really want anything to interfere with that. Until I see her again mid January.
I had a nice long chat with my fiancé over the phone and a FaceTime as well. He is the loveliest, most supportive man I've ever met. I just want to get back to our life of long, long walks, climbing mountains, rock climbing...and I want to train for a 10k (and then a marathon beyond that, although I've never told anyone else that, ever). And clearly it's not enough to run the distance. I was hoping to make a really good time for them as well.
Anyway, I've had my one small meal of today. Going on past restricting experience, the second day is always harder than the first, or the ones after. It's then that you feel hungriest. So tomorrow is going to be harder than today has been. It's been easy not eating much today.
Unhealthy? Yes, of course. I know that. But there you go. My body has gone haywire and this is the only way I know how to cope.
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Anorexic then?
However. One needs to take care of heart and bones from our teens so maybe ask for a bone density scan which will give you an idea as to how to protect those bones. Because getting a fracture will be far worse than periods. If hospitalised you will lose control even more. It is also painful ::). The best density is pelvis and hips and you can then adjust your restrictions to what will protect your bones.
10 mins. brisk walking daily keeps the long bones healthy. Add to that a good calcium based diet with lots of fruits and veg. is over-all good. Eggs are supposedly good but I can't digest them ::) . As a recovering anorexic who ate enough to remain standing and not a bit more and even now have 'safe' foods, I never lost my periods. Sadly as they were PAINFUL! and clotted and I would lay on a towel at night .......... bugga.
Trouble is I enjoy foods for a while then 'go off' them ::). So we have plenty of quick meals in the freezer.
:bighug: I found that eating little and often to avoid that light headed feeling was the best for me. Including chocolate :D 'cos that has goodness in it, is easy to eat and as part of my diet, doesn't put weight on. Now I have slow release food stuffs: dried fruits and nuts, bananas, a good muesli as 'fillers' which is what they do for me. I feel fuller quicker ........ Pancakes for when anxiety takes over :-\. Bovril in hot water with toast also keeps me going.
Running however is bad for us. It's bad for the feet, ankles and knees - we aren't built to run for long. Short spurts, probably. But long distance, certainly not. I know, lots of people do it. But lots of those people look dreadful and are addicted to the 'sport'. Also, many die in long distance events annually :'(.
Horse riding is supposedly good but they are huge with big hoofs. Dancing ? but that means my head would have to think, hard ::)
If you restrict you won't know where you might be in peri.. Let us know how you get on!
Oh a wedding, we haven't had a wedding here for a while ........
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You're right clkd,my foot is buggered, I know it was the running but that's just me,not everyone suffers & if I could do it again I definitely would.
Was a horsewomen for all my childhood & well into my 30s,got thighs that could crush a walnut 😂
Just stick to my cross trainer these days & walking the pooches
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I have walnuts from our tree ;) ::)
I think that shoe wear is much better for those that insist on running, with gel pads etc.. But it is not good for our bones because we evolved upright.
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I think running is fine as long as you don`t overdo it. I don`t do more than 4 miles nowadays. Touch wood no joint pain yet, if I did I would give up. It helps with bone density. I also do dancing and walking so think you need to mix your exercise not go over the top on one type. I go stir crazy if trapped indoors so have to get out and do something every day whatever the weather!
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Thank you so much for all your kind replies.
And apologies in advance for not replying to everyone's points. I'm really struggling with my mental health as well at the moment.
Yes, I totally mix it up on the exercise front. I walk a lot every day (it's my preferred method of getting places...I don't have a car). I cycle at the gym as well, do weights, go on long walks and mountain walks with my fiancé. Well, I used to be able to do all of that a lot. I think that's one the the reasons my mental health is suffering as well. I can barely walk for 20 minutes before having to find a toilet to change.
Anyway. Another terrible night last night. 3 and a half hours sleep.
I had bad stomach cramps yesterday, like they used to be on the day I got my period when things were normal. I haven't had those for a while.
I felt like I wanted my insides to drop out of me during the night, like they were so full and needed to fall out of me for me to feel better. I had some bad clotting during the night, including one very bad one this morning.
I decided to go back on the Tranexamic Acid, whatever the side effects.I took two this morning and was sick.
Called my GP again, hysterical again.
Now? A couple of hours later? Weirdly I feel not too bad. Like either some of the Tranexamic Acid has gotten into my system and lightened things up a bit? Or the feeling of wanting my insides to fall out and those clots coming out has helped? I feel a bit like a deflated balloon now - in a good way.
On the food front, I had a salmon filled and an avocado mixed together yesterday about 4.00pm and that's it. Nothing at all today so far, and I'm good with that. But I might have a tin of lentil soup about 4.00pm (and noting more). I'm working evenings at the moment, so a little energy for that will help.
Tomorrow my fiancé is coming to visit for the weekend, with his two nephews (6 and 8 years old). We're going out for a pizza in the evening. Depending on how I feel, at the moment I'm thinking I'm not having any cheese on mine and will just eat half of it. He will be very happy to eat the other half (he has a super physically demanding job). That'll be 500 calories tops for me.
He's made some lovely soup for us all for the Saturday, so I'll have a bowl of that at lunch before I go to work for the rest of the day/evening. I'll have an apple between my shifts. And that will do me for Saturday. They're heading off somewhere to do something super energetic.
Sunday he's heading home again with the kids and I'm going to work a double shift, so I reckon we'll have something like a poached eggs and a bagel for breakfast.
Then we're into a new week. And depending on how things go, I might stay at the bowl of soup a day level, or a salmon fillet with some avocado per day level.
If my periods stop (for whatever reason), I'll throw some bread in there and go to the gym for a gentle cycle to try and get things back on a more even keel, mentally.
I feel like I'm living an absolute nightmare at the moment. I just want my life back. I really liked my life, everything I did, and how I felt.
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You're the same age as me. I had my last period age 48. A few heavy periods just before this. So, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Actually crying reading this.
Please, please, please I want this to be me as well. Please...just please.
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Thank you about the shortage of minerals post...
I was reading about what vitamins might help last night. I'll post again about it when I feel like I have a bit more energy. I'm feeling pretty exhausted at the moment.
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I've just had a call from my GP.
She wants me to go in for an appointment on the 19 December.
She doesn't want me to carry on with the Loestrin and wants to discuss options.
I explained to her that I needed to feel some level of control over the situation, and to please let me carry on, but she's not for budging.
I have PTSD so having the control taken away from me is one of the worst things for me. It is so triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering.
I can't cope now, I really can't. I thought it was bad before. It's now worse.
Why can't she listen to me?
Why don't doctors listen to you?
Help me someone. Please. Please. Please.
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Deep breaths girl,bloody drs yet again,you must try to get an emergency appointment,just make up something to tell receptionist so they'll give you one.do it now
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I don't want an emergency appointment.
I want to carry on taking the Loestrin until the 2 months are up at the end of January. And then see how things are then. That's what I want. But they're not listening. Why can't I do that? Why?
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If they don't know how badly it's affecting you they can't do anything but if you go for a face to face,they will SEE how much it's terrifying you,do you have any left?
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I want to eat even less now. I want some control Please let me have some control. Someone? God? Please? Someone out there?
Why don't doctors ever listen? I've already been through tis before with doctors. Years and years and years ago.
I was doing OK again. And now this?
So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering. So triggering.
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If they don't know how badly it's affecting you they can't do anything but if you go for a face to face,they will SEE how much it's terrifying you,do you have any left?
I have a month and a half left.
I told her how much it was stressing me ou not having the control. In words.
And she could hear it. The more the conversation went on, the more I started to cry and not be able to talk any more.
Why are they so lacking in any sort of humanity? Empathy? Compassion?
What's left to me now? Definitely going down the not eating route for longer.
I'm five foot four. For me to have an underweight BMI (of 18.5) I need to get to seven and a half stone.
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You need to get help,fairly immediately,nobody here can do anything,can you call a relative or friend?
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So why can't you just take them?
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I just want to feel the control again. I will be fine after that. I'm just shocked a doctor could be like that. But it's no shock really, I've experienced it before. It's just been a long time...many years. I thought I'd learnt to express myself clearly with doctors and I thought that if you expressed yourself clearly they would listen and take that into account and consideration as it's my body. And surely I should have a say?
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So why can't you just take them?
I don't know. She won't tell me over the phone, even though I asked her.
She's going to 'review' it at my appointment and 'discuss options'.
I don't want to have to wait until then. I told her that, and that I found that really stressful and it was making things worse for me, mentally.
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She proposed the 19 December. It's too long away. I'd rather have known what she was thinking now. The waiting game is triggering. The whole dynamic is triggering...she has all the power over my body, I have none.
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Im so sorry you're feeling so bad,I'm not a professional, I can only suggest you seek help,not sure why you just don't continue taking them though,it's obviously nothing serious as to why she told you to stop,take jari's advice & phone that number,you've nothing to lose
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One shouldn't stop medication suddenly particularly when it's helping. If you won't accept an emergency appt. so that you are in control :-\ then 19th is what you have been offered, or ring the Surgery to speak with a Nurse Practitioner? Lack of food will cause your emotions to sway [at least it does mine so that I can't think straight :'(]. Get some grub into you Girl, I know it is difficult but trust me, the body needs it. Also, if my mind remembers properly, one can't have pizza without cheese ......... ;) . If you have children with you, try to act normally because it isn't a good role model to avoid food. Better to have nowt and tell them you have already eaten. [long story short].
I remember that feeling of my bottom 'dropping out' and the clots :'( and the PAIN. The nausea B4 a bleed. The tears. HORMONES >:(
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Hi, Focus!
Are you anorexic and/or have you been anorexic before? Little to no food and extreme need to exercise? And starving - the need to control your body??!?? NO!
Excess bleeding in perimenopause can be controlled by many medical methods but these do not include STARVING YOUR BODY SO THAT IT STOPS MENSTRUATING!!! Which is what you imply in your posts. Please, don't starve yourself! There has been good advice provided in the comments to your posts.
And please, listen to the advice given and seek emergency help!
Milamam
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Thank you for your kind and supportive replies. I really appreciate it.
I am just about to head out to work for the evening. Eating disorder in my teens/early-mid 20s yes.
My plan now is to write a letter to my GP before anything else. I don't think she believes that I am going through the perimenopause thing. I will explain that it is what the doctor at the walk in clinic when I was referred said to me.
Then explain my symptoms.
And then talk about the PTSD triggering part and suggest ways of approaching it (by both of us) so that she doesn't inadvertently do something or say something that triggers me.
How does that sound?
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A good start. I was anorexic from the age of 3 and diagnosed at 5. Doctor told Mum that I would 'grow out of it' >:( and until the late 1990s I was still trying to 'grow out of it'. Medication to stop the nausea caused by not eating 'properly' eased me into a better eating pattern. DH has been a rock and encouraged me. I still have safe foods when vulnerable, particularly at this time of year.
Is this GP familiar with your past eating disorder problems? She is probably unaware of what can trigger any one of us when we want support, advice and a medication that helps. This is lack of empathy which is common. A short note - don't ramble ;). Keep with the medication until you get to the appt..
There is support out there for mental health but it's hard to access sometimes. I found the worse I felt the less likely I was to have the energy to get out bed!
Little steps. I find bananas helpful as they are slow release and I have eaten something ;). DH will often say 'well you've eaten A, B, C so don't worry until tomorrow'. Lunch is my hardest meal to face, I may have said already :-\
:hug: I think that if your hormones are playing up, heading towards menopause, that restrictive eating won't make any difference. It certainly did with me. Hormones took over. Bugga ::)
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Actually, I had a thought...I've just been chatting with my fiancé about it all. He's suggested that the doctor just doesn't have a very good beside manner.
But I was talking about the resistance I was feeling from her, promoted by my overemotional panicky state of being.
So it got me thinking about resistance in life in general. And how a lot of our unhappiness comes from some sort of resistance. And that's because we're expecting something else.
So what if I just gave up the resistance I was feeing to this stuff? Gave up the feeling of being betrayed by my body and the feeling of being angry at myself because of that?
And just let whatever was being in that moment just be? There would be no value judgement on what was going on in my body. It would just be what was going on in my body in that moment. It would be neither positive nor negative.
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So, I've noticed a slight diminishing in the heaviness of my period these last two days (and nights).
I would describe it as just 'heavy' now. There are almost no clots now, and when there are they are really, really small. All in all, it's much more manageable.
Except this morning I have woken uo with the headache from hell. I never, ever get headaches. I've maybe only ever had a couple in my entire life. One was when I was incredibly stressed and was probably a migraine. It's didn't feel like just a headache.
This one is awful, right across the front of my forehead and round as far as the temples on each side. I have a feeling this is hormone related.
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No much wonder you've a headache,you're body sounds exhausted.
Unfortunately as we age our body DOES let us down,I hate the way mine looks now,well I always did if truth be known.
People would always say to me,what a pretty girl you are,never had a problem getting boyfriends etc but I just couldn't see what they saw,always spotted flaws. I still don't leave the house without makeup,it's a nightmare. I was 48 when I met my now husband and would you believe,he is the first man to see me fully naked?even now it's still uncomfortable.
Just recently I've slowly started to accept that it is what it is,there's nothing any of us can do about it,I've stopped working out 5 days a week and torturing my body,I'm not fat & probably never will be,who cares if I've a little pot belly,my husband loves me and I'm sure you're fiancé loves you more than anything in the world.
Don't keep fighting with your body,I'm sure you're a wonderful human being,we all need to try to love who we are,warts and all.
Chin up girl,we're all here for you x
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Thank you.
I managed to fall asleep again for a few hours and feel a bit better now, although I've pretty much still got a blinding headache. I actually dreamt about making love with my fiancé : o)
That's been part of everything that's been stressing me out. I really love being able to be so close to him (in every way), and not knowing when I could was making me feel so depressed. We don't live together, he live a two and a half hour drive away so we only see each other at weekends. Our time together is really precious, and we like to fill it with tons of different things we both want to do, and maybe one of us has never tried. Rock climbing anyone? I never, ever imaged I would be doing that. But I loved it and would totally do it again.
Anyway, I found a couple of websites that sold me some Norethisterone, so I bought that. Whatever happens, I'll be able to do my couple of days business events in January and February without having to worry. And we can maybe also plan to go on a mountain hike at some point in the new year.
Even if I end up not having the use them (either because I have no period, or because it's light or very light) I feel much, much calmer knowing I have them there as a safety net. And it's not been dependent on going to see the doctor either and whatever she says.
It's taken me a long time to get to this point in my life, where I really like my life, who I am and what I look like. I was with/marrried to an alcoholic for 18 years. I ended up with such little self esteem I'm unrecognisable now from where I started from (which was jus a handful of years ago). And when I say unrecognisable I mean literally too. I've had to tell people I've known in my past life who I am because they've not recognised me.
If you've know any sort of addict you know that the most important thing in their life is the thing they're addicted to. I was second best to the alcohol.
He had affairs too. I had no idea what was going on. I mean, why would the person that you were married to cheat? You wouldn't cheat on them, so why would you think they might do it to you? Anyway, some of those girls were less than half my age, and one gave him an STI. Then he had what I think was an on/off affair with someone 16 years younger than me, for...maybe 3 years? He left abruptly, had about 2 weeks to himself (I think) and got together with her. 9 months later she was pregnant.
So, back to me : o) You can imagine what that did to my sense of self and safety. But I totally pulled myself up by the bootstraps, dropped everything to do with helping him out (I had been helping him run his phenomenally successful working life because he hated having to do anything practical where he wasn't having a good time), and used that energy for myself.
Most important thing for me was to become financially stable and secure (I had been homeless for a year as a child when I was 10 years old). So after a year of very slowly getting myself back on my feet I decided that my big goal was that I going to pay off my mortgage as soon as I was divorced. I didn't do anything to initiate the divorce, or sort it out. It wasn't what I had wanted and I wasn't going to spend my time and energy cleaning up his mess for him - again. My time and energy was going to be for myself and for me to build my own future with. I worked so hard over the next two years that I was in a position to do so. A week after my divorce papers finally came through (which I believe his mum did all the work sorting out) I walked into the bank to pay off my mortgage.
I had lost so much weight so quickly after he had left through the total trauma of it all (2 stone in 2 months) that I started dressing totally differently. Hello TopShop, ripped jeans and body con dresses!
I also started doing physical things (dance classes, barre, yoga, and eventually running) to try and improve my mental health and make me feel more steady and grounded in myself. It had the unexpected side effect/benefit of helping tone me up as well.
I started going out again, and my best friend insisted I go out on a few dates. That was a laugh! I was shocked at how wrecked and tired a lot of men - most men I met - my own age looked and acted. I knew I wasn't like that. I've always looked really young and youthful - most people thing I'm about 35 when they meet me. It also helps that I'm short, very small (especially now), and very soft spoken. I also work with people that are much younger than me which probably helps.
Anyway, I knew that I didn't belong want to be with anyone (talking about being with a man here) in that 'middle aged and knackered' category. If I was going to be close to anyone, they had to have a vibrant, youthful outlook and be making healthy choices for themselves: moderate alcohol, no smoking, eating well, good boundaries...As I was imaging my ideal partner I threw in a couple of cheeky requests and made myself laugh a bit with it (manly physique, but a cheeky boyish face).
A while after I met my now fiancé, and he is *exactly* who I had wanted to meet. We just hit it off instantly and have been having the most amazing time discovering things and sharing things together. And it's been almost two years now.
So, I'm sure you can understand my frustration at now having this thrown at me, when I'd worked so hard to get to this point in my life, and I didn't even know this sort of thing existed in the world in the first place. In my naivety I though that your periods would just sort of fade away into nothing at some point, and you'd have a few hot flushes, and then you'd be menopausal. I know, laugh at me because I'm totally laughing at myself at this point.
But then, I had no idea how it felt to have been married to an alcoholic and to have been on the receiving end of multiple infidelities until well after my ex husband left and I had a lot of time to think things over and reassess things, and make *my version* of events, that didn't take into account any of his denials, minimising, gas lighting etc.
So, there we have it. I feel very, very tired, like I've been through some sort of battle. But I've been talking about it with my fiancé since things got especially bad mid October, and letting him know everything. I don't think I'd ever had this in life, but we feel like companions and I don't feel scared or ashamed sharing things about myself with him, even things that really make my toes curl.
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All I can say Focus is wow, what an amazing woman you are. You must be so proud of yourself and rightly so after all you've been through. You'll get through this too, I'm sure of it.
By the way, that's exactly what I thought menopause was, periods stopped, a few flushes and that was it. How wrong could I be!!!
X
Here here sparkle,it's absolutely horrendous what so many women go through & nobody warns you,it's just BOOM & you're left wondering what the hell is going on here?am I going mad?if only it was a few hot flushes,that I can deal with 🥵
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Thank you so much!
Ha...we can laugh at ourselves, for sure.
Clearly, in my super obsessive, need to control it state, I've not been able to let it go yet...
I found out about a sexual health clinic in the city where I live and have made an appointment at the end of January (the first one they had free) to talk about the pill I'm on. The lady I spoke to said they also had a menopause clinic. I couldn't believe how kind and helpful she was. She also said that the nurses would be super empathetic to my situation and take everything into account.
I also told her I would run out of my pill before the end of January and that was stressing me out as well. She said I can go into Boots and get the same prescription as an emergency cover to tide me over. until my appointment.
So we'll see how it all unfolds and how this pill works for me in the meantime. Which is what I wanted all along.
Even just knowing I have options now is making me feel much, much better. I was feeling so cornered and claustrophobic it was totally triggering my flight or flight PTSD thing. And obviously I was fighting like a flipping maniac, like my life depended on it.
My fiancé called as well. They always finish early on a Friday as their job is so physically demanding. He said he could tell straight away I was feeling much better. So we had a laugh on the phone for a bit.
I've been able to have a tin of lentil soup. So I've had two lentil soups to eat in the past two days. The day before that I had a bit of salmon and avocado mashed together. That's been it for the past three days on the food front.
And, such good news...my period is lessening more and more. I know I can go to work this evening and not worry about it. I can just enjoy my work - as I usually do.
If it carries on lessening, I can definitely go back to the gym on Monday and next week. I know I'm probably far too weak to do a run, but I could do a very, very gentle cycle for 15/20 minutes, and maybe some light arm weights. Just be there for a half hour, taking things super slowly.
Which means I will feel more like my old self again. And maybe able to eat a plate of healthy food.
A lot of maybes. A lot of thinking. A lot of over thinking. It's all brought out the very worst aspects of my personality,
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So glad you're feeling a bit better focus.
We women are strong,you'll get there,keep fighting 😊❤️
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4 me it is about being in control and the moment anxiety floors me, I am suicidal. Which is where my emergency as necessary medication helps. I know that it works 20-45 mins. and that it helps so I don't have to take any extra.
I like to know when we are leaving and returning home. I like to know when food will be on the table ::). In the 1990s I was housebound and thought I would never go out and about :'( but with medication I gradually picked up my Life. Now I am usually [apart from this time of year], OK about shopping, walking, antique fairs ........ anywhere that I know I can leave if necessary. So theatre is a no-no.
Your bleeds may well be intermittent: heavy/light: you may miss weeks/months ::) - mine waxed and waned. Some times I thought 'this is it' but then it would appear >:( ::). Forewarned is forearmed.
Pain can be eased by appropriate medication as can heavy bleeding.
Keep posting!
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Actually, I had a thought...I've just been chatting with my fiancé about it all. He's suggested that the doctor just doesn't have a very good beside manner.
But I was talking about the resistance I was feeling from her, promoted by my overemotional panicky state of being.
So it got me thinking about resistance in life in general. And how a lot of our unhappiness comes from some sort of resistance. And that's because we're expecting something else.
So what if I just gave up the resistance I was feeing to this stuff? Gave up the feeling of being betrayed by my body and the feeling of being angry at myself because of that?
And just let whatever was being in that moment just be? There would be no value judgement on what was going on in my body. It would just be what was going on in my body in that moment. It would be neither positive nor negative.
This sounds like a great plan. It's what "mindfulness" is about. Being in the moment, not fretting about what has or will be. Your fiance sounds wonderful. Great that you are able to talk this through with him.
By the way, I was peri menopausal aged 46-47. I found it very confusing as I had no one to talk to. This forum is wonderful. And so it seems is your fiance. Know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. And that you have an appointment coming up. And that you have taken control: you have got medication and made a follow-up appointment, you have discussed it with your fiance and with this forum, and you say that you recognise the need to ensure you're eating well enough to keep up your long-term health - minerals & carbs & protein for good energy levels, strong teeth & bones, liver function etc etc. (As another forum member has proved, there's no guarantee that starvation results in zero bleeding - although I grant you that it *might* - but starvation will have other, unintended aspects of your health - that could have longer term consequences.)
Peri menopause can be awful and each day a trial, but in the grand scheme of your whole life, and your future with your fiance, this difficult period will pass. Ride the wave, and it will pass more easily than if you fight against it. Good luck.
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Thank you lovely ladies!
Well, some level of normality has returned, although a slightly altered one at the moment.
The huge stress of it all, compounded by my GP, must have triggered my PTSD. And then also, on top of that, I went back to my ED (that predated by PTSD) as well. Double whammy, if you like. Too much stress, and I started getting ill.
I'm one of those people who are never, ever ill. I've worked so hard on my mental health and my physical health, especially over the past three years since my (alcoholic) now ex husband left. The comment I've had most often over these past three years has been 'you look 20 years younger'.
My fiance's niece and nephew came to stay with me/us for Friday and Saturday. They are the loveliest children ever, so incredibly well behaved, but my goodness, I felt utterly exhausted. I have a temporary contract for some work over December, and it's unbelievably busy and noisy. I knew it would be, I've had the same contract for December for 4 years, and I love it, but I really need the time and space and peace and quiet to myself, to be able to deal with work.
My fiancé was wonderful. I hardly slept Saturday evening (insomnia and illness). I woke up at 1.30am, was awake almost all night, and finally drifted off about 6.00am. I heard one of the kids come through - it must have been shortly after I had drifted off - and whisper my name in my ear to try and get me to wake up. I was too exhausted, I couldn't move, couldn't even open my eyes. Next thing, it was about 3 hours later, and I woke up to find all the doors between my bedroom and the living room closed, and the sound of a Laurel and Hardy film on from the living room and some chatting. He'd made sure they had something to do and made them both breakfast. By the way, children eat so much! I couldn't believe it: first breakfast, second breakfast, pizzas, huge puddings, tons of bread and butter...and they're skinny kids too.
He then took them for a walk for half an hour so I could have a bath in peace and quiet and get ready for work (Friday, Saturday and Sunday are the busiest days for this work I'm doing at the moment).
He is such an amazing man, so incredibly supportive, I could cry with the relief of it all. After 18 years of being with someone who always put himself and his need to consume alcohol first, and then everything else after that (including his wife) I can't believe someone like this man exists. We had the loveliest chat on Saturday night when I got home from work. Just half an hour when we were both in bed. He told me not to worry, and that it was all totally natural. Nothing was putting him off. Even just thinking about it is making me want to cry.
It's been 10 days that I've been taking the Loestrin 20. I'd say I feel 95% better.
I still get some sort of bleeding at night, but nothing much at all really. And no bleeding during the day any more now. I guess this will even itself out as I'm taking the Loestrin for longer, or develop into some sort of pattern somehow. Mood swings much more evened out.
I'm still not sleeping well (insomnia) and waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. But I can take both those things. I had insomnia for 7 years as part of my PTSD (only ever slept 4 hours a night, and occasionally down to 2 or 3 hours if things were super bad). It's one of the reasons I go to the gym and do loads of exercise, it helps me sleep much, much better. Anyway, nobody ever guessed I was operating on such little sleep for all those years. Actually, thinking about it, my insomnia was probably exacerbated by XH's drinking.
Anyway, Monday is our day off. I've had a lie in and am catching up on admin now.
I feel...I dunno...outraged? that I knew more about the process of growing up and getting my periods than about any of this. I thought that the menopause happened when you were in your late 50s or 60s. Why doesn't anyone tell you any of this? Why don't you learn it at school, when you learn about reproduction? I mean, it happens to all women, which is about half the population. So it's a significant number of people. Yet we don't know about it?
It's probably not good for me to get angry about stuff at the moment. Yet more adrenaline and cortisol. I'm probably still souped up on it all from the last few weeks/months.
Thinking back, I started getting *big* clots maybe early summer, or slightly before. First episode of flooding (supposedly when my period was pretty much totally finished) some time over the summer. Periods were still very, very regular, even though getting heavier. More flooding maybe end October? Then all hell broke loose from 12 November and every single day has been pretty much a living nightmare since then. So, all in all, it's maybe been going on 6 months at this point? Maybe slightly longer.
I'm tired and bored of thinking about it. I'm exhausted from thinking about it.
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Great news that you're 95% better than 10 days ago.
It's not just menopause I didn't know about - I was pretty much in the dark about childbirth and baby rearing before they happened, too, even though they are also pretty common life events! At that time, National Childbirth Trust local group and breastfeeding clinic and online forums for parents were fabulous and got me up to speed/gave lots of support when I needed it - but I only found out about things when I was right in the storm of dealing with all the new stuff. Then when I started caring for a relative with cancer, I was clueless all over again - I had never been taught or had any experience in doing that, either, so went looking for information and support and learnt "on the job" best I could.
Tbh I'm not sure that going into much detail in school about any of this stuff would have helped as I'm sure I'd have forgotten about it by the time I needed the information. And treatments and support groups etc change all the time, too. And I suppose we only really sit up and take notice when things affect us personally? So it's at THAT point we need all the information. Which is why this forum is such a godsend.
I suppose it's a pity that lots of GPs don't quite know how to help when we first approach them. They do have to know something about EVERYTHING under the sun, fair dos - they are "general" not "specialist" practitioners. But it would help if they could signpost us to other GPs or specialist clinics who know more about the menopause if their knowledge isn't as good as it could be. If they don't automatically do that, then, as someone's already suggested earlier on this thread, you could ask your GP practice to give you an appointment with a GP that DOES know more about menopause than the GP you saw recently? It is what I shall do if I feel I need a new appointment (the symptoms I was struggling with have more or less stopped over the last week, but if they flare up again, this is what I'll do).
Best wishes in continuing your progress. Don't stress about the things you can't change (what school taught you or didn't teach you, or your last experience with your GP). What's past is past. Let it stay there. Focus on what you can do to improve today and map out your next steps in advance (you could plan for more than one scenario, e.g. if your health stays the same until next appointment, or better, or worse), so you can feel prepared & more in control when the scenario happens. For example, if you fear the same GP will not listen next time, you could find out NOW whether there's a more specialist GP at the practice or a specialist clinic in the locality, so if you're not satisfied after your next GP appointment, you will be more in control of the situation, with a plan of action ready to go.
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Big :bighug: to you both!
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I'm not going back to that GP, unless I have something that's nothing to do with this.
If someone pushes me so far that I lose it with them, even after me warning them that what they are doing/saying is triggering me and explaining why it is, then they've burnt their bridges with me.
I never give them another chance because they've put me in that situation in the first place.
How dare she not let me speak and speak about my experience, how dare she not take into account what I'm telling her about how her actions/words are affecting me, how dare she assume control over my body.
Nah, no way.
Her actions were so triggering.
And she knew what happened to me. It's written in my notes, I mentioned it every time I saw her, she mentioned it every time I saw her, I explained the last time we spoke on the phone.
I'm not stupid, I'm perfectly articulate about it and about what's going on with my PTSD. I've lived with it for long enough. I've read shed loads about it. And I'm surely not the only person/woman in this position. There are plenty of us out there. I know that.
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Unsurprisingly. I got ill as a result of all this stress, not enough food, weakened immune system, etc.
So am also feeling down over that.
I feel like my world has completely shrunk. And I feel trapped.
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You are trapped for a while but this too will pass. Take time for you. Rest as much as you can. Do what you are able to do, particularly at this time of year!
Are you eating 'better'? Little and often so that your body doesn't get hungry which causes those awful dips, anxiety surges, generalised weaknesses. Grazing suits me. It's been dried fruits and nuts today with a bottle of Coke ;-)
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I mean, I've no idea what's going on here.
It feels like I'm on some crazy high speed escalator...
So, insomnia for a while, night sweats for a while, periods all the time and constant flooding/heamorraging (but calmed down now, at the moment, through Loestrin 20).
And I don't know if it's because it's winter, because I've been ill, or some other reason, but I feel like I'm being desiccated from the inside. And my skin and hair is really dry.
I don't have the central heating on that much in my house, or the temperature that high. I know it's about 16-17 degrees inside from that fancy central heating gadget that tells me what the temperature actually is. I never have it on after I go to bed and it's not on before I get up in the morning, unless it's minus something outside.
Anyway. I usually drink a large glass of liquid overnight. It holds about 300 mils of liquid. I've done that for years.
At the moment? If I need to drink at least 2 of those glasses, more usually 3 - which is a whole litre of liquid overnight, from about 11.00pm to 5.00 or 6.00am!! And I'm still feeling like I'm being desiccated from the inside...
What the heck...
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Just adding in that I have never, every had an issue with dry or dehydrated skin before, either on my face or body.
I've never used a body lotion, ever, as I've never felt the need to. And the skin on my face has always been on the oily side. I don't use any special serums, oils etc in my skincare, and I don't have any lines or wrinkles round my eyes.
Most people think I'm about 35 years old from the way I look (I'm almost 49).
This all feels insane, like someone has given me a stranger's body...
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It's The Change.
As oestrogen levels drop so the body may become dry: inside and out : skin, scalp, in between the toes, vagina, deep in the ears, nostrils. Also muscles may become lax = aches and pains which an over-the-counter pain relief can ease. I think we need to accommodate our bodies changes - if we get time to accommodate them ::).
Maybe search for 'sylc' and 'yes' products here as well as using a good body moisturiser several times daily, we use either Nivea or Vaseline. The trick is to use it B4 the skin gets itchy = drying out. Now if I could find something long and thin to poke into my ears :-\ ;) ....
I have allergic rhinitis so often sleep with Gob Wide Open >:( - not a pretty sight as well as drying out nose and mouth :-\
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I have found I need to drink a lot more water than I used to and need extra moisturizer on my face and actually need lotion more often as well.
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Hi Focus, just a thought, but have you had a scan by a gynae? Do you know if you have fibroids because I believe these can cause a lot of bleeding? Just a thought! X
Thanks Jari. I had thought of that. But there was no way I could even begin to deal with it when I was so triggered by my PTSD then ED.
I'm really liking the way the Loestrin 20 is making me feel (so far). My appointment is with the new doctor/sexual health clinic is at the end of January, so I'll wait until then.
if it's something that can be done externally, then it's fine. But I'm afraid I can't handle anything else.
Also, seem to have developed a fixation for Marmite. The last time I bought any was about 26 years ago, when I had my ED. Weird.
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Nowt wrong with Marmite. Father in Law was under the 'care' of the Japanese building a railroad :'( for 3 years. As they stepped off the ship at Liverpool after being released, every Prisoner was given a small pot of it and one of Bovril because they had been starved ..... so maybe you will benefit Focus ;-). I LOVE both. The first on hot toast and the other in a cup of hot water. Soothing.
I think that once you have options Focus you will be more relaxed. Firstly you are feeling a little better. b) the appt. is after C.mas when all *that* hassle has gone. c) take a list of questions and make notes ;-)
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Thank you.
I am feeling more settled, but still a little uneasy and nervous in and of my physical self...mistrustful of it.
I've never felt my body so out of control. Nothing I could think of was stopping the seemingly endless heavy bleeding.
Anyway, Loestrin still working.
Started to have more, particularly of 'safe' food.
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Well done you! :medal: little and often: a little of what you fancy and don't forget, chocolate has lots of goodness in it as well as being easy to eat ;). In fact, chocolate kept me alive ........ melting at body temperature it meant that I didn't realise I was eating.
Half a day at a time ;-). I used to have in the back of my mind 'what if it starts again and I don't recover' :'( but with appropriate medication I slowly became well. Most days.
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My husbands niece has been in hospital for almost a year now,she's only 16 and anorexic,she's on 24 hour care because she's tried to kill herself twice and self harms.she is a lovely girl and wanted to be a vet or dr,so clever,her poor parents just don't know what to do,I don't suppose you have any advice clkd or focus?
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Starting another thread.