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[honeybun]

It's my mother again.

I was chucked out of her house this morning. It was awful and my hubby is furious.

My niece is getting married and my mother dislikes her.....yes her granddaughter....intensely. She is adopted and her and my mother have never been close.
I have refused to listen to the horrible vile things my mother has been saying and the upshot is I was told to get out today.
I am not terribly close to my niece but we get on well when we meet up.
I don't agree with what's being said and that it would seem is a gigantic fault.

I have told my sister if she can't sort it out I will not go back.
My anxiety goes through the roof and by the time I get back home I am totally exhausted. I just can't cope with this level of bitterness over something that really has nothing to do with me.

Sad and fed up that it has come to this and at a loss how to move forward this time.


Honeyb
x

[Limpy]

Honeyb - It must have been horrible for you.

I thought your sister was about to go on holiday, does she know what has happened, will she get chance to speak to your mum?

Did your hubby get to speak to her at all? - that may get her to think about what she says.

The thing is your mother threw you out of the house, does this not make it a bit easier to say enough is enough?

Sorry I can't think of anything to suggest - only raise questions.

Really hope your day improves -  lots of hugs.


     

[Rowan]

So sorry HB I think there is a time when enough is enough, but you must move forward, you and your own family come first. I would keep away and let things die down.

I don't talk much about personal stuff in my life, but some things have come to the fore and made me think too that enough is enough, by coincidence once again this appeared on my FB today, not sure if you will be able to open it but it is very relevant. 

http://theunboundedspirit.com/addicted-to-helping-why-we-need-to-stop-trying-to-fix-people/

[thorntrees]

So sorry to hear about your upset Honeybun. My Mother was very difficult in her last few years, she said some awful things about my husband and is was very hard to take. I too could never do anything  right when I was with her and she was constantly on the phone complaining that she couldn't cope. She seemed so ungrateful for the help she got and I used to wonder what my late Father would have thought about the way she behaved. I can't offer you any advice but just wanted to say I am thinking of you and can understand a little how upset you must feel just now.

Hugs, Thorntrees.

[bramble]

 

[babyjane]

sending you kind wishes and soothing thoughts.  I won't offer any opinion as I have not been here long enough to earn the right but I hope you soon feel a bit better xx

[Rowan]

babyjane you don't have to earn the right to offer opinions and I am sure HB would say the same thing 

[babyjane]

perhaps I worded it wrong. I do not know honeybun yet, or her situation with her mother so don't feel entitled to comment on it.

But I did read the link you provided silverlady, and I saw a lot of myself in it. I am a 'Mrs Fixit' to my own detriment due to not having a very high self esteem.

[honeybun]

My sis goes on holiday next Saurday.
I did not tell her the vile things that were said about her daughter initially. She then called mother who pulled the poor little old lady bit. My sister called me back and basically said she was not getting involved. I was so angry and felt my sis thought I was fussing about nothing ......so I told her just one of the things that had been said.

Think I may well have set a large cat amongst the pigeons but it's well time she realised the extent of what I am having to cope with.

I am going to stay away for a while I think. Mothers needs to know she has gone too far this time.

I won't let hubby get involved. Things would be said that could never be forgiven.

I do know she is a very old woman but.....


Comment all you like BJ cause for the life of me I don't know how to manage this one.


Honeyb
x

[purplenanny]

I cannot imagine how awful you must be feeling HB
You do so much for your Mum. She definitely needs to realise how her attitude and nasty talk of others is affecting you.
Perhaps distance is the best way at the moment. Your sister should know what was said, nothing wrong with that. Not fair for you to take the brunt of this.
Concentrate on you and your family,  they are the important ones in your life
Sending you big hugs. PN x

[babyjane]

Honeybun all I will say is that from the bits I have read your mother sounds rather like my late paternal grandmother who had a narcissistic personality and other mental issues. She could be very spiteful and frighteningly cruel especially when things were not about her, and blew hot and cold, turning on the martyred charm when it suited her.
My father died before his mother and mum was left with my grandmother's welfare to see to, a bit like you and your mother I imagine. Fortunately she had to go into a home and the matron and staff saw first hand her treatment of people and the way she was, and mum was persuaded to stop visiting for her own health. She just used to take new underwear when required and hand it in at the door. After my grandmother died my mother looked years younger.
 I wanted to say that I understand what it can be like to deal with someone like this, and you really cannot win with them, ever.
Take care of you, Honeybun. If you are looking for your mother's approval I very much doubt she will give it to you if she is like my grandmother as they are unable to look beyond themselves.  BJ xx

[Taz2]

Sorry to read this Honeyb. What a horrible thing to happen. I'm not defending your mum as I know that she has been difficult for all of your life but didn't you mention some time back that she was in the early stages of dementia? It could be that this is taking more of a hold on her so that she is even less restrained than before.

It's time, I think, to get in professional carers for her and for you to step back and get on with your life and do things for you.

Taz x

[Kathleen]

Hello honeybun.
I just wanted to send my best wishes to you. My mother in law is 87 and very difficult so I have a little understanding of your situation.

Take care of yourself.

K.

[honeybun]

I really don't know if it's dementia or not Taz. It's never been mentioned to a doctor at any point. I just put her inability to take in some facts and her poor memory down to that.
Her hearing is not great either so she sometimes misses picking up things.

I have put my care of her on a more casual basis over the last six months or so. I don't know who else we could get in for her to be honest and I would feel as if I was dumping the lot on my sister's shoulders. I am firmly between a rock and a hard place.
I would just curl up and die if my sister walked away and left me to it.

Perhaps, finally she will understand that if she was just a little bit nice things would be so much better for all of us.

She has always been like this only now it's X100.


Honeyb
x

[babyjane]

Dear Honeybun, she may not be capable of understanding that she is not being nice. In her world she could think that it is everyone else who is wrong and there is no reasoning when they are like that.

This is what I mean by not knowing your situation or your mother so I am trying to be careful but you could try and reason with my grandmother until you were blue in the face and she just couldn't, or wouldn't see it.

My very best wishes to you.