Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[CLKD]

For anyone suffering.     I am so apathetic this year about Ch.mas.  Few cards written.  1 decoration found.  Gifts sent to Oz and the US, Mum's are wrapped, labels to be written; DH has to wrap mine from him and vice versa. 

I could go under but don't feel depressed once I'm out of bed.  I wake feeling YUK but once I've eaten and got going, the feeling so far has gone.  But I looked at a packet of parcels we have to take to his brother and my heart sunk  and a flash of anxiety went through me.

Expectations?  Bugga ........ I wish someone would stop the clock or allow me to hibernate  . Does your husband have a form of autism that directs the disassociation?

[Ladybt28]

No defo not autism - its very complicated and takes ages to explain. He's been under a psych for 7 months at a time twice. It is now been described as a dysfunctional coping mechanism which got out of hand!  (bit of an understatement) It first happened about 6 months after we first met 20 years ago and he had come out of a pretty bad marriage. When it happened in the early years it was like living with a complete stranger that I didn't recognise at all. When it was bad I described it once as him being a completely different person and luckily enough my very best friend is a rape counsellor and when I said "its like a completely different person comes and lives with me" said "are you sure there aren't two of them living in there"?  To which I replied "multiple personalities...isn't that just in books" and then followed it up quickly "have you ever counselled anyone with more than one personality"?  to which she replied "no its not just in books and yes I have".  At which point I realised that I probably wasn't off my head in what I had been thinking and that it was a bit serious.  The real scary bit was when my beloved husband "returned" from one of his "episodes" he didn't remember a thing and to be honest there were occasions when he didn't know where he had been or what day it was!

It has caused some traumatic times as we would get the situation when he was working (he works with me now last 14 years - much safer!) but at different firms that he would go to work but not turn up and they would ring me and ask me where he was and I didnt know!! and/or I could'nt find him and when I did he didnt remember what had happened!  In our life together he has "missing memories".  It sounds very bizare.  Luckily as I said nothing bad since 2015.

[CLKD]

His brain shuts off maybe, coping strategy; easy to understand.  Many times I have needed to do so but haven't been able to.

How much does it worry him?  He probably isn't aware of the triggers?  It is understandable that some people disappear with no memory when found.  A complete blank.

[CLKD]

Every morning I wake low.  Almost depressed, fortunately the feelings go once out of bed and at it. 

This too will pass particularly as nights are pulling out  and C.mas is over 

[Dancing Queen]

Yes CLKD the statement "this too will pass" is what I have to keep reminding myself when feeling floored by the fact that my life is not how I want it to be right now...

[CLKD]

'floored' - oh we do come up with some good descriptive words on this Forum.

By mid-morning as long as I eat correctly and don't allow my body to get hungry, I feel a lot better, able to Get On!  PHEW!

[Dancing Queen]

Yes lol...floored😃In my head it means being kicked up the ass with your face down the..well..floor..sums it up! 😃

[CLKD]

Would half a day at a time work for you?  Until you can see the wood for the trees [never worked out what that means exactly  ] : take time to look for snowdrops ? which reminds me ........

[Dancing Queen]

Yes I am trying to train myself to live in the now rather than what might happen next week or next month..mind you looking out at the weather today the now isnt all that appealing! 😒

[CLKD]

It's great here.  But weather when I was severely depressed made not a jot to it.

[CLKD]

When I read this back I can see how far I have travelled.  Not all of it good but with support from a good GP, a loving husband and medication which helps ........

[CLKD]

I remembered 

[NRGEE]

I have suffered with depression since I was 15yrs old  I am now 48 and am currently suffering with another episode of depression. On top of coping with this- I have recently become perimenopausal too. This is causing me to suffer with anxiety and I have had a big panic attack( which I ended up in A and E) . I am on a multitude of antidepressants which have been keeping my mood stable for some of the time. I have a great psychiatrist. I mentioned to him my periods were irregular and I wondered if I was perimenopausal too. He told me to go to my GP. Again my GP is superb. I have been seen v regularly by my GP, CPN and psychiatrist. I have felt suicidal at times and the Samaritans got me through the night ( I live alone). I attended a lecture on the menopause organised through the university where I work voluntarily. It was a consultant in specialising in HRT/menopause who spoke for an hour. People asked questions and she also said she would stay behind to answer questions. It had taken a lot of effort for me to go feeling depressed; but I wanted to learn more about the menopause. I waited until everyone had gone and then went up to speak with her. I immediately broke down and floods of tears. I hadn't expected this at all- or I wouldn't have gone to see her. The Dr was v nice. I explained my circumstances and she said I have a v good GP and she would have put me on the same HRT treatment that he had. She also explained that my recent panic attack and episode of wetting myself are symptoms of the perimenopause. The panic can just come on out of the blue for no reason. It is hard enough trying to cope with chronic depression and the thoughts of more panic attacks and wetting myself scares me. Tonight I am feeling v low and just hope that one of the forum members may reply to my post. For those who may need it- the free phone number for the Samaritans is 116123

[NRGEE]

ps I feel a little better having written the above post

[CLKD]

It is what it is.  I try not to second guess it as I can alter within seconds from being OK to very low.  It can be like wading through treacle.  Add hormonal upheaval and it can become worse.

If oestrogen levels drop then the bladder may lose it's elasticity - maybe wear appropriate pads for the possible wetting scenarios ;-)

Medication really helps me get out of bed !