Menopause Discussion > Personal Experiences
At my wit’s end
Kazzabetty:
Hello. This is my first post here. I’m 46.
I am at my wits end. I can’t cope with this anymore. I’m just a shell of my former self.
My partner doesn’t understand, despite my repeated attempts to explain to him. I cry all the time and he looks at me like he hates me, like I’m an inconvenience. He won’t read up, saying he’s well aware of everything and doesn’t he just know about menopause… I feel like he’s punishing me for going through this and messing up his plans which just makes me hate myself even more. He says that he can’t believe all this is just because of the perimenopause and keeps asking about my mental health before I met him, as though that’s what is wrong with me. He says I need to try harder.
I totally understand how frustrating it must be for him. How can I explain to him, without turning into a pathetic blubbering mess, that I need him to be kinder to me and to hug me rather than berate me?
I left my job in May as I couldn’t cope. I didn’t know at the time that it was most likely perimenopause making me feel that way. I have no friends and am very isolated. My anxiety stops me going out.
What a mess. I’m on hrt, just been increased to 100mcg Evorel but no improvements yet.
Sorry for the long first post and thank-you for reading it, if you did x
bombsh3ll:
Sorry you're dealing with this, especially with an unempathetic manchild. That can only be adding to your distress.
I wonder if he'd think "trying harder" was the answer if something happened to his testicles!
Menopause is a design flaw, not a character flaw FFS!
Anyway you are in good company here and there are a tribe of women experiencing similar, who can at least make you feel not alone.
I would recommend being assertive in pursuit of optimal treatment given your age and the impact this is having on you.
CLKD:
He needs a :kick: No man 'knows all about menopause' even when they have read up. It shouldn't be frustrating for him as he isn't suffering the hormonal upheavals. He would be out of my front door, bags behind him and locks changed! How is he with regards other issues that couples might face? Is it always about him?
How long have U been together? How long have U been using HRT? It may take a few months and several changes of dose to find something that helps. What were your periods doing B4 U decided to try a regime?
Anxiety floors me. My GP has prescribed various medications since 1988 all have helped. Who is over-seeing your HRT?
Time to have that talk. Never assume that any1 hates you, that may well be guilt ! Sit him down and ask what he wants to do about the situation that you are BOTH in. Tell him that if he knows all about menopause then he should know enough to make an app with your GP, for a discussion as to how he can 'help you further'. Also explain that many relationships break up because of hormonal upheaval and is this what he would like?
I am angry that U R having to worry about his reactions when U have perimenopausal symptoms. How much is your anxiety isolating you or how much does he control what you do etc..
:welcomemm: some find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary of use to chart progress and to remind us when we have a better days.
Kazzabetty:
Hi CLKD,
Thanks so much for your reply.
We’ve argued a lot lately. The latest one was about him making a decision that affects us both without talking to me first (swapping the night he has his daughter).
When I challenged him about it he straight away said I was selfish.
Then he stated that he was making a decision for his daughter and that was that. I told him I thought it was unfair to make the decision without discussing it and he just flew off the handle. It was all my fault for challenging him… He told me he was going to kill himself, I feel to detract from his original behaviour.
I am aware I’ve completely gone off on a tangent here but this is what has started my latest feelings of very, very low self-worth. It feels like it’s always about him, yes. If I say I feel a certain way, his reply will be that he feels it too. He will tell me that it’s not all about me, that I’m ‘playing the victim’. If I try to defend myself he talks over me, says I’m being aggressive. Then he will bring something up that he’s done in the past to help me… Usually not how I remember them!!! So I break down and cry. And feel like shit for days. I don’t know if I’m like this because of perimenopause or because of him.
I know I’m very low lately and I do understand how hard this is for him to deal with. But surely I deserve a bit of compassion? All’s I seem to get is belittlement, looks of disdain, silent treatment, accusations of affairs… The list goes on. I never really go out and I have no-one to talk to about this.
I’ve been on HRT since October but haven’t felt any benefit yet. I’m so scared that it won’t help me and that I’ll feel like this forever
--- Quote from: CLKD on February 16, 2025, 04:49:02 PM ---He needs a :kick: No man 'knows all about menopause' even when they have read up. It shouldn't be frustrating for him as he isn't suffering the hormonal upheavals. He would be out of my front door, bags behind him and locks changed! How is he with regards other issues that couples might face? Is it always about him?
How long have U been together? How long have U been using HRT? It may take a few months and several changes of dose to find something that helps. What were your periods doing B4 U decided to try a regime?
Anxiety floors me. My GP has prescribed various medications since 1988 all have helped. Who is over-seeing your HRT?
Time to have that talk. Never assume that any1 hates you, that may well be guilt ! Sit him down and ask what he wants to do about the situation that you are BOTH in. Tell him that if he knows all about menopause then he should know enough to make an app with your GP, for a discussion as to how he can 'help you further'. Also explain that many relationships break up because of hormonal upheaval and is this what he would like?
I am angry that U R having to worry about his reactions when U have perimenopausal symptoms. How much is your anxiety isolating you or how much does he control what you do etc..
:welcomemm: some find that keeping a mood/food/symptom diary of use to chart progress and to remind us when we have a better days.
--- End quote ---
Kazzabetty:
Thanks for your reply bombsh3ll. It certainly feels good to know I’m in good company 😊
--- Quote from: bombsh3ll on February 16, 2025, 04:45:03 PM ---Sorry you're dealing with this, especially with an unempathetic manchild. That can only be adding to your distress.
I wonder if he'd think "trying harder" was the answer if something happened to his testicles!
Menopause is a design flaw, not a character flaw FFS!
Anyway you are in good company here and there are a tribe of women experiencing similar, who can at least make you feel not alone.
I would recommend being assertive in pursuit of optimal treatment given your age and the impact this is having on you.
--- End quote ---
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