Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: honeybun on December 28, 2014, 01:49:41 PM
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I think with me it's my anxiety especially with relation to health issues....both mine and family members.
I am very aware that if an emergency arose I would be as much use as a chocolate tea pot. I just can't rise to that kind of thing at all. If for example my mother had to go into hospital I just don't think I could visit. I have been told that if push came to shove I could but I highly doubt it.
I also know I should have a few health investigations done but I just bury my head in the sand and hope things just settle and go away.
Does anyone else struggle like this and how do you manage this kind of thing.
What worries everyone else and are there any solutions to be had.
Honeyb
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Any one else feeling sick :-X I'm gone in a flash yet I worked in a Hospital!
In the back of my mind is what happens when DH gets ill or dies :'(
Adrenaline has always carried me through. When I had to face daily radiation treatment I was more worried about a panic attack stopping me driving the 30 mile round trip + treatment than the radiation itself. It was after I had been discharged that I felt adrift :-\
In the back of my mind is what will happen when Mum requires more care than she does now. I have lots of leaflets to peruse with ideas ……it's getting down to the perusal that I can put off!
So if someone really doesn't think that they will cope, even with adrenaline kicking in; then make a list of agencies etc. that can be accessed when push comes to shove.
DH often tells me that I would worry about not having anything to worry about ::) - but it's that lurch in the gut in the early hours as my brain goes 'what if' ……...
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I worry that hubby will become seriously ill. My kids still worry me loads, even though they are adults. Don't think that will ever go away.
Doubt there is a solution, well not in my case anyway. Hubby says I'm constantly worrying about something or other.
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I'm a terrible worrier. What worries me most is serious illness hitting family members - not sure I could cope but I know I would have no choice. I'm very worried about my surgery due in under 3 weeks. Ever since I developed chrons 30 years ago I seem to try and prepare for the worst and hope for the best . I'm finding that strategy doesn't work anymore - I worry that if my surgery goes wrong or there are serious complications my mother will end up in a home and my sister will struggle to work - it would put pressure on my daughter as she would have to step up even more. My worries become a runaway train. This is the irrational me as in reality none of us can predict the future - I try to predict and then plan for what I predict!! No wonder I worry. I've just come out of hospital for an obstruction caused by adhesions ( another chrons complication ) so I'm on a bit of a downer.
I try to evaluate my thoughts but it doesn't always work . I find I'm pretty good in a crisis - I never thought I would cope with my mother becoming so brain damaged overnight but we do cope. Or the day my husband chopped his fingers off with a saw - I was calm and coped well. See a sick child or read of any sort of abuse - I fall apart.
I'm not sure there is an answer - I know mine has got much worse since the meno.
Interesting question HB xxx
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Groundhog - if your surgery goes wrong you will be in the zone, not even thinking about how your Mum/sister etc. are coping - one soon becomes institutionalised once those Ward doors swing shut ……
So what if your Mum 'ends up in a home' ? ………. many do and survive!!!!! and up to this point, you and your sister have done your BEST!
Do you mean you've been in Hospital over C.mas :-\
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Yes I do sometimes think my mother would have more company in a home but she would hate it - she's only 75 :(. Just hoping she doesn't get any worse until I recover - we will manage then.
No I went ill Boxing Day CLKD - or evening I should say. I had excruciating stomach cramps which is a bad sign and at 3am I vomited profusely - my husband panicked and phoned 999 - I was only in few hours - the vomiting had released the obstruction - I'm home now feel like I've been run over by a truck! I ate peanuts and I should know better - my bowel is narrowed in places.
Yes I'm sure you are right if I do have complications then my worry head will be focused on me not everyone else. Wish I could learn to just leave it all happen - will practice mindfulness I think.
:thankyou:
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I worry most about my sons getting ill or that I will die before they are settled with someone that loves and cares for them. Sounds a bit cloying but I hate the thought they would be on their own.
Taz x
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You're welcome. Avoiding those foodstuffs that might cause problems might be the way to go ;) ….. did you get admitted or were they good in A&E?
M in L hated the thought of going in to a home - we told her over the years that we would not be able to provide full nursing care however much she wanted us to, her illness was taken out of our/her hands anyway …….. what she thought would happen otherwise ::) they do get fixed ideas :bang: - I won't like it but as long as I have Peace and Quiet and my own en-suite, lots of books and birds to watch, I'll survive …….. I'll mutter a bit, moan a lot if I don't get P&Q etc. ;)
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It's so difficult as I want to be able to cope the way that I used to. People should be able to lean on me if and when they need to rather than me avoiding things and being a b##dy wimp.
What use is that to anyone.
I get so frustrated with myself.
Honeyb
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You have done that though. Now is the time to think of yourself! not wimpish at all. People alter. We deal with some issues, not others …….. we can surprise ourselves with our abilities too!
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I have my DH and children dead and buried if they are late! :o I don't let them know though.
I worry that if my dad died before my mum, I'd have to cope with her. Selfish, I know. Not so worried about my dad though, however devastated he may be, we could do more for him and he could support himself.
And I bury my head about breast cancer, even though my sister had it, because when I examined myself I kept finding lumps, which required investigation and all the stress that goes with that.
But I have coped in crisis and someone else seems to take over me so I can take charge.
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My main worry is OH and his current health issues.
I made the mistake of googling what he's got - not good reading.
The other thing is driving in the lanes near us, I used to be able to do it.
Can still do it, to an extent, but end up panicking.
Hey ho, cars can be fixed.
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I have done the googling with my hubby too. I stopped sharpish but not before I knew enough though. I think in some cases knowledge is important. I would rather know than be kept in the dark to be honest.
I have risen to the occasion in the past although later my son told me he was not sure what parent should have been in the hospital bed as I looked awful ;D. It does help knowing he is all grown up and as much as it goes against the grain, he is reliable and would not only be there but will probably take over ;D
Hopefully this anxiety will be long gone before I am tested in any way.
Honeyb
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It does help having someone at your back, like your son, even if you would rather not call on them for help. Do call for their help though, if you need to. I remember being very angry when my husband's parents needed our help, but didn't ask ask as they didn't want to be a nuisance. We actually felt insulted.
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My son would be so angry and upset with me if I didn't call for his help. The last time I had an ambulance at the house for hubby I didn't tell him till the next day. I got the longest lecture about how he is to be called no matter the time.
I used to call on my sister but her and her hubby are getting older and now my son is nearly 26 I think he is the one I would turn to.
Honeyb
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I have a pact with my parents to keep each other informed of health issues, ever since my sister died. We knew she was terminally ill, when we went away on a short break before my going to look after her in her home. She was admitted into hospital to die, but my parents tried to protect me or maybe themselves, and said they hadn't wanted to spoil our holiday. I got the call on our journey home, after she had died. I found that difficult to deal with and was angry. It is a natural thing to try and protect each other especially when you know they will worry. But it is also a matter of trust. It was easy this time with my gall stone adventures, as Dad had his gall bladder removed at 85 and hasn't looked back, so they were well informed and not overly concerned. Hubby kept both children informed about everything that happened.
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being out of control worries me the most. I am trying so very hard to get a grip on this but it is hard changing something that has been with me all my life. It has got worse since the menopause as now my children are grown up and parents themselves I cannot be in control of situations any more.
As a result of this I do worry about losing control of my physical or mental faculties as I age, and having to be dependent on others for my well being. that just doesn't sit well with me at all.
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One of my Mother's constants is 'I don't want to be a Nuisance Dear' ...... well, happen, you are a nuisance if you don't tell me ............ :bang: and today my BIGGEST worry is this 'bug' - don't think it's Novo whatever because the Press haven't mentioned it ::)
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CLKD it is the winter vomiting norovirus which is particularly virulent this year
http://www.express.co.uk/life-style/health/532410/Norovirus-killer-bug-early-winter-warn-doctors
http://www.bupa.co.uk/health-information/directory/v/vomiting-bug
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I'm not sure that it's more virulent than other years to be honest Silverlady. Certainly in our school advisories it is less of a problem than the last two years. There was a time in November when it was increasing but December showed a drop in figures. ases are expected to rise again when schools start back next week. The ordinary D&V bug was doing the rounds though although this is not as debilitating as noro-virus. Here's hoping we all steer clear of all of them!!
Thanks for the links - reminds us of the importance of staying away from everyone for at least forty eight hours after symptoms have gone!
Taz x
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I worry about my health and having something that I feel I cant cope with - I worry about the fact I am on my own as divorced and no kids & who would know or be around ...Going in for a Hysterectomy tomorrow so having flutters now....I am trying to live In the now & have been reading " The power of Now" not always easy to put into practice but am trying..
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Hope all goes well tomorrow Micky. Who's going to be looking after you when you come home?
Taz x
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Good luck for tomorrow Mickey. Wishing you well.
Yes I'm worried about the bug that's doing the rounds, but I remember feeling the same last year. You do what you can to avoid it and after that it's in the lap of the gods.
Guess you just have to deal with things if and when. I dread it to be honest but apart from a HASMAS suit what can you do.
Honeyb
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Good luck tomorrow Mickey.
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Just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow, Micky - I will be thinking of you.
Please let us know how you are getting on when you feel up to it.
Jenna x
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Hopefully Micky will have a support after care package before she leaves hospital.
Still worrying ………. looked at our evening meal and wondered :-\ but it was tasty :-*
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Stay out of really busy places CLKD and be vigilant with hand hygiene and hopefully you will both be fine.
They just used to call it gastroenteritis and it sounded less scary because we have all had that.
Honeyb
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I think GE is different to Noro virus thingy though ……… I am only expecting to go into a busy area on the 1st ………. maybe buy a burka before I go ;)
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I am just trying to avoid altogether to be honest. Lots of fresh air and no crowds although perhaps if you have a good immune system.... ::)
Oh who knows, if you get it you get it and we will cope because the thought is usually worse than the reality is.
Honeyb
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:-\ is it? At least the beta-blocka helps stop the dreaded fear 24/7 and I no longer dream about it …….
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What's the choice CLKD. There isn't one as far as I can see. If it does happen you just have to get on with things I guess.
Honeyb
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Norovirus is the most common cause of viral gastroenteritis http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gastroenteritis/Pages/Causes.aspx
Taz x
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:-X