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[Maryjane]

Great post.........not so much about HRT and meno persa, but I am almost terrified at the thought of all the down below issues I have never going ( although I am a lot better), and what scares me just as much is the way we are treated by the medical profession, I have been NHS and private on this long road ( more like a maze) , and they just don't understand the meno issues, no doctor joins the dots and we are treated like idiots sometimes.

My biggest fear of all though is getting Alzheimer's and being left in a chair all day, and not being able to communicate that everything down there hurts. My three daughters have been told of my fears, and I wonder how many poor souls are in that predicament and have no one to shout from the roof tops for them.

Also never let them stop local oestrogen, and being without my husband who I met at 15 is equally terrifying.

But I am going to be a Granny in a few weeks so that will keep me busy. Also I must never, ever, ever become like my mother, my Mother-in-law yes that would be great, but not my mother.

[Dancinggirl]

Oh Maryjane - your fears mirror mine exactly.

I would hate for my children to view me as I view my mother - since I came off HRT I simply have no patience with her - she is soooo exasperating. 
I feel dreadful saying that about my mother
DG x

[CLKD]

"my opinion depression is linked to dementia . "  evidence please.  I have suffered depression since 1988.  When depressed my memory is poor, because I am fighting for survival and my brain has no room for stuff.  I have menopause brain too …….. fuzzy, muddled but no way anything like dementia 

I don't see that there is any connection between depression and dementia 

Many older people have slow onset depression which goes un-treated because they don't recognise symptoms so don't visit GPs or it is un-noticed in the 'care' system

[tiger74]

"my opinion depression is linked to dementia . "  evidence please.

Here, here CLKD.  I suppose the poster was only giving their opinion but I also like to see reliable evidence-based information when I read health-related stuff on the internet.

[Winterose]

I'm with Taz2 , biggest worry is Meno without the HRT, also find I dont seem to achieve as much as I used to in a day and Im not short on energy just dont seem to  be so focused which makes me feel a bit disorganised , then I feel anxious.  Agree life is too fast and furious .

[CLKD]

I wonder who funded this bit of ………

"The researchers found no connection between symptoms of depression and the presence of lesions on the brain linked to dementia.

"But they did find that people with the most symptoms of depression at the start of the study were more likely than people with fewer or no symptoms to develop any kind of dementia. What's more, the researchers found that people's depression did not tend to get worse once they were diagnosed with dementia. ………

where these people being treated for depression or suffering with low mood?  How would researchers know if someone's depression got worse after a diagnosis.  I thought that only Alzhemiers could be proven after death via PM 

Depression is chemically based how ever it presents <shrug> ……… dementia is more like a brain 'injury' ……

Thorntrees: why not up the dosage of your AD  - like many chronic conditions depression needs to be managed which may mean that a maintenance dose of AD which is altered as necessary ………. which is how I survive.

[NT]

I'm 45 and as shallow as this may sound ageing scares me. I'm on HRT now but have been peri for at least 4yrs. Before HRT my face started to age dramatically. I hate everything that has come with my peri, the erratic cycle, the hot flushes, the anger, oh! The Anger, the realisation that I sound like my mother when I'm being irrational, being my mother.
The only thing that I don't like about HRT so far is that it hasn't been a magic bullet yet. I'm just 3mths in so tweaking required but I'm still optimistic

[Hattie]

I've always believed the mind has an influence on everything, especially our physical well being.

I agree with this - the feeling of being frightened will also show in some physical way.

Hattie X

[Taz2]

I think that there may be a link between depression and dementia but the other way round. In hindsight my mum's dementia really manifested itself as a bout of uncharacteristic depression. My mum was a bright and bubbly person and she became withdrawn and began to neglect herself about two years before subtle dementia signs began. Anti-depressants didn't work. So, maybe, depression as a first sign of developing dementia in an older person is often missed?

Taz x

[oldsheep]

Anxiety is a real b*gger. It takes all your energy and saps it. I'm wired like that too.
Feeling overwhelmed, so behaviour avoidance to stop feeling overwhelmed, is also something I do. I do push myself a lot though. Moving to London in my late 40s, with no career/job or kids wasn't too easy. I have acquaintances, but my close friends are all abroad and I have no family here. Just me and OH, who I've been with for 34 years (poor man).

I'm very worried that they'll take away my HRT. I was very unwell and totally sleepless without it. I took sleeping pills at a higher dose and they still didn't work. Didn't have hot flushes - had occasional cooler spells! I was angry and mean and cried all the time, and impossible to live with. My M.E and fibro became far worse with lack of sleep.
For me, sleep is key. 6 hours will do. Having to be off all medication that helps me sleep is terrifying.
I take regular exercise to help the way I feel but due to the fibro/M.E can't do nearly as much as I'd like.
OH pushes me to travel, go out to concerts etc which I'm very grateful for.

Wish there was a magic button for anxiety but I'm someone who got up at 8 years of age in the middle of the night to finish my Divinity class picture in case the teacher got cross with me    Both parents v anxious people too.

[GypsyRoseLee]

I am terrified that the anxiety will come back. I am still only in peri menopause, and my physical symptoms were only slight. But it was the anxiety which floored me. The only other time I have felt such overwhelming, generalised anxiety was when I had PND 12 years ago so I KNOW it can only be a hormone related thing.

By nature I am very outgoing, very sociable and independent. I'm the sort of person who is relied on to get any party started. But the sudden on set on the anxiety crippled me and basically changed me into someone else. I became irrationally scared of the dark, I was terrified to be left alone but also very scared of being in a group. Everything, everything, everything made me feel anxious. Some loud music on the radio, a car horn outside, my husband coming home unexpectedly. Just anything really. I was just existing on this horrible knife edge and could only see the world through very scared eyes.

If I had continued in that awful state I don't think I would have bothered to live much longer it was just all too horrible. I can completely understand why people commit suicide now. Eventhough you are surrounded by people who love you, it doesn't make any difference because you feel so horribly bleak inside.

Anti depressants took away the anxiety but I hated being reliant on them, and they made me feel foggy and not my real self. I stopped taking them over 6 weeks ago and the anxiety hasn't come back. But I am terrified it will. My sleeping isn't as good now as it used to be before peri, and I can tell if I get over tired the anxiety is waiting just round the corner.

Most of all I am so frightened of being left alone without my husband. None of the men in his family seem to live much past 65 and I find the thought of living my last 20-30 years without him too dreadful to contemplate (we live a long time in my family). We have been together nearly 30 years and I am still head over heels in love with him, like a soppy teenager sometimes. I just wouldn't know how to live a life without him in it 

[babyjane]

GypsyRoseLee I head you and you do indeed sound frightened. I wish I could say something helpful to reassure you but I can't because none of us can see the future. But you do sound rather like myself when I get on one of my 'what if' downers and they make you feel horrible and unable to see past your own nose.

Anxiety does indeed rob you of your self, like oldsheep has said and affects those around you but I don't know what the answer is. I just didn't want to not respond to your heartfelt post 

[GypsyRoseLee]

SPARKLE what you wrote about 'stop the world I want to get off' really resonated with me.

My life is so much more busy and hectic than either my Mum's or my Grannie's (they both said so many times). I have quite a demanding job and my children are still young enough to require a lot of input and supervision from me. My life just seems such a whirl, and I am constantly listing stuff in my head and trying to keep track of everything and everyone. Luckily I am very organised by nature but my memory is nothing like it was. Not sure if that it due to age or because I have so much more to remember now.

A few months ago my husband and I managed to escape for a few days and rented a little house in the middle of nowhere. It was bliss to not have to remember anything, or taxi anyone anywhere, or have any demands placed on me. I felt re-born and 10 years younger. I got upset when we left and on the way home tried to persuade my husband to basically give up our current lives and reinvent ourselves somewhere quieter, doing different jobs and stepping off the treadmill. He sympathised but pointed out I was being illogical and irrational, which I was. But still it would have been nice.

[GypsyRoseLee]

Thank you for the virtual flowers BabyJane, they are lovely 

I have felt very much back to normal these last 6 weeks, and I am incredibly relieved and so grateful. But, I think that is the curse of experiencing anxiety. Once you have experienced how awful it feels, just the memory of it haunts you for a very long time.

I know my Mum suffered in a very similar way to me when peri, especially with the unexplained anxiety. But she had to have a full hysterectomy at 43 and so her symptoms disappeared overnight. And now she can only barely remember how she suffered, as it never came back. I am just hoping I can be the same as her, and I would happily have a hysterectomy if it guaranteed me the anxiety would never come back.

[Taz2]

I had a hysterectomy in July - anxiety is as bad as ever. I'm not sure that a hysterectomy changes anxiety to be honest unless the anxiety is linked to feeling dreadful because of heavy periods and all that comes with it.

I really sympathise with you Gypsy. In your busy life try to fit in some just-for-you time. It's important. You may not be able to give up your lifestyle and start again but small moments in the day when you can just relax are really helpful.

Taz x