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Author Topic: Teenage daughter with anxiety  (Read 8624 times)

Salad

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2017, 11:27:43 PM »

Parenting is so hard sometimes - all we ever want is for our children to be happy and when they're not it really hurts.
I am a 'born worrier' and both my children have inherited this tendency. We were lucky in that both of them could talk to us about their anxieties which allowed us to isolate the concern at that time (there's been quite a list).
 A strategy we put in place was to think about what was the very worst thing that could happen which helped them keep perspective and rationalise their feelings. We also talked about how their sensitivity and amazing empathy were strong qualities and that overwhelming gut feeling which caused such unease would also help them decide what was a good thing to do. We also talked through the effect of anxiety on the body and that by facing their fears their anxiety levels would eventually lessen.

When they were very young I came across a book called 'The Highly Sensitive Child' reading it helped a lot of things fall into place.
Keep strong  :bighug:
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Lanie66

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #16 on: February 13, 2017, 07:03:20 AM »

Thank you Salad, your methods are wonderful you sound like really caring parents.  I'll try that, the worst that can happen perpespective, actually now I think about it I did say to my daughter outside school one day, so what if you're sick in the foyer,  people will just think you've got a bug or eaten something dodgy, they won't know it's thru stress.  She understands she has to go in.  The issue about sensitive children you mention is so valid.  I remember her yr 1 teacher telling me she hadn't known such a level of empathy for others worse off than herself in such a young child.  Ill check out that book.  Looking forward to half term. Thanks xx
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nearly50

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #17 on: February 13, 2017, 09:39:04 AM »

The teachers would talk to the whole class about the importance of exams and the need to start working harder - YD would take it personally, despite the fact she was already working hard, and get quite stressed as a result.  I had to explain to her that the teachers were possibly getting exasperated with other pupils who were mucking about, not her. 


this is so common. I have to talk down pupils on a regular basis because a teacher has told the whole class they should be studying more. It really infuriates me.
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Lanie66

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #18 on: February 13, 2017, 11:29:06 AM »

Interesting, Nearly50, I'll ask my daughter later if this is true in her classes.  She's generally in top sets but the standard we've been told this year is outstanding so despite being intelligent she's still a long way off the high achievers, it's got to be an additional pressure though she says it's not. 
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CLKD

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #19 on: February 13, 2017, 01:16:06 PM »

Please remember that the current School Curriculum doesn't do pupils any favours because the Education system is geared towards OFSTED judgements.  This doesn't always accommodate what children actually need in the way of being taught so that they understand what is being offered.  I have a friend who left teaching because of the attitude of Heads of School because they were more worried about OFSTED than about the lack of knowledge children were taking in!


Lanie: "in my own experience" - is this about you or your daughter?  Your experience isn't hers.  If she is pushed into something that she isn't comfortable with then she may walk away completely .......
« Last Edit: February 14, 2017, 12:51:40 PM by CLKD »
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elsie001

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #20 on: February 13, 2017, 02:45:46 PM »

Lanie, my daughter was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and offered a referral for CBT which she's not interested in (unfortunately). Son, 18, however, who also suffers from anxiety, albeit a different form, did take up the opportunity of a referral - We're in Scotland, so it might be different for you, but referrals here are certainly quite complicated.

He started Uni last year, but dropped out after deciding that he'd rather just concentrate on improving his anxiety, rather than try to combine it with studying.  The uni was excellent and he's been guaranteed his place this coming September.  A couple of months after being referred,  he received an online questionnaire called Beating the Blues, which he duly completed.  They've now come back to him and said judging by his answers on Beating the Blues, it's doubtful he will qualify for NHS CBT which is so frustrating - that's 5 months waiting for nothing!  We'll probably now go down the private CBT route as time is now against us if he wants to complete it before trying Uni again.  My friend did this with her daughter a couple of years ago and it was around £40 a session so I hope it's not increased too much since then.
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CLKD

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #21 on: February 13, 2017, 03:00:12 PM »

In 1993/4/5 I paid £75.00 per hour for counselling in a private psychiatric hospital.
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dulciana

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #22 on: February 13, 2017, 04:27:26 PM »

One morning when I was 6, I was doubled up with anxiety-tummy-ache one morning, at the thoughts of going to school.   Don't know why. 
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nearly50

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #23 on: February 13, 2017, 04:53:30 PM »



Lanie: "in my own experience" - is this about you or your daughter?  Your experience isn't hers.  If she is pushed into something that she isn't comfortable with then she may walk away completely ....... with tragic consequences.  This has happened in recent weeks locally: the note left behind told teachers that 'no one was listening, not even my parents who don't understand how ill I feel, how feeling ill means I can't function".  When I am floored with anxiety I could easily walk under a train  :'(

I'm sure you have the best intentions, but I'm really not sure how helpful this is to the OP CLKD.
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Woodlands

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #24 on: February 13, 2017, 05:24:03 PM »

Hello Laimed.
What an awesome mum you are in exploring all options to help your daughter.......
Just a few things that maybe of benefit. ...Young Minds is Web based and has excellent resources. ...
Look at asking school who the school nurse is- they often  do a drop  in sessions or one to one with young people.
Is there perhaps a fragrance that may help? Maybe a favorite perfume or yours - for reassurance on the end of her cuff or a scarf.....to help distract and reassure.
Look at the day in chunks and reflect back.....honey you did so well to getc to break , lunch, etc and afternoons such shorter.
A buddy with pals ...help them to understand your DD needs.
Oh and eat well......good sleeping patterns if achievable. ....and mindfulness exercises......turning into senses, the feel of a nice scarf, soft clothing, what you can hear , see etc....
I speak as a mum ......two had anxiety issues as did I. ...and also in my previous role as an NHS school nurse.
Amazon have a lovely book mindfulness for dummies and small hand held ones too.
Good luck
Woodlands xx
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CLKD

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #25 on: February 13, 2017, 05:58:21 PM »

What I stated is happening to many young people due to various pressures. This is the daughter's feelings not the parents' feelings.

"I wouldnt want to make her different, in my own experience ... "  this isn't the mother's experience though !  and what's wrong with being different, I've never conformed.  Not conforming has never held me back, anxiety however, has done ..... at times anxiety has ruined my Life  :'(
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nearly50

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #26 on: February 13, 2017, 06:05:39 PM »

Childline has a good section on anxiety your daughter might like. Her friends will hopefully be supportive too, with the best will in the world none of us get 100% what it is like to be a teenager now.
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Lanie66

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #27 on: February 13, 2017, 08:00:08 PM »

Thankyou everyone for your replies.  I appreciate everyone has a different history, experience and angle, I've got a more chequered past than most, BUT, please no scare mongering, its not required, nor constructive.  Most of you have everyones best interests at heart, thats why you're on this magnificent forum x
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Lanie66

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #28 on: February 13, 2017, 10:15:15 PM »

Nearly50, Sparkle, Woodlands and Elsie001 thankyou.  I will definitely look into mindfulness for dummies, doubt there'll be any classes in our area however but I'll look. 

Private counselling tends to be around £40 here aswell so if the Mytime counselling looks to be ages away I might have to go for that.  Woodlands, you mentioned being a school nurse, my daughter has an appointment on Wednesday.  She does tend to eat well, i.e. salads, fruit and vegetables aswell as the crap like any teenager.  She doesn't eat much in the morning though as she feels sick, its a viscious circle.  Shes sleeping ok at the minute too.  She does things that make her cosy like nice warm baths, hot water bottles, fluffy robes etc and she gets great comfort from them.  Who doesn't x

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Salad

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Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
« Reply #29 on: February 13, 2017, 10:29:53 PM »

Sounds like she's in good hands  :foryou:
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