Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: honeybun on March 17, 2015, 08:47:31 PM
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My aunt is in hospital....I should visit but I just can't.....I panic so badly.
I have always had problems...I think I know where it stems from.
When I was ten my sister was very very ill with a brain tumour. I was taken to visit in various hospitals....it was all very traumatic....I was told...don't look in any other rooms just straight in front until I reached my sisters room. Given the fact she was in a neuro surgical hospital it was a bit scary for a child.
Now I have a deep seated fear of hospitals. When hubby was in I visited...just. I am scared I will see someone being sick...now that's a huge problem.
What really worries me is that my mother will end up in hospital and I won't be able to visit. My sister will be so angry with me.
I have been told I would be able to if I had to but this fear is very deeply seated and I don't think I could. There are three people in my world that would get me to visit, hubby , my son and my daughter.....and even then it would almost kill me.
I feel so feeble....anyone the same or have coping strategies.
Honeybun
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Yep, I was the same. For the same reason. I worry in case DH gets cancer and requires chemo …… :'(
Eventually, I worked in a Hospital. I only saw patients sick 3 times in 8 years ;) - I kept away from post-op patients, I was good at handing over the bowl and leaving ……. but if anyone had a 'bug' in the Hospital Staff with whom I worked I couldn't eat for days :-\ ……… however, the associated smell has gone as cleaning methods have altered - no more antiseptics and our cleaners were stripping and re-oiling the floors *every* morning when I went onto the Ward ………
You don't need/want to see your Aunt, your Mum is un-likely to visit her?
When my Dad was hospitalised [several times for various reasons] I managed, it's surprising how much we can do despite the phobia. I made sure not to look at anyone else and knew where the loo was. When DH had surgery he had a very nice Norwegian Nurse so it wasn't necessary for me to visit until 'all that' risk had gone. M in L was in several hospitals towards the end of her Life and I did manage, I carried a carrier bag with me 'in case' but never required it …….. if any patients close by coughed, I closed her curtains ::) - the day we went into the Ward when she was poorly DH dealt with the necessaries whilst I sat well away. She didn't notice.
Have 'the conversation' with your sister rather than wait and letting the worry fester? My biggest fear is the Tube, public transport …… being shut in. In case. As for travelling on vehicles with kids present :-X ……. WON'T !!!! ;).
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Our hospital is a tower block.....walk for miles to get to the lift then up umpteen floors. Takes ages to just get out. When hubby was attending weekly, I got as far as the door with him. I just can't, I just can't. I just panic.
Honeybun
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OH - I HATE hi-rise. Not natural ::) and how anyone can work higher than 3 floors though our Theatre was on the 5th >:( …..
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Ok - I know this is about anxiety in hospitals but given that a fear of people being sick has been mentioned........
We used to travel to New Zealand quite frequently, a long tiring journey. We decided that going business class would be the best way to cope. This worked moderately well till one occasion when we were sat just over the aisle from a girl child who was throwing up with a vengeance. OH was closest and was nearly in tears, no way he could cope. The cabin staff were brilliant, we were moved without a word being said.
Think CLKD is right, have the conversation now with your sister as to why you simply can not do hospitals.
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She does know Limpy....not sure she understands just how bad it is though and unless you have been there you don't get it.
Once when I flew with my two I had stereo vomiting. Hubby was in the seat in front so couldn't help. We were coming into land so the stewardess didn't come to take the bags which then burst...
Ended up in the loo in the airport with a case changing me and two children.
Happy days....then I could cope...now I cant :-\
Honeybun
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You can only do what you can.
No sense in getting stressed about it, it won't help.
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I know....just want to do what's right as and when.
Honeybun
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I can relate, HB.
The first person I had to visit in hospital was my dad - in isolation in intensive care. The first time I visited, I had to flee to the visitor's room in tears. Ever since then, I find even hospital appointments traumatic if I have to walk past ward entrances or see patients in nightmare, gowns etc.
No advice, I'm afraid, but lots of empathy and understanding.x
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Try not to think too far ahead. The scenario's you are playing out may never happen. I do know that feeling of terror but it is amazing how much strength you can find when push comes to shove. Why not take control now, before you are put in the situation, and try to get some help - hypnotherapy is supposed to be good for this type of anxiety. There may be help and advice on the No Panic site http://www.nopanic.org.uk/hospital-related-phobias/ especially as you know where your fear stems from. It's a shame to let something that happened so many years ago still have a hold over you. Maybe you could go along to your hospital and just walk around to gradually get yourself acclimatised? Sounds a bit daft but you would then be in control as to when you went and how long you spent there without anyone needing you.
Unfortunately I've had a lot of experiences of visiting loved ones in hospital and sitting with them while they were really poorly and subsequently while they died. It does get easier. Is it mainly the fear of seeing someone vomiting which makes you scared of visiting someone and what's the worst thing that could happen?
Taz x :hug:
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I don't like hospitals either. I'm ok if I'm visiting someone who wasn't really ill (if that makes any sense). When my Aunty was in and was really poorly I was a wreck. Couldn't eat before I went, I sat there with my bottle of water, my Bachs remedy and chewing gum.
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Lots of reasons really. Yes seeing someone being sick is a big problem because I dont cope with that.
I don't like being anywhere I can't get out of quickly. A sort of claustrophobic feeling I think.
I feel very light headed as if I might faint and given the fact hospitals are always too warm that does not help either.
I'm not good in any closed in situation, be it a shopping center or any kind of waiting room. I even struggle to sit in my doctors waiting room especially if it's busy.
All in all its not good.
I know sometimes we just have to get on with things and no doubt I would try my best but it does prey on my mind.....especially in the middle of the night when you do the what if scenario.
I just feel as if I owe it to my family to be able to cope with any given situation and I'm letting them down when I cant.
Honeybun
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I didn't have children because of this phobia …………. :-X stereo vomiting :o ……… <shudders>
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Hi Honeybun
I seem to have this anxiety as well and I also had a traumatic childood experience that I think set it off. I haven't had to visit anyone in hospital for a long time or have an appointment, but, when I did I managed OK. I am not sure what made it possible. Perhaps the focus on what you want to achieve, rather than the things you don't like about it.
I really really wanted to see my friend, so perhaps that was OK and I also knew what to expect in terms of how she was, what ward etc So I was prepared. I think if you feel visiting is an obligation then perhaps let yourself off the hook and send a card instead. If you really want to see her and also conquer some fears I can suggest the being prepared, where to go etc Have a plan and focus on the destination and also remember that you can leave at any time.
I also once offered to be a birthing partner for a dear friend and remember going to the hospital for a familiarisation tour before the event and I came home petrified and so anxious that I would have to let my friend down. The maternity ward was on the 13th floor of a tower block and had a secure door and of course a lift - all things that made me feel trapped. We were also shown all the emergency equipment........long story....but I did it - when the event happened I didn't think of all these things except when I got tired and stressed and then I chose to take a break.
I think the trick is to create a sense of control and choice over the things you can and the things you can't control melt away a little bit.
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Good advice BrightLight.
If you strip everything away Honeyb then it sounds like claustrophobia which is really the fear of not being able to escape easily from a situation if you need to rather than the fear of small spaces. Maybe there is something here that can help? http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/claustrophobia/Pages/Introduction.aspx
Taz x :hug:
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Thanks Taz....will have a read.
Honeybun
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I think a lot of us have let certain fears build up over the years I know I have. I stopped driving on motorways years ago and since then I have avoided other things too, flying being one of them. I am slowly working on myself layer by layer and I know the final thing to face will be motorway driving :( I plan to break it down to maybe 1 junction at a time. With hospital visits could you just visit and stand in the entrance on your 1st visit, baby steps, break it down and take control back slowly xx
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that worked for me, mostly, in the supermarket scenario ……….. but Hospitals have set visiting hours which puts on more pressure :-\ and it can be a rabbit warren finding the way to/from the Wards >:( - in some Hospitals they have coloured foot prints on the floors to the various depts ::)
I was unable to attend my F in L's funeral due to anxiety - it was better that DH supported his Mum and not have to worry about me suddenly needing the leave. I stayed at home with the dog ………
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I can go into a hospital, went with hubby for three months, every week. I went in, went to the loo, got a cuppa and took it out to the car.
It's the wards that are the issue.
Seems to me every single time I have been to visit anyone in a ward there has been someone sitting up in bed with a sick bowl.
When mum was in after breaking her hip she was in a single room...I managed that just.
When hubby was in A&E with his diabetes I was the one who wandered about outside and kept going back in when I was needed. My poor son said I looked worse than his dad. He had to cope with us both. He is nearly 26 now and I know he would support me if hubby was in. Hubby just forces me to do what's right. It's a case of this is what you need to do so with me holding your hand this is what you WILL do.
Need to stop overthinking and just live for the day.
Honeybun
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Not easy though - our brains niggle away don't they >:( ………. I'm not any better if I know the sickness isn't catching :-X didn't go near pregnant ladies either!
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Honeybun just wanted to add to this thread as I also have this problem :( think mine is deep routed from when I was a child also..........very long story. This anxiety thing is pants xxxx
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Hello honeybun.
I just wanted to add that I also hate visiting hospitals, even the clinic I had to attend recently was difficult for me but this is definitely a meno thing as I have never had this problem before.
I send my sympathies to you but I'm sure your hormonal state is contributing a lot and hopefully when this phase has passed you will be able to cope much better.
Wishing you well.
K.