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[Ju Ju]

Well I've got her a bottle of wine for Mother's Day! Will that count? She can't indulge in chocolate, but will have a glass of wine with Dad with lunch at the weekends, when she's ok. Actually, they don't seem to drink enough. I drink far more and even their mugs are small. They refuse drinks when I put the kettle on. I don't think they have ever drunk a lot.

[CLKD]

Where on Earth do you live?  Social Services will do a free assessment of needs which should be your first call.  There are a shortage of care homes across the UK due to Government insistence on various alterations to properties etc. a few years ago causing privately owned places to shut.  Also, due to Quality Control finding that people are being abused, left in wet beds, not given enough to drink or the places being under-staffed, it may be in your area that this is the option available now.  To have extra carers at home. 

There are Companies that provide day and night care, I did post a Link I think ……. which is paid for. Or is there an ex-Nurse who could stay with your Dad over-night?

This is the reason for bed blocking.  Not enough 'care Homes 

[CLKD]

Tiggergirl 

how's your parents Ju Ju?

[Ju Ju]

  Stellajane. It is such a worry isn't it?

CLKD, Mum's ok at the moment. My parents are planning to come here on Monday. I would go there, but while dad can still drive, they like to come here as a day out.

They had great excitement the other night. They in a once quiet, pleasant cul de sac of privately owned houses. On one side of them are the neighbours from hell. The house has been divided into bedsits, though not a very large house. Problems have been ongoing for years. Noise, loud arguments, swearing,  rubbish strewn on the property and along the road, people coming and going at all hours of the day and night, possibly drug dealing. The police have been regular visitors, police raid, arrests, meetings with the council..... It's been a long saga. A week or so ago mum and dad were interviewed by a very nice young policeman, gathering evidence from everyone in the road. Then a few nights ago, the police arrived again with spotlights, cctv camera etc. The house has been searched thoroughly again, this time with a dog, then the closed down for 3 months. Neighbours have been instructed to ring 999 if anyone tries to enter the house. The hope is the owner will sell, not that he would get a lot for the house as it is in such a poor condition. Ripe for redevelopment and investment. Here's hoping! Well mum and dad had no need for the TVs that night!

[babyjane]

my late MIL laid in the same bed in the same room looking at the same walls for 2 years and her mind was totally intact.  If it had not been for her friends and family making sure someone went in every day, twice a day sometimes, she would have had only the overworked, hard pressed, mostly foreign staff for company and they couldn't loiter in her room, although they often did as she was such a lovely lady and they liked chatting to her as most of the residents didn't know which way was up.

[Pennyfarthing]

Just back from taking my Mum out shopping, lunch etc.  I am quite tired.  She enjoyed it she said and we sat and watched people while we had lunch which she loves doing!

She always waits until just as I'm leaving then she will bring up something she wanted doing. Today it was a planter to swap over  on Dads grave.  I said "I'm coming over on Fri to take you shopping and get your hair done so we'll do it then. Unless of course you ask one of the others (meaning my 2 brothers) to do it."  She gave me a look just like Father Dougal (on Father Ted) and didn't speak for a minute. Then she said "oh I'd rather you and I did it because if I ask anybody else then I don't get to go and see it." 

I said "well why don't you just ask one of them to TAKE YOU to the churchyard.?"   

I Live about 10 miles away and they both live about 3 miles from her!!

[babyjane]

that's the difference between daughters and sons.  our daughter sees what might be needed and uses her initiative whilst our son will do anything you ask but you have to ask 

[limpy]

PF - Perhaps you should ring your brothers and ask/tell them to help.
I know you will have to give precise details but it could save you a drive.
Oh and it might prod them into thinking a bit about what your Mum needs.

[CLKD]

StellaJane - Hospitals aren't much better sadly  .  I could write a book.  Surfice to say that I have seen bell cords out of reach of patients = messy beds followed by the Consultant berating the 92 year old man for soiling his sheets.  Himself had to fetch a Nurse to help this particular man when his bell wasn't answered.  The Nurses were talking at the Nurses' Station and scattered when Himself appeared to ask for help.  'protected meal times' - that was so that family/visitors couldn't see that the food trays were placed where patients were unable to reach and patients who couldn't feed themselves went hungry.  Trays were removed without the Nurses asking why food hadn't been touched.  Don't get me started on the 'caring' profession   

I fed this particular man a couple of times, a Nurse appeared and began to bleat on about 'protected meal times' so I pulled rank! she scuttled away.  He cried ……….

Trouble is when our wrinklies age so does their Peer Group so there are less friends to visit.    ……. and with a mobile society less relatives are available.

Glad your parents have had some excitement, better than East Enders etc. ;-)

[Pennyfarthing]

PF - Perhaps you should ring your brothers and ask/tell them to help.
I know you will have to give precise details but it could save you a drive.
Oh and it might prod them into thinking a bit about what your Mum needs.

No point Limpy.  One just grunts and the other won't speak to me. Families hey?

[CLKD]

Sadly though they will be in at the end ……..

[CLKD]

Sadly this was in a Ward of 'well' patients apart from them having fallen and sustained injury.  They were all capable of feeding themselves but the neglect in not placing the trays so that they could reach was criminal.  It took me to suggest that I contact my Journalist Friend from the Daily Telegraph for the Staff to see that actually, I was serious!

[SadLynda]

After years of trying I finally got my Dad to agree to visit Age UK last week to see what help they can get.  This is because their boiler is on its way out and they cant afford another.  We now have 2 lots of lovely people coming out to help them and finally get them what they are entitled.  Hopefully they will now get their pension credits sorted out, some sort of carers allowance, and a new boiler.  My Dad is getting frailer and is now admitting he needs help in the house so DH has been round to do what needs doing too.  We have been trying to give them more help for a long time and they are now accepting it.

[CLKD]

That's good news SL …….

[SadLynda]

That just jogged my memory SL.  Once my mum became entitled to Attendance Allowance it opened the floodgates.  She had a brand new boiler, handrails fitted to front and back doors, a bath seat, and a handrail in the bathroom, plus the offer of indoor and outdoor walking frames, a wheeled trolley to put her meals on to wheel from kitchen to living room etc etc etc.  Attendance Allowance is definitely the key!

Thanks Stellajane, that does sound promising.  Thanks also to Sparkle and CLKD