Menopause Matters Forum
General Discussion => This 'n' That => Topic started by: Dancing Queen on December 15, 2018, 07:47:58 PM
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Love it or hate it? I am struggling this year. I'm starting to feel the lack of a family around me as I get older. My partner was once enough for me but now we've grown apart its all so flat. I'm making the most of fun times with friends but this time of year is making me acutely aware of the holes in my life. Anyone else feel the same ? xx
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I've not much family either DQ but I'm very close to my husband but Xmas just another day to me XX
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I do still love Christmas but I have my kids at home still. One excited about it and the other a teenager so...not so excited. However, I miss being around extended family- parents, etc. Every year I feel we need to be closer to them and worry as they aren't getting younger nor are we. I really don't look forward to Christmas without children at home. I'm not sure how it will be.
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I have a thread going 'it's not C.mas yet' ......... nearly, but not quite :D
HATE IT.
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It does seem to be all about kids and family which is what makes it special. Must be lovely to get that excited feeling again. Sadly at my ripe old age of 55 I don't!
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Oh Dancing Queen I'm with you - yep Christmas is just another day. No friends or family to share it with and I am so sad about it. I used to be a Christmas loon and I love big Christmases and I used to have those - it would be nothing to have our family and my brothers family all together which would mean about 15 of us all together. There were years when I complained about it but if I knew how I was going to feel about not having them I wouldn't have said a thing. Now just hubby and me and a rather tetchy 21 year old who doesn't leave his room.
We have 4 grandchildren but they all live in England and we can't go and stay there's no room for us and they find it too difficult with work to come to us although we do have the space.
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Oh Dancing Queen I'm with you - yep Christmas is just another day. No friends or family to share it with and I am so sad about it. I used to be a Christmas loon and I love big Christmases and I used to have those - it would be nothing to have our family and my brothers family all together which would mean about 15 of us all together. There were years when I complained about it but if I knew how I was going to feel about not having them I wouldn't have said a thing. Now just hubby and me and a rather tetchy 21 year old who doesn't leave his room.
Could you not stay in a hotel nearby so that you could see everyone every day and share their Christmas? Then you wouldn't feel so sad
We have 4 grandchildren but they all live in England and we can't go and stay there's no room for us and they find it too difficult with work to come to us although we do have the space.
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I agree ladybt,it's just another day but of course retailers are giving it large so we'll spend spend spend,I'm 55 also and can remember getting excited because Santa was coming and I may get that dolly I wanted but nowadays parents are going into the red because they can't keep up with the demands of their children,if that's Xmas you can keep it.
My husband and I always get away for the two weeks,only because his business closes and he can truly relax but if we didn't,I still wouldn't be doing anything special,I'm not religious either but I thought THAT was supposed to be what Xmas is all about
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Usually I love choosing and writing the cards. Love getting decorations down from the attic. 25+ years ago I decorated the tree outside our front door with lights but in all those years, 1 little boy made a comment. No one else. Now everyone decorates with lights :o but mine packed up this year ::).
I have also put outdoor baubles on the trees but again, no one made any comment. I do have a wreath, home made from a necklace with cranberries and greenery hung - our front door is. black.
The family used to meet at C.mas but I didn't know any of them. 12 months had passed between so they were strangers to me, although it was obvious that the grown ups knew each other :-\. Cousins I rarely saw, all chatty, noisy, full on .......... it had a routine which helped a bit: after breakfast a walk on the beach whilst the women prepared the meal. Then presents in the afternoon.
When Mum set up with a man 17 months after Dad died we stayed here: for 4 years DH and I had a light breakfast, a long walk, C.mas pud for lunch, TV we liked and our evening meal. Then a sleep ;D
Now it's back to visiting 'everyone' - they never come to us phew!
What I hate is the lead up. The expectation. The thought that as it's a fixed date, it can't be changed so one has to honour any arrangements made :'(
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Yes CLKD that`s what bugs me, the interminable lead up... from October... do you know I tried to order Xmas day meat online for collection in Sainsburys and they are out of stock in everything except giant turkeys already. Its still 10 days to go! And now Im in a panic about having no Xmas dinner to feed my guests. We shouldn`t put ourselves under this pressure, its bad enough being menopausal lol. ;D
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Buy a couple of crown roasts from the butcher who probably buys his from a breeder or look on line for Kelly Bronze.
We always have pheasant as none of us like turkey [I know what goes into the feed and how forced it all is :-\]. I would however, love a turkey in the garden but the stags are HUGE :o and bristle those tail feathers a lot :D
The pheasant is covered in streaky bacon, basted every 20 mins. until done. Never dry. Always some left over for the next day. Always lots of roasties etc. left ......... my bag of humbugs however, are very, very sticky :whist:
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Panic over I went to the local farm shop and bought a nice venison joint as we are not into turkey either. Right that panic over bring on the next one.. 😏
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Lack of power on C.mas morning ;D :-X
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Love it or hate it? I am struggling this year. I'm starting to feel the lack of a family around me as I get older. My partner was once enough for me but now we've grown apart its all so flat. I'm making the most of fun times with friends but this time of year is making me acutely aware of the holes in my life. Anyone else feel the same ? xx
I love it! We have all the grown-up children and partners coming and I just love having them all around. We've given up most of the cards now and told them a few years ago we were giving to charity instead. I don't start thinking about it until December though....apart from making the cake on Stir-up Sunday which is end of November! Last year I didn't make one but they said they wanted one this year so I'm pleased with that. Love making the marzipan and covering the cake with nuts and fruits! Starting to put the decorations up now - greenery later in the week and will bring the (potted) tree in to decorate at the weekend just before Christmas.
Anyone see the programme about Dickens and Christmas last night (BBC4)?
I have a thread going 'it's not C.mas yet' ......... nearly, but not quite :D
HATE IT.
::) I think you'll find that dulciana started that thread - which was rightly bemoaning the commercialism of Christmas in early November - it should never have been an actual Christmas thread because of its (deliberate) negativity over the whole modern day "celebration" of the whole shebang - however an actual Christmas thread at the right time is now very welcome!!!
Yes it is about children and families and friends and being together - whichever you are close to most, or simply a quiet time with a partner, but most of all about caring and giving and kindness amidst all the enjoyment and revelries, food and drink at this dark time of year. There are always places to volunteer in larger towns or cities if you would rather be out there amongst other people. Those of you who are on their own or feeling down - try to do something for you (and your loved one(s) ) and enjoy yourselves, just relaxing. The main thing is not to be stressed!!!
We get a bronze free-range turkey from a local farm. Pheasants would be too small and I'm sick of them just now as farmer friend keeps bringing them to us saying no-one else wants them so rather a lot in our freezer!
Almost finished Christmas shopping (presents that is) and the offspring are going to do the food shopping when they come later in the week!
Hurdity :) x
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Sounds like you embrace the true spirit of it Hurdity, good for you. I cooked a beef roast last night for my neighbours and their grand daughter so that`s the first of my Xmas dinners done. And I didn`t burn it! ;D
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My motto this year is "if I haven't got it hard luck" the shops are closed for one day, and it'll probably be in a sale on Boxing Day ;D
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That's what upsets me the most about Christmas these days - that on up to 26th December everything is so expensive and the boom day after "the Big Day" its all half price! Years ago it used to be that you had to wait until New Year sales before grabbing a bargain.
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That's what I remember. A gentle run up to the 25th: Granma and I choose the turkey at Half Term and a label was put onto it's leg. Family would help prepare veg. etc..
Then shops would close from noon C.mas Eve for several days. Sales began seriously on 1st Jan..
A man after my own heart puts up an electric 'bah humbug' outside his house ;D
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Thats what I remember too.
And the carol singing.
I used to go round and sing with friends outside peoples houses.
(Maybe that's why it all stopped, they heard my terrible voice) 😀
But seriously, it's just not the same these days.
But I'm sure the next generation will be saying the same too.
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Yep Christmas Eve until 1st Jan - if you hadn't bought and they didn't sell it in the one corner shop in the district whose year it was to be open over the festive period, you had to do without!!
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Maybe it will all come round again,the simplicity I mean.
This year, I saw the first Xmas cards on sale in August!!
Also,doing just a normal shop at Tesco's is bad enough it's the Xmas songs getting played constantly???aaaaaaaarrrrrgghhhhh
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Did my pre Christmas to do list today. Its huge. Nonetheless, being the only female in family, most of it lands on my plate ::)
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Easier at this time of year to Get On and not delegate?
We are selling a property. The Agents sent DH a C.mas card, all personally signed by those in the office ....... now we may be recently bereaved, Jewish, Muslim ....... I would rather that the staff put their energy into selling our property, shows that they aren't busy :bang:
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I'll second that Shadyglade.
Everything has always been on my plate too.
It can be quite stressful, but make sure you leave sometime for yourself too.
Your time is just as much as important as everyone else's.
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Still need to make the treats we normally like to give out to neighbors and friends with a small gift...but I'm not very motivated. I was hoping the family would do more of it this year as I'm exhausted/sleep deprived. No such luck it seems. Hubby is as exhausted as I am and the children....well, ::).
It just might not happen this year and oh well if it doesn't.
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Simplicity in all things! Wow I think that would be good.
I think life is just far too complicated....everything you think is "simple - only take 5 mins" turns out to take hours! The tech that is supposed to make it simple is usually the stuff I have trouble with - either it's not working at all like printer out of ink when you need something NOW or "there is an unexpected item in the bagging area" or "there are no available to take your call" and the worst one is when you are halfway through filling in something online and the website times out! oh no here's another one - GP's who make a simple request complicated! and one that really gets my goat online shops not sending goods to Northern Ireland despite it being in the UK, with UK postcodes and the fact that Royal Mail does in fact deliver and work here!
Maybe we can pool our collective conciousness and send the universe a wish for a simpler 2019!
Just off to Iceland for some nibbles - wonder how that will go?
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I LOVE Boxing day.
Cold turkey and ham. Bubble and squeak. My lot all go out to a football match so I have the house, TV and chocolates all to myself.
Wonderful. :cancan:
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Shadyglade - bubble & squeak yey! I like the leftovers best too.
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That sounds great shadyglade.
Get those feet up, watching some tele, while they're all out.
Heaven.
Got room for one more? 👩💼 🙂
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Me too please if there is room.
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I'll bring plates ;D and wash up.
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In order to protect my mental health as well as really 'can't be bothered' ::) I haven't sent many cards. A couple of times DH has asked whether I have sent to X, Y, Z ........ the answer was nope. He hasn't offered though ;D 'cos it would mean finding the cards, a pen, envelopes, stamp address book :D ........ I intend to get cards written by July 2019 ;)
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:spin: :jiggy: Christmas Update :parti:
Santa has sent TESTOSTERONE! for delivery after 7th Jan when my letter from the Consultant will be with my GP Whoo hoo!
Nurse from Meno clinic called as she promised just now saying has passed on all my info to the consultant at the clinic from our phone consult the other day and she agrees I can have it. The letter will be done...…. and I never left the house ….how efficient is that!!!
....oh dear I really do need to get a life ::)
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Once the testosterone kicks in, you'll have a Life :lol: :whist:
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Urgh - I'm trying to manage my expectations - my mother used to say "it doesn't do to get too excited you end up disappointed"...
And there you have it...she's a lot to answer for has my mother. ::)
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;D - that's a whole other thread :D ........ [My Mum]
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I daren't start one about mine >:(
She died when I was 32 and ruled my life until then. I still haven't managed to undo her "mantras".
She was disabled with severe rheumatoid arthritis at 26 - her father was a regimental sergeant major, my grandmother was in service, so she had a strict upbringing which she passed on when she had me. I was the first child and then 7 years later there was my brother and the sun shone out of his behind despite the fact he nearly killed her when he was born. She lived with my first husband and I for 2 years at one point :-\
I try not to get into talking about her - I am endeavouring to airbrush her from my life but she pops up all over the place - I find myself sounding like her sometimes and it chills me to the bone.
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So add to mine ;-). People parent as they were parented, in general. Unless 1 takes a step back ...... I'm still learning about mine >:( ::).
I have wrapped the gifts for Himself and given him one to keep him going ;)
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I hope never to start acting like my Mum, in her later years she became very bitter and twisted. She had no filter on what came out of her mouth. I remember her telling me at age 30 I was too old to wear mini skirts cos my knees are fat (they actually aren`t as it happens!) and I`m still wearing them at 55. And not going to the hairdressers to have a nice "cut and set" as she was always on at me to do. The list goes on. I bemoan lack of family at Christmas but realise some people who have one have an awful lot to put up with!
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I wrapped all the presents this afternoon and I only put the tree up on Wednesday. Every year for probably the last 15 years I have wanted to be abroad for Xmas. I never get my christmas wish.
I try not to let my feelings rub off on the rest of the family but its not easy. Hubby and daughter do all the veg prep. I make the stuffing, forcemeat balls, homemade bread sauce etc and do the turkey, gravy etc. I now buy a Xmas Pud and we have brandy cream with it. We all enjoy our meal but TBH I am fed up with doing it after 41 years. Son and daughters boyfriend load dishwasher and wash pots.
Last year my daughters boyfriend stayed over and ended up being here for two weeks. I have warned them its not happening this year as I need time to myself. I don't mind Xmas Eve, Xmas Day and Boxing Day but thats it.
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It's Boxing Day I find difficult. Surely by then it's all over?
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Oh Christmas, il be glad when it's over in the nicest possible way.
The run upmis exhausting and this year everyone is coming to me for lunch. Why oh why I offer I don't know as i get really stressed and more cranky than normal, my husband has gone on his second Xmas do but to be honest I'm glad of the peace.
I've written a plan for xmas day as my memory is so so bad. A few more days and I can r e l a x.
It's all for the children, as long as they are happy, I'm happy.
Glad I'm not the only one who finds it's a chore these days x.
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It's such a shame that so many of you do not/did not, get on with your Mums. I really miss my Mum. She died three and a half years ago and I still think about her everyday. She was forceful and stubborn, but then so am I, but full of wisdom, caring with a huge sense of justice.
I feel very lucky to have had both my parents.
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Cheer up girls! Tis the day of the Winter Solstice - they sky was on fire at sunset driving home from the coast. :sunny: I love this day the turn of the season heralding longer days and looking forward to spring...Cool Yule everyone! Now that it is almost Christmas we have brought our Christmas tree in from outside and will decorate it tomorrow, as everyone is here, and looking forward to our festivities with all the family! Make the most of it and count your blessings if you can! :)
Hurdity x
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I'm sooooooo looking forward to longer days.
I don't like the frantic run up to Christmas it always seeme to bring out the worst in people (shoppers and drivers !!!! ) but once the shopping is done and presents wrapped I start to relax.
I'm lucky that I had wonderful parents but only Mum my is still with us.Before my Dad passed away they and anyonelse in the family who wanted to used to come here for Christmas dinner but the Christmas after my Dad passed my Mum said she didn't want to come here for dinner as she couldn't bear to see someone else sitting in his chair he always sat in the same seat every time he came here for dinner so that year we went out but it wasn't the same and since then my brother and sister take it in turn to host Christmas dinner so that takes a lot of the pressure off. We had been thinking we might do Christmas this year but my sister offered which is just as well as the the oven door came off in my hand earlier in the week !!! So when we get back from our holiday a new cooker is top priority fortunately I have a top oven which we can use in the meantime.
As all the boys won't be here over Christmas I'm doing Christmas dinner on 6th Jan (Spanish Christmas Day) when we are all in Lanzarote.
To those of you struggling at this time I wish you all a very happy and peaceful Christmas.
Love Lanzalover x
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Lovely post Lanzalover.
:xmas: :thankyou:
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Agree 'LL and shadyglade great post.
I had the most gentle loving mother and id cut my arm off to have just one more cuddle with her.
I'm having a good run up to the event lol managing to keep the pain levels down now purely by diet and lifestyle changes if I stray then I suffer the consequences so I'm staying on that path lol.reading a good book about the adrenals just now called adrenal fatigue by Dr Eric Berg really ticks a lot of my boxes and at just over £3 on Amazon kindle well worth it i do recommend.Im still off the hrt and doing great so I'm looking forward to my Xmas celebrations and wish all my dear lovely friends here the happiest of times you are all inspirational with your kind hearts and kind words of support freely and happily given so merry Xmas to all of you espec the bah humbugs you know you secretly love it 😂DD😘
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My mum was a pain but my lovely dad is still alive he will be 92 in Jan. He lives in his own flat, cooks and does everything for himself and he "goes to work" 2 whole days a week at a steam railway. Not as an enthusiast or on the platform but in the workshop which counts as heavy engineering!!! He is the glue that holds our "blended family" together because both my brother and I have been married before so there are step-children and step-grandchildren all of whom call him "grandad". Everyone relies on him for advice and help and all sorts of things.
He's my friend and I worry everyday just lately because of his age that we are well into "borrowed time". Not that he is sick, he is disgustingly healthy - no meds of any kind at all! but no one lives forever right? Its right to think and prepare that we will lose our older loved ones but I can't bear it because the devastation and loss it is going to cause to all of us when he dies is going to be beyond immense. We had a surprise birthday party for him when he was 90 - there were over 60 people there which is because all his life he has "collected people". Everyone just loves him - it makes up for my mum.
We are ready in our house for Christmas but there are only 3 of us and we have bought tickets for the New Year's Eve do at the British Legion - so I'm going dancing!
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Going to wear those high heels in prior to the 'do' then Ladybt28? ;). Mum is 92 and not taking any medication other than paracetamol as necessary. Maybe have a quiet look at care homes in his area to get an idea as to what is available, Mum rather dropped her decision onto us 12 months ago :o - had told everyone else but not us: the 2 that would be doing all the arrangements etc. ::)
ENJOY!
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Doesn't need a care home and probably not likely too either...to be honest stopping doing all the things he's doing is more likely to kill him... although you can never say - I'm more worried that he just dies in the night!
Wear them in?...I never gave them up and wear heels every day!.... I'm sorry to say I am rather vain...(I dont actually own a pair of trainers nor welly boots!! - my girls think it's hysterical!!) I dye my hair and wear my heels and buy my clothes in River Island and New Look. I'm lucky because I am tall 5' 8 and although heavier than I should be I can spread it over the height!!! I'm not fat just a little squishy in places!!! I don't go to the gym you see cos you need trainers for that!! ;D
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Oh I wasn't suggesting that your Dad moves unless he needs to. It's being active that keeps the wrinklies going ::) but if push came to shove you would at least have an idea of what is available, waiting lists etc.. As for high heels, I never was very safe, I even fall off slippers :D. I think that I'm 2" taller than in reality ;D which is a shock when I see 'that woman' staring back from shop windows.
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I lost my Dad just before my 40th.
He died on 3rd dec. and my birthday is on 24th.
Then my mom died the following February.
It's been 14 years now, and I still miss them everyday.
Don't know where all the years have gone!
Sometimes, it still feels like last week.
I still say happy Xmas to them, usually when I first wake up, Xmas morning, on my own, in my bedroom. (Just in case, OH hears me, and thinks I've totally gone mad) lol
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That's fine! I blow kisses to my 3 cats under the earth in one corner of the garden .......
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....."fall off of slippers"! :drunklaf:
I often talk to my gran who died when I was 13 and as for "mothers" well I loved my second mother-in-law (does that count?)who died in November last year (first one wasn't bad either but she died as well when we were still married - doesnt sound like it's very safe to be round me does it by what I've written!!) - she was amazing and we got on like a house on fire - I really miss her!
Got some Stollen when I was out to go in the christmas goodie stash and am contemplating..just contemplating whether I can be bothered to put up the smallest christmas tree we have in our posession which is 3ft!! (oh actually I do have a "pop-up" one that is 12 inches!! my motivation has to be abe to manage that....or does it?)
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Yeah, go on Ladybt.
Even if it's just something to do. Lol
You can always kick it over if you fed up with it...🤪😂😂
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2 more sleeps 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
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Me too StellaJane.
Nose is like a tap......🚰
Early night for me I think.....🛏💤
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I am suffering badly today. Woke up with a tension headache and usually Nurofen clears it. However by later I was aching all over and had a temperature. Isn't responding to painkillers. Fingers crossed 're tomorrow.
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Sorry to hear your both feeling poorly.
Hopefully you'll feel better soon.
Thinking of you both,
Jd xx
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Wishing everyone a happy (bug free!) Christmas and a healthy and peaceful new year, wherever you are and whoever you are with!
Hurdity x :)
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Thank you Hurdity.
And the same to you...
Jd xx
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Thank you Hurdity, same to you.
I wonder why we haven't got the Christmas Hats on the emojis this year.
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I have cooked red cabbage with apples, raisins and red onion, made fresh breadcrumbs for bread sauce and made forcemeat balls. I have also made a mango salsa for tonight which we are having with steak, mushrooms, salad and chunky chips tonight. Hubby has prepped all the veg and they are in water in cold garage.
all I have to bother about in the morning is getting the turkey in the oven as we are off to collect Mum from her care home to spend the day here. 6 of us for lunch so not too bad.
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Sorry to hear your both feeling poorly.
Hopefully you'll feel better soon.
Thinking of you both,
Jd xx
Feeling much better today thanks. Almost back to normal. Suspect I had a 24 hour bug.
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Wishing you all a happy Christmas.
Lanzalover x
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:xmas: :xmas: :xmas: :thankyou:
Happy Christmas to you all too.
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Merry Christmas and a happy new year all 🎄
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Merry Christmas everyone and very very best wishes for a more peaceful and healthy 2019 xx
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Merry Christmas ladies, hope you all have a great day..xxxx
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Merry Christmas everyone. For those of us who are struggling a bit lets take a deep breath and enjoy it as much as we can xxx
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Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you are having a lovely day :)
:love:
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Hope you have all had a lovely day!
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We have had a lovely day with grand baby no 1 too young to really know what's going on but he was mesmerised by the twinkling lights and the paper of course!
We've had a happy but very tiring day, started off with DH annoyed with me when I said this is our last Christmas of our 50s ☹️ Surely I'm allowed to feel a bit menopausal at this emotional time? Went and had a cry in the bedroom and 2 mins later enjoyed a baby cuddle :whist: !
Poppi x
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Merry Christmas everyone.
Glad your feeling better Katejo.
Hope you've all had a great day.
Xx
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TF Its over...entertained guests... Hostess with the mostest..now can let down the barriers and have a little cry to myself if I want. Pressure off 😊
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Oh good for you, Dancing Queen.
Hope you enjoyed a little bit of it.
When I used to have family over, I was a good hostess, if I say it myself, lol
but my lot used to stay till the early hours. I was knackered!
So you go and relax now, you've done your entertaining, time for You now...
Get them feet up........
Xx
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Hi all and Merry Christmas.
It all went ok but I csn now breathe a sigh of relief. I was hosting and there were 11 of us , it was hard work and my husband for once helped out and is exhausted and wants to go away next year! I think he now has a bit of an idea of how hard it is. I think everyone enjoyed. My sister spent most of it on her phone and mentioned you csn Christmas dinner in a tin which would have been far less work😡
House is wrecked and so am I lol.
But we made it through and I think OH appreciates me a lot more tonight - he can't believe all the prep and work involved. Next year ? Definitely won't be me doing it all x
Enjoy the rest of your Christmas ladies xx
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Yes hasty he was actually shocked at how much it involved. He didn't want to go out today to my daughters as he was exhausted lol 🙄🙄🙄
Il be honest it was too much and I don't think il be volunteering again, I'd rather go out as there are 12 of us and it's too much for me anyway. Spent all morning cleaning kitchen, dishwasher on fourth run and the food that's wasted...............
My sister has never helped, she works you see so she thinks that exempts her. The fact i have a knackered pelvis and 3 stoma bags is not relevant. Sorry no moaning, it's christmas x
Hope you had a nice time xx
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We had quiet day just the 3 of us but I have done Christmas for 10 of us in the past and one year there were 15 of us! My hubby does most of the cooking so I'm lucky! When its big Christmas we do it between us. We do the whole Christmas thing, presents, wrapping, shopping etc together sort of 50 50 only I direct the traffic!
It was all going swimmingly until about 2 this morning when No1 son (28) who drinks far too much sent some abusive texts complaining that we hadn't phoned to say thank you for our presents despite the fact we had already spoken to him for an hour about midday plus a whole load of other unnecessary stuff about my failings as a parent! Took the shine off a bit! but I've worked out it is just best to ignore him (although he doesn't like that either). I have tried everythign to avoid a fight at christmas bearing in mind there is a stretch of sea between us but it appears technology can stand in and someone can pick a fight with you from a distance! Hey ho on we go towards 2019!
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Well there is no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child.
Don't take it too much to heart. We love our children but that doesn't mean we always like them. :hug:
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Yes, it's now time to look forward to New Year. Well done ladies for coping and surviving it all. It's been a comfort to me to read that we all have the same ups and down, with families good and bad
For once my hair has been ok:safe and I have made up with a dear friend who has had the worst year. I will be there for her when she needs me in 2019 and told her that. Time to count my blessings, after years of trauma and tolerating awful in-laws (who are really not worth the effort)
Happy 2019 when it comes Girls! :bighug:
Poppi xxx
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Ooops!! Don't know what safe hair is-a typo, sorry! ;D Just pleased with the cut and colour for a huge change!
Poppi x
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He gets very upset because he feels that I don't talk to him as often as he thinks I should but as the years have gone by I find it more difficult because I never know whether I am going to say something which sets him off. I find it easier and safer to avoid talking to him because then I know I can't get caught out and he starts making it difficult because I've said "something". It don't even know what it is that I said most of the time he can just kick off. I used to be very tough, but as I have got older I don't like the unpredictability of it and I know that he can make me feel very bad at the drop of a hat - it just seems wiser to avoid those situations - but then I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't. The menopause causes enough problems with our emotions without throwing a few fireworks into the mix!
He is a rather troubled soul - he went to live with his father when he was 13 although I tried to stop him and his dad sort of emotionally abandoned him betwen 13 and 16 (when he walked out) and his new stepmother.....well she's the epitome of how not to do it! Actually she was downright nasty and his father always sided with her. Somehow he blames me...he said once when he was yelling that "I should have done something about it, when he told me"....but I really dont know what I could have done because he only hinted at the time and he wouldn't leave and come home to me! He lived on his own with mates from age 16 to 23 when he move in with his grandad. The damage is done somehow and it actually seems to be getting worse as he is getting older not less. He has taken up drinking to the extent it's a problem that everyone can see except him. He has two distict extremes - on the onehand he can be helpful kind and supportive but if he sees some perceived slight - he will rip your head off. Like I say I feel safer staying clear - but that's not healthy either.
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Ladybt, I know the feeling and don't know what to suggest. You are there for him should he want to turn to you and that's all you can do. You're a loving Mum and can do no more
:bighug: :bighug:
Poppi x
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Cheers Poppi - it's nice to be able say this stuff out loud. Its something I rarely bring up. We will have to pick up the pieces when my dad dies cos he lives with him and boy am I dreading it when that happens he's going to be a nightmare and I worry I wont be up to helping him in any way. My dad is my world.
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Ladybt28 - he needs counselling. Do not consider having him to live with/near you! Make arrangements B4 push comes to shove. My sister lets off occasionally, trouble is no one can remember the events that's she off about >:(. Several years ago Mum rang me in tears asking if I remembered X-, Y, Z happening because my sister had said really nasty stuff about Mum's lack of parenting.
Explain to your son that he is a grown up now. That whilst he might say things you are not going to engage any more. That if, after all these years it bothers him at all, then he must take responsibility for how he deals with it all.
We survived. No bugs. No rows. Dare I say that I enjoyed more of it. ? :-X
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Ha Ha CKLD :-X blimy no rows...watch out for New Year! ;D
Actually managed to get him to counselling once 2 years ago but unfortunately encountered a crusty ancient male psych who took 10 mins and one look at him and saw a confident, well spoken, coherent, sharp suited human - then asked about 10 questions and said "you need to pull yourself together boy! - If you still having problems in 2 months come back and see me"! I can tell you he's never going anywhere near anyone like that again - it was like someone throwing a stick of dynamite under a bus! And no I know I can't have him too close to me, even visits are a bit dangerous now. I would call him a functioning alcoholic.
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AAAHhh - so guilt added to his problems. Do you get support from AA-Families?
New Year will be here. Quietly spent. The row will be with those who let off fireworks ;D
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Yep guilt amongst other things! He does'nt acknowledge he has a "drink problem" so he is one of the more difficult kind of alcholics to deal with as there "is no problem" as far as he is concerned we are "just making it up". Difficult to confront something without acknowledgement of any kind....anyway enough of him!
New Year and fireworks - we are going dancing but my poor doggies will be terrified! - the little one in particular - she will run around completely demented whilst they are going off and shake from head to foot for about 5/6 hours - its desperate to watch but there will be no getting away from them. They like fireworks in NI for Halloween and New Years - well any excuse really.
My youngest son is going to spend the whole time trying to comfort her although it doesn't work. We have tried hiding her under blankets but that doesn't work either.
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Ladybt,
I'm not sure if you've tried it or if they have them there but there's a doggie jacket called a thunder shirt or a calming jacket that is supposed to help dogs during fireworks, etc. Might be worth a try? My in-laws used one for their nervous dog and helped him out.
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The thing is to ignore the behaviour. Or buy a DAP diffuser which is supposed to help. Don't go 'there there' as it reinforces from the Pack leader ::)
Maybe put music on well ahead of mid-night and make sure that the dogs are off the floor. Noise travels differently at ground level as well as dogs hearing being acute.
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I think I might have a look at the thunder jackets and read any reviews - I have also read somewhere that you use natural sedatives on dogs too but something has to be done because regardless of the effect on her which must be horrendous I cant bear to watch :'(
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You are going out ;-).
Could you borrow a crate and put somewhere quiet, covered over?
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Those jackets are supposed to hold them tight, like a hug..so soothing and calming. Hope you can figure out something though. Not fun to see them suffer.
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She loves to hide under a quilt all the time, she loves confined spaces (she came from the pound something to do with when she was a puppy, but generally a happy well adjusted soul) - she has her own quilt!!? ??? My son will be watching her all the time. He will take her quilt into his room which is at the back of the house and shut the door. He is a gamer anyway so he sits in the dark like a mushroom!.... Jez - now you all know why I don't mention my family at all ::) I have started telling people on here about them but when I read it back I remember why I pretend they don't exist - weird.. the lot of them.. just weird!! Heavens to Betsey what on earth does it say about me?
New Years resolution - go back to not mentioning them!
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Ladybt.
I think there's a lot of us who have ‘weird' families. As you put it. 😁
I know I don't come from a ‘normal' family.🤪🤪
Whatever that is.
There's always one or two who are just not like everyone else, and who stand out from others.
I've got family members just like that, and I think most families have.
It makes them more interesting to me anyhow.....xx
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Most food freezes and add salt and pepper to it, the cardboard taste is hidden :D.
Why would a 'flu jab make any difference to a cold? It's a different virus ::)
What's a 'normal' family - if anyone found out they would earn a Fortune ;D.
What was the question ?
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Oh Stellajane that's a shame you were poorly over those two days - New Year will be better I hope.
Know what you are all saying about weird family members - yes..most families have one or two or even a handful but I have a funny sort of knawing feeling that our extended and blended family is definitely over it's quota! In fact our ratio of "weird" to "normal".......weird takes the day!! :stupid: All I can say in its favour is that the weirdies have plenty of company ;D
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;D ........ it takes one to recognise one then?
I left our weirdest behind today ;)
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Oh Stellajane that's a shame you were poorly over those two days - New Year will be better I hope.
Know what you are all saying about weird family members - yes..most families have one or two or even a handful but I have a funny sort of knawing feeling that our extended and blended family is definitely over it's quota! In fact our ratio of "weird" to "normal".......weird takes the day!! :stupid: All I can say in its favour is that the weirdies have plenty of company ;D
Haha...my extended family and all is just like that! Normal is the "weird" in our large group! ;D I am not one of the few normal. ;)
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All the World is strange
Some more strange than others
Except you and me and even you are a little bit strange ;)
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Hope you feel better soon StellaJane,
Flu is pants, and big pants at that......😷🤧
:bighug: (hope I don't catch it now....lol )
Xx
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Oh I remember 'flu. [March 1988 - B4 I got my puppy that October] Woke not knowing where I was. Not feeling hot but DH told me I was burning up. Couldn't stand. Couldn't stand light. Ached all over, deep in the joints, but not all joints at once. Took 3 days to even feel like getting out of bed.
Exactly 12 months to the day later I had it again >:(. Took 3 days to feel I could dare walking. Sat on the patio in un-usually warm sunshine - the dog fell into the pond and I hardly knew how to haul her out :o. Again, joints ached. Never had it since.
Have you found that 'colds' have altered over the years? Fortunately now I don't have that nausea that heads a cold it starts now with an irritation deep in the throat, aching eyes, itchy ears :(
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Well it's nice to know I am in "weird" company here - feel right at home ;)
Flu StellaJane - had it 3 times in my life! plus 1 bout of rheumatic fever. "Flu is definitely big pants"! How are you managing - I remember only being able to crawl to the loo, I couldn't stand, nor could I read or watch TV. It also takes ages to get over once the main symptoms have passed. Take it real easy - you might think its gone but it hasn't completely! Wishing you big hugs and hoping that you are on the road to recovery.
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What people don't realise is , is that there is a massive difference between having a cold and having flu!
My brother states, every time someone in his family has a cold, ‘they've got flu' but there at work, or still going to school, or going out for the evening.💃🕺
I don't even say anything anymore , but I feel like saying, listen, they ent got flu, because if they had they wouldn't be doing this that or the other, they'd be in bed, ill, not wanting to do anything else except sleep! They'd be unable to do anything. 😴
A cold, on the other hand, you can still do stuff, as poorly as that makes you, you can still move around, and go to work ect..... with flu, you just can't do any of these things.🤒🤒
Having a temperature on its own, forbids that, let alone any of the other symptoms.
That's my experience of it anyway.......lol
Xx
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.... and mine. The saying is that if one has 'flu and there is a £50.00 note across the bedroom floor that they can't even think about getting out of bed to pick it up.
A cold virus can mimic 'flu symptoms without being 'flu. Temperature, shivering, dry throat, nose etc. without the aches. Or finding light too much to bear. [?bare?]
Over C.mas always seems worse as so much store is put onto that 1 day >:(.
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I'll be glad now to get the tree and lights and decorations down.
The tree lights get on my nerves a bit now, flashing all the time..Lol
Can't wait to give the place a bloody good clean.
Dust everywhere!
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You can come here once you've tackled your dust ;)
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I'll be glad now to get the tree and lights and decorations down.
The tree lights get on my nerves a bit now, flashing all the time..Lol
Can't wait to give the place a bloody good clean.
Dust everywhere!
Oh I can't cope with the lights flashing, they drive me mad. I buy ‘still' lights. Lol
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On the 5th Day of Chritsmas my true love gave to me.... Five Gold Rings....tra la la la la..... and a partridge in a pear tree.
Seven days to go girls - our decorations will stay up until after the last day - let the winter celebrations continue to brighten up these dark days! :)
Hurdity x
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Hurdity,
You're such a breath of fresh air.
It's lovely......😘
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I've taken the cards down and cleaned the unit they were on.
The tree etc might be down New Years day.
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Hahahaha, Littleminnie,
I've been looking at our cards all afternoon,
thinking shall I, or sharnt I. (Throw them away)lol
I haven't, yet, turned my back on em, and left em.
They might go tomorrow though........😉🤣🤣
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I don't throw many - they get cut into labels ....... I bought some small lights with a battery that fit into an empty whisky bottle, I will get several to stand on window ledges .......
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I don't use the cards but I do recycle them.
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I have put a lot onto our home composting heap this year, I will cut up for labels and re-cycle the rest with the newspapers.
Sent 5 New Year cards this morning.
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I've sorted out all the wrapping paper that I can reuse and cut it into suitable squares, and made enough labels to last about 10 years!!! However I have to provide husband and most offspring with labels and wrapping paper so that's sorted! Greenery is looking a bit dry and has another 6 days or so to go, but I keep watering the Christmas tree. ::) Everything is still looking very festive and I love it especially when it gets dark like it is now with all the coloured fairy lights. We don't do flashing - ours are all vintage ones as are most of our decs - been going for years! It all looks so bare come 6th Jan... We still have some turkey left!
Hurdity x
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The same turkey from Christmas Day ?
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We still have some turkey left!
Hurdity x
Not sure what's happening next year but if we are cooking we have vowed not to get a turkey again !
We had four meals plus two mini meals off it christmas day, daughter took about a quarter home for boxing day. We then had turkey and bubble and squeak wednesday, turkey a la king on toast thursday , turkey curry friday , turkey, chips and peas saturday. Hurray tonight we've had stew !
Guess the moral is not to buy too big a turkey but i always feel that you need a reasonable sized one or else you get a runt that doesn't cook as well.
Gangan x
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We've just finished ours. Turkey soupy stew and dumplings made from the carcase. Delicious. There were 6 meat eaters for Christmas Day and Boxing Day and we chose a 6.5kg free range turkey which seems about the right size.
Taz x
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Wouldn't touch turkey with a barge pole ::). Prefer them running in the yard.
We always have pheasant. 1 and a half days and it's eaten up. Without resorting to curry.
Now bubble and squeak :-* - any left over ;D
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Have you got a turkey running in your yard? If not then it sounds as if you'd quite like one ;D
I prefer my pheasants walking around my garden. Can't say I'm a fan of their taste although I do get offered a few braces.
Taz x
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We got a Turkey crown, it was gone in 2 days.
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We went to marks Xmas eve first turkey I picked up was £39 put in trolley and moved on then saw other turkey crowns at cheaper £28 so thought that's better only 2 of us so switched that one with the one in the trolley then moved on then spotted another option turkey breast with stuffing decent sized 6-8people for only £22 so yet again switched with the one in trolley.hubbys highly amused by this time. Finished my shop then headed to checkout chatting to people in queue all very good natured xmas banter then i said to hubby where's the turkey? Someone had only swiped it out the trolley 😂so mad rush to find another while he's loading shopping onto belt so we don't lose our place in the queue listening to all the laughing in the queue about my missing turkey lol.never mind it passed the time queuing and it was delicious on the day 😂DD😘
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;D
I would love turkeys in the garden but it's not large enough and we don't have grass.
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It's over! Tweflth Night celebrated. Decorations down today....If you leave them up they have to stay up until Candlemas ( February 2nd!!), according to one old tradition!
Hurdity x
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We took ours down yesterday. It took hours. Not quite finished yet as they've still got to be put back in the attic. I hate it all looking so bare and in defiance I've put on my Christmas jumper ;D
Taz x
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Got mine down and chucked in the attic in an hour. Roll on Spring! ☺
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Ours went down yesterday, as did all the neighbours. Just one lone person with theirs up. Roll on the warmer weather and holidays
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Agree about the turkey. Dry dry dry.
I should've baisted it with some
estriol 0.01
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:lol: I don't take any notice of 12th night. It's over, that's what matters.
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Isn't it bad luck to take em down before the 12th night?
Oh well, that's why we don't have any flipping luck, took ours down on the 2nd, (I think, can't remember, seems like they've been gone ages now) 😀
Didn't seem like Christmas this year, and a lot of people have said the same to me,
really quiet........😕🤔🤔
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We took ours down yesterday. It took hours. Not quite finished yet as they've still got to be put back in the attic. I hate it all looking so bare and in defiance I've put on my Christmas jumper ;D
Taz x
Ours took hours too! Also still not up in the loft yet!! Can't face that!
I've never had a Christmas jumper - but I've got an apron (neighbour made it as pressy one year!) :)
Hurdity x
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Christmas is officially over dropped DS back today, he's been home for Christmas for 3 weeks :'(
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I think it's unlucky to leave them up after 12th night but when is 12th night? Some different ideas and beliefs say 6th Jan, others earlier/later. Mr Poppi chops the tree then we suffer the sparky burning (🥴), I'm pleased to be back to a “normal†routine despite enjoying the holiday time.
Family returning home depresses me ba...humbug!!
Hope 2019 a lucky year for all.
Poppi x
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Does it matter? I will leave my New Year wreath on the front door until Feb. probably as I love it so much - made it myself :-* - as well as the lights on the outdoor tree, don't we need extra light right now? I have put lots of solar lights around the garden, some plain white, 6 are coloured which brighten up the patio from the kitchen window.
Any one done shopping yet for this year :whist: