Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[debbyx]

Hi Ladies

Just a moan really.  I have had such a bad week , started on Tuesday when I had a massive panic attack don’t know why Just out of the blue and it’s just gone from bad to worse Wednesday got up and was crying within minutes as I was scared the same thing would happen again and carried on like that for the rest of the week  and still like it now.

I can not function  to work do house work , I just cry , my husband said he can’t deal with me like this and just goes out which makes me worse ,  I feel worn out and so weak my legs feel like jelly and I am scared I will fall.

I have noticed a pattern that this happens every 4th week and even though I have not had a period for 7 years could it still be hormones.    I am anxious every day but one week out of four I am really bad All the medical professionals tell me I am passed menopause (63) and on my medical notes I notice they have put extreme Anxiety.

I was given the patches After a big fight to get them   from a locum doctor but because my bloods came back with a very low B12 my  own GP  who had already refused patches said not to take them until I have bloods done  again in 3  months to see if B12 back to normal after taking supplements as they have decided this is the cause of my symptoms rather than menopause. 


I  want to be able to normal things again I hate myself
Right now and just so angry with everyone and everything.   

I can not get through a whole day it’s to hard  if I go upstairs  I am then to scared to go back down again  how stupid is that and I only feel safe and start to relax
When I am in bed.  Yesterday I made it to 3pm but today I was so panicky I was in bed by 2 still crying   This is not normal  I read or watch TV and by evening I feel calmer and in my head I will get up in the Morning and clean the house etc but no by morning I am in tears again and I know I have to get through another day.



I can not do this anymore.

[CLKD]

Not stupid at all.  When my anxiety was bad I was unable to stay in the bath for more than a few moments, I was completely restless. 

Anxiety feeds on itself.  'what if'.  4 me anxiety is physical, I don't worry that I will have a panic attack unless my body is in high stress mode, when I feel OK it isn't difficult to go out and about. When at my worse in the 1990s I was unable to leave the house.  'in case'. 

Panic attack 4 me begins with sudden nausea, my thighs go weak followed by my calves and I hit the floor.  No argument, no cognitive thought pattern, it's physical. Fortunately I have an emergency drug which either knocks me out so that I sleep or it enables me by eliminating the nausea.

I too was calmer by evening, all my commitments were done!  It was like a different person and I learnt not to agree to helping with anything because I knew that by morning anxiety would floor me. 

As for your husband, he probably can't deal with what he can't understand.  Ask him.  Otherwise communication will cease which is stressful. "I know that U realise that I'm not myself, I am aware that it bothers you so can we talk about how menopause symptoms are affecting you so that we have a plan?" 

I don't know why B12 results would impact on HRT treatment?

[dangermouse]

Almost definitely still hormones, you can’t argue with that pattern. Post meno I am now in a very clear 28 day cycle of symptoms. Much more fixed than any time in my life.

You may also have developed a phobic reaction to the anxiety which is shrinking your comfort zone and causing you to retreat to your bed.

Are you now on zero medications? Great that you got through the Diazepam withdrawal, many cannot handle that so give yourself a massive pat on the back for that.

[debbyx]

Hi Dangermouse.

I am on no medication at the minute.

The doctors will not acknowledge menopause all my notes say  severe anxiety and panic which is really really frustrating. It was just the Locum doctor that actually listened to me and gave me patches but then my GP told  me not to take them. He thinks because my blood test come back showing I had a very very low vitamin B12 deficiency that this was the cause of my anxiety and they  will just  not consider menopause so I don’t know where to go from here, but I just cannot carry on this way  I’ve just got up and I can’t struggle through another day like this. 

Maybe I will have to take anti depressants

[Kathleen]

Hello debbyx


I am so sorry that you are suffering and for what it's worth you have my heartfelt sympathy.

Anti depressants may well be the right course of action for you so pleased don't despair.

Your GP may have a point in thinking that an extremely low B12  could be the cause of your problems.  Unfortunately it takes time to correct any deficiency but could you ask for a B12 injection as a way to kick start your recovery?  I understand that arranging this and going to an appointment would be difficult right now but perhaps message your GP with the suggestion and see what can be arranged.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.

[CLKD]

I can't remember whether you have been referred to a dedicated menopause clinic?  If you feel dismissed by your GPs perhaps talking to the Nurse practitioner is another way to move forwards otherwise it mayB wise to seek private advice from a menopause clinic. 

[Jules]

Hi Debby. I can relate to your anxiety of the panic attacks because I had a spell of that when I was made redundant after I'd just been made single again. I had to go for a job interview and because so much was riding on it, I had a panic attack during the interview. It was just awful. I couldn't feel my hands and I was dizzy. So the next interview, I was so anxious about that happening again, it made matters worse and I had another when I had to complete a written task and couldn't hold the pen. After one more interview like that I relieved myself of the fear and stopped applying for a year. Fortunately I had backup from my kids. But my point is, as someone has said your anxiety can come from your anxiety about It. So one way or other the cycle has to be broken either by a change in your routine, or professional help or medication and so on.  I wonder if it might help to think about the solution not in terms of whether it's menopause or not but that everything has to be explored and excluded otherwise it won't be treated the correct way. you may need more than HRT, perhaps some support with strategies so it's perhaps a good idea to check everything out as your doctor is doing. It sounds as though he's trying to exclude something rather than assuming it as a cause.  Maybe your husband would understand if you explained that at present you're not well so you feel scared and need his help whilst the doctor checks everything out? It's just a thought. I hope you soon feel better.

[debbyx]

Thanks Jules

Your reply made me cry but in a good way
I think every thing you said makes sense and I need to look at this in a different way.
Honestly if you knew the stress I am under at the minute, to keep as brief as possible,  I am a carer to my Daughter who has severe mental health issues with 7 different  diagnosis she has not left the house for 8 years she has an annex on the side of our house , when her partner left 3 years ago I became trapped as she will not stay in the house on her own.
So I have hardly left the house myself in 3 years.  I am self employed run my own business based at home and just work 10 hours a day. My husband lost his job a few months back as the company closed down and finding it difficult to get work ,
I feel like I have so much pressure me.
Right now I need a break but if I don’t work we have no money coming in to pay the bills so I try to keep going and look what has happened,  panic attack after panic attack.  I can not do my job properly at the minute and I am struggling but I know I need to keep going ,   I am glad your kids were there for you. I feel I have no one to help me through this horrible time. 

Maybe it is menopause or maybe it is anxiety or maybe it is both.

I need to do something I know but just not sure what.   I am so glad I have this forum .

[CLKD]

Morning.  U R under a lot of pressure!  Does your husband stay at home allowing you to have a day off, doing your own 'stuff'?  I can understand the fear of being 'home alone' so mayB source a carer who could build a relationship with your daughter so that you can both have time off.

There are companies who will work through a CV to make it suitable for the various jobs in the area.  Was your husband offered this as part of the Redundacy Package B4 he left his employer?  I would begin at the Job Centre to ask if this opportunity is available, considering his complete skill base.  How is he feeling overall, because that situation can make a worker feel unwanted etc..

Hopefully your daughter gets Carers Allowance and that the family is aware of other services that should be available?

[bombsh3ll]

Please don't struggle like this without help.

It is far better to pay to see a specialist and get on appropriate treatment, even though you shouldn't have to, than saving the £200 or so for a consultation but losing your job due to being too unwell to work. This will cost you far more.

You have one life, don't spend it miserable when you haven't even seen anyone willing or capable to treat menopause.

The psychologising of women's health problems, ie labelling everything as anxiety or depression without proper investigation or treatment, is an example of medical misogyny and harks back to the hysteria paradigm.

Additionally you are allowed to have AND be treated appropriately for, more than one condition including anxiety, B12 deficiency and menopause.

Please don't accept this.

[Kathleen]

Hello again debbyx

I am not surprised that you are struggling given your circumstances. Does your GP know about your situation? Perhaps he can contact Social Services and arrange some respite care for you and your daughter, or you could try contacting them yourself.

I completely understand how frustrating it is to feel that you have a health problem that is not being addressed but a very low B12 can cause all sorts of physical and psychological problems and your blood tests confirm that you are very deficient on this vital vitamin.
It may be that your GP suspects that you have
 an autoimmune disease which means you don't absorb B12 normally and if this is confirmed by your next blood test it is easily corrected by regular injections. I understand that this condition can run in families so perhaps your daughter is also affected.

I agree with Jules that it is worth checking everything out because, having come so far and tolerated so much, you need a correct diagnosis and treatment for the future.

I hope you can arrange some practical help for you and your daughter and that your GP can identify the correct treatment for you for the future.

Wishing you well and sending hugs.

K.

[debbyx]

Thank you for all your replies. It really does help and means a lot. Unfortunately the area that I live in there is very little help for mental health problems. The GP is absolutely brilliant with my daughter for the physical side of things but unfortunately when it comes to mental health his hands are tied and he can just keep referring her to different organisations. We go on waiting list for 18 months at a time Just to have 6  sessions and then we have to go back on the waiting list again it’s just a vicious circle and it’s ridiculous.

I think for the menopause and mental health side I will have to go private

[CLKD]

My GP has always been supportive of my mental health since 1988.  He has referred me to various therapy sessions etc. which has sometimes helped, remaining in the background all the while.

Could your GP ask for a psychiatrist to visit your Daughter at home ?  Is there an out-reach mental health team?  Waiting lists haven't improved despite the various 'governments' suggesting otherwise, in the 1990s I waited 18 months 4 an appt to a therapist and the Dept rang to C whether I still required it!?!?!  I said yes but I knew more about my illness than she could give advice for 

Patients also have access to services outside their health authority area so that may B worth asking your GP about.

[Jules]

Hi Debbie. Does your area have any support for your daughter? If your daughter had some help it would alleviate pressure on you. I used to teach art on a local authority scheme for people with poor mental health and had a couple of young women over the time, who hadn't been out of the house for years. They were supported by someone from social care or the community mental health service I think. May even have been a charity.  You can't carry on as you are. All I can say is that usually bad times pass. It's just a case of how you reach the other side. Just a small change at first is a start. I also have a son who had depression and panic attacks. I had to single handedly pursue the services and doctor to get his treatment, but, he is now at work, been promoted and has a responsible job and his own house. Believe that things can turn around with the right help. It sometimes helps to make a little plan to tick off as tackling the whole situation is too overwhelming.  Try https://mindsmatteruk.co.uk/about-us/ and https://www.mhm.org.uk/ for information about support