Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[purplenanny]

Sorry to hear your news groundhog. You are having a difficult time and have some hard decisions.

I have no experience of what aftercare is available but I see the other ladies are helping with this. Many years ago my MIL needed care and I wanted to have her with us. Hubby said no as he was worried that as time went by, her health was only going to get worse and at the time we had 2 young children. We would then have to make such a more difficult decision having cared at home for her.  We searched for the best home we could find and she spent many comfortable years there. Her care needs did increase and we could not have coped.

From what you have said and hopefully the care that may be available, I think to stay in her own home would be best. Then her sisters can visit and she won't feel isolated. I also agree with Taz - ask for all the help you can

You are asking too much of yourself to have her home with you. You have your own care needs and you have given up work for you to take things easier, not take on more. How would you manage after your operation? OH would have a lot to cope with. We do get set in our ways and this would be a huge change for all of you. Have you been able to discuss with your Mum or is she still too poorly?

I know it is easy to say but please try not to feel guilty, it won't help you in making your decision. Have you chatted to your Aunts about it? You do need support in this

Thinking of you. Purplenanny x x

[flushtered]

Hi groundhog

I don't think you could have her living with you due to your upcoming op, health issues and if her health worsens.  Re- overnight help, I think there are some agencies that have carers that do sleepovers - but don't know about the costing or if she'd be able to claim benefits to help with cost.  Or would she accept going into a care home?  That may seem an expensive option at first thought, but then she would not be paying rent, council tax, food shopping, bills etc so it might work out fairly evenly.  As everyone has said about the hospital though, they should arrange something even if only temporary to begin with.  Hope it all works out.

[CLKD]

Ask for a social worker to be appointed.  Speak to her GP before she comes out of Hospital to find out what is available, i.e. District Nurse care.  Do a 'goggle' for social care, care in the home, lookin the adverts pages of magazines such as "The Lady" etc..  Don't take on too much too soon!  Our elderlies need to be able to maintain their independance for as long as is possible and finidng life difficult at home might mean that they decide on a care home themselves rather than feeling that they are 'bullied' into it.

[san]

The attendance allowance should help with the cost of a carer. Does she get this? If she needs over night care then apply for the highest amount. That also helps with cost if she were to go into residential care for a time. Maybe if she needs a further assessment of needs.
Speak to social services and ask for a assessment of need. I'm sure there is another way of helping your mum and having peace of mind without her coming to live with you.

[CLKD]

I was in AgeUK Charity shop today and there are loads of helpful leaflets.  Do you have an AgeUK close by, if not send me a PM and I'll talk to you ............

Don't have her home initially !  Let the NHS etc. do the 'work' they have been paid to do  .  I was surprised at homemuch help Mum got for her man friend in the last few months, even though they are both high 'earners'.

[Bette]

F-i=l is going downhill pretty fast. He has chronic COPD and various other problems. M-i-l had a fall a couple of weeks ago but that proved to be almost a blessing in disguise as she only bruised herself but as she spent a couple of nights in hospital being checked over, social services arranged for 4 carers a day and we've managed to persuade them to keep up with that (p-i-l I mean, not SS!) He's now had a catheter fitted which is making life simpler and a hospital bed is being delivered tomorrow. They're getting plenty of support from gp, nurses, carers etc. but obviously it's very tough on m-i-l. I'm trying to persuade her to let me do the laundry but she finds it hard to give up her independence; we're working on her though!
I've started providing them with a few meals - casseroles, cottage pies etc. - and planned to increase them after they tried "Meals At Home" for a couple of days and didn't like them - "nowhere near as nice as yours." However, when I spoke to her today she said that he's having problems coping with solid food now. The gp has prescribed Fortisip drinks starting tomorrow but m-i-l is talking about tinned soup etc. OH is going over tomorrow so I'm sending some of the soup I freeze for Mum. I've also suggested trying liquidised food which she hadn't thought of.
Has anyone got any other ideas/recipes?
Bette x

[Trey]

I gather your Fortisip is equivalent to our Ensure?  Ensure is quite good and satisfying.  UK has so, so much better care for elderly.  Applesauce and yogurt were favorites of Don's when he could no longer tolerate solids.  And frozen yogurt, ice cream.

[Pennyfarthing]

F-i=l is going downhill pretty fast. He has chronic COPD and various other problems. M-i-l had a fall a couple of weeks ago but that proved to be almost a blessing in disguise as she only bruised herself but as she spent a couple of nights in hospital being checked over, social services arranged for 4 carers a day and we've managed to persuade them to keep up with that (p-i-l I mean, not SS!) He's now had a catheter fitted which is making life simpler and a hospital bed is being delivered tomorrow. They're getting plenty of support from gp, nurses, carers etc. but obviously it's very tough on m-i-l. I'm trying to persuade her to let me do the laundry but she finds it hard to give up her independence; we're working on her though!
I've started providing them with a few meals - casseroles, cottage pies etc. - and planned to increase them after they tried "Meals At Home" for a couple of days and didn't like them - "nowhere near as nice as yours." However, when I spoke to her today she said that he's having problems coping with solid food now. The gp has prescribed Fortisip drinks starting tomorrow but m-i-l is talking about tinned soup etc. OH is going over tomorrow so I'm sending some of the soup I freeze for Mum. I've also suggested trying liquidised food which she hadn't thought of.
Has anyone got any other ideas/recipes?Bette x

Bette - my Dad had cancer of the oesophogus and I used to do him loads of soups and liquidised food.  I also used to do him things like milk jellies, blancmanges etc which slipped down easily.  I used to use Jersey cream in lots of things as it is high in calories to try and keep some weight on him.  He always loved his food and although he got Fortisip on prescription Mum and I used to do a lot ourselves because they had much more taste.

I am almost certain your local library will have books in to help you but also Amazon have several specifically for people with probs swallowing and they deliver very quickly.

"Down Easy" is one and "Soft foods for easier eating cookbook" is another.  Both are for people with probs chewing and swallowing.  Hope this helps.

[Scampi]

My dad died from oesophogeal cancer too, and when he could no longer deal with solid food he enjoyed ready-mode custard pots (Ambrosia, to be precise) and for 'proper' meals he liked the 'soft' diet' selection from Wiltshire Farm Foods (frozen ready meals - my parents both enjoyed them, and Mum still gets them now she's on her own). 

[Bette]

Thanks very much - that's really helpful. M-i-l isn't really a cook and they're not used to what they call "fancy" food so the Wiltshire Farm Foods may well be the way to go; I've just ordered their "Soft Foods" brochure for f-i-l and the main one for m-i-l. I'm planning to make things like egg custards and soup but tbh, they'd probably prefer to order things for themselves. It's a case of trying to find ways to help without interfering too  much.
Bette x

[Bette]

How are things with your Mum, Scampi?
Mum and I can't wait for Xmas to be over; it's such a difficult time for us both and the low mood she's in is making her confusion and memory problems worse. We're hoping that things will improve once she brightens up.
Bette x

[littleminnie]

I've been down this road too Bette with my mum. Besides the suggestions you've had we also did:-
Instant coffee made with milk.
Chocolate buttons because they melt in the mouth.
Used to add cream to soup.
Ice cream that had the highest calorie content. ( we studied them in the supermarket)
She decided she wanted simple foods near the end and one of the things she had was tinned spaghetti with bread crumbs and grated cheese.
LM x

[Bette]

Well, we visited them this morning and thankfully things aren't as bad as m-i-l led me to think; I think she must have been having a low moment, which is fine as she's got a lot to contend with. Apparently, he managed my cottage pie ok and they were planning to have egg and bacon for lunch! They're interested in the brochures, though, so I'll take those over when they arrive.
Bette x

[CLKD]

Mum had her first delivery of Wiltshire Farm Foods on Monday - now she knows what sizes the packs arrive in she can plan her diet from their brochure.

[littleminnie]

How is your mum doing Bette?