Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: groundhog on August 05, 2018, 01:34:46 PM
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Hi Dangermouse and all,
This was mentioned on another thread but I didn't want to hijack that thread .
EMDR ( Eye movement desensitisation reprocessing) - I just wanted to know if anyone had any experience on this.
As you probably know I had a trauma nearly 4 years ago ( omg ) when surgery went wrong leaving me with a fistula, long story but it's changed my physical and mental health. No resolution in sight.
I had EMDR last week by an nhs counsellor who is very efficient and highly qualified. The reasoning behind it is ( I think ) that bilateral stimulation of the brain can release stuck negative thoughts and traumas, so I had a buzzer in each hand which buzzed simultaneously and then it stopped and the lady asked me questions about that thought did I have. Sometimes it was nothing, or anxiety or what was for tea! I'm not sure it had any effect at all ! It last about 90 minutes, I did feel exhausted after and felt unwell the next day but that's noting new.
She is continuing to see me andwill offer cbt , im not sure if the EMDR is an ongoing thing ?
I am depressed I know that, anxious and very unhappy but I'm not sure it's the trauma of the perforation alone that caused this. I think it's just the ripple effect it's had on my life . EMDR , again I think, primarily deals with trauma, in my case the trauma is still there as I still have the fistula and all that entails. Plus I had my ovaries out and wonder how much that is responsible for my low low mood. It's hard to quantify as when I feel well, I feel happier so my GP doesn't think it's hormonal.
Any thoughts ladies?
I know dangermouse has qualified in this so I'm hoping for some insight xxxx
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I would think that EMDR is instead of CBT? Why both? Do you have homework?
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Hi CLKD,
I think it's like comparing ‘apples and pears ‘. Totally different concepts.
I'm hoping Dangermouse will help me out here xx
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I think it's helpful to first understand how EMDR came about. Francine Shapiro was walking through a park thinking, as usual, about her problems and she noticed that by the end of her walk she felt so much better. She then realised that as she walked through the park that she was glancing from one tree on one side of the path to another on the other side, creating rapid eye movement (similar to when we dream at night) which led to her creation of EMDR to process those painful memories that have been pushed aside at the time because they were too painful to deal with.
The reason it is so successful for trauma is due to the act of rationalising your thoughts whilst simultaneously experiencing your feelings. The same can be achieved with hypnosis whilst receiving rational questioning or, if the patient feels safe with their therapist, they can let themselves ‘go there' using pure CBT. However, it's often difficult to access those abject moments or terror or sadness in a clinical safe setting. The EMDR also confuses that state, a little like rapid hypnotic inductions (which are rarely used in the therapy room, more for the stage).
The source of the negative emotions is only relevant in terms of how you feel now, your perception about how it's affected you along with any regret, guilt, loss, grief etc. It's about accepting that the past can't be changed and processing your situation in the here and now, looking forward and then being able to look back whilst only experiencing the memory without emotion, as the pain is gone.
Another great analogy is sitting on a train with all your baggage and as it comes to each stop you drop one of the bags off and you feel lighter and lighter as you move along the tracks (each EMDR set). It can be a very liberating therapy.
During the reflection after each EMDR set, the questions are CBT based, so rational and based on the thoughts that were behind the feelings, so the two work well together and some of the less painful questions can be talked about in more detail outside of the EMDR process.
Hormonal anxiety will up your stress hormones and add to any negative thoughts as this is not thought driven, it's your brain assuming there's a problem due to sudden hormone crashes and pumping out extra stress hormones to allow you to run from the perceived problems. The physical sensation is the same but the source is different.
The main thing for you to remember in EMDR therapy is to stay in the moment, just let out whatever thoughts you're having (some may seem strange and unrelated but they can be behind what you assumed was the cause). It's about how you feel now, not how you felt then, as this is what you're living and experiencing right now.
Your therapist may next try pure CBT with you so you have a direct comparison as to which is suiting you better. They should then remain flexible to you choosing one over another.
Most failures in EMDR and hypnosis are down to the patient not understanding what they're meant to be doing. Neither are passive so strong instructions are key, particularly in hypnosis where it's all about intent focus and nudging away the conscious thoughts that pop into your mind every now and again.
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:thankyou:
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Just to add, an example of the very common misconception “I'm not good enough†could be something either suddenly blurted out from the subconscious during EMDR or hypnosis, or discovered during CBT when looking at the worst thing about, for example, being judged.
Further processing of that unhealthy negative thought during EMDR, or chatted through in a CBT session, will bring up solid proof that this is not true. It's obviously such a blanket statement that's exaggerated in our minds when feeling inadequate, but our subconscious is like a computer and accepts all and assumes it means an absolute lack of any skills or abilities. This is impossible for anyone and once the lie is broken, the healthy negative* thought that “I'm a fallible human being just like everyone else but I'm very capable in many areas†gets accepted by the subconscious and the anxiety turns into healthy concern.
* Positive thought like ‘I love my job' aren't concerns so don't need processing.
It's not about feeling perfect it's about feeling ok, with moments of feeling great. This is normal and healthy.
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Thanks Dangermouse that is a fab explanation. The counsellor did explain it but I wasn't sure how or if it was achiev8ng anything or if I was doing it right.
I think the problem is with me there are so many things going on, how do I disentangle it all. There's the surgery going wrong, massive disappointment but the thing is I'm still having quite major problems
As fistula rarely heal without surgery. I find it hard to accept a life of chronic ill health owing to a surgical complication. Plus of course dur8ng the hysterecomty they took my ovaries out so how much does that contribute. My mother going into a home , my family situation, loss of job, hubby very reluctantly retiring and us together 24/7, there's been so much I don't know what to concentrate on.
Funnily enough ‘I am not enough' is something I've said t my husband today ( which went down like a lead balloon ). Bit it's true he doesn't want me Unwell, he can't cope, he's great when I'm well but as soon as I go down hill his attitude changes as if he doesn't believe me. I see his love as conditional now as if I'm ok and can like I used to be then that's fine, but the broken me he dislikes so much.
Anyway thanks again for explaining EDMR. Next time I see her it will be cbt . I explained to her that before hav8ng this catastrophic surgery I had cbt for months to try and make me see the benefits of surgery but my fears were realised when it went wrong , she said cbt isn't about positive thinking, it's about rational and realistic thinking so hopefully it will ultimately help me see through the mire.
Thanks again, very grateful x
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Glad it helped!
In terms with how you disentangle everything, you start with the worst thing, and then the worst part about that thing and take it from there. Sometimes you're lucky and will hit on the root cause which knocks out all the other issues, or there may be 2 or 3 branches. Both EMDR and CBT will deal with these well.
Also remember that other people, like your husband, may have their own set of unhealthy beliefs that are actually their responsibility to deal with so don't feel it's all down to you, he can choose how he reacts as can you. Taking responsibility means taking control. However, if he doesn't fancy therapy then you can educate him from what you learn as he is just feeling his way around too and it won't be intentional.
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That's a really helpful explanation dangermouse thank you. If somebody has had several traumas can the process be repeated for each one or is more useful for when there is one main trauma?
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Hi again,
I asked my counsellor that Robin and she implied you can do EMDR for each trauma. Makes it sound so black and white somehow. I'm not sure if it worked for me or not. I certainly felt exhausted after the session and I don't think I'm thinking about it all quite so much. That said that's because I've been slightly better as I'm on antibiotics.
I went back to see the counsellor for a catch up session. She will now move on to cbt to look st my negative thinking patterns . Our chat yesterday was a bit strained. Every time I mentioned the event ( hyserectomy leading to perforated bowel leading to fistula ) she stopped me and more or else told me there is no point going over the same ground all the time. It's pointless, it's happened and noth7ng can be done. I did find this a bit harsh but I suppose she is right. But from my perspective surely that's part of the problem, my inability to accept what has happened , she said I had no choice - I could stay stuck wasting my life or find new things to twke me away from these thoughts. She said it seemed I had almost become the problem and that's all I was about. It was quite harsh. Maybe that's the point, she said no point in her sympathising or listening as she knows what's happened so it will change nothing.
I start cbt next week.
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That does sound harsh groundhog. Almost as if by not mentioning it it will have "worked". But if it's still in your head sometimes then surely it should be ok to say so. I really don't understand the way your therapist has responded to you but then I don't know how these things work. I hope the CBT has a good outcome for you. You've been through so much
Robin
X
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It is harsh. Because it isn't what you wanted to hear. One therapist asked me why I felt I was so important that people would be watching me ...... I was so angry but she was correct.
You have become your surgery and bad outcome. Understandably. It's in your head the whole while. Eventually you should, by talking it through and taking on board what the Therapist suggests as coping strategies, allow it 10 mins. thought every day. It is to enable you to accept and move on.
Otherwise?
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Yes I know CLKD. I think it's hard though moving on with this leaky horrible abdomen and a body that looks so mutilated yet with clothes on , hair done, make up - everyone says I look great !
But I don't feel great, sometimes o feel ok, sometimes I feel rubbish. Plus it changes all the time.
I've been on antibiotics so I've been better but I worry about taking them as I know the damage they cause.
But then how long have I been banging on about this, it's almost 4 years ladies.
She says she has experience of surgery going badly wrong, not her personally but someone close. The doctors will close ranks, clam up - I feel that, I feel invisible, I feel they'd be glad if I got run over by a bus.
She says if I complained then lessons would be learnt and nothing would change. Except it would be ‘known' I'd complained.
Blooming heck, I feel more confused than ever!
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Robin - As Groundhog says, yes each trauma can be dealt with and sometimes a golden thread is found and then that is worked on instead. It's really about allowing the subconscious to let out all its stored key thoughts in order to find any overriding ones that are holding you back.
Groundhog - It's about accepting your current physical situation as you cannot change it but you can change your perception of it and, perhaps, even forgiving any mistakes you believe may have been made (including blaming yourself for agreeing to the surgery) so you're not holding onto the anger and frustration. It's about looking forward in your new body and new life and not back at your old one. We all have to do this on a micro level in terms of general ageing too and some people have terrible accidents and begin a new life in a wheelchair or blind etc. It's all about adaption and one of the keys to happiness is being flexible with what may change for us in the future.
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Thanks dangermouse. It's something I've been considering but wasn't sure it was appropriate for my situation. It does sound as though it might be.
Wishing you well groundhog. I hope it brings you peace
X
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I d9 f8nd it hard to accept Dangermouse, they were told of the dangers of operating on me yet they felt they knew better.
I struggle with feeling unwell as my life is busy. Grandchildren who I adore for example and I know I can say NO but I don't want to as I love them. I struggle having to take antibiotics as I worry about it yet they make me feel better oh here I go blah blah.
Thank you xx
And thank you Robin xx
All I want is acceptance and peace will come. My life is good but I can't seem to enjoy it anymore x
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However groundhog - you signed the Consent Form.
As stated, many people have accidents and have to adapt. There was a bloke on TV this week paralysed from the chest downwards who gets around by using his head to active computer gadgets etc.. Are you afraid to let go .......... are you afraid to be happy in case something else happens?
I too struggle with feeling unwell. When anxiety hits I am suicidal in about 4 seconds :'(. Fortunately I know that the emergency medication works for me otherwise ........... :-\. I don't plan too far ahead. When I feel ill I am in despair even though I know it does pass. In the back of my mind is "What if it doesn't?" :'(
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Hello again,
In a way CLKD I am afraid to be happy as the fistula rollercoaster will always be there. I know there are people far far far worse off than me. I suppose it's because this could have been avoided, I told them , my previous consultant told them that surgery would make things worse. But no one listened. I've now been plunged into this myriad of doctors etc where everyone sympathies and calls me tragic.
Anyway I digress,
The counselling isn't going well. She had done the one session of EMDR which I'm unsure was of any benefit. So now we moved onto cbt. She read out various scenarios that ‘fitted' and one that leapt out was ‘I feel overly responsible for things ‘. I can agree with that. I do feel responsible for my mother ( brain damaged in a home ), my nephews ( long story ) and whilst I don't feel responsible for my daughter, I want to help her and be there for her. But this counsellor just seems to want to tick boxes and doesnt allow me to speak about things that affect me, she says it's pointless to go over old ground all the time. I left there feeling confused . She made me feel my marriage is dead in the water and I should sell up and buy a house by the sea ( my dream)l. Really not that simple is it.
I'm probably due t see her this week and I'm just dreading it, can't trust my judgement of anything anymore .
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So don't go to the appt.? You have enough to work on - a counsellor as I stated in the other thread, will not tell a client what to do. The idea is to listen to the impact of live's journey, make suggestions as to how to work round situations and allow the client to make the decisions as to what will work. But the client has to be open to those suggestions as well as be prepared to make changes.
Of course you want to help your daughter but does she need help or would she prefer her Mum to be out and about, doing stuff? Ask her?
One session of anything isn't enough. Is she on a time constraint, i.e. 12 weeks therapy? That put me off immediately, I wanted 'me' time in order to talk through any problems. It took 2 years of intermittent sessions with different types of therapist in order to move on.
The point *is* to go over 'old ground'. To get it out of our heads and away! To decide which strategy will help.
You signed the Consent Form. Your Surgeon is 'top of his field', he has discussed your condition with other Surgeons. This isn't going to alter. Has anyone actually used the word 'tragic' or is that your take?
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Interesting thread. I'd agree with CLKD that you need to feel comfortable with any kind of counsellor and that blocking you is very unhelpful. Sometimes you really need to revisit and revisit issues, which you can't do with friends and family. That's what I thought counselling was about, so that you could in a safe space, so you can move forwards. I remember years ago seeing someone whose response to my talking about my childhood, was what's that to do with now, it was years ago. But I needed a safe place to go over the issues, understand and acknowledge so that I could get on with now. I didn't go back. It felt like a slap in the face. Is this therapy private? If so, you shouldn't feel obliged to carry on. It's not an easy journey coming to terms with how it was and how it is now. You need to work with someone who is prepared to walk alongside you caring, but not emotionally involved, who you respect and trust and who can say those blunt truths when it is beneficial for you to take on board without judgement. Different techniques are useful, but basically help you to take on board what an amazing beautiful soul you are. What is it you want to achieve through counselling? Have you a clear idea? Other than just better than you feel now.
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Hi Ju Ju, CLKD and all,
No this is nhs Ju Ju. When the second op went badly wrong and I had respiratory arrest, I was referred for help under the nhs. You have to be assessed by the different ‘arms' starting with primary health care and progressing until they know what will help. This took months and I was finally told I needed specialised help and suggested the psychology department, the woman I see is from this department . I saw her last week and she said it wasn't working and as I wasn't willing to change then it was pointless carrying on. I said well isn't that why I'm here, the depression and anxiety thatbhave resulted from the surgical trauma are still affecting me so badly. But she felt even if you are depressed you have to make those changes that make you feel better. She said it wasn't counselling, it was proactive therapy. She told me to contact her nw couple of weeks. She did say she knows how traumatic this is and what an awful awful situation I've been lift in but there is no point going over it as I'm just digging a bigger pit for myself. She said I've got two sessions left but if I'm not more positive next week then it's pointkess me seeing her.
I'm confused and it's made me even more desperate to be honest.
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This is the problem with non flexible therapy packages that the NHS put you on. You can either choose a proactive one like CBT or a gentler one like counselling - this is where you do talk at length about what happened to you and how you now feel in the hope that you will find resolution with more gentle guidance from the therapist. However, some days clients need a bit of both and only being able to select one, I find very restrictive.
I'd suggest you go back to your doctor and ask to be referred for counselling instead as it may suit you better at this point and as you also are not getting good rapport with your current therapist, which is key to success
If you tell your doc to cancel your last 2 sessions they will appreciate you are saving them sessions as it's also a waste of your time and possibly making you less confident in talking therapy in general.
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Hi danger mouse,
Thanks you for explaining that, it does make sense but that's so not the right word!
The thing is I went through the assessment process. I went from primary health care who said I needed something more specialised so I went to therapeutic day care who agreed with the primary health care people. This is how I've ended up with the proactive cbt and it seems if that doesn't work then they just turf you out which for me personally and I'm sure many others is quite devastating. I probably do need counselling but shouldn't one of the earlier assessments decided that . I'm so confused dangermouse.
I'm rewlly anxious tonight. My daughter is having a c section tomorrow as her second baby is now late, I'm terrfied something is going to go wrong and I know it's all down to the trauma I've experienced in the past with my surgical disasters.
I dint really have a gp - my surgery is run by locums so I have no continuity. I could speak to the locums though or just write t the department explaining the lack of flexibility is just not working. trouble is you know how it is il get black listed or something then for refusing treatment.
Why is it all so difficult x
Thanks for reply and understanding my predicament .
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I think that you would be anxious even without the background gh - until the baby arrives you are in limbo. It's going to be a Long Night!
As for Counselling - talking therapy helped me. Discuss, decide, ditch - I went intermittently in the 1990s for 2 years. One therapist on the NHS admitted after 2 hours that I knew more about anxiety than she did ::) - I had to wait 18 months for that and then had a letter from the NHS asking if I still required sessions.
Privately was OK initially but eventually I could tell that the Psychologist was getting fed up as she arrived later and cut the sessions shorter; eventually telling me about another patient with problems [not by name] - I told her that I wasn't interested in other people, that I was here to ease my problems - I walked out and never went back.
At least it enabled me to get my problems into the open. When ever I had mentioned happenings with friends/family I was told "that couldn't happen to you, your parents are X, Y, Z .... " . At least after moving from that area I saw strangers who were a) being paid to listen, b) didn't know my family history and c) couldn't make any suggestions, it was done on a you talk, I'll listen, I'll give you homework ::) yeah, right. ;D
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It's not so much about them fitting your situation to a specific therapy (which they've tried to do) but fitting your personality to a type of therapy.
Just contact whoever arranged your therapy and ask them to switch it to counselling as the CBT isn't suiting you. They may say no but it's worth a try.
If you can afford it though, I'd always opt for private when it comes to talking therapy as you can find the exact type of therapy/therapist for you and just have single sessions with all different ones local to you until you find the right rapport and fit.
I've also been told by many clients who have seen me after seeing NHS referred therapists that they aren't as client focused and committed (as NHS pays them regardless). You need someone who is working for YOU, not with an attitude that they're doing you some kind of favour!
Have a Google and see what local counsellors and therapists are around that are affordable. It's worth investing in your mental health as, yes you may have to miss out in a holiday to pay for it but then what's the point of a holiday if you're taking your debilitating thoughts along with you?
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Good advice dangermouse. Talking enabled me. Eventually I could no longer remember what had driven me into therapy! but I don't have the constant wounds and scars that gh has - however, the phobia is constant, always in the background, invades my dreams occasionally, fortunately not 24/7 as it was in the 1990s. I don't know how I got through those years :-\
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I agree with the last posts. Sadly the NHS services in this area sound service orientated rather than client orientated. She's saying you've got to put this all behind you.......ermmm! Isn't that why you need help? You wouldn't needs help if you could do that! She's putting the blame on her lack of success on you! I suspect you need to talk and talk and talk about this over and over to get to any kind of acceptance.
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Yes that's right Ladies, she's almost saying If I don't comply and be positive and put all this behind me then she can't offer me anything. I left feeling confused - she also said I wasn't willing to change so it was all pointless. This leaves me nervous as I feel I need to put the record straight somehow as either I go back and play her game which will achieve nothing for me and brownie points for her, or I put my thoughts down to her department in a nice way of course but then I risk alienating her.
I th8nk il do what you suggested dangermouse as n ask to be switched t counselling. It just seems a mess it really does. A year of assessments then I get a therapy that just isn't working. I asked her if I could be transferred to another type of therapy and she said no, she wasn't sure who could help me - I think she mentioned something about time constraints as if I would need much longer than six sessions which I probably would.
Oh dear, I waited so long for this , I don't want to mess it up .
Thank you ladies.
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You're not messing it up. They are. They're not offering appropriate help.
I found help privately and continue to get support emotionally from the lady I see about my digestive issues. It costs and I find it difficult to afford it, but I feel it's worth it in order to have a life worth living. It's not a cure all, either physically or emotionally but it really has helped. I'm in control of what help I receive.
Years back, I struggled to pass my driving test, through nerves, not ability. My driving instructor sent me to my lovely doctor, who referred me to a psychologist, who told me I needed to change my thinking. Er yes, that's why I was there! No help was offered in doing that! I had the satisfaction of filling an evaluation form after that appointment!
Do not feel responsible to not responding to help offered. Either you are not ready, or it's not appropriate and you don't feel comfortable.
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You're not messing anything up, they are being shoddy.
Sadly I've heard too many stories about the blame being put on the patient/client when the therapist isnt getting anywhere. In these instances the therapist should change tactic or refer on.
One of my fav TV psychotherapists is Mandy Saligari. Have a watch of some of the Celebrities in Therapy series to see how good therapy is done!
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The NHS is failing you. You have sensitive issues that you would benefit sharing with a professional. The correct type of therapy can help enormously.! I thought that I would be stuck for ever :'(.
Keeping a diary also helped. I shredded it after 18 years ......... quietly with great satisfaction.
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I had to respond in that I agree the NHS is failing people. A CBT therapist should be there to help you & not tell you aren't trying. You make progress in your own time & not when they say you should. I had PND after my second child years ago. I was offered ADs & tried so so many but they just didn't work. I went to counseling & it was the best thing that I ever did. So many things came out of it. I was able to resolve my bad childhood which I never really thought was a problem. The therapist was so good. She never once badgered me or made me feel bad. She made me question so much, even the relationship with my husband. I used to think everything was my fault. I learned so much & it helped me enormously.
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Hi all again,
Well thanks to your comments I did pluck up the courage , made the phone call and said I didn't think it was working for me. I explained I found the proactive cbt harsh and without any understanding. I said the fact the counsellor told me if I was unwilling to comply there was so point carrying on with the sessions, most upsetting. I explained I'd waited 3 years for the right sort of therapy after undergoing numerous assessments so if this wasn't working I felt very disappointed that there was no where left to go.
I had a phonecsll from the psychologist in charge who quite frankly was most disturbed by what I'd been told. I gave her the example of the therapist almost mocking me as tried to explain why my gp couldn't increase the dosage of antidepressants ( reason was contra indications with the pain killer I take ) not something I could say in a few words, she clapped her hands when I got to the point, she made me feel foolish. I didn't need that.
They are going to review everything and get back to me - I won't be going back to that method of therapy as it made me feel worse.
Thank you for your encouragement and advice x
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Hi Groundhog
I'm appalled that you've been treated this way! I've read many of your threads on here, and you have certainly been through the absolute wringer - you need empathy, not mocking.
I'm really proud of you for plucking up the courage to call them and explain why you didn't feel it was working for you.
I find it quite heartening that the head of department rang you to confirm your complaint. This tells you a couple of things
1. You are not the only one - very often, you will get a call back that quickly when there have been other complaints
2. This psychologist has read your records and believes you need help and support
CBT is there to help you identify the issue, then put in place psychological supports of your own that you can draw on when you feel that wave coming upon you. In a way, it is a bit like telling the anxiety to shut up and go away, but there are many, many steps that need to be taken before you can even think to get to that stage....and they need to be handled sensitively, and you need to constantly practice them. This woman sounds like she was verbalising how you ‘should' be managing them, without guiding you, gently and with compassion and empathy. To be honest she sounds like a right b**ch, who is clearly in the wrong job.
I do hope you don't give up on getting the help you need. In the meantime, please be kind to yourself xx
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Good morning groundhog
So sorry to hear of your experience I am truly shocked. I can't think of anything I can add to to NorthArms commens.
Hopefully you will get help you need.
Take care and be kind yo yourself.
Lanzalover x
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Oh well done you! How much energy did that take .......... :medal: Be PROUD Girl!
As an aside: 4 years ago I was undergoing tooth extraction - don't read if you are at lunch ........ and the Local Anaesthetic wore off :o but because of the cocktail of medication I take: betablocka, anti-depressant and anti-anxiety: the LA couldn't be topped up :-\ :o - but the Surgeon didn't mock, continued quietly pulling and tugging ............
Problem is with many therapists they have not been where their client has! so have not suffered or experienced those intense feelings that drive us to seek therapy. So no empathy.
Let us know how you get on. Maybe copy those words out and have ready to hand to the next therapist ;-)
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Hi all,
Just an update on my quest to receive psychological support via the NHS.
The thread is entitled EMDR because that was supposed to be my panacea. To reach that point I'd had about 7 assessments from professionals starting with primary health care and ending with psychology. Each assessment involved me go8ng through the whole perforated bowel saga etc etc and they listened, nodded, sympathised and then invariably a letter would follow saying I'd been passed onto some other department culminating in psychology where I received EMDR and some cbt from a lady who I felt belittled me and told me to move on and if I couldn't then cbt wasn't for me.
Phew........sorry
Anyway long story shortish, I've now been discharged from psychology as they agreed cbt was too restrictive for my current needs as it seems I need time to talk about what has happened after which time I should be able to move on. They've suggested I contact a charity run counselling service who I saw 4 years ago whilst waiting for the professionals ie the NHS.
I am confused, speechless and thinking I'm either beyond help or don't need help.
Has anyone else had similar experience of nhs mental health services?
Please say yes.
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You're not beyond help, they just don't have what you need as what they have to offer is too restrictive.
It's not right but I suspect you'll have a much better service with the charity or, if that doesn't support for long enough, then private therapy later on.
The NHS really can only offer so much and, yes you could push and make more of a fuss (apparently you have to do that now as those who are passive will be passed over to make way for those who make demands!). However, it can still be like finding a needle in a haystack even if you get referred to the Priory Group, they can tend to be very clumsy about what you need and ultimately will be more psychiatry-led (i.e. drugs) than psychotherapy-led.
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Hi Groundhog
I've had counselling both privately and 12 weeks through the NHS a few years ago.
It has been suggested that you find a local private counsellor. My advise, for what it is worth, is to find one that isn't too local. The private one i went to was in the village next to us and a bit too close as it turned out. Not easy when you see this person on other occasions.
I agree with Dangermouse that if paying someone for a while means that you can move forward it is worth it.
I think the personality of the counsellor makes a difference. I clicked more with the NHS one i went to. She said some harsh things at times but i realise why.
Hope that you can find the right person to help you Groundhog and some peace.
Gangan