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[CLKD]

I felt like you Lizab - I wanted a reason for my depression but there are no tests.  I have a genetic pre-disposition on both sides of the family for 100 years so have a chocolate tea-pots chance of surviving.  However, once I accepted that depression is an illness and that Researchers spend hours in Labs. formulating medication for all kinds of illnesses, and found that by taking ADs regularly because my brain, as an organ, needs support; Himself and I had a life again.  Add medication to help the anxiety and most days, I cope.

Jittery this morning.  Up early.  Builder expected.  Been to the loo  = anxiety threatening 

Why did you take your husband's words as criticism  - don't you believe him?  He can't, anymore than you are able to, turn your mental problems around.  But from where I am, he's supportive!  He is being honest, he's busy at work this week ……

If you use Vick and Kleenex for a cold, is that giving in 

[Justjules]

Thanks Lizab.  That is comforting to know that you have had similar issues with the trembling/shaking.  I don't know what the answer is either.  I am doing nothing at the moment at home apart from the basics.  I even have a cleaner fortnightly now so I leave all that.  I looked at the ironing pile last night and it looks like Mount Everest but I can't even be bothered or have the energy to do that.  I come to work, go home and cook and clear up, stick some washing in and then same the next day until the weekend and that is take my Mum out Saturday and see family Sunday.  I felt so bad yesterday that I really thought I'd end up collapsing but then at least I would be taken to hospital and get sorted but then I don't have any faith in Drs either!!!  I feel like an alien amongst 'normal' people, family, friends, work colleagues.  Real mental illness must be dreadful i.e. the ones where you end up in a specialised unit or something but just having anxiety issues feels like some form of mental torture that is never ending.  I am scared that I am making myself physically unwell on top of it by my poor system being in this state constantly. 

Don't be put off by the ADs - I honestly am tablet phobic but apart from an awful experience with Sertraline after Christmas, I've always been absolutely fine on Citalopram.  If you get the back up of some valium for the first few weeks if needed for any side affects, that will sort it.
xx

[CLKD]

"just having anxiety" - nothing is 'only' or 'just' !!!! and anxiety is a mental illness.  Which is why we must ditch the stigma of talking about mental issues and how do we know that others are 'normal'?  What is 'normal' exactly?

They may well be suffering too  ……… I often stand in a queue waiting to pay: yep I can do that most days now : and wonder how many others are in difficulty. 

I have felt like I might collapse, from the inside out like my belly collapses to be followed by my whole body  .  Then my thighs go weak and I begin to feel ill.  It does pass though.  I tend to stick to a firm routine each morning and as I relax then I can decide whether to go into town etc..

[Lizab]

CLKD, I didn't feel criticized when my husband told me that. I simply felt intense pressure, the truth of it being my current state is a burden. You know how you can hear the nuances when your husband speaks, he is stressed. He doesn't blame me at all, but I know I am adding to his stress. At times he is not as supportive as he could be, but bless him, he would have to tread lightly all the time to avoid upsetting me. My feelings are annoyingly fragile lately.

As for the meds, I haven't completely ruled them out. It's that I know that the onset of my anxiety issues coincided with the absence of my periods. I hope my body and my will adjust and find equilibrium. When this anxiety popped up, my intention was to ask the doctor for ADs, but after researching here and online, I learned that, well for one,  all of my issues are common in menopause, and also that at my age hrt is more necessity than choice. My plan had been to take ADs until my hormones settled. Now I'm trying to settle my hormones, and if that doesn't succeed, then try the ADs.

[CLKD]

Some ladies find that they require HRT plus an AD to ease mental problems. 

I remember feeling guilty when I was unable to go out/work/clean house/garden  .  Until Himself sat me down and we had 'the talk'. 

[dangermouse]

A few things that may help:

1. I too had the shaking and weakness, it was so bad once in A&E that the paper the doctor tried to get me to balance on my hands just kept going up in the air - the severity actually made us all start laughing! Now (on the pill) i still get it when hormones go low at the beginning of my cycle and last week I was struggling to use my fork when eating as my left arm/hand was so weak and shaky. I suspect its to do with glycogen being shunted to where its most needed when levels are low as its also a common feature of dehydration.

2. Vitamin D is a hormone, and supplementation can cause quite severe symptoms in some hormone imbalanced people. For me, even a small amount made my body swell up as if I'd taken steroids, so a high dose might not be ideal whilst you are working out what suits you.

3. Diazepam has a rebound effect as it wears off which causes anxiety to go higher than normal and, as you say, its not a good drug to take regularly due to its high dependence nature. Low dose beta blockers are much safer and do not cause severe drowsiness or interfere with the mind, they just dampen adrenal hormones and can be taken as and when.

The effects of hormonal imbalance are so strong and far-reaching, it really can feel as if no body part or system is safe! I even had severe jaw/teeth pain last week which had vanished by the time I got to see the dentist. I'm even starting to wonder if my hormones are affecting my dodgy central heating. Nothing surprises me now.

[Halfpint]

Out of interest dangermouse, what did they say about your shaking/weakness when you went to A&E? I once went with tingling on my top lip and my arm feeling weak. Turned out I had poked an ear bud in my ear too far and damaged the nerve. When I asked about my weak arm he said 'it's psychological'. As soon as he said that, my arm weakness disappeared!

As for your jaw/teeth pain. My husband gets terrible jaw pain but Dentist said he is grinding his teeth at night. I get aching teeth but that's down to my sinuses according to the Dentist.

=================================================================================

How are things now Jules?

[dangermouse]

The a&e doc told me it was all down to dehydration (I couldn't eat much at the time as had severe nausea) but a drip made me worse (as the minerals cause stimulation) and when I told them I felt more sick after they told me I had a 'tummy bug' - some kind of medical speak... To be fair, perimenopause isn't an easy diagnosis to come up with by a junior doctor after spending 5 minutes with you. Would be nice if they mentioned it as a possibility to female patients over 40 with an odd array of symptoms. I suspect they don't know this either though.

I don't have actual bruxism, just a hyper mobile jaw on one side that doesn't normally cause pain, but a sore finger joint flared up at the same time so it's probably hormonal inflammation.

[Halfpint]

I'm in peri and find I get very nauseous just before I get a period. I think a period is on it's way as I have nausea the last few days plus digestive problems which seems to be occuring on the lead up to a period.

I have always drunk peppermint tea, so I drink a lot of that as it helps with the nausea and also means I'm not getting dehydrated.

My joints are always aching. My ankles, knees, hips, elbows, wrists, fingers! Dr said I had arthritis when I asked him about my stiff neck and shoulders and just told me to exercise more and take ibupofren and paracetomol. I've tried walking a lot more recently but once I sit down, my joints cease up.

[coldethyl]

I'm in peri and find I get very nauseous just before I get a period. I think a period is on it's way as I have nausea the last few days plus digestive problems which seems to be occuring on the lead up to a period.

I have always drunk peppermint tea, so I drink a lot of that as it helps with the nausea and also means I'm not getting dehydrated.

My joints are always aching. My ankles, knees, hips, elbows, wrists, fingers! Dr said I had arthritis when I asked him about my stiff neck and shoulders and just told me to exercise more and take ibupofren and paracetomol. I've tried walking a lot more recently but once I sit down, my joints cease up.

I often get morning nausea- just like morning sickness without the bump! In fact nausea was one of my earlier peri symptoms. Been shocking this week which I put down to the ear infection I have ( interesting about your dodgy top lip as mine has been awful all week and poking with bud was involved as ear felt bunged- it's not just badly infected!) but lo and behold when I popped to bathroom this afternoon I have come on- a mere 16 days since the last one. What was that I said to my GP about not being bothered by the bleeding side of peri? Arghhh.

[Halfpint]

Yes coldethyl, the nausea is just like in pregnancy. I was never actually sick whilst pregnant but used to feel very nauseous.

The Dr gave me a telling off for using cotton buds! He said you should never insert them in your ear. He said I had hit the nerve and the tingling would take a week to go. I will never forget it as it was one of my really bad health anxiety attacks. I was out with a friend and her young child and went into a massive panic and she took me to A&E (I know what health issue I thought I had and it's because a friend of my parents had died of it a few week previously)  I had to wait ages to be seen and then of course started calming down and felt like a bit of a fraud. I did stop using cotton buds for absolutely ages but I do occasionally use them now but if I get the tingling, I know it's from that.

What I am noticing now before I come on is I keep getting tingling..face, fingers. I feel nauseous, very tired, my IBS plays up, joint aches. Another thing I have is itching. I have very itchy areas behind my right ear and at the top of my chest and now itching on the left side in the crease near my underarm. I also get similar symptoms around ovulation.

I remember about your ear...try not to poke it!

[Justjules]

Dangermouse, I need to take the mega dose Vitamin D as it was very low and Dr said the affects of that would be far worse than any side affects if I didn't take it.  Who are you supposed to believe.  My family say I read too much about stuff instead of just taking what I'm prescribed and trusting the Dr!

Hopefully, the valium won't have had too much of an affect on my system.  I wasn't taking them every day, just intermittently when needed but I have had a few packs since before Christmas when this all kicked off again.

[Lizab]

I've stopped reading the side effects with meds. If there is drowsiness warning sticker on the bottle I'll read that, but I give the papers to my husband and tell him to read it. That way if I have dangerous effects he'll know, and I won't let it go to my head and convince myself I'm dying.

[CLKD]

I rarely read the leaflets with medication  - I can make my own side-effects without any help 

As for poking the ear - nothing larger than 1's little finger should be inserted!

Aching - as oestrogen levels drop muscles become lax = aches and pains which is why gentle exercise is important.  I feel that my thigh muscles are becoming weak so try to walk or use the treadmill daily.  Even gardening is exercise!

Nausea can be eased by eating ginger or taking a travel sickness medication.

[Justjules]

Well, just as an update ladies - not got any better with the trembling limbs and shaking and as it was making me go into a full blown panic every morning, after being on my own on Friday night and it happening Saturday morning, took myself off to emergency Dr.  Not my usual GP but he said it was 'excessive adrenaline' caused by anxiety, told me to up my Citalopram to 20mg now and that I could start on a BB again!!  This is after I was taken off them by my GP 6 weeks ago so I could go back on the Citalopram.

Been back to see my own GP this morning and she frightened me to death because she said it could be something 'medical' that is causing this excessive adrenaline so wanted me to have a 24 hour urine test to check for adrenal tumours but I told her I had this done a few years back and it was all okay.  I also told her this trembling shaking only started after I stopped my BBs and started the Citalopram.  She also said I was tachycardic but I was in a state and she knows my heart rate is usually high at 80 bmp anyway.  She said she would see me in a couple of weeks and to have an ecg before I come so that she can give me the option of going back on the BBs if I want to (but even that's now set me thinking she thinks there's something wrong with my heart).  I just don't know what to do anymore.  I can't stand this every day.  Even having the family over yesterday was too much - I was in the kitchen trying to get stuff ready and my legs and body felt so weak I really didn't think I could do it - so took a valium and was okay but this is ridiculous.  I am now seriously starting to think that it isn't all anxiety at all.  Thinking of plucking up the courage to pay to have a body scan or something.  I am so desperate now.

I should add, I talked husband into coming with me - big mistake.  I think the Dr probably knows now that he is most of my problem.  All he was bothered about was that I would back out of the holiday in June and that I catastrophise everything.  Dr suggested making some lifestyle changes i.e. going 3 days a week and told him that ladies my age now struggle to work long hours etc. but she could tell I couldn't answer because he won't hear of it.  When we got out, he said "well that was a complete waste of time - I don't know what I was there for - it's all in your head and you need to sort yourself out - I didn't get anything from that at all".....needless to say, I am even more stressed now.  He then sent me a text to say he says that to make me realise that I need to be more positive and that I took him to the Drs with me to get him to see that I am ill instead of trying to get him to see that I am better than I had been!!!!  I just want to either go to the hospital and say "sort me out - I can't do this anymore" or run away.   I can't see an end to this health anxiety or whatever it is and no matter what I try, it doesn't help.

Sorry, it's just a really, really black day.  I can't think of anywhere to go that I could have some respite.