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Menopause Discussion => Other Health Discussion => Topic started by: Lanie66 on February 12, 2017, 10:38:32 AM

Title: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 12, 2017, 10:38:32 AM
Hello there. I'd love some help on this subject if anyone has some advice.  Last month my GCSE age daughter had a meltdown when she saw the school bus approaching her stop and ran home. She rang me at work in floods of tears said she couldn't go to school felt under loads of pressure.  We saw the head of year that day and the school have been fantastic. Either my husband or myself change our working day to take her to school and pick her up (30 - 40 min round trip as we live rurally).  She understands she has to go to school, it'll only become worse if she doesn't.  Her symptoms are nausea and stomach pain, palpitations, heat and sometimes retching.  She'll slso be prone to tears.  She can't articulate the actual cause. She's on a list for counselling but this could be AFTER her GCSEs.  I'm struggling to know how to help her properly and practically.  We've been encouraging more exercise and at weekends has accompanied us on walks.  Yesterday we walked 5 mile round trip with a pub lunch in the middle.  We got in the pub and she suddenly felt anxious and we had to spend some time in the toilets.  I felt powerless to help. We werent at school so unsure why she felt anxious.  The pub was quiet and after she felt better actually enjoyed it.  As a typical teen it's difficult to get advice across, like breathing techniques etc.  I know I'm probably looking too far ahead but I'm worried about how she'll cope in May/June and what her results will be because of it all.  She wants to go to 6th form and is talking about uni. We've seen the Dr and we're all doing the right stuff yet it doesn't seem enough.  She has had a history of tummy ache so it's becoming clear that anxiety in some forms has been there for quite a few years.  I'd love to hear from other parents who've experienced something similar.  Many thanks for reading x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: babyjane on February 12, 2017, 12:17:25 PM
poor girl, what a lovely mum you are she is very fortunate.  I have had anxiety from the age of 9 and I was not so fortunate with my parenting so the anxiety was my constant companion and I soon learned I had to hide it which resulted in OCD and an eating disorder. 

You are parenting your daughter with compassion and understanding and she will do ok.  In the meantime I hope you manage to get her any professional help that she may need.  I only addressed my anxiety after a meltdown 2 years ago, I lived with the effects of it for over 50 years  :(
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 12, 2017, 12:23:14 PM
Thank you Sparkle.  I know it's probably now a lifetime thing and she'll have to manage it herself.  Looking back, no, it's not the first time but recognising it as anxiety is new.  She is shy so we always put things down to that.   She had an incident in primary school when she stopped eating her school dinner because  another kid did someting dusgusting with his nose as he'd a cold.  It made her anxious for weeks, in the lunch hall.  She left shortly after that for 'big' school and was fine thereafter.  Sometimes you just put stuff down to them being kids don't you. x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 12, 2017, 12:34:00 PM
Thanks for the kind words Babyjane means a lot.  Thank goodness you got help, it's never too late and the rest of your life will be better for it.  I can empathise with having poor parents.  I had issues with my mother and only sought help relatively recently.  What a change. I didn't have anxiety, mainly felt criticised all the time and unworthy.  So this is my driver that my children don't feel the way I did and I try to support their need, just sometimes it doesn't feel enough x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Tinkerbell on February 12, 2017, 12:40:11 PM
Is it ok if I message you privately?
I have had similar issues with my daughter although she is a bit younger and may be able to offer some advice.
I have a houseful of guests today so may not manage to message until tomorrow.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: elsie001 on February 12, 2017, 12:51:37 PM
Hi Lanie, I've got three kids aged 21, 18 & 17 and they all suffer from anxiety in varying degrees.  Youngest suffers with panic attacks and feelings of being over-whelmed.  School have been fantastic & she gets to sit her exams in seperate accomodation.  Not on a 1-1 basis but just in a smaller room with some others as going into a big school hall to sit her exams would definitely over-whelm her.

I'm fully supportive of her but I do get a bit frustrated too.  There are things that overwhelm her that are also of her own-doing in my opinion, which can be annoying but I try to bottle my feelings on that - arguing over everything is exhausting!  And I think we're losing the battle with social media.  YD insists it's not a factor in her anxiety but I'm not convinced.  Her GP has been a great help but help in the form of CBT have met with a 'no' which is a shame as I'm sure it would help. 

Son, aged 18, is currently on the waiting list for CBT as he suffers from a form of blushing anxiety.  He started Uni last September but found the pressure too hard so has deferred for a year.

To be honest, I think the majority of teens suffer from some form of anxiety and I think, for girls in particular, social media heaps so much pressure on them - everyone posts about these fake perfect lives their leading. 

You're doing everything you can, Lanie, and well done to you.  I didn't have the best of parents either and when I see my kids suffering, I automatically feel guilty that it's something I might have done, which I'm reassured by them that it's not. 

I do worry about how she will cope beyond school, and the degree she wants to do is incredibly hard to get into - even a B would destroy her chances of getting in.  I can see a rocky couple of months ahead!
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 12, 2017, 01:23:55 PM
"overwhelm her that are also of her own-doing in my opinion" -  >:( :

Let me tell it from a sufferer who had her first panic attack at the age of 3  :'(.  No one ever asked why.  I was diagnosed with anorexia at age 5, B4 it was 'fashionable'.  GP told Mum that I would 'grow out of it' but no one thought to tell me how - I grew to age of 32 and realised that I was now the adult and had a melt down.  My anxiety takes the form of sudden nausea, weak thighs, weak calves and then I'm curled up in a ball.  I had all the pre-school nerves and yes, I was OK once I was there, I also sung in the school choir as well as the local theatre group - because once on stage the anxiety had been re-directed.  But the days/nights leading to an event even now almost destroys me if anxiety sets in.

For me when I fell well I can't remember how it feels to be ill, I know that anxiety makes me feel ill but for me it's physical - so I have often taken on stuff but by the time stuff arrives, I can't do it  :'(.  I have learned by painful means NEVER to say 'yes' to doing something because my worst time if the morning; by mid-afternoon I begin to relax and by evening I'm a different person.  Maybe ask when they feel worse, it's always been mornings for me. 

Anxiety can be caused when the body is hungry so maybe having walked and arrived at the Pub. her body suddenly had a dip which she interprets as anxiety.  Good to leave the situation rather than sitting there, suffering.  My go-to place is always a loo or run to the car.  Himself will finish the shopping and find me later. 

If you are looking as far as May/June your daughter will be too! so ask.  Don't let her think that no one else realises that exam time might be worse, or she may feel better once the days arrive.  I still don't plan any further than half a day at a time.

MIND have walk-in centres.  There are several teen groups where they get together to chat about mental health issues, do find out what is available in your area.  Relaxation therapy can help but it has to be practised.  Walking is good.  Always take small munchies and eat B4 she is hungry! to avoid that dip with nausea = anxiety.

Never assume that you know how these girls might be feeling.  Sometimes I would be in situations and look over my left shoulder for anxiety to strike and it didn't - the more important an event, the more likely I am to panic  :-\

Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: elsie001 on February 12, 2017, 02:34:59 PM
CLKD wrote "overwhelm her that are also of her own-doing in my opinion" -  >:( : you'll be telling her that she will 'grow out of it' next, sadly this will probably be part of her personality for ever.

CLKD - the GP gave my daughter excellent advice, which when she followed, she found her anxiety improved a bit.  Unfortunately, as time went on, bad habits crept back in which have undone the improvements she was seeing.  I was quite upset by your comment and considering the sensitive nature of this thread, I'd ask that you please choose your words more carefully. 

I suffered from anorexia in my early 20's - I was never overweight but there were a lot of things going on in my life that I had no control over, so I chose to control my food intake.  In the beginning, it was also a welcome distraction from the other stuff that was going on but quickly got out of control. 

Lanie, does your daughter's school provide separate rooms for students with anxiety - it might be worth looking into?  I never knew it was an option until I started invigilating at school during exam time to earn myself some extra pennies.  My daughters Guidance Teacher has been very helpful and she liaises with myself and the GP when necessary.

Sounds like you have a very good relationship with your daughter and just knowing that she can be open and honest with you will help with her anxiety.  Sending hugs.  It's horrible knowing our kids are suffering and feeling unable to solve it for them x


Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 12, 2017, 04:45:19 PM
Thanks everyone for your posts really appreciate your thoughts and experiences x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 12, 2017, 05:03:14 PM
Elsie001 thanks, yes my daughter can get 'time out' when she feels the need.  The wierd thing is that when she sits an exam she handles it well.  She originally thought she felt under a lot of pressure from the amount of work and the whole thing materialised after her mocks which she didn't do brilliantly in. So could it be the build up which is obviously going to happen again as we go forward.

I can't fault the school. The GP (actually NP) sympathised but could only recommend breathing, doing more of what she enjoys, exercise and CBT which will be slow coming.  Don't know what else we can do. Like you say it's difficult when we cant solve it for them. 

I don't know how long we can sustain taking her to school.  Someone earlier in the thread said we should keep asking how she feels about exams, anything.  I know we shouldn't brush it under the carpet but sometimes she gets pissed off and grumpy and just says to stop talking.   I so want her to do well in her exams so she has a wealth of choice but I don't know if that's going to be the case .  Thanks for the hugs x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: babyjane on February 12, 2017, 06:28:40 PM
Lanie of course you want the best for your daughter but don't despair if her exams don't work out this year.

My brother in law went through massive emotional trauma during his O levels and didn't do at all well.  He then dropped out before his A levels so didn't do them.  His father was incandescent with rage although his mother was supportive.

He got away from home and spent several years working and sorting himself out, taking his A levels in his late 20s, self funding through uni and getting a very acceptable 2:1 degree followed by a successful career.

Our son also had a breakdown following his A levels and backed out of going to uni.  there was a time he couldn't hold down a part time job but now has a good career, passed exams and has a lovely home, wife and family.

I am just trying to say that things don't always work out how we expect but that doesn't mean they don't work out.

All the very best to you and your daughter.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 12, 2017, 08:59:43 PM
I was sharp: sorry: but Elsie's "of her own doing" isn't clear to me .   :-\

I had similar comments throughout my early years and it wasn't until recently that I realised that I couldn't take on too much, even when I felt well enough to consider 'stuff', because anxiety could take over and ruin things ..... hopefully that's clearer from a sufferer's point of view?  So maybe Elsie's daughter does what I fell into, feeling OK and capable but feeling over-whelmed when the event appears .........
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: elsie001 on February 12, 2017, 09:27:58 PM
Lanie, your daughter sounds soooo like mine!  They're at an age where they don't really want to tell us everthing that happens in their lives, and that's fair enough.  We have good days and bad.

Her school is excellent but the classes are big, and some pupils are more thick-skinned than others.  The teachers would talk to the whole class about the importance of exams and the need to start working harder - YD would take it personally, despite the fact she was already working hard, and get quite stressed as a result.  I had to explain to her that the teachers were possibly getting exasperated with other pupils who were mucking about, not her. 

Not sure what to suggest re getting your daughter to school.  Maybe when she's feeling relaxed, you could maybe gently ask if anything happened to trigger this fear?  Maybe see how she feels about giving it another go at a later date?  Say you could follow her in the car to begin with? It's so difficult, isn't it. 

I remember when my eldest daughter was much younger, she would get claustrophobic, so refused to go into lifts. This was made more difficult by the fact that YD at the time was just a baby, so I couldn't use stairs or escalators.  We had to separate then meet up at the bottom floor or wherever we were going.  Visiting cities on holiday was also completely out of the question as ED panicked being in crowds.  Now 21, she couldn't be more different.  She went to New York last year and is going to do her Masters degree in Glasgow later this year - would never have predicted that 10 years ago! 

I got some books for YD from Amazon on coping with teenage anxiety - don't think she's touched them but they're on her book shelf when she feels ready to take a look.


Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 12, 2017, 09:33:48 PM
Could there be tutoring at home ?  To take the stress out of the journey and having to walk through those doors?
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 12, 2017, 10:45:29 PM
CLKD home tutoring is out if the question. I wouldnt want to make her different, in my own experience it's not a nice thing to do to your children.  There are times at school when she's OK and she has a good network of friends there which I think is very important.  Thanks for the advice though,  it's good to see all angles x.

Sparkle I've been reading about supplements tonight!  Also thought omega 3s might be good.  Trip to the chemist tomorrow I think.  Thank you x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Salad on February 12, 2017, 11:27:43 PM
Parenting is so hard sometimes - all we ever want is for our children to be happy and when they're not it really hurts.
I am a 'born worrier' and both my children have inherited this tendency. We were lucky in that both of them could talk to us about their anxieties which allowed us to isolate the concern at that time (there's been quite a list).
 A strategy we put in place was to think about what was the very worst thing that could happen which helped them keep perspective and rationalise their feelings. We also talked about how their sensitivity and amazing empathy were strong qualities and that overwhelming gut feeling which caused such unease would also help them decide what was a good thing to do. We also talked through the effect of anxiety on the body and that by facing their fears their anxiety levels would eventually lessen.

When they were very young I came across a book called 'The Highly Sensitive Child' reading it helped a lot of things fall into place.
Keep strong  :bighug:
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 13, 2017, 07:03:20 AM
Thank you Salad, your methods are wonderful you sound like really caring parents.  I'll try that, the worst that can happen perpespective, actually now I think about it I did say to my daughter outside school one day, so what if you're sick in the foyer,  people will just think you've got a bug or eaten something dodgy, they won't know it's thru stress.  She understands she has to go in.  The issue about sensitive children you mention is so valid.  I remember her yr 1 teacher telling me she hadn't known such a level of empathy for others worse off than herself in such a young child.  Ill check out that book.  Looking forward to half term. Thanks xx
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: nearly50 on February 13, 2017, 09:39:04 AM
The teachers would talk to the whole class about the importance of exams and the need to start working harder - YD would take it personally, despite the fact she was already working hard, and get quite stressed as a result.  I had to explain to her that the teachers were possibly getting exasperated with other pupils who were mucking about, not her. 


this is so common. I have to talk down pupils on a regular basis because a teacher has told the whole class they should be studying more. It really infuriates me.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 13, 2017, 11:29:06 AM
Interesting, Nearly50, I'll ask my daughter later if this is true in her classes.  She's generally in top sets but the standard we've been told this year is outstanding so despite being intelligent she's still a long way off the high achievers, it's got to be an additional pressure though she says it's not. 
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 13, 2017, 01:16:06 PM
Please remember that the current School Curriculum doesn't do pupils any favours because the Education system is geared towards OFSTED judgements.  This doesn't always accommodate what children actually need in the way of being taught so that they understand what is being offered.  I have a friend who left teaching because of the attitude of Heads of School because they were more worried about OFSTED than about the lack of knowledge children were taking in!


Lanie: "in my own experience" - is this about you or your daughter?  Your experience isn't hers.  If she is pushed into something that she isn't comfortable with then she may walk away completely .......
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: elsie001 on February 13, 2017, 02:45:46 PM
Lanie, my daughter was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and offered a referral for CBT which she's not interested in (unfortunately). Son, 18, however, who also suffers from anxiety, albeit a different form, did take up the opportunity of a referral - We're in Scotland, so it might be different for you, but referrals here are certainly quite complicated.

He started Uni last year, but dropped out after deciding that he'd rather just concentrate on improving his anxiety, rather than try to combine it with studying.  The uni was excellent and he's been guaranteed his place this coming September.  A couple of months after being referred,  he received an online questionnaire called Beating the Blues, which he duly completed.  They've now come back to him and said judging by his answers on Beating the Blues, it's doubtful he will qualify for NHS CBT which is so frustrating - that's 5 months waiting for nothing!  We'll probably now go down the private CBT route as time is now against us if he wants to complete it before trying Uni again.  My friend did this with her daughter a couple of years ago and it was around £40 a session so I hope it's not increased too much since then.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 13, 2017, 03:00:12 PM
In 1993/4/5 I paid £75.00 per hour for counselling in a private psychiatric hospital.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: dulciana on February 13, 2017, 04:27:26 PM
One morning when I was 6, I was doubled up with anxiety-tummy-ache one morning, at the thoughts of going to school.   Don't know why. 
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: nearly50 on February 13, 2017, 04:53:30 PM


Lanie: "in my own experience" - is this about you or your daughter?  Your experience isn't hers.  If she is pushed into something that she isn't comfortable with then she may walk away completely ....... with tragic consequences.  This has happened in recent weeks locally: the note left behind told teachers that 'no one was listening, not even my parents who don't understand how ill I feel, how feeling ill means I can't function".  When I am floored with anxiety I could easily walk under a train  :'(

I'm sure you have the best intentions, but I'm really not sure how helpful this is to the OP CLKD.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Woodlands on February 13, 2017, 05:24:03 PM
Hello Laimed.
What an awesome mum you are in exploring all options to help your daughter.......
Just a few things that maybe of benefit. ...Young Minds is Web based and has excellent resources. ...
Look at asking school who the school nurse is- they often  do a drop  in sessions or one to one with young people.
Is there perhaps a fragrance that may help? Maybe a favorite perfume or yours - for reassurance on the end of her cuff or a scarf.....to help distract and reassure.
Look at the day in chunks and reflect back.....honey you did so well to getc to break , lunch, etc and afternoons such shorter.
A buddy with pals ...help them to understand your DD needs.
Oh and eat well......good sleeping patterns if achievable. ....and mindfulness exercises......turning into senses, the feel of a nice scarf, soft clothing, what you can hear , see etc....
I speak as a mum ......two had anxiety issues as did I. ...and also in my previous role as an NHS school nurse.
Amazon have a lovely book mindfulness for dummies and small hand held ones too.
Good luck
Woodlands xx
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 13, 2017, 05:58:21 PM
What I stated is happening to many young people due to various pressures. This is the daughter's feelings not the parents' feelings.

"I wouldnt want to make her different, in my own experience ... "  this isn't the mother's experience though !  and what's wrong with being different, I've never conformed.  Not conforming has never held me back, anxiety however, has done ..... at times anxiety has ruined my Life  :'(
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: nearly50 on February 13, 2017, 06:05:39 PM
Childline has a good section on anxiety your daughter might like. Her friends will hopefully be supportive too, with the best will in the world none of us get 100% what it is like to be a teenager now.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 13, 2017, 08:00:08 PM
Thankyou everyone for your replies.  I appreciate everyone has a different history, experience and angle, I've got a more chequered past than most, BUT, please no scare mongering, its not required, nor constructive.  Most of you have everyones best interests at heart, thats why you're on this magnificent forum x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 13, 2017, 10:15:15 PM
Nearly50, Sparkle, Woodlands and Elsie001 thankyou.  I will definitely look into mindfulness for dummies, doubt there'll be any classes in our area however but I'll look. 

Private counselling tends to be around £40 here aswell so if the Mytime counselling looks to be ages away I might have to go for that.  Woodlands, you mentioned being a school nurse, my daughter has an appointment on Wednesday.  She does tend to eat well, i.e. salads, fruit and vegetables aswell as the crap like any teenager.  She doesn't eat much in the morning though as she feels sick, its a viscious circle.  Shes sleeping ok at the minute too.  She does things that make her cosy like nice warm baths, hot water bottles, fluffy robes etc and she gets great comfort from them.  Who doesn't x

Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Salad on February 13, 2017, 10:29:53 PM
Sounds like she's in good hands  :foryou:
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: cubagirl on February 13, 2017, 10:40:44 PM
Lanie, maybe check out your local GP surgery. My one has counsellors who help with anxiety. No payment, part of their service for patients. One actually used Mindfulness approach. Maybe our surgery is lucky, but worth enquiring about. Can't be easy for you, we'd move heaven & earth to help our kids. Hope she improves & I'm sure with all your love & support, she'll do just that.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Woodlands on February 13, 2017, 11:45:01 PM
Hi honey.
So glad your exploring the things i know will help you.
Children i've worked with in school before i have introduced a red card via the head of year...youngster shows it to teacher and exits the class no questions asked......my DD has self harm and now substance misuse.......xx
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 14, 2017, 12:53:16 PM
Lots of sunshine = VitD as well as eating regularly ....... to stop that awful dip when the body is hungry which can cause anxiety surges.  The trick for me is to eat B4 my body is hungry  ;)
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: jedigirl on February 14, 2017, 05:52:39 PM
Hi,
I could have written your post. My daughter was very similar last year and is a very empathetic child. In fact a counsellor she saw last week said she had gifts which she could use when she realises her potential. I wont give you the whole story of what my daughter has been through here as its very personal and probably irrelevant. If you want to private message me at any time feel free.
Please check out a website called Excel At Life. It has many audio self helps for your daughter and some fab meditations. Have you approached Camhs? They offer some great CBT therapy.
jedigirl



Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 14, 2017, 06:40:46 PM
Thank you jedigirl.   It's been a bad day today, had her first panic attack at school.  It appears it was well managed by the school first aider and head of year.   She was able to use her time out card.  Her head of year has been fantastic and has referred her to camhs.  The mytime section has been in touch but unlikely to be able to offer counselling b4 may.  I'm organising some private counselling thru Relate thanks to advice received on here.  I feel so helpless, been having a sh*t time at work myself recently too so feeling the strain.  She has an appointment with the school nurse tomorrow, hoping for miracles tbh or at least some coping mechanisms delivered by someone other than mum and dad that she might listen to.  I might pm you  x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: nearly50 on February 14, 2017, 06:44:55 PM
Good luck Lanie,  sounds like the school dealt with it well. Feel for you, you're doing all you can
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Meadowblue on February 17, 2017, 03:54:53 PM
Wondering Lanie if this would help.  My daughter now in first year of A levels suffered terribly leading up to her GCSE's and is, indeed, a naturally anxious young lady.  Her symptoms manifesting themself in being unable to sleep through worry, she then finds writing herself notes of everything she has to do which is going round and round in her head helps.  She also writes every night in a diary and gets her thoughts out of her head.  However, leading up to changing schools and revising for GCSE's I was at my wits end with her as she was so anxious she would be either physically sick or retching before school most days.  It was awful to see.  Not sure if you have considered herbal remedies but I was recommended to buy her a tincture from the A Vogel range called Passiflora.  You basically add 20 drops to a small amount of warm water every morning.  It has been nothing short of miraculous for her and she stopped the sickness and retching within a couple of days of taking it.  I kept her on it throughout the exams and now she takes it just for a few days leading up to stressful events.  It may be a placebo but quite honestly I don't care it works.  She passed her GCSE's with 6 A*s and 5 A's so must have done something! 

Hope this helps.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 17, 2017, 06:21:25 PM
Thank you Meadowblue !  I'm going to Google passiflora tonight.  I've used those type of tinctures before and am all for natural remedies.  I've started her on vit B complex and omega3 this week hoping there'll be a positive result. Wow your daughter did well in her exams, well done to her.  Mine also retches before going into school too and although she's had a panic attack this week she also had more calm times.  We're also starting some private counselling next week. 

Lots of great advice on this forum, I'm really grateful.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 17, 2017, 11:08:28 PM
TY x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: letty on February 20, 2017, 08:31:00 AM
Hi,

I'm really sorry you and your daughter are going through this. My daughter is 15 and just starting to feel anxiety over exams, she's home educated so until now life has always been very relaxed and stress free for her.

After moving and making friends with home educators that are on the exam/college route she decided she wanted the same but it's been quite stressful and we're thinking of dropping a few subjects and taking things slower again.

Would it be possible if your daughter came out of school now and had private tuition these last couple of months? I imagine that a lot of what she is doing is revising now and going over past papers. I started teaching my daughter a gcse myself and realised how easy it was, that there's specialist support online and tons of past papers to download. 

If your school were supportive maybe she could come in to get things marked and they'd still pay for her to sit the exams. If you're working this might not be possible, unless they can give you or your partner a sabbatical for a few months/change your hours etc, or unless you are happy with your daughter being home alone.

All best wishes x x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 23, 2017, 12:10:43 PM
Update!  Started Relate counselling, the teenage based one isnt available in our area but the counsellor has experience with teenagers in a former job which is great.  One session and already the realisation of what she's been suffering is apparent. Years! Things we didn't realise.   The nights where my daughter has been physically sick during the night, we thought it was a sensitive stomach and she was under a paediatrician at age 12 for what was diagnosed as abdominal migraine.  It appears it was anxiety for what was happening the next day, a holiday, a day trip, or just something mundane that bothered her.  We didnt add 2 and 2.  The same has happened yesterday before a shopping trip to a nearby city but she got through it.  She went after being sick and felt terrible but she did it.  This week has been a revelation and has taught me that things are not always what they seem.  Hope this helps someone else x
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Salad on February 23, 2017, 12:28:33 PM
Glad she has help so quickly  :)

She sounds so like my daughter - her anxiety kicked off aged 10. She was able to voice these worries including crossing roads, getting off to sleep, losing sight of me in shops, walking past dogs, us dying. She added to this list as she got older. She is now 25 and has become an incredible young lady. Funny, empathetic and well grounded. I do feel her anxieties have helped build inner strengths in her.

There is light at the end of the tunnel and your daughter will slowly get there. It sounds like you are doing just what a mum should do - keep talking X

Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 23, 2017, 12:32:44 PM
I didn't tell my parents because I was told that I would 'grow out of it' or 'you'll be OK once you get there' which was often true but no one helped me through the pre-event anxiety  :sigh: ........ also, there was a lot of embarrassment surrounding my experiences ........ did the Counsellor suggest journalling?
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: Lanie66 on February 23, 2017, 12:41:14 PM
If you mean simply keeping a record of what leads up to a possible anxiety attack, then yes she did.  We're early days but so pleased the help has begun.
Title: Re: Teenage daughter with anxiety
Post by: CLKD on February 23, 2017, 12:43:30 PM
Journalling to get any anger out is important too.  Which should be totally personal and not read by anyone else, vent, vent, vent  ;) - then shred after a week.  Helps clear the brain.

So pleased that counselling has been arranged.