Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Humour => The funny side of menopause => Topic started by: CLKD on March 18, 2010, 12:49:40 PM
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A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was.
She is very clever. She manages to keep out of sight for the most of the time, but whenever I passed by a mirror, I caught a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror directly, to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing and completely bliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is not very courteous yet she insist on being rude.
I have tried screaming at her to stop it, but she just screams back, even grimacing horribly. She is really quite frightening!
She insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay a little rent. But, NO! Every once in a while I do find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but that is not nearly enough.
In fact, I do not want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the Automated Teller Machine and withdraw one hundred dollars and a few days later it was all gone. I certainly do not spend money that fast, hence I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.
You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkle cream. God knows she needs it! And money isn't the only thing I think she is taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too. Especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I just cannot seem to keep those stuffs in the house any more. She must really have a sweet tooth, but she better watch it because she is really packing on the pounds! I think she realizes that and too make herself feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think that I am putting on weight too.
For an old lady, she really is quite childish though. She like to play these really nasty games like going into my closets when I am not at home and altering my clothes so that they don't fit, or messing with my files and papers so that I can't find them when I need it. This is particularly annoying since I am an extremely neat and organized person. She fiddles with my VCR to make it not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed it to record.
She has found imaginative other ways to annoy me. She gets to my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and somehow blurs the print so badly that I can't see it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone so that all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She had done other things like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Further more, she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids making it almost impossible for me to open them. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
I don't even get any respite at night because more than once her snoring has awakened me. It is very unattractive! And as if that weren't bad enough, she is no longer confining her tactics to the house. She has found a way to sneak into my car and follow me everywhere I go. She has completely taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she tries on the exact outfit and stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in the outfit and plus she keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my drivers license picture taken and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me!! Who is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me?
She is walking on very thin ice now and if she keeps this up, I swear I will have her put away! But then, on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be too hasty. I think I will check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent. Oh, oh, I wonder if she has beat me to that first because she is always on my computer too.
*SIGH*.......what's a body to do????
"Pass this old lady along to your friends who have entered into the 50th zone. Remember, you can't fight it so you may as well make fun of it!"
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She's been to mine too! What do you think we should do? :o :o
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CKLD,
i just found her looking in my mirror too, she seems to be getting around a bit.
:boobs:
Sandie xx
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She gets about doesn't she? Today she stuck her face in front of my mirror..talk about wrinkles, chin whiskers, greying hair......what a sight. I don't need that first thing in the morning!
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She has reached Scotland. I have seen her in shop windows. Help I dont like her. She looks like my mother.
Viv :-\
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Oh you're in big trouble when she starts looking like your mum!!! ;D ;D ;D
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Yep she looks like my mother too, especially in shop windows, I see this person looking back and think "I sort of know her" ::) ;)
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Not only does she look like her but she sounds a bit like her as well. :-\ :-\
She can throw her voice because some of these things come out of my mouth.
Its very very scary
Viv
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;D
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That strange woman has been back at mine again today! There she was, looking back at me. It's the jawline, the nose, the eyes. Then when she opened her mouth well........... ;) ;) ;)
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blimey......she's got wind now!
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;D ;D ;D
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Oh my god, she has moved into my house too and she follows me everywhere I go! Does anyone want a lodger??????? I will be happy to provide a good reference for her, lol! ;)
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;) well ladies she is with me to in my bath aahhh! one min there i was wee slim body then the next there she was ripples of fat two thighs knocking hell out of each other not a pretty sight couldn't get out the bath quick enough :lol:.she certainly does her rounds girls ;)xx
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How the hell has it happened - she's reached me in France too, not the North but right down near the Spanish border - boy, doesn't she get around. I'd like to know why she's wearing matronly bra's like my Mum used to, whatever happened to the lovely underwired things with sexy lace? Eeeeek Bridget Jones knickers too - you wouldn't get me in those, get out of my way you, you, you imposter ...... who is she?
Meggie
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;D ;D ;D
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<looks in mirror> ::)
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;D ;D ;D lmao she's here at mine right now....should i ring the police catch her in the act ...lol
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Th only problem is they might arrest the wrong woman. ::)
Viv
x
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Wow I have one too I thought it was just my imagination
Shes plump bit iffy looking and she seems to walk like shes in pain
Wonder who she is? maybe have to hang around and ask
Mind I only see her when I look in the mirror wonder why?
Suzi Q ;)
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I see her in my mirror too, and at the shops, caught her in my friends car mirror as well. But she's not moving in here, I'm not letting her...she can go hike ! ;D
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;D
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Blimey, she's getting about a bit, isn't she? Wonder where she's off to next. Maybe a world tour. Wish I was her! ;D ;D ;D
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I've been sitting toooooo long and it's taken an age to get off the sofa......but the strange woman's here too, hobbling round like a geriatric, just like my mum used to after her hip operation, bum stuck out, leaning forward, flat footed and frumpish. I want her to go away. I loved my Mum so much but I'm not ready for all of this. Please Mum, allow me my memories and the things that made me smile but let me stay young, mobile, excited about the future ..... not frightened of getting old before my time. There, that's better, I've straightened up and I'm walking properly again - see, she's gone again ....... and I get a sneaky feeling that the reflection in the cooker hood isn't me at all ?? Here we go again.
Meggie
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Does the strange lady groan as she stands up or bends over? She does in my house.
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She groans and rubs her knees as well. I have also heard her farting and i know that cannot be me.
I dont do things like that. ;D ;D
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
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;D ;D ;D
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:poke2: blame the dog? Or the better halve ........ :-*
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This is such fun.
Does the strange woman in your house have whiskers on her chin - there's something strange going on with mine !! Is she also reaching out for Tena Lady?
Meggie
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More on her chin and less on her bum.
Does anyone know anyone that dyes their pubes???
Viv
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Don't! My hairdresser warned me off that idea ;) unless a special dye is bought ::) - why would you anyway? There wont' be much left to dye ..........
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How come it all disappears ?
Meggie
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Old age ??? ........
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More on her chin and less on her bum.
Does anyone know anyone that dyes their pubes???
Viv
Had to answer this one viv.
A late friend of mine Veronica used to have a 'dye day' she would do the hair on top then the 'sunday' face and claim it was natural--burgunday was quite happy to show us as well :cat88:
JJ
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Eeeeeooooooww! ;D ;D
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At least no one can see my bald patch. I would consider a comb-over if necessary.
;D ;D ;D
Viv
Who intends to grow grey gracefully< But not on my head ;)
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I'm going grey, although as I am a blonde it's looking like expensive highlights. As for a comb over........... ;D
Stopped spending fortune on my hair years ago. Saw so many females, including my brother's first wife, going blonde when they hit 40 and they so didn't suit it. Some people can carry it off, but not many.
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That strange woman was with me today when i went for my breast screening, i saw her in the mirror. What the bloody hell was she doing there.
Spying on me i guess, she was naked from the waist up, at least she was not fully naked, ha! ha!
Sandie x x
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That strange women yesterday she out in my garden, what a wreck, wheezing, hot, sweaty, hair a right mess.
;) So embarrassed when the neighbours called round.....
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Know what that women in the mirrors doing all my housework washing cooking cleaning
Cos when I look its done she such a kid caring women love to meet her sometime :D
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She's been in my house again playing on a DS! I ask you! Is she trying to look cool or what? ;) ;) ;)
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She plays on a DS in this house too - round about 4.30 p.m. most afternoons ....... hubby tripped over the 'hoover' that she left out over night and I GOT the blame ???
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Tut, tut. Fancy having the nerve to blame you. So typical! ;D
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Himself knows I leave stuff around, he should have looked where he was putting his feet :-*
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Hey Suzie
Can you send her round to my house to give me a hand, have got a bit behind with everything and have a pile of ironing she could do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OH this lady seems to love ironing there was a huge pile and its all gone now
Arent I a lucky duck hehehehe
Suzi Q :)
Still no Easter Bunnies?????
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:bunis:
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You lot should worry............ Mine's starting to look like my granny..... now that's really worrying!!!!!!
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:rofl:
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Ooh eck, you are in trouble aren't you! ;D ;D ;D
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Mines is beginning to resemble those 'bearded ladies' you used to read about in circus' arghhhhhhhhhhh!
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Well my old lady followed me to Memphis last week, and guess what, another one followed my friend!! There we were trying to look cool whilst touring Graceland, and there in front of all the glass fonted show cases were the two old dears looking a bit rough around the edges. The least the could have done was to have scrubbed up whilst in the presence of the King!!!! 8)
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;D
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OK....this is not funny......my doctor just contacted me to say my blood tests are fine, and that I can start my course of HRT now ! SHE HAS HAD THE CHEEK TO GO TO MY SURGERY AND INSINUATE THAT I AM MENOPAUSAL ! Where does this stop ? >:(
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Hi Aussie and and MAJane
:welcomemm:
Why not post on "New Members" and introduce yourselves? That's where most people look and you'll get lots of welcomes!
Bixby x
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This imposter is everywhere - she`s a global new alien species whose tentacles are travelling the planet!! Girls - we must fight back!! (Anyone want a bottle of wine or 2 whilst we plan our strategy & maybe a curry?)
Aussie
Na lets have a Thai whilst watching the sun go down over Moreton bay
Suzi Q
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Na lets have a Thai whilst watching the sun go down over Moreton bay
Suzi Q
[/quote]
That sounds good to me and sod that woman !
Meggie
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I'll have the curry please and skip the wine ;)
Welcome new members :tulips: :tulips:
I told mum yesterday that I see her looking back in my mirror and was told I coudn't see a better person ! :-*
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That sounds like the kind of thing my mother would say to me ::) ::) ::)
A good curry would be nice while I think of an answer.
Viv
x
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Hubby makes GOOD curries ......... with Naan bread or rice?
That Strange Woman had nicked his reading glasses this morning ;D
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Both would be nice if thats ok.
I do know that it will be me eating curry as my mother could not possibly eat that spicy stuff. ;)
Viv
x
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Absolutely fine!
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More for us !!
Meggie
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In the late 1960s it was thought 'strange' when people in the UK began to eat curries on a regular basis ;)
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Oh you're in big trouble when she starts looking like your mum!!! ;D ;D ;D
Even bigger trouble when she starts to look like your Dad - trust me it happens
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With me it's the reverse ::) grew up looking like Dad, now it's Mum who stares back from the shop window ;D
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My Dad was very very bald. Well on top, he had the fringe thing going on around the outside. If that happens I would gladly take back the woman who looks like my mother.
Viv
x
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This post cracks me up - it's so entertaining. I'm so glad we can be light-hearted about maturity.
Meggie
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Mature like a very good wine?
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WINE!
OOH I'D LOVE SOME! I feel even more "mature" after daughter's move. For mature read old & decrepit! :lol:
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this strange woman rarely drinks wine :P
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I wouldn't mind a glass of Weston's Cider but don't tell that Strange Woman because she only needs to sniff the Sherry Bottle Cork and she's out of it (sorry Mum .... couldn't resist).
Meggie
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Gosh haven't drunk Westons for years ::)
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To the dear across the pond ladies: The old bitty is in my USA house, too. I'd like to get rid of her, but she seems so pitiful at times. I look at Joan Rivers and a few other frozen wax-like renditions of womanhood and then decide the old broad in the mirror ain't so bad (except for her midsection and dangling boobs). Ah, youth truly is wasted on the young.
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I've noticed today that the strange woman in my house has developed a double chin and whiskers !
Meggie
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That strange woman in my house isn't looking too bad today, she has make up on and is well dressed for a change. No jogging bottoms or leggins today.. my oh my what has come over her..... bet it won't last for long Ha! Ha!
Sandie x x
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I've covered the mirrors but have to go to town later - bet she follows me all the way :lol:
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Dont let her drive, you know what these old buddies are like in a car. Mine always sits behind me, I can see her in the mirror.
Viv
x
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:clapping:
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Im new to all this but Im afraid that strange woman has started visiting my home already and
has boil washed all my clothes because they feel too tight !!
Rissys xxxx
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:boobs: :boobs:
Taz x ;D
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:rofl:
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................has boil washed all my clothes because they feel too tight !!
I'm horrified - she's done the same to me - I've got to search for a wedding outfit (Mother of the Groom) and it looks like I've got to get a size 20 !!! I'll look like a bag of spuds - probably a Demis Rousos (sp!!) smock might be the best bet or a sarong.
ANYONE GOT A BACON SLICER?
Meggie
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I would not mind her coming round to my house so often if she got off her lazy arse and did something, like the housework, cooking, washing..........................and she eats all my food, yet I never seem to lose any weight, very strange!!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Oh no! She has reached me way over here in the UAE, she sure travels fast and gets around to alot of people
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Welcome - how's the weather in the UAE?
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Congratulations Meggie, when is the wedding?
I am also to be Mother of the Groom next April - the first of my grown up children to get married. I am sooooooo looking forward to it :D
The wedding is on 7th August and I searched high and low for an outfit - they were all very chiffony and too elaborate. In the end my OH looked on the Jaques Vert E-bay site and ordered me a beautiful Brick red dress with cream flowers and leaves embroidered around the midriff and side and a white short sleeve jacket. The dress was originally £139 and I bought it for £39 and the jacket was £130 and I bought it for £65. I'm well pleased and can wear both items again. Jaques Vert have some beautiful things.
Good Luck choosing your outfit.
Meggie
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A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was.
She is very clever. She manages to keep out of sight for the most of the time, but whenever I passed by a mirror, I caught a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror directly, to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing and completely bliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is not very courteous yet she insist on being rude.
I have tried screaming at her to stop it, but she just screams back, even grimacing horribly. She is really quite frightening!
She insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay a little rent. But, NO! Every once in a while I do find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but that is not nearly enough.
In fact, I do not want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the Automated Teller Machine and withdraw one hundred dollars and a few days later it was all gone. I certainly do not spend money that fast, hence I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.
You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkle cream. God knows she needs it! And money isn't the only thing I think she is taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too. Especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I just cannot seem to keep those stuffs in the house any more. She must really have a sweet tooth, but she better watch it because she is really packing on the pounds! I think she realizes that and too make herself feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think that I am putting on weight too.
For an old lady, she really is quite childish though. She like to play these really nasty games like going into my closets when I am not at home and altering my clothes so that they don't fit, or messing with my files and papers so that I can't find them when I need it. This is particularly annoying since I am an extremely neat and organized person. She fiddles with my VCR to make it not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed it to record.
She has found imaginative other ways to annoy me. She gets to my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and somehow blurs the print so badly that I can't see it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone so that all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She had done other things like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Further more, she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids making it almost impossible for me to open them. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
I don't even get any respite at night because more than once her snoring has awakened me. It is very unattractive! And as if that weren't bad enough, she is no longer confining her tactics to the house. She has found a way to sneak into my car and follow me everywhere I go. She has completely taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she tries on the exact outfit and stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in the outfit and plus she keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my drivers license picture taken and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me!! Who is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me?
She is walking on very thin ice now and if she keeps this up, I swear I will have her put away! But then, on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be too hasty. I think I will check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent. Oh, oh, I wonder if she has beat me to that first because she is always on my computer too.
"Pass this old lady along to your friends who have entered into the 50th zone. Remember, you can't fight it so you may as well make fun of it!"
Well she has just arrived at my house again and she has decided to put a little darker colour on her hair, and you know what, she doesn't look so washed out, she was at work too and people commented and said!!! oh you've done something to your hair it suits you.
maybe i don't mind that strange woman in my house anymore..... well for the time being anyway...
Sandie x
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If only she would do that pile of ironing which lurks in the corner of our utility room >:(
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Heavens she's just gone and ordered me a new mobile phone. How kind of her! She must have known my old one was playing up. SHe's a clever cookie!
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This is so good this thread lol
Inside every old person is a younger person wondering what the f**k happened.
sorry about the swear word
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:rofl: oh so f.......g true ;)
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WT-, wait until you are 71! My mind thinks it's 45, but the numbers say it just ain't so. So this wrinkled face of the old intruder needs to get the heck back across the pond to the UK and leave this youthful US broad alone now with her fantasies of youth.
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We've had friends and my Sister and her Husband staying with us and this "Strange Woman" has really got on my nerves. They kept saying I looked like someone else ......... but I'm not ready to be a "Wrinkly or a Scone Hunter". I glance in the mirror and this strange but familiar woman looks back at me. Spooky or what.
I'd love to turn back the clock and be Mum again and re-live the wonderful days when my grandsons were born and the moments when the first came into the world, 10 weeks early weighing 2lb 10oz - I was with my Daughter in theatre.
Meggie
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That must have been a magical moment Meggie.
I had a fright yesterday when I was visiting a relative up in Suffolk. I went to the bathroom, closed the door and turned around. There was this awful apparition staring back at me! "Yuk, what's that?" I thought until I realised that his shaving mirror was on the windowsill with the magnifying side facing towards me. The sight will haunt me for a long time!!!!
Taz x
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:lol:
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Bumped up for our new Members ;)
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Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings.........but that old woman arrived in New Zealand recently......Like Sandie she has put a darker colour in her hair which looks better, but what if she forgets to redo the roots in a few weeks?!? Then she's gonna look evern worse..................!!!!!!!!!!!! :lol:
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Well I am very sorry Von, but you are more than welcome to her. I have had her in Scotland for far too long. She hides in the corner of the room and makes groaning noises when I stand up. She keeps getting her face in fron of mine when I look in the mirror and she gives me a hell of a fright ;D.
Perhaps she looks better in your part of the world, but here in Bonny Scotland she just looks bloody grim.
Viv
x
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Sorry but actually she was here, trying to find two words to complete a sentence, someone had to help her. Her friend found the words for her, and she found the words for her friend ! Between them both the conversation was completed. Then she went into the kitchen for the scissors but the were not anywhere to be found, not even in the fridge or the cooker, or the laundry basket or the washing machine ? (nor the bin - she looked !) ;D
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Aye. She popped in here too, Scotland, decided to make baked tatties for tea, wash and ****ed them, just forgot to put the blinkers in the oven. Eddie. x
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Called at mine last week she did the shopping, put it all away, freezer filled up, pressed the switch for fast freeze, later turned fast freeze off went to bed good job done. Next evening went to freezer-only turned it off completly everything about defrosted. :'( Best thing my son said who would do something as daft as that ::)
Cazza xx
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Oh hell,,,, she really is back. I dont like this she is just in too many places at once.
Viv
x
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I'd like to kick her arse out of the US. You can keep her!@#$%^&U
She's just sat here trying to remember the word she thought was so funny ten minutes ago - I've got it --CRAFT.
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oh! I can't remember a f******g or f*****g (obviously Fecking) thing. Eddie. x
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I saw her here too the other day- she was wearing her jumper inside out in the garage shop - obviously trying to show off her designer M&S jumper ( & size :-\ :'()
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She's been here too- she went to town, chose lots of things in the sale at Cargo, got to the till and found she'd left her wallet at home... :o
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She also did the weekly shop, got to the till,but got her debit card declined as she put the wrong number in 3 times ( in front of a massive queue too!) :-\
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Oh no, not again - has she been cloned?
She's been here too - I noticed she had her Bridget Jones Knickers inside-out the other day - it took me all my time not to laugh ....... until she saw me looking at her in the mirror and I had to turn away and move out of the room or else !! There may be trouble ahead ......................
Meggie
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and to top it all, she's started farting a lot!! Disgusting woman........ :o
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She took my debit card out of my purse and then left it in the kitchen. She then made me phone the supermarket to get them to look for my card. It was looking at me all the time. ;D ;D
Viv
x
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No hope is there ;D.. I took some eggs to a friend yesterday, I had them on the front seat of the car as well as a carton of cooked rice for the dog. Guess which the friend was given ........and I asked her to pay £1.50 :D
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
She looks pretty grim here too Viv.....she groans a lot when she gets out of bed (yes, she's taken to sleeping with me which is why hubby keeps going to the spare room at night...I think she scares him sometimes :lol:)..it's not pretty ::)
Von xx
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Von - as an aside, is it a chocolate doberman on your avatar with ????
I haven't laughed so much for ages reading these responses ;D
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CLKD, I'm still laughing about your strange women friend maybe giving your dog the eggs. And charging the poor women. Yee gads. Who is this women who resides with you? Of course, I haven't gotten over 'not my cow, not my farm' yet, and Viv's latest--CRAFT.
Honestly I used to think the Brits were more formal and the Scots, well fun loving, I think. The funniest road sign I've ever seen was in the Midlands and somewhere going towards Scotland and it was a speed limit thing and the next sign said "You Have Been Warned". So someone has a good sense of humor.
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There used to be a sign at the Scottish border saying "turn back now" I think it had to come down, no offense intended to my English lovlies. Eddie. x
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CLKD....it's a Red Doberman, not sure why they call it red I think it's just brown really!!!!!!
That old woman....she's turned into a thief! After my shower this morning I was looking in the mirror & it's quite obvious that she stole ALL the collagen out of my neck last night & swapped it for the start of a double chin.....what is a girl to do??? >:(
Keep the thread going ladies.....haven't laughed this much in ages :) :thankyou: :lol: :rofl:
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IN the UK it will be registered as 'liver' . What's the other pooch beside her?
I haven't looked at myself yet ......... obviously my double chin is inherited ;)
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Twice she's visited me at night, like CLKD there was a smell that could only be described as doggy doo doo's, twice i have woke up in middle of night and been overwhelmed by this odour, first thought the dog has been unwell in the kitchen or downstairs, only to find the smell is only upstairs in my bedroom, hubby is away to work???? It's my breath, it's vile, i brush my teeth every day, floss and use mouth wash.
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I wonder whether the smell that follows me around is my breath ........
This woman should keep her false teeth in fresh water then >:(
This morning she filled one bowl with meusli, the other with sugar and milk and carried both to the table >:( now which bowl does *she* want ::)
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I posted somewhere else about this CLKD. I had this after an extraction. The smell could be your breath which is why your husband can't smell dog poo in the house. The way to check is to give the inside of your wrist a good lick, leave it to dry and then sniff it. Not very pleasant but then you will know if your breath is fresh.
Taz x
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CLKD - liver!? i wonder who thinks up these colours/names, bless him he's lovely whatever the colour! Our other dog is a cross breed, we think she has bull mastiff & staffy in her, but we're always happy to take suggestions.
The old woman has offered to do my weekly shop for me..........not sure if I trust her though, anything could go wrong!!!!! ::)
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Will I go with her then ;) amybe that way one of us will remember where I parked the car ::)
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amybe that way one of us will remember where I parked the car ::)
Did we take the car??? :o :o
;D ;D
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er what car ? we don't have a car ! :o ???
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Yes! It could I reckon if you are a self-centred person who only wanted the baby as a prop and they all look the same to be honest if they aren't yours!
I used to worry that if I ever had to identify one of mine when they were quite young I wouldn't be able to do it. But then again I am not really a maternal type which is why I prayed for sons as I thought (mistakenly) that they would flee the nest quicker and I could go back to being "me" instead of "mum" ;D
Taz x
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We *didn't* have a car :o ........ so whose car keys are in my hand ;)
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Sharp in take of breath..........oh Larky, here in NZ we are 1 year behind in corrie, I watch all the time but have been careful not to find out whats happening in the up to date world. ;D ::)
isn't the car that big metal thing with 4 wheels....if so I think they must be my car keys....I'm going to get one of those keyrings that make a noise when you whistle at them then I can disguise my forgetfulness as happiness!!!! :whist: :whist: :whist: ;D :lol:
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Ha ha ha, it took about 8 times to realise what it was. Eddie. x NO
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Still don't get it unless it is the men's room. Darn, I feel dumb. >:(
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Trey. What do you call the tissue stuff you clean your bottom with????
Eddie. x
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S'OK Trey, I don't get it either.........you were brave enough to admit it though!! ;)
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HA!! thanks Eddie, I see it now.
Yes, done that!! :o ::)
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So is it that there is no TP? Honestly Larky, just when I thought my brain was functioning better with my increase in estrogen. Now I'm back to square one. :-\
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The loo roll is stuck on! ;D ;D
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Oh dear God, all these previous posts (under my name) were from the strange women in my house; you know very well, they couldn't have been from me. ::)
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CLKD, oh those keys..well they belong to the strange woman in your house ! ;D
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:drunklaf:
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Larky, I'm so embarrassed by what the strange woman in my house posted on here, that I can't even comment. Honestly sometimes she is such a jerk, and I never know when she is going to appear! >:(
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I've never done the toilet tissue thing but have caught my skirt up then walked by boys who I thought were important ::) ;D I was about 16 >:(
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I wear jeans,But i,m sure there is more than one women doing strange things to me..i,v given up with the mirror..
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God I so HATE this woman >:(
I thought for once in my life I would be organised and put the oven on full blast to warm while I picked the children up. Then it would be ready to put dinner in - simples!
Forty minutes later, I opened the back door and there was this horrid smell-she had only forgotten to serve the stuffing with the roast chicken yesterday and there it was now, sat in my oven burnt to a cinder( the dish is going to take forever to clean) :-\
Enough is enough- I have had such a bad week with her...... :'(
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Stuffing - pity it was burnt otherwise you could have put it you know where ::)
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Me to last week, i put the chicken in the steamer,then i turned the oven on ,there was no need for that ,then a little while latter i relized i didnt put water in the steamer,Its that strange cazy women again..i wish she would stop following me..BEV
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If SHE left the stuffing in the oven, shouldn't SHE be the one to clean the dish? AND for good measure, she could clean the oven too !!
Meggie
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She looked at me in the mirror today, she has a stinking cold looks like she has been dragged through a hedge backwards and looks sooooooooooooo old and haggared.
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She's in shop windows looking haggard too >:(
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Meggie -I did make her clear it all up -and then she smashed one of my best bowls for good measure (probably on purpose in a fit of temper!)Grrrrrrr >:(
And while I'm having a good moan about her -here's another thing.
She knows that I cannot function without lists anymore- so why is it as soon as my back is turned she hides them! The worst times are in the supermarkets,she takes the list away, and then I get home without the basics but find stacks of chocolate and red wine in my bags instead! ::)
Has anyone else had this problem with her,or is she just picking on me? :-\
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She keeps hiding my keys and mobile phone
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She has stolen my memory and left me with hers. Not fair, I had a good memory
Honey
x
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How do you know you had a good memory? :na:
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Welllllllllll Taz, I happen to remember that what's her name had a good memory. Signed, the other woman
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she's an annoying old bat. She keeps going to the supermarket for me without her wallet, and the post office without the letters I left out for her to post. She also (the horror) lost my post it notes!
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She tried to put on a pair of reading glasses over the ones already on my face >:( ::)
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there she is again i just opened my washing machicne(she broke the pump)my kicthen floor is covered in water..well i really did need to wash the floor ..LOL
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She's everywhere, the @#$%^!! She left the freezer door open yesterday and the compressor burned out so had to quickly buy new freezer today. Someone has got to get this witch under control. It never ends!
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Lets hope she leaves us all alone,,JUST FOR ONE DAY.. :)
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Hear hear!! ;)
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She's hidden my address book, I've looked everywhere.
maybe she saw me using it for the cristmas cards and has put it in the loft.
must check there........
Sandie
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She deliberatly followed me to Poundstretches just because I was going. I wanted a curtain pole so she had to have one too - bloomin copy cat, hasn't got a mind of her own you know, just wants mine ! :poke2: Look she's prodding me now !
I think we should all be 'sectioned' ;D
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So long as 'she' is left outside :-X
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She,s been here all night,she wont tell me sleep,,i,m sure when i nod off she keeps poking me to wake me up..BEV ???
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Oh Bev, she did that to me on Thursday night. That's so mean, I'm sorry, but I got rid of her, obviously she went round to your house (apart from nipping over to mine to wake me up at 6.30- on a Saturday!!). Maddening woman isn't she?! >:(
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Just found this............. its cheered me up no end
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Thanks CLKD and everyone xx
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:waves: to Dede - glad to be of service ;)
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I think she's on holiday, here in France - she's had her hair cut to try and make herself look younger but all it has done is emphasise the white streaks. I wish she'd stop staring at me, it's making me nervous. Doesn't she know it's so rude to stare......such bad manners. I'm going out later to get away from her.
Meggie
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You will think you have Meggie but just don't go into town at all - you will see her coming towards you from every shop you are walking past or going into. She is not easy to shake off.
Taz x
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she's getting really porky too...he.he...
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Has anyone noticed her moustache ???
Honeyb
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:clapping:
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yes, I have!
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:o
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OMG,,i just saw her in the mirror..she needs a makeover or maybe surgery :)
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She has swapped my knickers with Bridget Jones ones
I want my nice ones back.
Honeyb
x
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Honeybun - look in the fridge, they may be hiding in there ;)
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She did that to me but I managed to get my nice ones back only to find that the little beggars had shrunk :madeyes:
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:,..mine as well..he he
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:clapping:
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Now she has started sending me to the wrong rooms & doing daft stuff....she made me put the milk in the pantry instead of the fridge & at work I seem to end up in rooms I don't want to be in.......I needed to go to reception the other day & ended up in the dispensary feeling very confused ??? ??? ::)
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Oooh dear, now she's been and gone and spoken out to the mother-in-law on the phone last night!!! ;D
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Bet you secretly thanked her AF. Eddie
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She was in the bank today, she pushed in front of me just as I got to the cashiers window, they were asking her about having a mortgage riview, for gawds sake she must be 110 years old at least, how the heck does she afford that? surley she can't still be working.
Now as I sit here in the sun she is on my lap I can see her on my screen, reading what I write I gotta go now I will try and get rid of her for all our sakes, do you think it would be ok to put her in the freezer
Ricky
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guess if you put her in the freezer she won't age anymore, brrrrrrrrrr bit cold though.
Sandie x
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She was in my bed last night, I could feel her fat wrinkly bum...and hear her snoring like an old git, Himself thought it was me!
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When that happens.... I blame the cat.....
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Have you noticed how she "parps" too ........ sorry, that's the cat as well!!
Meggie
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;D
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I'm going to sue her for idendity theft.
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The other day the old woman was here- she got out a fan heater to dry her hair instead of the hair dryer. How stupid is she?! Poor old thing, glad I'm not like her!
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awful grey roots too, about time she touched them up!!!
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Anni... I think you have seen the same old woman who was in my house! She definitely needs to do something with her hair colour! :o
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daft old bat, don't think she's noticed just how bad it is!! ;)
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she probably can't find her glasses in order to see how bad it is ;)
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well she's always losing her glasses.....
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She knows my password and sometimes writes some pretty stupid posts under my user ID. So embarrassing.
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Not on here though Taylor ;)........
she tripped me up with slippers which looked like mine this morning flat on my face :-\
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My son is getting really annoyed with her now- the car radio has always been on Radio One but now,all of a sudden,whenever he has a lift, she has switched it to Radio Two (especially in the mornings!)
It's another sign methinks :-\
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:lol:
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SHES been at mine for 3 weeks she keeps making me bleed ,,as for the roots i,m just going to go grey ;D BEV,XX
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She followed me to Tesco this morning. Then after loading the goods into the boot, sat in the passenger seat instead of the driver's seat ......... ???
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She's been sending blank emails to her friends and they all think she's gone potty.......silly old bag ::)
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can you tell she needs to walk the dog i forgot to do it today LOL
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She has moved back to Scotland and brought piles with her, and I don't mean money ;D
Honeyb
x
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The nerve!!
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My dog would have reminded me ::) .......
I know she's here, can't see her yet but I know she's here :na:
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The strange woman took my car this morning- said she was going to an appt at 10.00. Luckily she brought it back again because I have an appt at 11 o'clock! :o :o :o
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;D
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Nillers -I can only sympathise.
She did virtually the same with me a few weeks back-thought was running late, rushed up to school,then wondered why there were no parents there at pick up time !! :-\
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She told me my doctors appotment was at 7pm when I rang up after a major panic attack. I rang on the day of the appoitment and it was 4pm
What a BIATCH >:(
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Were you late then ?
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No
I rang on the day and the receptionist said they would have all gone home by 7pm
I thought that the doctor worked long hours so thats why I checked it. I seem to have to double and even treble check things these days.
Ricky
x
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SO SHES AT MINE YET AGAIN..she keeps making me throw up,,my sister sent me a truck load of from tesco,,as i,v had no money for a month...what a lovely sis..but the bloomin women wont let me eat any... :) :)...BEV :)
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She's here at my house and she's going batty.
She aswered the phone last night when it rang and said hello ... .... how can i help.
She thinks she is at work answering the phone on reception just like me. silly old bat. It was 9 o clock at night and my mom was on the other end of the phone.
Sandie x
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Not a lot of hope - at least we all recognise her when she does arrive :tribble:
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The woman is sitting in a pool of sweat because she unloaded a USB flash drive onto a web program and it had an entire totally confidential lawsuit on it. New computer! Had to call tech and get it all undone and now she's labeled her USB drive (that she thought was empty). What a dope!
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:bighug: :bighug:
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It's the extra work that SHE makes for us :D
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What a lovely post. Cheered me up! :)
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That's good! Welcome to the funny threads ;D
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I love this thread always makes me smile.
Glad to see the strange woman is still hanging about.
The one in my house is so grumpy and bad tempered she makes me seem positively angelic :)
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Seriously!!! The woman changed all batteries in five smoke alarms and bragged about it to OH. Ten minutes later the chirping began and then an all out five battery screaming disaster. The woman has tinnitus!@#$%^ Electrician out and is fascinated that one removed smoke alarm caused five installed alarms to go off - remove battery they stopped - for awhile. This went on for over an hour and the woman went to the store and got all new batteries to replace the new batteries that had been in closet and then got them mixed up and now she waits. Thinking I'd better close the liquor closet and she is not a drinker, but is looking very desperate. :cuss:
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Well I think she has been in my kitchen and drinking my wine because it was not me. :o
We had a short power cut on Sunday and that set off my burglar alarm. The strange woman spent a long time waving a dish towel at the fire alarm. You would think she would know it was the other alarm and also what the alarm code was. She has been here often enough to learn these things.
Honeyb
x
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;D
Bette x
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She is so greedy, half of my mothers day chocolates have gone already and i've only had one or two. :o
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;D
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well that silly woman said her son could have a birthday party,,,there was only ment to be 5 ...there s 11 of them...there being really load ;D ;D....not a good idea with my anxiety attacks.....BEV ;D ;D
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8 year olds or 18 year olds? Deep breath in Bev, deap breath out! ;)
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ALL 15 they were as good as gold...and as for that strange woman she throw away all my size 12 clothes at xmas ..i was size 18 ,,,i,m size 12 again...cant afford new ones ..i have to put a belt on all my jeans..dont want them falling down while i,m out LOL ;D ;D ;D bev
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Bumped for new Members ;)
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A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was.
She is very clever. She manages to keep out of sight for the most of the time, but whenever I passed by a mirror, I caught a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror directly, to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing and completely bliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is not very courteous yet she insist on being rude.
I have tried screaming at her to stop it, but she just screams back, even grimacing horribly. She is really quite frightening!
She insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay a little rent. But, NO! Every once in a while I do find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but that is not nearly enough.
In fact, I do not want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the Automated Teller Machine and withdraw one hundred dollars and a few days later it was all gone. I certainly do not spend money that fast, hence I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.
You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkle cream. God knows she needs it! And money isn't the only thing I think she is taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too. Especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I just cannot seem to keep those stuffs in the house any more. She must really have a sweet tooth, but she better watch it because she is really packing on the pounds! I think she realizes that and too make herself feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think that I am putting on weight too.
For an old lady, she really is quite childish though. She like to play these really nasty games like going into my closets when I am not at home and altering my clothes so that they don't fit, or messing with my files and papers so that I can't find them when I need it. This is particularly annoying since I am an extremely neat and organized person. She fiddles with my VCR to make it not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed it to record.
She has found imaginative other ways to annoy me. She gets to my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and somehow blurs the print so badly that I can't see it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone so that all I hear are mumbles and whispers.
She had done other things like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Further more, she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids making it almost impossible for me to open them. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?
I don't even get any respite at night because more than once her snoring has awakened me. It is very unattractive! And as if that weren't bad enough, she is no longer confining her tactics to the house. She has found a way to sneak into my car and follow me everywhere I go. She has completely taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she tries on the exact outfit and stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in the outfit and plus she keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.
Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my drivers license picture taken and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me!! Who is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me?
She is walking on very thin ice now and if she keeps this up, I swear I will have her put away! But then, on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be too hasty. I think I will check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent. Oh, oh, I wonder if she has beat me to that first because she is always on my computer too.
*SIGH*.......what's a body to do????
"Pass this old lady along to your friends who have entered into the 50th zone. Remember, you can't fight it so you may as well make fun of it!"
I sent this to my friend today who has just started having all the funny meno things happening to her, she thought it was brrrrrrrrilliant.
That strange woman wa at my house today, she needs her roots doing apart from that she's not looking to bad.
TM
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Personally, I'm well P'd off about the amount of laundry I seem to be doing - she seems to wearing all of my clothes - every time I go to the wardrobe to take something off a hanger, it's not there. I look in the laundry basket and guess what? Who's been wearing my clothes ? Surely she's not daft enough to think I won't find out.
Also, I bought a Ped-egg a few months ago and now hubby has been asking if the grated cheese I put on the table when we have Spag Bol, is Parmesan or the stuff from my Ped-egg ........... Is there nothing sacred - that woman's been doing her heels too !!!
Meggie x
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Ooooooo :sick02:
Thats Parmesan off the menu for a while ;D ;D
Honeyb
x
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;D ;D ;D
It looks so similar too. :sick02:
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I'm sorry but what is a Ped-egg ?!
Bette x
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I don't know what a Peg-egg is either [waves to Meggie] but hopefully the feet don't smell as bad as Parmesan does :sick02:
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Bette, CLKD and anyone else who doesn't know what a Ped-Egg is"-
It's a hand held plastic device with a fine grater on one side - it's shaped like an egg hence the name. It's design is for 'sanding down' hard skin on the feet, especially the heels. It's a great lite tool ........ as long as you don't overdo it.........then it's painful !!
NOW YOU KNOW - Bet you wish you'd not asked !!!
Meggie
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So it's the strange woman leaving heel parings all over the bathroom floor then ::)
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Over-paring hurts like hell. Did so the other night! Otherwise a great little gadget.
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:o ;D
Bette x
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She's been in mine too, that would explain the horrid heel parings!!! ;D
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My Mother is here with us occasionally ::)
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Does she clear up her toenail clippings...mine sometimes misses hers as she forgets her glasses.....at least I hope its my mother because it could not possibly be me ;)
Honeyb
x
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She wrote on my shopping list, wind tablets and something for an itchy fanny, I didn't know where to look :o
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:clapping:
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She put them in my shopping trolley too :-[
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;D ;D ;D
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The crafty mare !!
meggie
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stupid old bat put biccies in the bin and rubbish in the cupboard. I keep telling her off but she forgets that I have ;D Plus her latest trick is to lose the post it note block that reminds her to do anything at all ::)
Peg edds/heel scrapers aren't the exclusive preserve of the Strange Batty Old Wimmin though. My OH has bought one. Male feet are even more 'orrible ;D ;D
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I'll tell you what ladies- FORGET THE PED-EGGS (although I own one) - GET A BATCH OF SANDPAPER FROM POUNDLAND - WORKS BRILLIANTLY.......nice smooth feet...............DON'T USE THE GLASS PAPER THOUGH !!
Meggie
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Well the other night she got the milk out of the fridge to pour into a wine glass instead of the wine....
silly bugger
TM
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:lol: however ............ I don't like milk or wine so that's OK then ???
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The strange woman in my house boiled the kettle to make coffee then poured the hot water into the canister containing instant coffee .... instead of into the cup.
Boy, did I get my hair off - I'd just re-filled the canister with a full jar of coffee !!
I told her to clean up the bl***y mess herself !
Now she's got a bag on.
Meggie
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Too funny, Meggie.
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It's not only women - my Man went to buy 1 cup of tea one mug of coffee - came back to 2 mugs of coffee and I rarely drink it ::) - and he swapped the mugs round as he handed them to me, 'this is your tea' :D
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CLKD - The joys of the male meno !!
Meggie
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I think it's as he is ......... forgetful at times ::) ........ he'll never catch me up though ;D
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she keeps putting ants on my worktops and in the food cupboard, >:(can she come round to yours and bring her bloody ants with her ?
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Flippin Eck- think I just caught a glimpse of her in my mirror too. Wish she'd get her hair style sorted, looks a bit like a bag lady to me..... Katex :o
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My 5yr old grandson has a soft toy lion with a big yellow furry maine...my grandson told me the other day, "look nanna, my lion has the same hair as you"!! ::)
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So are you off to Boots for some hair colour?
-
oldsheep now has to have 2 different hair colours applied as the front is so white and the back so dark grey..joy to the world (not). I daren't do it myself any longer and it only lasts 5-6 weeks anyhow.
You made me laugh with the toy lion mane! I have short curly hair and when I was a kid my mum thought it was "lovely" to have curls - after years of bullying by the other kids I was finally taken to a very camp hairdresser who went "ooooh, a lion" when we saw me :D
We had a school outing to the local zoo, where a giraffe mistook my hair for food and leant over and tried to make a snack out of my "lovely" locks ;D
As you can imagine, mad oldsheep's hair is even more dry now that the hormones aren't what they were, but at least I can keep it short - one thing I do remember is to have it cut and coloured!
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Colouring can dry out hair - we have a thread on that too somewhere ::)
I don't think that 'she' is around at this moment in time but bet 'she' won't be long :D
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Oooo she's like Santa. Everywhere all at once :)
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She's been at it again: making a cup of tea for herself then pouring coffee granules into the same mug >:(
Next attempt: tea for herself with sugar, black coffee with sugar for someone who drinks it 'neat' ::)
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She's been at it again here too, the old bat. Went out to the PO to post a parcel. Left the parcel in the flat. Only realised once she arrived at the PO. Pitiful really :o
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I wonder if she transports herself around like they do in Star Trek ???
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She's only gone and bought the exact same dress that I bought myself a couple of weeks ago for my hols,,,I suppose I'll be the one who will have to return it...stupid old bat!! ::)
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;D - same colour, same size?
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Same everything CLKD, I wouldn't mind but I dont think it would fit her properly, looks to me like it may be a bit tight on her fat a**e. ::)
Nice to have you back CLKD :)
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Thanks! back to the shop with the receipt then?
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Yep, well... thats if the silly old bat hasn't threw the receipt away. :-\
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Was it the same shop? I'm sure they'll take it back. Good luck with the explanation - I find if it's middle aged wimmin they tend to be very sympathetic!
-
A lovely thick fluffy bath mat has been missing for over 2 weeks. When I put it in the wash, it has to go in my little spinner after to get out the excess water. I went in the garage today and noticed the lid was down on my spinner. I opened it and there is my missing bath mat! Its been there that long it has actually dried. It is now hard as a board and smells. What a stupid woman! She will have to go.
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Old bag just rang to change a physio appointment that didn't actually exist, but had been written down on the calendar. ::)
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;D Oldsheep, she did that to me once with a dentist appt. got my revenge though, took the dress back and got a refund..
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Her feet stink today >:( must be the weather I suppose and the cheap canvass shoes, every now and then I keep getting a whiff :sick02:
Ricky
xx
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She has been wasting my money by buying 5 hole punches, 4 staplers, 5 calculators, about 100 pens, 3 packets highlighters, 6 packets of pencils.
Even bought the same book twice and I found 2 copies of a set of dog DVDs :scottie:
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Well, when I first started on this "journey" I ordered 2 copies of "Menopause for Dummies" - says it all really! ;D
Bette x
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Went and googled Menopause for Dummies on Amazon, guess what was down the page?
Sex for Dummies, I def would not want to buy a used copy of that UUUGG
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Well, I've learnt much more on here than from Menopause for Dummies and I bet the same could be said of the other book! :vibe:
Bette x
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She put my glasses in the fridge >:(
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She has been wasting my money by buying 5 hole punches, 4 staplers, 5 calculators, about 100 pens, 3 packets highlighters, 6 packets of pencils.
Even bought the same book twice and I found 2 copies of a set of dog DVDs :scottie:
This is why God created EBay ;D ;D
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She got in my car this morning. Drove me to the wrong clients house. Made me sit there for 15 minutes trying to figure out why the client wasn't at home >:(
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After ages searching for it, and much head scratching, I found out today that she had paid my lost pay cheque into the bank quick drop facility with some bills, I am going to swing for her when she comes round here again >:(
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She's only gone and arranged for the carpet cleaner to come and clean stairs and hall way next Wednesday, and she KNOWS I'll be away all next week and hubby will be at work. Hubby thinks it's my fault, anyone would think I had booked him :whist:
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She put OH's anti-perspirant in the recycling bin even though it was nearly full and then yesterday couldn't find the volume knob on the car radio - of course, he was there to witness that too. Can't seem to get him to realise that it's not me but her! ;D
Bette x
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What a relief, all this time I thought it was me..... but now I know I have the stranger in my house.
She deleted an important business email today with one swift click, how does she think my business will survive if she keeps deleting important stuff? Had to contact the client again on her behalf to get him to re send.
My husband asks daily "how long will she be staying?", as he never knows who he is taking to bed. lol
My friends have met her and are trying to weigh up who the hell she is......
I keep slipping HRT into her cuppa hoping that she will b----er off !!!!!
Actually I am thinking of sending her to stay with my ex husband she will suit him just fine ;D
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This woman in my house tried to log on with her digital scales instead of
her iPod today.Duuuurrrr.You will never catch me doing that. ;D
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Yesterday she came out with a load of gibberish to her long suffering husband, who looked at her as if she had lost the plot! ;D
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She bought a packet of suet today believing we had none. In the fridge were two unopened packets both in date. What a fool she is ;)
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San that's strange as in my house she went out yesterday to Tesco in the pouring rain as she had run out of soy sauce for her tea. Later on whilst searching for something else she found 2 bottles at the back of the cupboard! DUH!!!! ::)
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The sun has just come out, this reminded me that I had washing to peg out in the washer. Went to get it, and the stupid woman must have switched the washer off after I'd set it going. She is so annoying. Got to wait now, the sun will have gone by the time its done.
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Now then girls, aren't we told to welcome and embrace change?
When the Strange Woman comes to our house and has the crying wobblies, Hubby and son go very quiet and very very obedient - that has to be good doesn't it? Their scared pale faces are a bit worrying though.
If only I could control her though...
last week she went into my work and completed a very complicated piece of work before I'd even started it
It must have been her because I would have remembered doing 2 whole days of budgets, wouldn't I?
-
Don't know - would you, I certainly have no recall faculties these days ::) - welcome on Board !
-
She was in the sea, a big wave came knocked her flying she held onto her sun glasses, stood up and her bottoms were round her ankles :o
What a state
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:o so she's an Exhibitionist as well ::)
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Yes CLKD
And she was the in the pool doing the aqua aroebics and was the ONLY ONE, who could not lift herself out by her arms and onto the side of the pool. HOW EMBARRASING there were much older ladies there who managed with ease, she had to swim away with a very very red face :-[ :-[
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Lack of stamina! so lots of practice - I think swimming away is OK myself, don't want any more bruises on my arms by slipping back into the water ::)
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She is doing my knitting for me again and making a right mess of it. She managed to knit and extra button hole on my cardy. I wouldn't mind but the button hole was right up under my chin. I had to sew it over.
Stupid woman should read the pattern.
Honeyb
x
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Probably spraying them with gold and silver paint ready to hang on the C.mas tree ;D
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She went to put Fairy liquid in the kettle today at work
What's going on ? :o
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A couple of weeks ago I made myself a nice plate of chips for lunch - thinking "Mmm. I'll enjoy them with salt and vinegar". While my back was turned she had put white pepper all over my chips!! >:(
One day I will get my revenge on her when she's not looking! ;)
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She only asked my husband the other day if the speedometer in the car worked if the engine wasn't running!
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She didn't display the parking card and I got a ticket >:(
Wait till I catch her !
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omg she has found her way to wildest north yorkshire!!!!!!! :D
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She's in South Yorkshire too... >:( she left the car keys in the ignition with it turned ON. No engine running, just all the lights.... Now the battery is flat. >:(
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At least she found the car keys >:( ::)
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She made a cake left the oven on and didn't shut the window
before she took my dog for a walk.
I hope I don't get the bill for her lecy! >:(
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Yes she's always leaving the oven on in our house too - I have to double check and then double check again!, that it's turned off now.
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she certainly gets around this forgetful old lady,she left my bath running today and nearly flooded my bathroom,good job 'I' was around to sort it out xx
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Spent ages looking for my jacket earlier. Couldn't find it, so I went out in another one. When I came back, I went in the cupboard and there was my jacket. She obviously hid it, and put it back when I went out. She is so annoying when she plays these games.
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she does that with my house keys :-\
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then hides my reading glasses >:(
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Have a look CLKD - she may be wearing them on top of her head - she has done this to me before!
Taz x :D
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Husband saw this woman wheeling our rubbish bin to the end of our drive.
He opened the door and shouted "Why are you putting the bin there?"
she said, "for the bin men". My hubby shouted back,"it's Saturday today"
The bin men come on Mondays! :-\
The neighhbours must have had a good old laugh at her ;D
Dyan X
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I wondered where she had gone, so she's at your house today.
I expect she'll be back before long ::)
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You can keep her, I've enough to bother with what with the constant coughing and all ;)
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She would be a welcome distraction from the crap being flung at me just now :'(
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Oh do tell in 'how are you today' thread ;)
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She only started to put lipliner on my eyes this morning instead of eyeliner. Stupid woman.
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I'd like to know why her Bridget Jones knickers are in my drawer and whilst we're moaning - she keeps using my tweezers on her whiskery upper lip and doesn't put 'em back !!! IT'S NOT ON !
Meggie
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We decided to have corned beef,smash & veg for our tea tonight,
She decided to take some pies out of the fridge and put them in the microwave to heat up.
Silly bugger, why do that when corned beef was already on plate, waiting for mash & Vag to be added.
TM
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So T-M lunch today will be ::)
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CKLD
BURGERS & CHIPS ha! ha!
TM x x
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;D
She tried to put on 2 pairs of reading glasses this morning >:( moaning that she had already lost one pair ::)
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New to this chain of events but I saw her today - she was drowning herself in a VAT of beer. She said something about not being able to sleep and thought a little tipple of something might help :D
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She loaded my dishwasher, put the tablet in and shut the door.... but the silly woman forgot to switch it on! Result, hubby was removing dirty mugs, mind you, he took 3 out before he realised they were still dirty, so I've got a strange man in my house too!
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I found this and thought it worth a bump
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I love this thread. Wish I could show it to the older looking woman in my bathroom mirror. I don't know why she follows me around.
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well, she hid my mobile phone yesterday. i looked everywhere for it. i was just about to phone my mobile from the home phone and she suddenly dropped it into my dressing gown pocket without me knowing...
silly silly woman.
TM
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Is she the one who wears the knee highs Trey.....because I know its not you ;D ;D
Honeyb
x
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Yes, HB, she's the one and she has wrinkles as well. I'm the one who still wears Ralph Lauren jeans (always on huge sale prices I might add) and once we get to Tucson, I may wear my sexy cowboy boots as well - for the right occasion. Perhaps she'll be so embarrassed. She'll leave.
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She's the one who hid Hubby's mobile phone so that we had to ring with the Land-line to find it :o
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This strange woman keeps leaving her baggy clothes hanging around - I keep telling her to put them away or give them to charity !!
Meggie
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:)
Fabulous!!
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AAAGH She's suddenly back in our house.
I've just logged on to this forum for first time since last summer and not only remembered user name, but password too! Without having to look them up, or remember where I'd written them down!!
This level of recall is way above my meno level so it must be her. Certainly isn't me.
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She was caught out today by grown up son having a conversation with the cat. He said ' I really started to worry mother when you paused mid-flow and waited for kitty to reply.....'
Can't have been me .......
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:rofl:
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??? Oh, my...you'll NEVER believe what the Ditzo did here!
She was all huffy the other night and had herself convinced that NOBODY loved her so she went storming out for a "walk to clear her head"......decided she was cold so she made a pallet on the floor of the shop with some old sheets and plugged a little cube heater in to warm herself up while she finished thinking. Didn't tell the man of the house that's what she'd done because he wouldn't care if she lived or died anyway......( ::) ).
So, what happens today while the broad is off galavanting and I'm out running errands? Hubby goes out to shop and sees a pallet of bedding with the heater moved and plugged in and runs off telling all the neighbors (which include his parents and his daughter) that SOMEONE broke into the shop and was sleeping in there. Took people on tours to see the "evidence". Pops got a chewing out for leaving the shop door open, etc. THEN, after THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD has been notified, I get home and hubs tells me about it.....I tell him who did it and I swear that man burst blood vessels from laughing so hard.
I don't see what's so stinking funny......Stupid *itch.
-
;D .........
I wish the strange woman was going to the dentist tomorrow it's one day i wish she was around :-\
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owww, wish the strange woman good luck CKLD
the mad one round here chained her bike on a road U bike stand to someone else's bike's brake cable today so he couldn't get going until she got back ;D
In her defence, the local leisure centre's PA announcement was 'would the owner of a silver mountain bike come to reception' which was HIS bike, as she did point out to him. ie mad old bingo wing's bike wasn't called out. Possibly another strange woman on reception duties?!
PS never, ever try to explain the mad, strange old bat to M-E-N. Even more pointless than housework.
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;D
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She got all dressed up for an important meeting today, got all the papers sorted, left on time, locking front door and setting alarm.
Meeting interrupted after 10 minutes, house alarm going off. She had totally forgotten my son was still inside house.SO embarrassing!
PS she'd been very organised and loaded washing machine before she left. you'd have thought she'd have added powder and turned the darned thing on wouldn't you?
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;D
Bette x
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;D go back to bed ? ::)
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She's just got the milk out of the fridge to put in a fruit tea! :o
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Did she succeed though ?
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No, I just managed to stop her in time!! ;D ;D ;D
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Did she crack the jug though? ::) expect she would tell *you* to clear up any mess :D
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;D
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:bounce: for new members ;)
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OMG she's arrived in my home too!!!
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Join the Club ;D
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She's putting grey hair dye in my shampoo bottle!! :D
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That's a common trick of hers I'm told ;)
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She got to the petrol station at 7am this morning and stood there for at least a minute, silly mare couldn't remember which fuel went in the car.
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:o
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She's trying to hide the teabags in the fridge now.
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;D
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She took my car for a spin and when she came back she put the car keys in the bin!
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She filled up the car, put the credit card in the machine and just couldn't remember the pin number! Had two attempts but got flustered as queue was building up, so said she'd use a different card. Then had to wait while she cancelled that payment and did the next one - to much sighing from those behind her. :sigh: I dropped into Stresscos on the way home to get a couple of things and went to the self-service till so that I could try the first card again in private and reassure myself that I could remember the number - I could! ::)
Bette x
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PHEW!
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OMG - she's in my house!
She's 49 and keeps stroking her new belly which looks like it did when she was pregnant with her son 16 years ago...!
She is so weird!!!
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Shes an unwelcome guest in my house who wont take the hint and move on!! Her latest trick is clumsiness, she keeps dropping things all over the place....
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Same here and she puts her foot on the bathroom scales when I'm standing on them!!! :-\
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:lol:
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;D
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There's been a strange women I'm my house for days now.
Just can't get rid of her.
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Why would you want to ? ;)
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She just made me pick up the remote control instead of my mobile phone to make a call.
silly silly woman.
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She often does that here, on my settee too :o
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She walked up the stairs to my office today and as she got past the top stair onto the landing, passing two occupied offices with open doors, she did a loud - very unexpected - fart! AND she had the nerve to completely ignore it as though it was a creaky floorboard!
She went into my office and sat on my chair looking as though butter would not melt..!!!
The nerve!!! :o
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:o ;D
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She spent ages last night trying to get a grass seed out of the new houndies neck before her husband pointed out that it was his microchip ;D ;D
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Could she feel the microchip or has it worked back out of the skin and did she recommend leaving well alone or a trip to the Vets and of course, will she pay ::)
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These strange women sound as bad as the one in my house - she told her husband during a phone call that she couldn't see her mobile phone anywhere when it was her mobile he had phoned!!! (Thought I was talking on house phone as we got new cordless ones) ;D
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She had her old purse with her today and tried to pay for eggs and milk with a 10 dollar bill. Chancer!!
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::) ......... did she believe you when you explained?
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Nope! Very embarrassing .
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;D
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She was making sandwiches this morning for my mums party. She buttered the bread on both sides until I stopped her.
In her defense it was 8:30am and I dont suppose she was any more awake than me.
Honeyb
x
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:clapping:
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She was taking her car to get it serviced and an mot, and got all her documents ready, very organised. On the way out, she put the rubbish in the bin, and then drove the 20 miles to the garage. When she got there she couldnt find the documents anywhere, so the nice man said bring them in when you come back to pick the car up. She came home, looked everywhere, then thought..oh no....yep they were in the bin along with the rubbish...
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good job it wasn't bin man day ;)
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Would not have been a pretty sight, chasing after the bin man!!!
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:o
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She left the grill on this morning after making toast, good job it was cleaned out and not greasy or it could have been nasty!
-
well I thought that she was just a city dweller and living in the wopwops I thought I could escape her but oh no! she decided to turn up here today in the middle of no where on a road to know where....
She fed the dog food to the chooks who obviously would eat dog food as they will eat anything...
THEN tried to feed the dogs chicken pellets and wondered why the dogs wouldn't eat and gave her reproachful looks! :scottie:
THEN she takes the dogs to the maggot farm so they could scratch around in the dirt and eat the new maggots!
what a shocker! :o
Obviously she must really be a townie to do something like that because I know what to feed my animals! And every wopwop girl knows it is the chickens who like to scratch around and eat the maggots not the dogs ....
I really hope she moves back to town really fast - she is not suited to a lifestyle in the wopwops and may not survive! :poke2:
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Oh we rural ites aren't that bad and dogs will scavange, then come up and wonder why we don't want to be kissed ;D
Welcome to the 'real' World ;)
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i was sitting in the bath,i didn,t have my glasses on,i was washing away what i thought was make up,I was trying to wash off a wrinkle. that women in the mirror cant be me.lol.i did see the funny side of it. ::)
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BUMP
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;D LOL That's Brilliant ;D
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It won't be once she's found you ;D
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She's been to my house (bungalow today)
She left the dustpan and brush on the kitchen floor and i tripped over it.....silly woman why didn't she put it back in the cupboard when she had finished using it.
TM
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Are you hurt :tulips2:
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She is very grumpy today and snapped at my lovely daughter for no reason. I had to give her a cuddle to make up. Fortunately she has now left the building........
For now.
Honeyb
X
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PHEW! This morning I put sugar into DH's coffee and almost poured a whole kettle ofwater into the tea caddy :o
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I really don't know what she is up to tonight.
She was in my kitchen eating wine gums. My little dog went to see what she was up to. She had a wine gum in one hand and a doggy biscuits in the other. She gave the dog the wine gum which I would never do and put the dog biscuit in her mouth.
How daft does it get. From the noise she made I don't think it tasted very nice.
Honeyb
X
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Am a bit concerned now ...as I found her in My Bathroom at 3.00am this morning.
Her hair was sticking out in twenty directions, her face was puce and she was very very sweaty and confused and cross. I suggested she have a shower and LEAVE. I hope she doesn't come back. Very scary looking woman.
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OMG .. found her trying to lock the back door while the spare set were still in the opposite side of the door! ..she was really swearing. :o
Till I pointed it out to her ... and she dropped her walking sticks twice!!
She is really off her game today!! ... :-\
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;D so far, she hasn't followed me to Norwich :-\
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She was in my house again!
She put my mobile on top of the T.V. Shelf and put the TV remote in the bloody fridge! :o >:(
I made my self a cuppa took it into the lounge and found she had already made one!!
Bloody silly woman!! :o ::)
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;D
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She was in our kitchen this morning and left open the top cupboard doors - DH found out when he stood up and hit his fore-head
I've told him to chase her round the kitchen, not me ;) (note to self, remember to shut top doors)
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Hope Your OH recovers ........ ;D
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He's a man ::) ...... I caught him rubbing the sore head and said "I'll shut myself into the shed shall I?" and he said "yes" :o
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;D
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Out of the shed now ;)
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It's a while since I read this ........... it's OK, they know me here ;)
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;D. Just as well. ;D
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;D
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The strange woman in our house took hubbys t-shirt off the chair to put in the washing machine and put it in the recycling bin by mistake - as if anyone would want to recycle that!!!
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::) ……… how long before the T-shirt was discovered?
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....not until I went to empty the recycling bin ::)
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She's back :o
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Oh no! ;D
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Does OH enjoy life with 2 'different' women? Adds spice to life? Actually sounds a lovely man.
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Yep: she left my mobile in the rain last week ……. ;D - he manages to ignore 'the other woman' ;)
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It would appear this strange woman has wormed her way to my house also! On top of other weird things she's be re arranging, she's managed to put my mobile down the toilet, my dental flossers in the fridge and my knickers in the bin! Hopefully she won't hang around much longer, she's not welcome! >:(
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Does she know how 2 dry out the mobile ;D ......... open it all up and seal in dry rice apparently, leaving it in a warm place. She didn't tell me that of course, but friends on here did ;)
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Funnily enough she knew that one :)
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Did she suggest the method will work?
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The method did indeed work :)
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She keeps wakening me up by tangling the sheets round my legs. Does she really think I want to be up at this time. ::)
Honeyb
x
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Very inconsiderate of her HB! ;D
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Crikey - how early do you want to be awake :o
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About 7am would do CLKD, but that daft woman thinks it fun to keep me awake. Some days if I could get her I would wring her neck.
She put the nice salad leaves in the bin tonight and left me with the wilted bits. I had to start all over again ::)
Honeyb
x
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At least she's not in here ;)
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oh i so LOVE your brilliantly and hilariously written post ..thankyou thankyou CLKD! ..thats the second time ive laughed out loud today now...made my whole day! :-*
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Gleaned off the internet many years ago ;D …….. written by someone who has been there, done that ::)
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Bumped for new members ;)
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She shouted at my husband at the weekend😀
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Did he shout back ;D
She wore my reading glasses yesterday: 1 on her face, the other carried in her hand - spent an HOUR looking for them. She then cleaned the bathroom and hey presto! found 'em
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Happy New Year - have a giggle!
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Ok! New year resolution......have lots of giggles! ;D
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Good Idea …….. I don't think I laugh enough! however, the 'laughing policeman' usually starts me off!
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She's not here today - yet ::) nor in the garden :whist:
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;D ;D ;D
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However: am sure she is lurking :-\ ;)
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Let's put her in Room 101 Ladies :rofl:
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:lol: …...
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She put the bottle of milk into the dishwasher earlier :-\ ………. fortunately the lid was on tightly!
-
I was sooo pleased to read the first post of this thread.
I know you will all think I am a bit daft, but I actually thought the strange woman in my house was ME.
I am now so very pleased to know that it isn't - such a relief :D :D
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;D ……… are you absolutely certain :P
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Hi, I'm new on here, thank you so much for posting this thread CLKD, have been feeling very alone and upset, but this did make me laugh. I have recently had a hysterectomy, which I don't regret even though recovery is slow. What I have been struggling with is the wham into menopause, although at 51 I was definitely having some symptoms before. I thought I was going mad with this weird weepy woman I have become, thank you so very much, that old woman is in my house too!
I haven't read many posts, so will go back and have a read, thank you so much you lovely brave ladies xxxx
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:welcomemm: glad you got a giggle.
She wanders around she does ::) - she poked me into the shower this morning with my clean pants on :o …….. under running water. She'll get a :kick: if I see her around ……… ;)
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he he thank you hunni
She stole my bath plug when I ran my bath :oops:
xxxx
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;D ……….
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Well she put the toilet lid down the other day as I sat down to pee, that was a mean trick if ever there was one ???
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:o it's such a shock and so cold ……… so is the other way, when both lid and seat are up ::)
-
That's worse when you go in the night, half asleep and totally dark. Backing up to get to the right spot and then either sliding right down the pan or sitting on a very cold seat.
Honeybun
X
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Thanks for making me chuckle honeybun, but I am not laughing at you, just that I have done both those on more than one occasion :whist:
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can you believe that women told me to have ribs and wings in bbq sauce, now i have heartburn, she knows bbq sauce does this to me, how nasty of her >:(
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Bet it was you that licked your fingers though and not her ;D
Honeybun
X
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well i had too really, she cant do it herself and would have had bbq sauce all over the place
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:D ……….
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She's not here in my house.
Oh no.
Where I live (in denial) is a slightly bustier version of my younger self. With a stomach that gets sucked in every time I pass her in the mirror. She can't frown at me - the botox stops all that wrinkly nonsense.
And despite what my other half says when we quarrel.. I AM NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER!!!!
Synonyms for denial http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/denial's=t
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;D you'll fit right in here !
Apparently the equivalent left the Cabin door open for 3 days :o - Himself took stuff out and had a general tidy up, however …….. ;) seems he has a strange man in the garden :o
-
This evening she promised to make my DH a coffee then wandered outside to sort the recycling bins, then she spoke to our neighbour …….. 30 mins. later DH was wondering why she hadn't taken him a coffee ;D
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She's making me say the wrong words for articles today :-\ so DH can't follow the conversation …….
-
The strange woman in my house has really lost the plot today, she is wandering around, doing the housework, and singing the wrong words to songs on the radio - I just heard her singing 'It's a hard lock knife' to the song from 'Annie'. Really! Whatever next!
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;D … is she in tune at least?
-
Yes, perfectly in tune, I think I will just ignore her :-\
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Gone yet ……. have locked my doors and windows, in case she's headed this way :D
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She almost made me put laundry softener on my lettuce today instead of salad cream :o
-
She has moved in here :o
-
that's good, she can bother you for a while ;D ……… in the meantime, I'll change the locks ………
-
That strange woman has arrived at my house now - how does she get around so much? She keeps leaving loads of hairs on my bedroom carpet & in the shower & I have to keep hoovering them up & removing them - what a pain! She also put my husband's sandwiches for work in the cupboard on Tuesday with the boxes of Jaffa cakes instead of putting them in the fridge! >:( When I look in the mirror, she is there with her wild, dried out, frizzy hair with a badger streak along her middle parting, obscuring my thick, dark waves (what the heck happened?!). She also put her glasses down earlier & had to borrow my husband's pair. She still doesn't know where they have gone. The other week she followed me to where I volunteer & put her bag in a locker without shutting the door (as there was no key). Later on as I was about to go home, she told the manager that the locker was now shut & the key was gone. Silly woman - she was looking at the next block of lockers along & her locker was still open! :o
CLKD - thanks for telling me about this thread - lol ;D
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;D …. you'll fit right in here :whist:
She's not found her way back here: yet ………… :lol:
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LOL.. She is still with me, and also has badger hair ;)
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Can you keep her until September ;)
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Stupid woman has put a load in the washing machine and not put the washing liquid in. >:(
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Will she notice any difference?
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Not sure. It's out on the line now.
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Mind she doesn't put something in your way when you go out to collect it!
-
She's at it again! I couldn't find my new reading nor distance glasses [4 pairs] this morning - when I turned out the camper van later I found them in the glove compartment >:( ::) …….
I went out in the camper van yesterday for the 1st time in 2 weeks :-\ ……..
-
Our house phone has been missing for 2 days, it had run out of power so ringing it didn't help.
Found it today in a cupboard. ::)
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;D ………. tried to re-charge my mobile over night on Sat., plugged in - switched on wrong plug >:(
Tried to re-charge it in the camper socket: that blew a fuse >:(
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Littleminnie, sorry had to laugh. ;D Our TV remote went missing once. Searched high & low, nowhere to be found. Phoned hubby at work, he didn't have a clue either. He'd been last one using control. Short while later he phoned & said he knew where it was, in his briefcase at work!!!
She's been here & left a huge pile of ironing for me to do. I ask you! The nerve of the woman! ;D
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Just discovered this thread last night. Absolutely brilliant. DH thought I'd gone quite mad sitting there howling with laughter! ;D
Ps she's found her way here too...
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:bounce:
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Reading about that woman and what she has done, has made me cry with laughter. I thank you. X
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:welcomemm: and all that is associated with it ;D
Browse round. Make notes ;-)
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She was back here in the early hours :-\ wandering around searching for the source of an intermittent buzz. She was worried that the fire alarm was burping but the noise wasn't loud or close enough. Eventually she was joined by a very sleepy man who eventually found the reason - she had left her mobile phone switched on: in the depths of the handbag: which was buzzing because it was low on battery >:( After nearly 2.5 hours wandering in the early she and the sleepy man went back to bed at 3.40 a.m. …...
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Strange woman alert!
She turned up at mine yesterday.
Plonked down at the living room table and announced that now, she had to go and look for her handbag before going shopping.
She became quite ratty and miffed when it was pointed out to her that said handbag was sitting on the table in front of her.
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It's no good trying to shut the door on her ::) …….
-
bumped up for new members who might like a giggle or two :)
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Good idea 'cos I think she's gone from here ………. ;)
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She's here now!!
:rofl:
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Oh do tell ;D
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;D What do you mean the 50 zone? I'm under 50 just!!!
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Everything keeps moving!! I put my Nicolette quickmist spray down on the kitchen side then went back for it and not there!!! Sometime later getting something out of freezer it was in there frozen!!
Strange place strange woman!!! Good news pile of ironing disappeared now!!
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Ours doesn't do ironing ;D
She does away with my reading glasses far too often though >:( :D
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For "Freckles" ;)
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Everything keeps moving!! I put my Nicolette quickmist spray down on the kitchen side
Sorry Janice - this made me giggle 'cos this is my real name (which I shorten!)! Do you mean Nicorette?? ;)
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Everything keeps moving!! I put my Nicolette quickmist spray down on the kitchen side
Sorry Janice - this made me giggle 'cos this is my real name (which I shorten!)! Do you mean Nicorette?? ;)
Yes dulciana meant to say Nicorette!!
God that woman gets around!!! ;D
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She's putting words into mouths now :o ::)
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Yes she is!!!! Grrrrrrrrrr
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Sorry - just looked funny to see myself called a quickmist spray! Nothing to do to with "getting around" or "putting words into" people's mouths, I assure you.................. :-\ Same for anyone whose name is Margarita and orders a pizza margarita in an Italian restaurant! ;) Anyway, it made me giggle - what's wrong with that?? Sense of humour, folks!
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Sorry - just looked funny to see myself called a quickmist spray! Nothing to do to with "getting around" or "putting words into" people's mouths, I assure you.................. :-\ Same for anyone whose name is Margarita and orders a pizza margarita in an Italian restaurant! ;) Anyway, it made me giggle - what's wrong
with that?? Sense of humour, folks!
[/quote
Oh Dulciana I'm glad it made you giggle I have to say I'm having a bad week meno brain !! can't take things in forgetting it's been awful anyway we need to laugh thats rite I know what you mean!
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:)
D.
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In this house she gets called lots of things :cuss:
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Just to let you know she is now in London and there's no sign of her moving!!!
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She's certainly swift on her feet ::) - what's she done, do share.
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She's in Suffolk now! drinking my wine and sleeping with my man. Must ask her to replace the wine ;)
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:rofl:
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Oh my, this is hilarious, I love it.
She's here in Yorkshire now. She sometimes sits in my living room, watching telly and drops food on her dressing gown. And she took my glasses at work when I wasn't looking and hid them in the printer. My colleague handed them to me sort of tutting, as if I'd done it or something.
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Yesterday I laid a tea bag on the work surface prior to boiling the kettle. Filled my mug with sugar and a spoon but ALMOST poured the water onto the tea bag :-\ ::) - I don't know what stopped me.
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Well she replaced the wine... and then drank it.
I put my contacts in so I could try to catch her, and there she was standing in front of me in the mirror. Boy is she wrinkly! Might have to stop wearing these contacts...
:o
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May I giggle ………. :lol:
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She's just turned up here again - we keep a squeegee in the shower to dry the walls after a shower so we don't get mould - stupid woman started squeegeeing the walls tonight while the shower was still running... ::)
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This thread is absolutely brilliant! I thought I was the only one who had experienced this old woman. I saw her in my mirror this morning before I got in the shower and the sight of her distracted me so much that she made me forget to rinse the conditioner off my hair. I only realised when I dried my hair and it felt all sticky ;D
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My shower this morning was not as hot as I would have liked - I think she'd been in there B4 me :(
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Bump for New Member
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I wish she would come back here as she has left the house untidy !
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;D ;D ;D ;D
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She made me get up at 5.30am to get to work for 7am, only to find I was not even on the rota today!!
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:o ........ we have a 'doing stupid things' thread too ;) [how did you spend the rest of the day? New thread?]
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I'm adopted. The stranger in my home REALLY is a stranger. Just wish she'd go back to where she came from. Nope, there she is, lurking around my dressing table mirror. One of these days.............................................................. >:(
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:clapping: I'll hold her you :kick:
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Think yourself lucky. I have a strange old man in my bed every night.
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:rofl: - there's another thread in that - how 'strange' is *you* old man ;D
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;D made me smile x
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Don't worry Lorraine - she'll get to you eventually ;D
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....... it's the 1 in the shop window that worries me the most >:(
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I've never posted on this thread before but I have to tell you that a really weird thing keeps happening to me when I'm trying to work out how to use the camera on my phone and peering down at the settings. This odd looking woman with wild hair has a habit of staring back at me when the camera is supposed to be pointing the other way – she is frowning and has bags under her eyes and glasses on the end of her nose as she struggles to read the right buttons – not at all like me ;D . What's more she keeps putting pictures of herself looking like this in my gallery – and I've no idea how they got there. I'm thinking she puts the phone into selfie mode when I'm not looking and presses the button? Have to delete them very quickly before anyone else sees them!
Hurdity x :)
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Strange you should say this Hurdity as the exact same thing has happened to me as well. An old woman with hair all awry peering out of the phone, mouth slightly open and brow furrowed in concentration. Not sure how she got in there but I wish she'd stop meddling with my phone!
Taz x :rofl:
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I keep seeing a woman in my phone with a huge double chin looking puzzled!
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I keep seeing a woman in my phone with a huge double chin looking puzzled!
Sorry Snoooze I think that's me ;D ;D ;D
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I don't mind sharing her antics, honest ........
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;D No need to share - my strange woman is someone else completely and very different from yours ::)
I was trying to find the author of the piece quoted at the beginning but drew a blank - must be someone American who wrote it because of the dollars. I found it in some writing from 1999 so looks like it's been going since at least then.
Must be an awful lot of STRANGE WOMEN around by now!!! :)
Hurdity x
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Ok who sent her to mine ???
Do you know what she has done ?
Sneaked in here and stole my front door key and left it in the front door !! Just as well a kindly neighbour was passing and came to tell me.
I will have to be on high alert in case she returns :whip:
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She sure gets around ;)
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;D Nasil!
Hurdity x
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I even have my son on the case now as he reckons shes moving his stuff from where he left them :o. I've told him all about her and how she is a pest as I didn't want him to think I would do such a thing ;)
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Did he believe you ............ ;)
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Of course he did he just gave a little snigger :D
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Good grief, now she has travelled way up North. This afternoon, I was watching a film on my iPad when the screen went a bit dark, and some ancient old bag with a red nose and pouchy cheeks suddenly appeared out of nowhere, staring right at me! I sat back with a start - she wasn't in the film I thought - so I smiled at her to make her go away and she showed her teeth and growled in return. I winked at her and she winked back with the other eye.
She left eventually, but before she went she left my purse in the fridge.
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:rofl: keep her up North will you ;)
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;D Sweetpea - same woman who stares out of my phone that I saw last month and mentioned down thread has definitely made her way up north! Not seen her much these days although caught a quick glimpse of her today when I was trying to take some photos. Banished her very quickly as she scared me out of my wits!
Hurdity x
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Thought I had shot of her but nope
I saw her in the mirror lying on my bed like a beached whale
She has some nerve :boobs:
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CLKD that has made me smile :D good reading xx shes just started to visit me in LANCASHIRE XX CATKINS ::)
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Did she do anything specific .......... ???
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Well she's turned up in Lanzarote just hoping she decides to stay here I could do with a break from her appearing when I'm least expecting her :o
Lanzalover x
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Oh do tell ;D
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She's lost the keys to: my garage, my motor home, my garden shed .......... :-\ - she has taken away my ability to re-run my brain to back-track so that I can't even begin to remember where they might be :'(
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She's still in Lanzarote ! saw her more than once this visit !!!!!
Lanzalover x
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I hope you left her there
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It's ok she's back down south I saw her smirking at me in the doctors big glass windows today x
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She mimics me from shop windows when I walk in town :D
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She's at it again - she's taken the keys to the fire escape and hidden them :-\
She's also moved the laundry powder ........... and put it into the pantry ??? :o ???
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Well that old lady loves to go a wanderin'- she's moved to Essex- the least she could do is contribute towards the monthly bills!!! I really don't know who keeps eating all the peanut butter I keep buying- and as for the swear words I keep hearing when she's had a bad day- shocking 🤬🤬
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Just found this thread.... it's fab
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;D -
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Bumped for new Member along with 'doing stupid things'
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Fabulous thread. We really need to try and keep our sense of humour through all this.
Xx
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Yep. Our doors have double locks but she still finds her way in ..........
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;D ;D she's back up north!!! She's decided she wants some quality time in my humble abode. Hubby is petrified and spends his weekends planning his quick escape just in case... ;D ;D
When she is acting like the perfect lady, the Hubby is quick to latch on to it like a needy child and cling on for dear life.... hoping and praying that the "other woman" never sets foot in his little house again!!!... doesn't last long though ;D ;D
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Do keep her up North ;D
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;D She has been stood in the kitchen for the last half hour wondering what she went in for!!!!!! ;D ;D husband says she unnerves him when she does that..... he said she is like the woman on paranormal activity that stands over her partners bed for hours!!! :o :o
She has also been online shopping with my card today!!! she has took a shine to smock type tops!!! what's that all about.... :o :o she's unnerving me now!!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D
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;D. smock tops 8). - I made one in the 1970s then sold the sewing machine :D
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>:(Oh dear - she is giving me the willies this strange one....... she came shopping with me yesterday in Tesco. I told her just buy the things you need on the shopping list which were bread, milk and some lovely vine tomatoes. We went in armed with the shopping list armed with a new shiny plastic fiver.
Fast forward 1 hour!!!..... shopping done..... ready....
A lovely pink burn out tee for the mad lady...... white bread instead of wholemeal.... some doritos.... a family sized cheesecake for the crazy one.... bottle of coke, and some new slippers!!!
Forgot the milk and tomatoes and was over 20 quid lighter...... she's crackers!!! I'm not taking her no more..... ;D ;D ;D
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Perhaps she can't read ........ or left that list behind somewhere :D
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;D she claims she had forgotten everything on the list and couldn't see what she wanted anyway because apparently she forgot her glasses too!!! ;D ;D she's costing me a small fortune this one... :P :P :P
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:rofl: ....... does she go into your fridge when you aren't looking so that there's nothing on the shelves? Does she push your clothing 2 the back of the cupboard, so that nothing fits ..........
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She picked up two pairs of glasses today and the lenses fell out :o
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:bounce:
She's here. Left a large wooden box in the hall way - which I kicked into :o
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I haven't seen her for ages so pleaseeeeee keep her with you CLKD
Lanzalover x
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:lol:
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;D She must have been on holiday the crazy one but she has been back. Wonder where she has been???
She was in my house the other day again. She was in the kitchen talking to the wall (Shirley valentine) Christ knows what she was on about!!! a good 20 minutes she was at it an all!!! she was obviously losing the argument because then she started slamming things around and then burst into tears!!!!! what the hell......
She's been shopping with my card again - the sneaky heathen!!!! I think I need to change the locks or move!!! ;D ;D
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Has she bought items you would wear/use/appreciate though or is it purely selfish?
She hid my long distance glasses in the bottom of my hand-bag earlier, I went back to 3 shops B4 I found them :D
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Good lord,just caught a glimpse of her when I was looking down at my iPad,she looks about 70!!! ;D
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That's the woman that looks back at me from shop windows :-\ :D
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Has she bought items you would wear/use/appreciate though or is it purely selfish?
She hid my long distance glasses in the bottom of my hand-bag earlier, I went back to 3 shops B4 I found them :D
She has bought leggings!!!!! She don't even like them but apparently she says that they are more forgiving and apparently make your butt appear smaller and they go well with all the smock tops she has purchased!!!!!!! I tried to argue the point of looking like mama cass but she was having none of it.... She says that leggings are practical, affordable and comfortable. I may go try em on see whether she is right!!! ;D ;D ;D ;D
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:rofl: 'photos?
[I made a smock top - once. Then I sold the sewing machine :D]
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;D ;D photos - imagine it!!!! Dear lord I would frighten myself to death and you lot!!! ;D ;D
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Oh it certainly does! She's a real Witch sometimes :D.
Mine sent me to the kitchen earlier to sort the laundry, then I found her filling the bird feeders outdoors but OH THE MESS on the kitchen floor ......
[how did the other family react :-\ ]
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We had hens until 5 years ago ........... the garden was full of chatter all day long.
Am sitting quite still, hoping that She will move to another part of the village ;D
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;D ;D ;D LOL So amusing this thread.....
The woman in my house went how shall we say "off on one" last weekend!!! sent the husband out in the garden to do the winter preparing then dragged him to the garden centre with his wallet for Topsoil!!!
Fast forward 1 hour later and the mad one has purchased 4 new pots, 2 painted heathers, 2 new viola plants (buy one get one free mind you!!) and a tray of new bedding plants!!!! and garden paint bonsai colour because she wants it sprucing up!!!!
Forgets topsoil and sends poor hubby back out to get the topsoil!!!
Hubby said he is not taking her anywhere no more!!!! ;D ;D
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;D .......... I make shopping lists then she distracts me so that I leave them at home :-\
Keep her with you ............
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I'm sure she steals the shopping list out of my handbag because I get to shops and my husband says you've forgotten list haven't you & I say no, I definitely definitely put it in my bag,we get home and there's the list on kitchen table,oh she's so mean
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If you are like me, you can't remember what you had written these days :-\
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Exactly 🤣
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She's only gone and got the cards from the attic :o :D ........... hopefully she won't find a pen or stamps ;)
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Unfortunately she's hidden all the Christmas cards that were written out super early and made me buy more and have to write them all out again :stupid: :stupid:
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She stole my insurance documents,I put them on kitchen table so I'd remember to take them to vet,got to vet and they weren't in my handbag and I could've sworn I put them in there
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It's that time of year, she must have a fast broomstick ;D
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She's alive and well in South Yorkshire. ;)
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OH NO! ;D .......... do tell ;)
:welcomemm:
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She's going to get a HUGE :kick:
A few months ago she hid my window keys. We went away and I grabbed them but couldn't remember where I had put them. Eventually she let me know where they were . However!
On 28th Dec I released that she had mislaid the same keys again. I went through the bag where they should have been but none fitted until in the early hours of one morning, I decided to systematically try each key in each lock. She must have been away as hey ho! they fitted :-\
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She put an onion in my handbag...........don't ask😳
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:D
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She put an onion in my handbag...........don't ask😳
Haha she has been in my house again as well and put the letters delivered by the postman in the salad crisper drawer in the fridge!!!! Husband found them 2 days later whilst rooting for strawberries to go with his banana ice cream!!!!!! frigging mental she is!!!! ;D ;D
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🤣😆
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:o was it spam ;)
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:o was it spam ;)
Haha junk mail of course!! this woman may be far savvier than we think!!
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Not spam in the fridge then - there might be hope yet ;D
Today I bought a card with a lovely picture and words but the front ::). She could have looked over my shoulder and pointed out that 'dear grandson' really isn't what I was looking 4 >:( ::)
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She sent a PM to a Member on here but it was the wrong person :bang:. She convinced me that the Member has fallen out with me, well after getting an e-mail that probably meant nowt, I too would stand well back :D
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The other day she swapped my car cleaning bottles around and I “waxed†my car with chrome polish 🤨
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She's not here ............... :whist:
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Sent myself a pm the other day😳😳😳
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That's doing something silly, can't blame her for that :lol:
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She convinced me the front door was broken and the air turned blue as I just couldn't open it, when it later turned out the key had been turned the wrong way 🙄 x
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😆😂🤣😂😆😂🤣
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OH asked this woman in my house for a cheese sandwich,
She gave him a ham sandwich!
He also asked for a coffee, and got a glass milk!
What's going on? 😂🤣😂🤣
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😆😂🤣
The one here in Scotland bought jam,as OH loves jam on his toast but she's hidden it,can't find it anywhere 😳
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Keep her with you ;D
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She put a buttery knife in my fridge 😳
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;D Think mine has gone off for a vacation for a while to find herself!!!! no incidents so far in the past few weeks so all is calm all is bright at home - wonder what day she is coming back!!! I think I might move house!!! ;) ;) ;D
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I'd change the locks even though Mushyjam! :D
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She could have sworn she'd paid her credit card bill before she went on holiday but didn't and has now incurred an interest charge. Brain fog ! 😞
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:bighug:
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Where's she hiding? In lock down hopefully ;D
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Told my OH he was having a lovely shepherds pie for dinner,took the mince out of the freezer(I wrap everything in cling film)in the morning,come late afternoon went to prepare said pie and that bloody woman had swapped the mince for a chicken Kiev.......what the hell!?!?
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;D. Did OH notice :lol:
I picked up the phone to turn over the TV last week - that's getting quite a usual occurrence ::)
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I'm not sure,he did ask if shepherds pie was supposed to be THAT garlicy ;D
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He didn't turn away from his plate then :D
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NEVER!! ;D
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:rofl:
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She's following me >:( - early this morning, after putting cat biscuits into the 1st dishwasher load instead of powder into the tray, when I went to switch on the 2nd load of crocks to be washed 10 mins. ago, she'd put cat biscuits in the tray ......... :-\ ;D
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Has she been in lockdown :-\ ........... she's taken DH's thermal wear from the usual drawer and hidden it >:(
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OH went to make a cuppa mid morning and couldn’t find the milk. She’d only put it in the cupboard with the cereals 🙄
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At least she didn't mix it with the cereals?
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I nearly brushed my teeth with nivea exfoliator,she must've moved my toothpaste to a different spot ;D
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:o :-X
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She crept in2 our bedroom once we were asleep and reset the alarm clock :o it rang at 6.00 a.m. >:( instead of 7.30 which is plenty early enough :poke2:
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She's gone very quiet :-X ;)
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Haha,not in this house she ain't ;D
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You ain't in the house though :o
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She follows me everywhere I go ;D
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:lol:
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That's the goat... ;D
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;D
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;D
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Is it Young Mother Time again?? :o
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Padine - do tell :D
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I think that she's in hibernation :-\
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No no clkd,she's fit and well here >:(
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May I giggle ;D
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If we didn't we'd cry ;D
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What on Earth did she do this time ;D
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What apart from putting the scissors into the hay shed AND swapping my OHs coffee for a carton of milk?!? ;D
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She's behind U ;D
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Watch out: she's likely to be out and about now that we have Lift Off :o ;)
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Just discovered this - GENIUS ;D
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Haha!! Love this. I saw CLKD you tried to turn the tv over with the phone...lol! Yesterday I literally sat with the tv remote on the arm of the chair...watching it...waiting for a phone call to come through. ;D ;
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we have a thread 'doing stupid things' too 8)
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She’s back in the house this morning. I couldn’t find my phone, tried calling the number but as it was on silent, I couldn’t hear it ! She’d only put it in the washing basket 🙄
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:o ....... was that after a wash cycle or after :-\
U can keep her ;D
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This is great! I’m new to this forum, and stumbled across this tale, thank you for the giggle. I can SO relate to the appearance of a mysterious old woman like this, she’s moved into my house too!!
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;D. she really really likes your house ......... :whist:. Keep her there.
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Yes,keep her,I'm fed up of her making me look stupid ::)
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This woman travels a lot, doesn't she?
I went to the supermarket on the way home yesterday. Around half way around, I found she had taken the folded up chiller bag I was carrying in my hand, and swapped it with my phone!!!
How does she do it?? ;D
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;D
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With skill ;D
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She’s been here too! Somehow she knew I needed cushion pads from Dunelm and she’s managed to use my debit card. Dunelm are threatening to cancel the order as the lazy mare has forgotten to collect them. I’m sure I didn’t tell anybody, how does she do it? I wish she’d get into ironing😂
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She's hidden my ironing board up :whist:
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Thanks for the reminder; been propping mine up with a golf club for 4 years. Today is new ironing board day... if I remember :-\
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I tend to choose NOT to remember to do the ironing ;D
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I don't iron - apart from 1 linen shirt which I bought DH years ago : what ever possessed me ;D but he looks nice in it. I don't iron unless we are going to a funeral ::)
She hid the peg bag yesterday >:( and me, with an arm full of damp laundry ;D
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She’s back. I couldn’t find the tea towel so went and got another one out. Whilst I was preparing the dinner, I discovered she’d put it in the cupboard with the pots and pans 🙄
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;D ;D
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Sounds like she's found you. Please, keep her ;D
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What a fab thread this is and CLKD thanks for a much needed laugh ;D
Erm, my goodness me! I can relate to so much of what is in this thread about the old lady! I wish I didn’t but I kinda do.
I’m 53 and when I was 20 I thought 50 was really old but now I’m here and my head seems stuck at around 33! But, yeah the nasty bathroom mirror is the one that allows sneaky old lady to cruelly appear.
She has jowls! :o I don’t have those but she keeps barging in with them right up close.
She also has that flat bottom thing going on, I haven’t got a flat bum, I never had a flat bum .. how very dare she.
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:lol:
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;D
She hid my favourite pen in the pen pot in another room!
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Keep her there ;D ....... she offered to do the laundry this morning but didn't switch on the machine! When I went to check 2 hours later .......... :o
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Bumped for new members
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Does she have a VitD Spray hidden about her person ? ;)
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:-\ ;D
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She made DH tip a whole bag of sugar into a jar where only half will fit >:(
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Looks like she's out of Hibernation ;D
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Has she slipped out of hibernation yet :-\ :-\ ???
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She doesn’t like doing the ironing at all, prefers it to pile up and up!
I try and get rid of her with vit D, zinc and magnesium, but I swear she just thinks they’re processed foods!
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She leaves clothing around the floor >:(. Piles of it ::)
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:bouncing:
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She's been awful quiet :-\ unless she's been to jaypo after those towels ;D
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That's who's taken them,yes yes,of course,silly me ;D
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:lol: did OH pack them for the Cruise :-\ ???
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The dogs towels?? Nooooo ;D