Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Humour => The funny side of menopause => Topic started by: CLKD on April 07, 2017, 07:36:16 PM
-
They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
-------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM .. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
-
:ange: :lol:
-
:rofl: oh thank you for the chuckle :)
-
:lol:
-
:rofl:
I've got one to add to the list (from a book of organ anecdotes). Something along the lines of: church order of service one Sunday, announced one of the hymns that week as "Our God Resigns"........!
-
Ah ladies, needed a laugh today. ;D
-
:rofl:
I've got one to add to the list (from a book of organ anecdotes). Something along the lines of: church order of service one Sunday, announced one of the hymns that week as "Our God Resigns"........!
;D
Looking at the world news I wouldn't blame him. The wonderful thing about our God is that he still sticks with us and never gives up on us :).
-
That's right. That's what we've got to remember.
-
That's given me a good laugh this morning - so funny :rofl:
-
;D ;D
-
Thank you for such a good giggle. I now have one confused husband and one hen wondering why Mummy is wobbling because she's giggling so much ;)