Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: jaycee on July 20, 2019, 10:00:53 PM
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Anyone watching this film, i have seen it about 3 times,it is very sad but true, also read the book, and the book written from her sons side too
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Yes I've seen it.....
Can't remember much, brain fog.... ;D.......was it Steve coogan?
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Watched it a few years back with OH (he rarely watches a film). It is a great film, very sad/emotional but worth watching.
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Jillydoll yes Steve Coogan and Judy Dench,i have it on DVD that my daughter bought me ages ago, but it is a very sad film, and sadly all these horrible things happened in Ireland in those times
In fact my sister had a baby in i think 1964 and was sent into a mother and baby home,in Lancashire and she was treated horribly , even then,so happened here too, but not to the extent it did in Ireland in that particular home and with those cruel nuns
Such a shame that Philomenas son died before she managed to trace him
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Was your sister older jaycee ? It was a stigma then however; in Clive's family a girl was caught by the young man 'of the house' and the son was raised as her brother by her parents. That was in 17?? can't remember the exact date. Had he been given up we would not have our surname ::).
How could parents give away their grandchildren :'( and Philomena - I read the book - didn't see her son :-\
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I've read the book and seen the film twice. very sad and those old nuns were wicked for not giving her details of her son which they knew. They could have been reunited years before if they hadn't been so spiteful.
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My sister is younger than me CLKD , but my parents were obviously ashamed that my sister was prgnant and not married, the baby was adopted
Yes it was still a stigma even in the 60s,you didn't see young girls walking about with babies in prams like today, but i think it has gone too far the other way now
You often see young girls/women with more than one child and different fathers who are not on the scene
Meant to say it didn't show the son, only videos and photo's of him, he became someone important in the White house, and died of aids
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I agree it's gone too far so children have less chance of making bonds ........ but they see it as 'normal', it'll be in the next 25 years when the effects of these split families will come to show. Good or bad.
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I also agree. There are young Mums around here who have had kids by two and three different fathers. Think of the anguish and despair people go through as adults trying to find their birth parents - it's going to be even worse for kids in the future. Some young girls don't even know who the father of some children is.
Don't even start me on same sex parents because IMHO they are just selfish and do not think about what the kids need to know about their conception. My son went to school with a lad whose mother was a lesbian and she would never tell him about where he came from. it was OK when he was small but he was very disturbed in his teenage years and turned to drugs and got into a lot of trouble.
Last week I was reading about a female who changed sex but kept her womb and now calls herself a man but has given birth to a son. Poor kid is all I can say!
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I read that too PF ........... how exactly did she 'change' sex :-\
I think a whole female household is OK - think of WWII when men went to War. I think now that women are more open about conception when in an all female household - any 'adoption' or different way of conception has to be explained sooner rather than later. I think that parents are selfish if they don't see the necessity of explaining family background early enough - I'm still learning about mine ::).
I'm reading about David ? working through his transition, he writes weekly in the Telegraph Sat supplement though was missing yesterday - probably due to it being a 'special' edition >:(
I never wanted babies. But I cry when I watch how cruel parents are when their children 'slip' up ....... worrying more about what the neighbours might think :bang:
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I think a lot of these children are going to grow up to be very disturbed adults.
I also don't like the idea of same sex parents it must be very confusing for children, and make them feel different to others
I am also sick of all this transgender stuff going on.it's all over all the time
I know of a family where the children or 2 of them anyway [girls]are demanding to be treated like boys, then change their mind,it seems to be trend, although i know obviously that there are genuine cases, but i think children should not be offered hormones until they are at least old enough to know what they actually do want
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Love that film,one of my favourites,Judy dench can do no wrong in my eyes.
The film made me cry though,especially the bit when she was watching a video of her son with his partner 😢😭
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Hello ladies.
I remember the film and feeling so sorry for Philomena.
Nadia Sawalha from Loose Women is married to a man whose mother is a lesbian. He had problems when he was a child and was bullied about his mother's sexuality. Hopefully we now live in more enlightened times and can respect each other's differences. Her husband is 48 nowand has a great relationship with his mother and she is a loving and much loved grandmother whose sexuality is simply not an issue. A happy ending after all!
Take care everyone.
K.
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The bullying aspect of having same sex parents is what worries me Kathleen, and i am sure these days children are more used to this than previous generations,
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Anyone watching this film, i have seen it about 3 times,it is very sad but true, also read the book, and the book written from her sons side too
I recorded it on TiVo a little while ago but haven't watched it. I also have the book but in Italian translation! Must get started on it. Had forgotten that I had it.
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I cried and was angry whilst reading the book :'(. I can't stand Steve Cooghan so didn't watch the film
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I' not keen on Steve Coogan really, but of course totally different in this film, i didn't cry at it last night,i expect because i have seen it a few times, just felt really sad at how Philomena was treated, and sad for all he other young mothers who lost their babies in one way or another, and the wickedness of the nuns,
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In the past Coogan has been very one dimensional as an actor but in my opinion he excelled in this role
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CLKD, i'm not saying there is anything wrong with an all female household in general, but two males [2 dads] or 2 females [2 mums] i think must be confusing, and not seem normal to a child who has a mum and dad,even if they live apart,and sees other children with a mum ans dad
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It's odd to us but if a child is raised thus, probably not. How many parents remain together in this day and age, now that's odd to children growing up in 2019. It's about honesty.
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There are children out there who have heterosexual parents and are neglected,beaten and abused
If they are loved I don't care if they have same sex parents
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There are children out there who have heterosexual parents and are neglected,beaten and abused
If they are loved I don't care if they have same sex parents
There was the gay man sent to prison not long ago for murdering his adopted baby daughter and the two gay women both sent to prison for neglecting and then killing their son.
there is no guarantee that any child is free from abuse or worse whatever their parentage.
I still feel that children have rights too and this is storing up problems for when they are older and understand what their parents have told them.
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It's about education. As well as parents being truthful - my Mum certainly wasn't and still isn't at times :'( which makes it wholly difficult to make sense of my childhood. She didn't allow Dad to build a relationship with me :'( :-\
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Oh I totally agree penny,abuse is abuse, all I'm saying is if the child is loved and cared for surely that's a plus.In the very near future nobody is going to care less if you're gay,straight,bi,or trans,children are resilient.
My daughter has a brilliant t shirt it says
Why say something racist,homophibic or sexist when you can say nothing at all 😊
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CLKD my mum wasn't truthful with me either, she was married before so i had a half sister and a half brother, but i was told their father was my father, and i sometimes went to stay with them, but i couldn't understand why their father didn't acknowledge me as his
I didn't find out who my real father was until i was in my mid forties,and that was only because my [half] sister sent for my original birth certificate, and what a mix up it was, my mum had mixed her first husbands name and job up
When i faced her with my real birth certificate, she cried and said she thwith my real fathers, but put first husbands name as my father
My sister was sick of the lies and thought i should know the truth, she did this i believe out of spite as it turned out my mother had left her and my brother with their father and gone off with a soldier stationed at a base nearby
My mother had told me she was having me when she left, but i now kow it was 2 years after she left
When i faced her with the real birth certificate she said" i thought you wouldn't want to know me"
After all those years of being lied to and i knew it was a lie, i had held it against her,
I told her i would rather i had known the truth because i knew it was a lie, and i know it was during the war, and these things happen,
I told her i forgave her, but she should have trusted me to understand, so a lot of wasted years,because i had hostile to her
At least we made up before she died, a few years later
Another lie or maybe a misunderstanding i think.my eldest son at 8 years old wanted to go and live with his dad,[i was divorced by then] so i said ok but you can come back whenever you like ,thinking he would soon get fed up,
Anyway a few years later after i married again he asked to come back, my second husband said no, he wasn't even good to my other 2
Apparently my mother had told my son years later, that i didn't want him and sent him to his father,
My eldest son has finished all contact with me now,after a lot of years of asking me why he couldn't come back,and wont believe the truth, as he said why would an old lady lie
I realise that 8 years old was too young to make that decision and doesn't now remember, but always intended that he could come back to me
Very sorr for the long post and my life story. well half of it anyway,
I think i could write a book, lol :(
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'best for the children' >:(
I suppose we all want to be valued. So anything shameful, if it can be hidden, is hidden - 'be sure your Sins will find you out' was Mum's maxim ....... it makes me wonder the more I find out about her!
Did U stay with your 2nd husband? R U able to keep communication open with your son, maybe via an intermediary? In time he may mature enough to find out and accept the truth. It is never too late ....... perhaps if you write 'the book' it might bridge gaps? :hug:
Love the T-shirt jaypo ...........
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No i didn't stay with my second husband he was as bad as the first only in a different way, violent and abusive, never gave me any money except enough ,just, for food daily, and when i got a part time job, at night ,as i had baby twins [and the first 2 children], he tried to take that money off me as well, refused to buy my children Christmas presents as he said they were mine, not his,
Not a good picker of men obviously,s name so got very little abusive to them too, which is why i left, everything was in his name, so got very little from the house, just enough to buy second hand furniture, after i rented a house
My eldest son 's second wife rang me and said he want's nothing to do with you, anymore, his sons don't bother with me either,
I only know he lives [or did] in Basingstoke ,where his second wife [an ex Jehovas witness] is from, he should be mature enough, he is 49 now, last time i saw him was about 10 years ago
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Maybe she is trying to control the situation. Particularly with her religious leanings.
You managed to move on :medal:
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Family situations are so difficult & until people understand what has gone on (usually for years) they can't understand the pain it brings, to seperate from family sometimes it is the best thing! But it is never easy. People can be quick to judge. You can choose your friends but not your family, unfortunately. x
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There is nothing i can do, so just accept things as they are, he is old enough to understand that my mother was in her 80s when she said that, i am not going to try and beg even if i found out where he lives, he is stubborn and believes what he want,
so que sera,the door will always be open if he changes his mind
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We can't force people to love us, no matter how hard we try, maybe some time he will realise his mistake. I'm estranged from my family. :'(
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I've not much to do with mine either foxy,their negativity get me down so I steer clear of people like that
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precisely!!
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If Mum was anyone else I would walk away :-\ :-X I wouldn't put up with narcissism and why get kicked in the teeth more than once !
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I couldn't deal with it clkd,I WOULDVE walked away,too long in the tooth now to take c@#p from anyone,family or not,sounds mean but sometimes you need to put yourself first
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I do. Then I go on the 'my mum' thread and moan ;D
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Feel a bit stupid now, but suddenly just realised on my post,i said my son was 49, why did i say that,he's actually 58 ::)
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Menopause jaycee 😆😂🤣
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Only 9 years out Jaycee.....what's 9 years between son & mother? 🤣😂🤣
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;D ............ maybe you needed to feel younger ?
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;D yes CLKD i do forget sometimes how old i am, but 2 youngest are 47, so i do not know why i said 49, something just clicked and i had to work it out from when he was born, ha ha, ::)
I blame the hot weather,it's addled my brain
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I haven't got a brain this morning: it's mush :D
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Just got back from holiday so only just caught up with this thread.
I don't understand some previous comments about parenting and sexuality. Where is the evidence that being gay makes a bad parent. Bad parents are bad parent whether gay or straight. :o
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Yep, totally agree!
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Shadyglade, it was nothing to do with gay people being bad parents, i am sure most are very good parents,it was more how children felt about having parents of the same sex, and what other children might think about it or bully them
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That's okay jaycee, it wasn't really your post I was referring too.
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8) oh ok. i wouldn't suggest for one minute that gay parents were bad,or worse than male/female