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[CLKD]

When late M in L had rough people living next door in Council accommodation she would complain to us about the times the woman living there got hit by the partner but she refused to call the Police - she didn't want to be involved  . Even though she stood at the window behind the nets watching …………

However, by ignoring the situation she was involved because she was enabling the abuse to continue.  She was worried that he would start on her ………… B in L is an ex copper and refused to give her advice or do any contacting himself to alleviate the situation.  Eventually I phoned her local Council and explained how upset M in L was each time the girl appeared black and blue out of the ground-floor window and within 2 weeks they were moved  .  I never told M in L that I had phoned ……… by not phoning I was putting this girl's life at risk  and I could not stand by and let it happen.

I did tell B in L when the subject arose pointing out that he could so easily have picked up the phone ………. and making sure that he was aware of the statistics at the time 

Police can now prosecute an abuser without the woman/man giving Evidence in Court, it is enough that the Police have been called to assist.

Apparently my elderly relative is busy over New Year, she's out to celebrate with friends, plans a lay in on 1st until mid-morning and then has 'things' to do 

[SadLynda]

The change of handwriting in elderly people has been researched quite a lot. I became interested in it when my mum, who wrote lots of poems and magazine articles by hand, found it increasingly difficult to organise her handwriting. Letters began to be larger or smaller within a word. She found this frustrating. There is interesting info here about the brain and handwriting if anyone is interested http://www.dana.org/Cerebrum/Default.aspx?id=39304. 

Taz x

That was a fascinating article Taz, thanks for sharing that one.

[Pennyfarthing]

Had some good news yesterday.

Mum and Dad live in a nice road, with some lovely neighbours around. They have lived there since 1958. However, on one side they have the neighbours from hell. The house is divided into bed sits, despite the fact there are only 2 bedrooms and a box room. The occupants come and go and the behaviour is anti social; shouting, swearing, arguing, loud music, rubbish strewn around and people regularly visiting allegedly buying drugs. Dad can't park his car in the drive as they block him in. This all goes on night and day. Mum and Dad consider their loss of hearing a blessing under the circumstances. Police are regular visitors and earlier this year, there was a police raid and several arrests were made and evidence removed. ( Mum didn't need to watch tv that day!) The police went round to all the neighbours gathering any info. But still the problems continue. There was a meeting with the police and council and they were told little could be done, but that any complaints should be forwarded to them so they could build a case.

 Some of  the neighbours went to see the local MP and now the landlord has been given a court order to sell up, evict the tenants within 2 months. Hooray!

Why is it so difficult to do anything about situations like this, when the behaviour of a few makes such a negative impact on so many? But at long last something is being done and a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Maybe Mum and Dad can sit outside in their garden next summer! The house will be cheap as it is poor condition.

Great news!  It is so unfair that things like this area allowed to ruin other people's lives.

We have some weird neighbours.  We live down a tiny, quiet lane in a rural area.  They've been renting it for about 2 years now.  Prior to that a family lived there, hubby died, wife remarried and sold it and the new buyers are renting it out.  The owners are what my Dad would have called "all talk"    They came round here telling us what they were planning to do to it, how they were going to re shingle outside, paint the house, get lovely tenants etc etc. and they've done nothing. 

It has gone SO downhill over the 2 yrs and looks a mess. the tenants are a young unemployed couple who never open the curtains, ever!  You hardly ever see them outside maybe about 3pm she will come out in her pyjamas and let the dog do a wee.  They have had a baby about 3 months ago and they never take it out in the daytime, but hubby did meet them one night about 9pm when it was cold and damp and they were walking it in the buggy in the dark!!  They seem to sit indoors all the time watching TV with the curtains shut and getting their shopping delivered by Tesco.

[Ju Ju]

Cannabis farm? It happened in our village about 10 years ago ……………

No, we did joke about that. But I doubt it. Too many people living there. And the lofts are tiny. DH was involved in a cannisbas farm trial. ( in an official capacity, I assure you!!) so we know a bit about how they are run, plus the place has been searched thoroughly by the police. They would not have been allowed to return under those circumstances.

We did live opposite a house once, where there were strange goings on, house though newish, run down, lots of shouting and swearing in posh accents, which I found hilarious. Eventually, I heard the man, a solicitor, was arrested, convicted and sent to prison, though what for I don't know. Then I watched the bailiffs come and change the locks and all the disruption when the woman came home. The house had to be fumigated before being sold after being repossessed. We had nice neighbours after that. It was a relief as we knew we had to move. We would have lost money, even if we could have sold our house. Who would pay the going rate to live opposite that?

Life here is rather boring..... I think I like boring!

[CLKD]

The Police around here go over the County with a special camera shown from a helicopter so we always know when there's likely to be a raid 

[Dulciana]

Does anyone else feel like this?   When I'm with my Dad, I'm anxious but aware of him and his needs.   When I'm out, doing something for myself, I'm absorbed in that thing and don't particularly think about Dad.   But as soon as I'm back home, relaxing, I start getting all agitated, thinking about him, hoping he's not feeling lonely, or x,y or z.  I feel guilty that I'm not with him and I feel I can't/have no right to completely relax in my own house.   Then that horrible little gremlin, Resentment, starts creeping in -  his independence, his activity and therefore his vulnerability; my being his only offspring living near him - and the tears start.   I am freakish, a bad daughter?      Sorry, just wanted to share this  -  safety net, you know...........

[CLKD]

It is what it is.  You are not a bad anything.  We find ourselves in these situations because we live further away from our families.  In another country sometimes!  Even if I lived closer to my Mum she is so busy I would still need to make an appt. to visit 

Do you ask him or would you get the "I'm OK, not lonely, plenty to do" answer?  Once I've driven away from my Mum's she's out of my head, she has a good network of friends and her Church/Chapel …….. there is nothing I can do from this distance!

You have every 'right' to relax in your home.  Remind me - does he have visitors, does he get out and about ……… AgeUK have good booklets on how to help our wrinklies etc., might be worth you having a look-see?

[Ju Ju]

Would your Dad want you to be worrying about him all the time?

My Mum's parting comment to me the other day was "Oh we do worry about you." Does this make me feel happy? Cared for? No, it's makes me feel responsible for their feelings.

 You need to enjoy your life, relax and do things for yourself. Then when you see your Dad, you are more able to deal with whatever comes up. And forgive yourself for having resentful feelings.

 After spending Boxing Day with my parents, I felt resentful that I am still having to deal with my Mum at my age and on my own as my sister died. Am I a bad daughter? No! They are just feelings. They pass. And more importantly I don't act on them.

[CLKD]

What do they worry about Ju Ju, have you asked them?  It might be a reflex action from way back  .  Or is it a way of saying 'I love you'? 

[Ju Ju]

Mum has always overprotected me. An extreme example is that while they paid for my sister to have driving lessons, Mum insisted I was too 'dreamy' and would have an accident, kill myself or someone else. She didn't learn to drive herself. Maybe this was because I was a sickly child and had learning difficulties at school (hindsight - aspects of dyslexia). She was a good mother when I was ill, but not when I was well.

[Cassie]

Having an unplesant spell with my mum, she has always been extremely independant and proud and has now at almost 90 yrs old developed bowel incontinence does anyone have any experience with this its really awful for the whole family....

[Jenna]

Having an unplesant spell with my mum, she has always been extremely independant and proud and has now at almost 90 yrs old developed bowel incontinence does anyone have any experience with this its really awful for the whole family....

Sorry to hear this Cassie. I would ask her GP to arrange a visit from a Continence Nurse who will be able to discuss matters with her, give advice and sort out what she need re continence pads (provided by the NHS) etc.,

[CLKD]

My suggestion too Cassie ………… also, there are bed protectors - maybe visit a mobility shop? - and I believe that some LAs will fund any extra laundry needs. 

In case there is some underlying cause a GP should be consulted too.  It may be lax muscles which may require a tightening operation ………… so chatting with a Professional is important.  Is this at night or in the day as well?  Has Mum altered her diet i.e. too much rich food recently?

[Ju Ju]

My Mum has bouts of this problem. She uses incontinent sheets and when things are bad, a commode by her bed. She doesn't suffer from obvious dementia, but doesn't always work out solutions to issues. For eg., she was worried about having an accident when going to a hospital appointment. I suggested wearing incontinence pads or pants ( already had some of course). She hadn't thought of that! It's not easy being scrupulous when you are old, frail and ill. So difficult.

[Cassie]

Thankyou ladies just waiting to get through the silly season then will get her seen to. I purchased some protective pull up diaper type water proof pants for her, she is very much withit in all other aspects and very embarrassed. It seems to be semi permanent no matter what she eats and has started up about 3 weeks ago after a spell in hosp for a UTI....wishing you all a very enjoyable new years eve.