Menopause Humour > The funny side of menopause

THERE IS A STRANGE WOMAN IN MY HOUSE!

(1/137) > >>

CLKD:
A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was.

She is very clever. She manages to keep out of sight for the most of the time, but whenever I passed by a mirror, I caught a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror directly, to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing and completely bliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is not very courteous yet she insist on being rude.

I have tried screaming at her to stop it, but she just screams back, even grimacing horribly. She is really quite frightening!

She insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay a little rent. But, NO! Every once in a while I do find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but that is not nearly enough.

In fact, I do not want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the Automated Teller Machine and withdraw one hundred dollars and a few days later it was all gone. I certainly do not spend money that fast, hence I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.

You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkle cream. God knows she needs it! And money isn't the only thing I think she is taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate too. Especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies and candy. I just cannot seem to keep those stuffs in the house any more. She must really have a sweet tooth, but she better watch it because she is really packing on the pounds! I think she realizes that and too make herself feel better she is tampering with my scale to make me think that I am putting on weight too.

For an old lady, she really is quite childish though. She like to play these really nasty games like going into my closets when I am not at home and altering my clothes so that they don't fit, or messing with my files and papers so that I can't find them when I need it. This is particularly annoying since I am an extremely neat and organized person. She fiddles with my VCR to make it not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed it to record.

She has found imaginative other ways to annoy me. She gets to my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and somehow blurs the print so badly that I can't see it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio and telephone so that all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She had done other things like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Further more, she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids making it almost impossible for me to open them. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?

I don't even get any respite at night because more than once her snoring has awakened me. It is very unattractive! And as if that weren't bad enough, she is no longer confining her tactics to the house. She has found a way to sneak into my car and follow me everywhere I go. She has completely taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she tries on the exact outfit and stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in the outfit and plus she keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my drivers license picture taken and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me!! Who is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me?

She is walking on very thin ice now and if she keeps this up, I swear I will have her put away! But then, on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be too hasty. I think I will check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent. Oh, oh, I wonder if she has beat me to that first because she is always on my computer too.

*SIGH*.......what's a body to do????
"Pass this old lady along to your friends who have entered into the 50th zone. Remember, you can't fight it so you may as well make fun of it!"

Joyce:
She's been to mine too!  What do you think we should do?   :o :o

sandie w:
CKLD,

i just found her looking in my mirror too, she seems to be getting around a bit.

 :boobs:

Sandie xx

terriw:
She gets about doesn't she? Today she stuck her face in front of my mirror..talk about wrinkles, chin whiskers, greying hair......what a sight. I don't need that first thing in the morning!

viv:
She has reached Scotland. I have seen her in shop windows. Help I dont like her. She looks like my mother.



Viv  :-\

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page