Menopause Matters Forum
Menopause Discussion => Personal Experiences => Topic started by: mrs_bella on May 17, 2018, 09:13:23 PM
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Despite being on an antidepressant and HRT for my menopause, I am finding that I am constantly tearful. I cry at the drop of a hat.
I had a flat tyre the other day. Normally I would shrug this off and get on with things. Well not this time: I was like a weeping train wreck. It was so embarrassing as I was crying in front of about 10 blokes whilst my tyre was being mended. I felt like such a dill as I couldn't stop.
I am finding this whole tearfulness situation frustrating as in most incidents it's not called for. My family are use to the water works. But, I want to be able to go out in public without the tears following me.
How does one manage this?
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No easy answer I'm afraid Mrs Bella.all you can hope for is it's just another symptom that will pass in time.xx
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Oh, I've been like that too. I was in tears virtually every day for months, often unwarranted! I seem to have come out of that recently, no idea whether it's the hrt, the fluoxetine, the sunshine or the testosterone!
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"I've recently been bereaved" worked for me. Adding, "Please don't B kind to me, I don't want to talk but believe in letting tears flow, Kleenex anyone?" We don't have to justify ourselves. We don't have to make others feel 'better'. If Nature hadn't intended us to cry She wouldn't have given us feelings.
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No easy answer I'm afraid Mrs Bella.all you can hope for is it's just another symptom that will pass in time.xx
It's a symptom alright. And boy I hope it passes soon Daisydot 🙏🏻
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Oh, I've been like that too. I was in tears virtually every day for months, often unwarranted! I seem to have come out of that recently, no idea whether it's the hrt, the fluoxetine, the sunshine or the testosterone!
Golly I hope I am not like this for months. It's annoying more than anything.
That's a lot of variables Wilks. Don't change or stop any if it's worked. I might ask my GP about testosterone. Although it's only approved in one state here. I would have to get it shipped to me...a costly endeavour.
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"I've recently been bereaved" worked for me. Adding, "Please don't B kind to me, I don't want to talk but believe in letting tears flow, Kleenex anyone?" We don't have to justify ourselves. We don't have to make others feel 'better'. If Nature hadn't intended us to cry She wouldn't have given us feelings.
You have nailed it right there CLKD...I feel like I need to justify myself. I live in a small country town where showing emotions such as sadness, grief, distress etc is not the done thing. If you do, you are a target for the bullies. I am talking about grown women here. I tend to stay home or when I do go into town wear big sunnies so I can hide the tears. Stupid really 😬
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Hi Mrs Bella- really sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you. I should add that I always had severe PMS that caused horrible mood swings. Plus, I didn't realise last year for some months that it was the menopause making me feel so dreadful. I thought I'd gone bonkers!
On a more optimistic note, I'm much better now!
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Hi Mrs Bella- really sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you. I should add that I always had severe PMS that caused horrible mood swings. Plus, I didn't realise last year for some months that it was the menopause making me feel so dreadful. I thought I'd gone bonkers!
On a more optimistic note, I'm much better now!
I thought I was going bonkers at first too Wilks. I was like this when I was pregnant. I would cry watching Kleenex tissue ads or any ad with a cute animal in it for that matter. I knew I couldn't be pregnant because I had to have a hysterectomy shortly after my second child which was about 10 years ago...so the tears were definitely not pregnancy related.
I am pleased you are much better now. That gives me some hope that this “tearful†stage is going pass. Well here's hoping 🤞🏻
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HORMONES >:( ::). I would sob uncontrollably the night B4 a bleed would start, even when a period wasn't due :-\. Now I don't cry often even if I need to, unless I watch the end of The Incredible Journey - the bit when Bodger struggles over the hill :'(
Where on Earth do you live that people aren't sympathetic? Maybe they know your business B4 you do ::). How do they bully someone?
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I know how you feel. I know you don't like crying but I am the opposite & when I feel teary I just keep it in as I don't want to bother anyone. I really do think better out than in. Outwardly people think I am ok but inside I am a teary wreak. I think I have held it in so long now that I don't know how to cry properly anymore
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HORMONES >:( ::). I would sob uncontrollably the night B4 a bleed would start, even when a period wasn't due :-\. Now I don't cry often even if I need to, unless I watch the end of The Incredible Journey - the bit when Bodger struggles over the hill :'(
Where on Earth do you live that people aren't sympathetic? Maybe they know your business B4 you do ::). How do they bully someone?
I live in a tiny town in Victoria, Australia.
And yes, often people know my business before I do. It's awful sometimes. Especially when the “mean girls†single out your child like they have done with mine. It really is like high school. I tend to stick to myself for these reasons. And now I am so all over the place with menopause woes, it's even more reason to lay low as I don't want my children to be effected by more gossip.
Oh sorry, they bully people by excluding them. Spreading rumours etc It really is bad. For example, I walked into my local cafe the other day and the “mean girls†were sitting in their usual spot. When I entered they all stopped talking and glared at me. While I was ordering I over heard one of them say, “Look at her dress, take a pic it's awfulâ€. Out of the corner of my eye I saw one of them with her iPhone out snapping away. These are grown women 😡😞
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I know how you feel. I know you don't like crying but I am the opposite & when I feel teary I just keep it in as I don't want to bother anyone. I really do think better out than in. Outwardly people think I am ok but inside I am a teary wreak. I think I have held it in so long now that I don't know how to cry properly anymore
Paisley I have a friend who is very similar to you. She says it's far worse to not let it out as she has become inept of displaying any emotion. When asked, “How are you today?†her response is always “Good thanksâ€. Yet she is screaming in pain within. The poor thing says she doesn't know when she last cried. I don't know what's worse: no tears or too many. Just goes to show we all have our struggles.
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Same here paisley,my husband is the only other human who sees the real me,I've been brought up in an environment where I had to be strong and be there for family even as a youngster I had to protect my mother so I didn't dare shed tears,it was a sign of weakness,now I find it difficult to cry for myself but I will cry for simple things I see or people tell me but I have no pity for me as in my mind I shouldn't as there's always someone out there worse off.I think now that's why when I crash I crash badly and isolate myself to deal with it in my own way,it's probably a safety mechanism.Mrs Bella my heart goes out to you what a nasty bunch of bullies and it's natural to say I'd rip them apart but not practical when it comes down to it,it's just something you have to deal with and hopefully they'll tire of it.its so not nice for you though witches.xx
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Mrs Bella, the “mean girls†sound dreadful. Enough to make someone tearful even without menopause issues.
What are the men like?
I was never bullied but there was so much low-level bitchiness at school. I was shocked to see that it continues into adult life, especially in “mum and baby†groups and in the school yard when you take your own kids to school.
I do have some lovely women friends but I spend most of my social time riding bikes with men.
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Same here paisley,my husband is the only other human who sees the real me,I've been brought up in an environment where I had to be strong and be there for family even as a youngster I had to protect my mother so I didn't dare shed tears,it was a sign of weakness,now I find it difficult to cry for myself but I will cry for simple things I see or people tell me but I have no pity for me as in my mind I shouldn't as there's always someone out there worse off.I think now that's why when I crash I crash badly and isolate myself to deal with it in my own way,it's probably a safety mechanism.Mrs Bella my heart goes out to you what a nasty bunch of bullies and it's natural to say I'd rip them apart but not practical when it comes down to it,it's just something you have to deal with and hopefully they'll tire of it.its so not nice for you though witches.xx
Awwww Daisydot I feel for you. I totally get why you find it hard to cry. At least you have your husband that sees the real you.
I too have a husband that sees the real me. I use to try and fit in with the “mean girls†so that my children and I would be accepted but I have stopped. I stupidly lost my cool with one as she was ringing all the other mums saying my son (12) was racist. Long story, but my son wasn't being racist it was actually the other child calling him names. I actually said, “Get your facts straight, and don't spread rumours about my sonâ€. I used a few swear words as well. I wish I had never said a word as now my son is invited to nothing. I mean nothing...like the only one in his class to not get an invite. So now I smile nicely, say hello and keep walking. I can't win either way.
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Mrs Bella, the “mean girls†sound dreadful. Enough to make someone tearful even without menopause issues.
What are the men like?
I was never bullied but there was so much low-level bitchiness at school. I was shocked to see that it continues into adult life, especially in “mum and baby†groups and in the school yard when you take your own kids to school.
I do have some lovely women friends but I spend most of my social time riding bikes with men.
Wilks they are dreadful!
The men are lovely. I prefer to hang out with them at sporting matches. However their wives get shirty. I did have 1 male friend who was also friends with my husband. Well, rumours spread like wildfire that I was having an affair with him. I stay clear of men now as well for this reason so that I can't be gossiped about. How sad is that? I have my husband, 2 boys and a handful of eclectic but real friends. I have come to terms with it and think how blessed I am to have them in my life.
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Hello mrs_bella.
So sorry to hear that you are having these problems. The women you describe sound awful but you can guarantee that they have their own issues but are trapped and too fearful to escape the group they have created. Perhaps they should be pitied as well as disliked.
The menopause can be a rotten time but you will always find help and support from the lovely ladies on this forum. True friendship comes from many sources and you have many friends here.
Wishing you well.
K.
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This is your problem because they make it so! However, you have a tight family and a few friends, how many do we actually need? [long story short]. I nearly shed a tear at the Wedding today ::)
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I agree MrsBella
Those girls sound horrendous. They sound pretty pathetic don't they if all they have got to do is spread vicious rumours around. I think you are quite right sticking to yourself. I wouldn't want to be friends with them. I was bullied when a teenager but I told my mum & she really laid into them. They never did it again. My son was bullied at school so I did what my mum did & confronted the bullies but I can see you living in such a small town it is impossible to do that.
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Is your boy upset not to be asked to parties etc. or does it go over his head? Is this your worry ....... does he get to ask a friend back to yours at all? Out of school?
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Hello mrs_bella.
So sorry to hear that you are having these problems. The women you describe sound awful but you can guarantee that they have their own issues but are trapped and too fearful to escape the group they have created. Perhaps they should be pitied as well as disliked.
The menopause can be a rotten time but you will always find help and support from the lovely ladies on this forum. True friendship comes from many sources and you have many friends here.
Wishing you well.
K.
As well as feeling disheartened by their behaviour, I also pity them. 1. They actually turn on each other behind one another's backs, and 2. I wonder if they have a tight and support family to return home to like I.
Kathleen, I am so pleased I stumbled across this forum. I have received a tremendous amount of support and advice. It's so refreshing and I am truly grateful. X
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Is your boy upset not to be asked to parties etc. or does it go over his head? Is this your worry ....... does he get to ask a friend back to yours at all? Out of school?
Well he use to get upset CLKD. I think it hurt him so much that he has shutdown.
The strange thing is that his teachers are always saying how social and popular he is.
After 9 years of being at the same school, we have moved him to another for a fresh start. I ask him regularly if he is happy? Would he like to have someone over? He always replies that he loves his new school, but doesn't want anyone over. Not sure what else I can do.
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I agree MrsBella
Those girls sound horrendous. They sound pretty pathetic don't they if all they have got to do is spread vicious rumours around. I think you are quite right sticking to yourself. I wouldn't want to be friends with them. I was bullied when a teenager but I told my mum & she really laid into them. They never did it again. My son was bullied at school so I did what my mum did & confronted the bullies but I can see you living in such a small town it is impossible to do that.
Paisley I did confront one mum when she rang to see what punishment my son had received over an incident that occurred at a footy match. It backfired as he was ostracised even more. Also the parents avoid me like the plague now because I stood up to the ringleader.
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This is your problem because they make it so! However, you have a tight family and a few friends, how many do we actually need? [long story short]. I nearly shed a tear at the Wedding today ::)
When Harry had a bit of a cry, I had to reach for the Kleenex box. I love a man that is confident enough to display his feelings. Go Harry!
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If your boy doesn't want to engage, it's better for life. Too many people can become cloying, trying to please them all. He will make friends as he goes through Life. Does he have hobbies. Do you do stuff as a family? My neighbour took one of her children out on Sat., she often picks one of them to have a day with. The rest stay back doing other things. Gives her 'ear' time with them ;-)
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I can relate! When my meno started a year ago I was crying every day, I was feeling suicidal and that my life had no meaning.
I am single and childless. Hrt made a huge difference at my mood and my general energy.
Give more time to yourself to adjust.
I feel more stable now, I try to focus on my job, to avoid toxic people and not to press myself! I can say that I feel almost like my old self again! Hope it helps!
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Well done emerald2017 that's good to hear and I hope it continues to be positive for you xx
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Thank you Daisydot!
The forum is a wonderful source of communication and it helps a lot!
I think sometimes that I know more about hrt and options than my gyn! I told him for the forum! 😄💐
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Yes emerald your so right I tell anyone who'll listen lol.Im lost without the forum now I hope it always stays on this same level ,no judging people and no critism just a platform to help and advise from personal experience,that's the secret to the perfect forum in my mind.xx
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I am absolutely with you Daisydot!
Menopause is still a taboo subject, we don't talk about and we are in denial. Many of us suffer in silence and they don't find the therapy they deserve!
Estrogen deficiency is not an easy condition and it can lead to severe diseases later in life! The more I read the more I am convinced that our body cannot survive without estrogen for long...
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If your boy doesn't want to engage, it's better for life. Too many people can become cloying, trying to please them all. He will make friends as he goes through Life. Does he have hobbies. Do you do stuff as a family? My neighbour took one of her children out on Sat., she often picks one of them to have a day with. The rest stay back doing other things. Gives her 'ear' time with them ;-)
He has always been happy pottering around by himself. We live on 4000 acres so he has freedom to room. He loves the farm and spends every waking moment outside pottering. Wild horse couldn't keep him away from the tractors and sheepyards. He spends a lot of time with his dad. He idolises him. He also has his older brother to hang out with. They are forever playing backyard cricket. We are with each other pretty much 24/7 aside from school and sport. So yes CKLD, he has the farm which is kind of like a hobby for him and we spend time together as a family.
He also loves sport. We enrol him in just about everything so that he can socialise with other kids his own age.
Unfortunately we don't have anyone to help out CLKD. My mother lives 4 hours drive away, and my dad is in the UK. You are lucky to have such a kind neighbour.
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I can relate! When my meno started a year ago I was crying every day, I was feeling suicidal and that my life had no meaning.
I am single and childless. Hrt made a huge difference at my mood and my general energy.
Give more time to yourself to adjust.
I feel more stable now, I try to focus on my job, to avoid toxic people and not to press myself! I can say that I feel almost like my old self again! Hope it helps!
Emerald2017 I am so pleased that things have turned a corner for you. Living in a state of dispair can be crippling as I too have experienced. Especially before I started HRT as the panic attacks I was having became more frequent and intense. You have given me hope by sharing your story. Thank you Emerald2017!
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Yes emerald your so right I tell anyone who'll listen lol.Im lost without the forum now I hope it always stays on this same level ,no judging people and no critism just a platform to help and advise from personal experience,that's the secret to the perfect forum in my mind.xx
I agree Daisydot! I felt so alone in my struggles with menopause before I stumbled across this forum. I feel like I can be totally honest knowing that I will be supported. Thank you to the creator of this site, and to the lovely ladies that respond to my posts! 😊
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Mrs Bella, your farm sounds really lovely & nice for the children to have all that open space & freedom. I understand because you live in an isolated place that it isn't practical for you to stand up to the bullies as they are too close to home & you see them too much. Your children sound like they have a lovely life on the farm. Xx
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Oh that sounds like a good place for a Meno Retreat ;) I'm good at mucking out but not so good on a horse ;D
Do you find snakes in your Barn ? :o
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Oh that sounds like a good place for a Meno Retreat ;) I'm good at mucking out but not so good on a horse ;D
Do you find snakes in your Barn ? :o
It is beautiful here. It reminds me a little of the UK...rolling hills, lush grass etc We live in what they call a volcanic belt: all distinct/dead not live like the one in Hawaii at the moment. We have panoramic views of one. It's breathtaking.
I do have a horse but no stables. We have over 2000 cows and around 8000 sheep...think large scale farming.
Yes, we do find snakes in our hay sheds. The hay sheds are not like barns as such. They are extremely large open sheds. We also get snakes at the back door a lot: Brown and Tiger snakes. They also love hanging out near the chook house: we have about 30 chooks.
We also get kangaroos and koalas around the house. The dogs go bonkers when they come in close to the garden.
My husband's family have farmed here since 1856. First white settlers. I love living here. I am truly blessed.
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Mrs Bella, your farm sounds really lovely & nice for the children to have all that open space & freedom. I understand because you live in an isolated place that it isn't practical for you to stand up to the bullies as they are too close to home & you see them too much. Your children sound like they have a lovely life on the farm. Xx
My boys are lucky. They are like free range chooks: wild and free.
That's the thing Paisley, there is no avoiding the bullies. With only one supermarket, I always seem to bump into them there. It's one of the perils of living in the bush.
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Both of those are deadly though :-\ you didn't mention the dunny funnel web either :o
Hold your head high. Have your list to hand. Engage in the shelves ;-).
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Both of those are deadly though :-\ you didn't mention the dunny funnel web either :o
Hold your head high. Have your list to hand. Engage in the shelves ;-).
Last year we all went for a swim in the dam. A Tiger snake slithered over my foot. Another time I went to collect the eggs and put my hand straight onto a Tiger snake's head. Thankfully it had an egg in it's mouth so couldn't bite me. I have had countless encounters with snakes. Lost a few dogs to snake bites as well. And yes, all the snakes are pretty much deadly. If I get bitten out here I am a goner as we live so far away from the local hospital.
Oh we get Red Belly Blacks & Copper Head snakes too. I have seen my fair share of Red-backed spiders too. We also get bees & wasps. One year I had 4 hives of bees nesting in the weather-boards each side of the house. We couldn't go outside until we gassed them out. You gotta love the Aussie bush 😆
No Funnel Webs...they are up in Sydney.
Thank you!
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You've gone, why :-\
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You've gone, why :-\
I tried to modify my profile but unknowingly deleted my account. I couldn't get back my profile: it kept coming up black. I had to re-register CLKD 😩
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Damned technology - welcome back!
JP x
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Damned technology - welcome back!
JP x
Too right! 😏
I wish there was a “Notifications†option as well for this forum. I lose track of topics I have posted and responded to.
Thank you Joaniepat! I had to wait a few days until admin would approve my registration request. I am not going to play around with my profile again 😬
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There is a 'notify' tab at the bottom of each topic but I'm not sure what it does exactly. I'm sure some folk here must use it and will be able to explain.
JP x
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PHEW! glad to have you back on board, I missed you!
How's today been?
..... and I haven't any idea what my post about 'shelves' might have meant :o
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Damned technology - welcome back!
JP x
Too right! 😏
I wish there was a “Notifications†option as well for this forum. I lose track of topics I have posted and responded to.
Thank you Joaniepat! I had to wait a few days until admin would approve my registration request. I am not going to play around with my profile again 😬
Hi MrsBella, welcome back!
At the top of the page you will see 'show unread posts since last visit' then underneath that 'show new replies to your posts' and if you click on that you will see the posts you have commented on. That will help you keep track.
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There is a 'notify' tab at the bottom of each topic but I'm not sure what it does exactly. I'm sure some folk here must use it and will be able to explain.
JP x
Mmmmmm...I ticked that but have no idea how or where I am notified. A ting noise would help as I am getting so lost with/on who I have responded too. Instagram has that option and it's fantastic!
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PHEW! glad to have you back on board, I missed you!
How's today been?
..... and I haven't any idea what my post about 'shelves' might have meant :o
Awwwwww, thank you CLKD! I missed the chatting. It was frustrating as I could see replies to my posts but couldn't respond. And yesterday I couldn't get on the site due to maintenance or something or other. Oh well, I am free to chat away now.
Yesterday was fabulous! I went to the movies and had lunch with a group of friends. It was refreshing to get out of the house and off the farm. I must do it more as I get lost in the days/weeks with mundane chores. Everyone needs a bit of fun in their lives.
LOL, I was a bit confused by the “shelves†bit. I assumed it was a typo. I make them all the time.
How have you been CLKD?
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Damned technology - welcome back!
JP x
Too right! 😏
I wish there was a “Notifications†option as well for this forum. I lose track of topics I have posted and responded to.
Thank you Joaniepat! I had to wait a few days until admin would approve my registration request. I am not going to play around with my profile again 😬
Hi MrsBella, welcome back!
At the top of the page you will see 'show unread posts since last visit' then underneath that 'show new replies to your posts' and if you click on that you will see the posts you have commented on. That will help you keep track.
Thank you Snooze! I tried that. I pressed the tabs which had replies but nothing happened? I did a screen shot to show you. Oh man, I thought I could attach the screen shot and can't seem to do that either. The technicalities of this site is sending me bonkers. I need to go to Uni and do a 101 Navigating Menopause Matters course 😉😆
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Not sure why it's not working for you? Hopefully someone with more technical knowledge can advise?!
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Not sure why it's not working for you? Hopefully someone with more technical knowledge can advise?!
I think I just managed to nail/get it as I pressed the tab and it lead me to here. Woo hoooooooo! Thanks for your help Snooze 😊
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Ah that's good! It may have been that you had already read your replies before clicking on it earlier..
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i'm always crying at the moment . especially when i see babies - its quite embarrasing to be in the middle of a shop and there are tears running down my face .... will this feeling ease off or will i always be like this ... :'(
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I`ve recently joined this forum, picked up on this thread and reading it am thinking... that`s me!! Thank god I`m not alone in being a sobbing mess. I cry about 5 times a day sometimes and yes it is embarrassing when you do it in public or in the pub when you`re supposed to be enjoying yourself! have only been like it about the last 5 months when my periods started getting really all over the place so think it`s definitely hormonal. There was some heartache over a man which doesn`t help but feel I should be getting over it by now, well I would if I was my normal self. Am in the process now of trying to get the Drs to sort me out with HRT instead of antidepressants, I don`t want to go down that route if possible. Everyone understands when you tell them about your hot flushes etc but if you say I`m crying all the time they think just get over it what have you got to cry about! Well apart from the ones who have also been through it...not bloody men that`s for sure lol ;)
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Obviously I'm not happy to read about anyone crying but it's such a relief to read this, as I sit here a sobbing mess. I've been on Evorel Sequi for two months -- I'm menopausal and it's my first HRT -- and so I'm waiting for the three-month deadline, by which time of course everything will be sorted and I'll be feeling much better. Won't I. As it stands I feel like I want to run away and keep on running.
I just want to feel normal again. I had a bereavement in September 2016, and a relationship ended around the same, and then my periods all but stopped (one in December 2016, another in August 2017, then nothing). Fast-forward to August 2018 and I'm feeling devastated and can't stop crying :(
Ax